Burning The Edges
by gangsterdorothy
Summary: Bella is an anti-social pyro with a colorful personality. However, she soon begins to make friends, face enemies, learn what her family means, and finds out some things she never knew she was missing in her life. AH, AU, OOC mostly for Bella.
1. Tissue Paper

A/N:

Hey everyone! Thanks for even reading this. I hope you enjoy it. It's my first Twilight fan fiction.

Disclaimer: Uh….don't own this.

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Okay, there are things that are really annoying.

First, those who try to tell me that setting things on fire isn't fun. Let me explain. I don't set things on fire that will leave people crying, screaming, and devastated. I set things on fire that are inconsequential and pointless; like tissue paper, or food, or my brother's dumb-ass rap CD's.

My first venture into setting things on fire was when I was eight. I was playing with my older brother, Emmett, outside during the summer.

Since it was the summertime, and bugs loved the fucking heat and humidity, the yard was covered in all kinds of things to ward them off. Including bug candles and my favorite, tiki torches. Those things are massive bucket loads of fun to swing around.

"Let's joust!" I inclined to Emmett. And being the older brother who is just as crazy as me, he played along with me.

We tore the torches out of the ground. Standing in front of each other, we held our torches horizontal, tilting them on a slight angle.

Charging forward at the same time, our torches hit each other in the centers with a smack. We pushed against each other with all our strength. Our hands cramped and teeth gritted together, trying to knock the other to the ground by brutal strength.

Eventually, I got fed up and dropped the torch. Not thinking that one end of the thing was on fire.

"Bella! The ground is on fire!" Emmett stuck his torch in the ground. He ran over to the hose by the house.

The fire was only burning some half-wet pine needles. The light that over took them was so fucking mesmerizing. Fire is something beyond anything. Control. Power. Respect.

I felt my eyes alight at the amazement of it all. Those little pine needles led to my nine year obsession with setting things on fire.

The funny thing about my obsession with fire is the fact I have a police chief for a father. Let me tell you. He was infuriated when he found out about it. No, duh. He could've had my head.

"Dad, I'm not burning things people care about." My twelve year old self whined. It may seem odd that I was throwing a fit over the fact that I damage shit for fun, but what if your parents took away the only thing that made you happy?

"You expect me to go along with this, Isabella! If your mother were alive, she'd have your head!" Okay, two people would have my head.

"I won't stop it. You can't make me." I was not backing down. _Would he rather me take up drugs or sex?_

"Bella, there is no way to safely set things on fire." Charlie sighed, both defeated and furious.

"Don't fire departments do those tests and stuff?" I vaguely recalled a fireman coming in and doing a safety talk about fire. I was practically snickering the entire time. He then put on a video, showing a demonstration of a controlled fire. The flames looked just as gloriously awesome in its careful setting.

"I can talk to Burt down at the fire station." he said after a long moment and a heavy sigh. I was so relieved and overjoyed, that I wrapped my arms around his shoulders. He returned the gesture by patting me on my arm.

Burt was the motherfucking man. He said that I can do a controlled fire once a week, in a parking lot next to the fire department house. I would have a constant supervisor at all times, which most of the time, turned out to be Jacob Black, one of the young firefighters on the crew.

Standing next to the enemy of fire every Thursday, I felt more compelled than ever to set things on fire.

=**X=X=X=X=X=X=**

The next thing that annoys me, are people who spread stupid rumors. When I say people, I mean skanks. When I say skanks, I mean The Triple Bitch Brigade known as Jessica, Rosalie, and their Royal Highness known as Lauren. Granted, Rosalie did just join them last week to coincide with her moving here with her brother named Casper or Jasper, or something. _I don't care__._

They just love to say shit about me that just doesn't have the slightest bit of truthiness to it. They pop their gum, twirl their fingers in their hair, and get the leeriest jackholes in the school to notice them; not that I care if Mike, the creepiest of them all, flirts with them.

While we're on the subject of Mike, he makes my list at numero tres. How I want to punch Mike Newton in the face; let me count the ways. He tries so fucking hard to get every girl in the school to ride him for a few minutes. He's successful about 95% of the time. His schwing-schwong ain't schwinging this way anytime soon. Scratch that…make that never.

The final annoying thing: this goody two shoes Edward Cullen sitting at our Chemistry table. Ever since I can remember, he'd always sit there all quiet and barely utter a fucking word. Whether it was when we colored with generic crayons in kindergarten or right now, with him looking disgusted with the quality of the textbooks we had to read out of. Like he just couldn't bother being in the same room as us other lowly beings.

_Stupid trust fund fucker._ Okay, I didn't know if he was a "trust fund fucker", but he sure acted like one. Showing up in his designer duds. His twin sister, Alice did that shit too, and it's even more noticeable with a girl.

He'd carry around the most state-of-the-art cellphone that barely looked like one. It looked like something NASA would have. _Hello, Cullen, you live in Forks! Unless you have a rocket ship stowed away somewhere, which is highly possible._

And, what "trust fund fucker" wouldn't have a condescending looking car to go along with that image. A. Shiny. Silver. Volvo. _Get. A. Real. Fucking. Car._

I plopped down in my seat next to the Trust Fund Fucker. He glanced up at me for two seconds. His face wrinkled in disgust.

_Fuck. It is going to be a long school year._

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A/N: Reviews are love.


	2. Foam Plates

A/N: Thanks for reading. Hopefully you enjoy it.

Disclaimer: Uh…don't own this.

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_Could this class go any fucking slower?_

Seriously, between Mr. Banner giving us the usual first day of class lecture--- _Mr. Banner, I'm well fucking aware of the schools attendance policy, no matter how much I want to fucking ignore it _--- Jessica's gum smacking behind me, and Cullen stealing glaring glances at me, I wanted out of this class before it barely got started.

Once Mr. Banner felt inclined to stop talking about the schools asinine rules, he started his first lesson plan of the year. I'm a stellar student, but I didn't want to deal with the extra hassle of AP shit; I'm not expecting to be the next Jonas Salk. So, I'm stuck in regular, unchallenging Chemistry. Challenges were my thing.

Mr. Banner turned around to write some shit on the chalkboard. I felt a ball of paper hit the back of my head. I turned around.

Number Two of the Triple Bitch Brigade was looking off out the window; her hair twirling around her bony finger and her gum popping, irritating my fucking ears. _Chomp, chomp, chomp; close your mouth for once, whore._

As I turned back around, I noticed Cullen glaring at Jessica like she just did the shoddiest thing in the world. I turned back around to look at Jessica's slut face again.

Jessica winked at him and puckered her lips, making a kissing noise.

He turned back around with a disgusted look on his face, his eyes rolling in the process. Even the scum of sluts wasn't good enough for him. _Cullen, this ain't the Playboy mansion; you're not going to get the juiciest ass in the world here._

About midway through Mr. Banner's lecture on compounds and instructions on a wicked fire experiment we'll be doing tomorrow, Cullen's NASA phone vibrated, hopefully to send him to the moon.

He looked at the phone and sighed. His fingers quickly typed out a response. He put the phone back in his pocket and resumed his glaring at the chalkboard.

The glaring. What the fuck was he glaring at? It was really irking me. He was mere inches from me and his intensity was making me nervous. I didn't know if he wanted to fucking kill someone; wouldn't mind if it was Jessica he wanted to murder.

I felt like making a sarcastic quip, but the bell to end class rang. Cullen shot up so fast his stool landed on its side, making a loud clattering noise. He didn't even look back when it happened. _Have some respect for other people's furniture._

Someone always had something to say about me in the halls. More than half the time, it was The Bitch Brigade walking behind me, whispering into each other's ears.

Sometimes, it was Mike and his Slime ball-ness, trying to find ways to get into my pants. It didn't matter that I was an outcast; he finds any thing with tits and an ass attractive. _Sorry Mike, not interested in you or any other male in this high school._ If he ever tried, I would certainly set fire to the one thing he cherished the most.

After Biology, I headed to lunch. I refused to eat in the cafeteria. I didn't have anyone to sit with and I didn't feel like listening to anyone saying shit about me. _Fuck them all._ I wasn't going to apologize for who I am. Call me Burning Man, Inferno, and any other unoriginal thing related to flames, I wasn't changing.

Don't look at me all sad though. I didn't usually eat at lunch, so you don't have to have a sad image of a girl eating her ham sandwich and drinking her juice all by herself.

I'd sit outside the cafeteria, playing with my lighter. I'd usually burn some really useless things like paper or just heat things up, like a paper clip. I wish that I didn't have to be near all the chatter of the cafeteria, but it was one of only a few spots in the school that had a hose near by. It was just a precautionary measure; I never set anything bigger than my palm on fire while at school.

After lunch, I had English. Jasper, not Casper, was in my class. I only knew that because Ms. Grogan made him introduce himself. He had some sort of Southern accent and was Rosalie's twin brother. I felt bad for him immediately.

=**X=X=X=X=X=X=**

I exited my last class of the day, Gym. Ugh! My fucking backpack was heavy with useless textbooks. I just wanted to get home and light some shit on fire. It would relieve all this tension I had building inside me all day.

Standing next to my truck, I was scot-free. I placed my key in the lock of my Big Clunker, my nick name for my Chevy truck. That thing was my baby. That thing and I had good times. I don't like new cars. Nostalgia is too fucking awesome.

I saw a hand close the car door before it opened more than a sliver. Of course, it would be Mike Newton, making his first attempt of the year to get me to fuck him.

"So, how was your summer?" He said, in no way really fucking concerned how it was.

"Wonderful." _I just want to get home, you creep._

"What'd you do? Set fire to a few things? Wear a bikini?" He winked and made a clicking noise with his tongue.

"Oh yes. I sat out in the sun all day, lathered myself up in hot baby oil, and wore the most revealing bikini." Sarcasm dripped from my voice. I love sarcasm.

Mike moved his hand from the door. "Mmmm….thanks for the mental image." He was leaning in closer and I was ready to pull my lighter out and burn his eyebrows off.

"See you tomorrow." He said, as he walked away, looking very satisfied with his attempt.

As I was stepping into my truck, I heard a tire screech behind me. I turned and looked, one foot resting on the step into my truck.

Mike was standing in front of Cullen's car. Looks like Cullen almost made road kill out of him; would've made my fucking life.

"The fuck man?!" Mike shouted, throwing his hands in the air. He hit the hood of Cullen's car with his hand.

Cullen responded by angrily revving his engine. Mike moved out of the way, throwing Cullen the bird as the Trust Fund Fucker drove out of the parking lot.

I got home to find Emmett giddy as a school girl, sitting in the living room. He shot up quickly and walked over to me.

"Hey Bells, guess what?" His smile was so bright, that I couldn't help but smile back.

"What?" I answered through a goofy smile.

"I got accepted to USC!" He revealed. I knew how much he wanted to continue to play football in college, and this was the best news there ever was.

"No way! Holy shit, Emmett that's great!" I wrapped my arms around the big lug. He hugged me back tightly, giving me the patented Emmett Bear Hug. You can gauge it's intensity by how crushed your ribs felt.

"I'm so excited! I'm getting a full scholarship and everything!" He squeezed me even tighter and spun me around, my feet dangling off the ground.

The intensity of it was at an uncomfortable level. "Emmett, if you want me to live to actually see you play there, I suggest you let me go." I chuckled breathlessly.

Emmett chuckled back and released me. I twisted my torso from side to side, stretching my body out.

"So, what are you burning today?" Emmett asked, nonchalantly. He was a boy; of course he loved burning shit just as much as I did. It was in their DNA.

"I was thinking about foam plates. They burned gorgeously in the microwave before." I said casually.

Today was not Thursday, but on days when I didn't go for my controlled fire fun, I did small experiments by burning things in candle jars. It wasn't a shit load of fun, but it satiated my thirst for flames.

I walked into the kitchen and pulled out a few foam plates. I grabbed one of the larger candle jars that sat near the sink. _Always near some fucking water source._

The foam made a grating ripping sound, as I tore it in half. I dropped the plate piece into the large jar. It leaned on an angle inside it.

I pulled out a matchbox from the junk drawer we had. It was easier to use matches when setting a fire like this. I struck the match along the edge of the box. Sparks and light appeared at the end of the stick.

I let the matchstick fall into the jar. The foam was melting beautifully. I rested my hands, palms down on the counter, and laid my chin on them. My eyes looked on in wonderment at the burning foam.

It crippled against the smoldering heat. _Heat. Smoldering. Such powerful words._

The flames eventually died down when the plate ceased to exist. I repeated the process a few more times, until I was ready to go start my homework.

I made chicken fajitas for dinner; getting my flame fix again. Charlie was super fucking proud of Emmett when he heard the news. Charlie squeezed Emmett's shoulder and patted him on the back while we finished dinner.

While cleaning up dinner, I dropped the heavy sautéing pan on my bare foot.

"OW! Fucking A'!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. I hobbled over to the table and sat in a chair. I laid my foot down on another chair, bending my leg to inspect my foot closer.

_Figures._ I could set fire to things safely, but as far as my well-being goes, I couldn't do anything without being an absolute fuck up. Charlie came running down the stairs; likely anticipating another episode of Bella the Klutz.

"What happened?" Charlie looked at me anxiously. His eyes trailed down to my foot. "Oh, boy." My big toe had grown to twice its normal size. It definitely looked real fucking bad.

"Fuck, I think it's broken." I whined and winced in pain. Tears ceased to appear; I think I'm a masochist or something.

"You know what that means?" He said, anticipating how my reaction will be.

=**X=X=X=X=X=X=**

My foot was propped up on a table in the hospital waiting room. Charlie was signing us in. I saw Nurse Big Forehead snickering. She held out her hand and Nurse Smells Like Cheetos handed her some cash. They were betting what body part I would injury next. _F__uck, I wish I could make money off my clumsiness._ The more vital the body part, the more money I would make.

I was brought in and examined by none other than Dr. Carlisle "Senor Trust Fund" Cullen. He told me what I already knew; a broken fucking toe.

"Fan-fucking-tastic, Doc." I mumbled sarcastically. Carlisle looked at me taken aback and full of fucking disapproval.

"Bella, watch your language." Charlie sternly said.

Just like the minor flames I got to play with today, I fall short and only break a toe. I couldn't even break my whole fucking foot. I felt so inadequate.

As I left the hospital with Charlie, with a shoe and a boot I had to wear to keep my foot flat for a few weeks, Trust Fund Fucker and his sister, Alice, walked through the doors.

He looked at me. I stared back at him. His eyebrows were furrowed. His eyes looked at me with what looked like concern. Why the fuck was he so concerned? Who knew? Maybe he was worried I'd be out of school and he'd have to pick up the slack from his lab partner. Or he just saw something on my fucking face.

I continued walking out the doors with Charlie holding my arm.

I was hoping tomorrow would be a better day. _Wait, it will be! I get to burn shit in class!_

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A/N: Reviews are love.


	3. Photographs

A/N: Special shout out to my beta, persnickety_er. Thanks for all the help.

Disclaimer: Uh…do not own.

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_Great._

I woke up in the morning and realized I broke my _right _big toe. Thus, Emmett would be driving me to school for the next few weeks. I was going to miss Big Clunker.

I pet my truck before Emmett helped me into his Jeep.

"Geez, Bella, it's not dead. You're just not driving it." Emmett said, lightheartedly.

"It feels like we broke up." I hung my head and sighed.

"Well, you've got a new boy now." Emmett petted the dashboard lightly, as he drove us to school. "Say hello to San Juan."

"San Juan? I will not now, nor will I ever have a fucking boyfriend named San Juan." _Doesn't matter what his name is, I'll never have a boyfriend_.

"And _Big Clunker_ is your boyfriend." He wiggled his eyebrows. _That fucking boy!_

"Emmett! Gross!" I punched his big, obnoxious arm.

Emmett just snickered and pinched my cheek. I slapped his hand away.

We arrived at the school a few minutes later. Emmett screeched into his usual parking spot near the front entrance of the school.

"Well, just so you know, when you start dating someone, you better tell me. I gotta give him the big brother talk." Emmett opened my car door and helped me out of San Juan.

"Ha. You let me know when that happens." I said, as he handed me my backpack.

=**X=X=X=X=X=X=**

By the time Biology class came around, I was super fucking giddy. _I get to play with fire in class!_

I got to leave my previous class early because of my fabulously broken toe, and arrived to class ten minutes early to play around with the Bunsen burners already set up at each partner's lab table.

Mr. Banner must've set them up earlier. He wasn't in the room but his papers were strewn on the desk. It'd stay away from this hellhole as much as possible myself, if I were him.

I turned on the Bunsen burner without effort. I'm a pro.

I took one last glance around the room, before I pulled out some objects from my backpack. The usual pieces of paper, including an old detention slip from school last year that was at the bottom of my bag, a pack of toothpicks, and a small pile of photographs. I wanted to add flair to the ends of the pictures; give them an old timey feeling. They were duplicates just in case I get shit from Charlie about damaging them.

Two pairs of tongs were resting next to the test tubes and burner on the table. I decided it was better to be safe than sorry and used the damned things. Holding the picture up, I grasped the tongs to the edges of the photograph. I dangled it just above the flame. Those Bunsen burners are powerful shit.

I remember when one of them took Emmett's right eyebrow clean off. He came home angry as a bear with me laughing like a hyena. Poor fucker wore sunglasses for the next few months until he could pencil in a decent eyebrow.

The thought made me giggle, as I watched the bottom edge of the picture I was holding burn. Once I was satisfied with my flaming art, I place the photo into the tray of water. I looked at it. The picture made me giggle more. It was a random picture of my father, Emmett, and me from last Christmas, just after the eyebrow incident. I remember giving Emmett a make up kit to go along with "his new morning routine".

I moved onto the next picture. I did a few more, before I decided to just have some fucking pointless fun.

I took out my detention slip and bit my lip with excitement at seeing that stupid piece of paper burn up. The pink document eventually disappeared.

"Yes." I softly celebrated.

My ears caught a soft chuckle coming from the door. I looked up.

Cullen had a small smile on his face. His body leaned against the door frame, with his arms crossed.

Was he standing there the whole time? What the fuck was he staring at? I burn shit all the time, it's nothing fucking new. _Why the sudden interest, Cullen?_

I felt oddly self-conscious and a little peeved. I opened my mouth. "What?" I asked, just slightly annoyed.

"I think you're in the wrong class."

_What?_ "What are you talking about?"

"Art's down the hall."

_Hahaha. Cullen made a funny._ "Whatever. I can do whatever the fuck I want. And why are you staring at me?"

Cullen didn't respond. Instead, he walked over to our lab table. I was eying him evilly the whole time. He had a weird look in his eyes.

"I can do whatever the fuck I want." He whispered.

"Touché." I matched his tone.

=**X=X=X=X=X=X=**

Class was fucking awesome. Mr. Banner let us play around with compounds the entire time without uttering more than a few facts about the chemicals.

Edward and I took turns with the compounds. I wanted to be a bitch and do all the experiments, but I knew Edward had to do something.

Well, it wasn't like he wasn't doing anything anyway. He was staring at me. Every fucking time it was my turn, he would just look at my face.

He'd let out these annoyed sighs every now and then. Sometimes, he'd shift from his right to his left leg. And then he'd stare at me. I was really trying to just ignore the Edward Eye Invasion and just enjoy the fact I was allowed to play with fire in school.

Every time I looked over at him, he looked away with that same sigh coming from his mouth. _Whatever, you'll get your damn turn with the tubes, Trust Fund Fucker._ _You probably have enough money to get your own goddamn science lab._

I bit my bottom lip in anticipation of the reaction from the lithium in the test tube. It burned into a beautiful ruby red and I felt my eyes light up. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Edward shift to his right foot. I turned my head.

He was smiling at me. It wasn't a normal, full on smile. It was lopsided or something.

"Is your face lopsided? Why are you smiling at me like that?"

He just kept looking at me. His head tilted to the side, his eyes narrowing. It looked like he was suppressing a chuckle.

"What? Do I have something on my face?" My free hand felt for an intrusion on my cheek, nose, mouth. I turned into a fucking girl at that moment, getting hot and flustered.

"I thought _I _was the one with the face problems." He said, softly.

_Was he making fun of me?_ "Are you insulting me?"

"No, just retorting what you said."

I retorted back, letting out a long disgusted, disgruntled sigh.

We finished the rest of the class in silence. With no more stares or smiles from Cullen.

=**X=X=X=X=X=X=**

_Oh sweet joyous fucking relief! No Gym for me for a good month._ I did not want to deal with that shit more than I needed to anyway.

_My day had gone pretty fucking well_, I thought, as I walked to my locker after sitting on my ass for the entirety of Gym, reading a book.

I entered the combination and opened the door. Truthfully, I was waiting for something to happen. I thought I'd get a nice welcoming greeting yesterday. _Hey, Bella welcome back to school, I mean, back to hell._

So, I wasn't surprised to see a dirty jock strap hanging from the coat hook in my locker. _Real fucking original. Bravo. _I rolled my eyes and pulled it out with my thumb and index finger.

I closed the locker door and The Bitch Brigade was walking right up to me. Lauren, flanked by Jessica and Rosalie, eyed the object in my hand.

"Oh my God, Bella! It's only the second day of school. You couldn't wait a few days." Lauren said in a mocked shocked tone.

Jessica snickered, while Rosalie let out a small, timid laugh; likely cause she didn't know shit about me.

"Yes. I couldn't wait. Especially since I couldn't wait to hear him scream my name and not yours." I smashed it back in her face.

"Don't be a whore, Bella. It's not a good color on you." Lauren shot back at me as she walked away, with her posse in tow.

People in the hall watched as I held onto the jock strap gingerly. I slammed my locker door shut. The ridicule was disposed of in the trash can near the exit of this run down, piece of shit school.

I walked out to the school parking lot, where Emmett was waiting in the Jeep for me.

I caught sight of Cullen standing over Lauren's car. He looked like he was talking to her, as she sat in her car. His hands rested on top of the hood, as he leaned in closer.

_So you don't like brunettes, but blondes. Of course you would, Trust Fund Fucker. _I lightly hopped into Emmett's Jeep and shut the door.

=**X=X=X=X=X=X=**

It was Thursday --- the day I wait for all week. My time of the week where I can just fucking let loose.

But, according to Charlie, a partially broken toe and fire experiments don't mix.

"Dad, I want to go to the fire house!" Charlie was off from work today. I think he asked off on Thursdays, just in case there was an emergency because of my controlled fire fun. _Um, Charlie, I'm at a firehouse, with trained people and lots of hoses._

"You need to rest your toe. You can go back when it's healed." He said with finality, as he took a sip of his decaf coffee.

"Ugh! I can't wait four weeks!" I couldn't even stomp my foot to emphasize my point.

"Bella, I'm sure you can find other things to do in those four weeks."

"Like what?"

"Well, buying a dress for the appreciation dinner."

_Fuck. I did not want to go to this stupid fucking dinner._ The whole town was supposed to be celebrating Dr. Cullen and the donation of all his moolah to the police force.

"I don't want to buy anything. I hate shopping." I said, crossing my arms in utter disgust.

"Then wear a dress from your closet." _Does he not fucking know me?_

"I don't own a dress, Dad."

"Then I guess a trip to town is in order, young lady."

I angrily shuffled my way out of the kitchen, because I couldn't throw a proper hissy fit.

Emmett walked into the house at that moment. He took notice of my huffy, irritated form, as I trudged up the stairs.

"What's wrong?" He asked, looking up at me.

"Dress shopping." I replied through gritted teeth.

Emmett let out a short chuckle.

At least _he_ knew me.

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A/N: You still with me? Anyway, reviews are love.


	4. Little Green Army Men

A/N: Thanks for sticking with me.

Thanks to persnickety_er for her continued awesome beta skills.

Some controlled fire fun in this chapter. Obviously, I'm asking you to take liberties with this whole thing. My only reasoning is that the fire department will even allow it is because it's in a safe setting and maybe they liked the fact that someone is curious about fire.

And obviously, I'm also asking you not to partake in any fire experiments yourself, unless you have a professional expert with you. And by professional expert, I don't mean instructions off the Internet.

Disclaimer: Uh…do not own.

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I couldn't be anymore uncomfortable.

It was two weeks from the appreciation dinner and my return to controlled fire fun.

I was looking at my "figure", if you want to call it that, in the mirror at the girliest fucking store in the mall. I felt like running for the hills, but not in this dressy number.

The store's name was _Fairest of Them __All_, but I certainly didn't feel like that. Nor did I want to.

The dress was something Charlie would want to see me in. It wasn't black, brown, grey, or dark blue, but a teal color. It was a modest square neckline, meaning I wouldn't have to worry about exposing anything, which would ease his heart rate. More importantly, the length hit just below my knees. No fucking way would I be showing up in something that could expose something I was barely comfortable with myself.

I really couldn't tell you much more about the dress cause I didn't know much about clothes. Period. I didn't know what kind of fabric it was or if it was in style right now. I just knew that I could slip it over my head. It was times like these when I wished I could ask for advice on things like this.

My mother wasn't around to help me understand anything about life. I never got to know my mom. She died while giving birth to me. Guilt and all its unpleasurable company weighed heavily on me for a long fucking time, and sometimes those feelings came back when there were moments that could justify it.

I was the sole reason she wasn't here. I was living and breathing, and she was nothing more than memories to those around me. The doctors said that she was hemorrhaging blood and her heart just gave out ---the giving and taking of life all in one fell swoop.

I can tell that Charlie and Emmett--- even though he was only a year old at the time she died--- never wanted to discuss my mom. I wouldn't want to either, if the person I lived with technically murdered her.

I stared a little while longer in the mirror, to actually take a good fucking look at myself. My entire body looked like it could use a few adjustments. My long brown hair always hung like curtains around my face, and not the nice decorative ones, but those plain, cottony ones that were really fucking generic. My skin was always pale; I didn't care if people said it was a nice shade, I looked sickly.

My "boobs" were barely bumps on my body. My legs were about the only thing I didn't hate. Maybe I couldn't hate them because unlike the rest of my body, I couldn't really do anything with them; it's not like I can stretch my legs out.

It's not like I would be changing my body for anyone. Charlie and Emmett like me for what I am, and would probably be furious if I were to ever consider messing with my body. First and foremost, they'd look at me like I had two heads and ask "who are you and what have you done with Bella?"

Ugh, why was I being such a girl? I don't know; maybe it was the way the dress was hanging on me.

"Would you like the dress tailored?" A sales lady came up next to me, referring to the in- store tailor that was on staff. The fucking tailoring would cost more than the dress itself, and I guarantee that I will only be wearing this once. Why waste the money?

"No, that's okay, thanks." I mumbled. The sales lady walked away. _Very_ glad that she wasn't the pushy kind.

I was still looking at myself in the mirror when I saw Emmett walk up.

"You look nice, sis." Emmett said. He was holding a bag from his favorite music store.

"You're supposed to say that shit." I grumbled.

"I say it 'cause it's true." He was indifferent about it.

We left the store shortly after that, glad to be away from all the frilly dresses and mirrors that shined upon my insecurities.

=**X=X=X=X=X=X=**

Over the last two weeks of my four-week exile from the very thing I lived for, I caught up on my reading.

Sometimes I went for the saddest things ever just cause I wanted to feel something, while other times I just pulled out the comics section of the newspaper. Oh, _Calvin and Hobbes_, how you amuse me so!

There are lots of things I burn but I would never burn a book. I couldn't fucking imagine writing a book in the first place, so ending its life would be just shitty and cruel. While I wouldn't burn books, newspapers were free reign. I can just print the shit off the Internet if I really felt sorry for the poor editors.

So on the Wednesday before I got to go back to my old lifestyle, I threw some irritating newspaper articles into a candle jar. Fuck you gossip columns! I don't give a shit if so and so decided to buy some ice cream on a Tuesday.

I crumbled up a few newspaper articles into balls, while I just folded some in neat little squares. Variety is the spice of life, ain't it?

The flames took the papers quickly. The images burned and became nothing. I cleaned the candle jar when I was done.

Tomorrow was going to be the best day of the week.

=**X=X=X=X=X=X=**

I took my boot off once I got home from school. No way in hell was I going to stop the free ride from Gym class early!

I slipped on my other sneaker quickly and was out the door without uttering more than a "hello" and "goodbye" to Charlie. He might've muttered "be safe," but I was too fucking ecstatic to listen.

I arrived at the firehouse in no time flat. Jacob Black has been supervising my crazy stunts for a little over a year. He's a cool guy; if he was still in high school I'd consider hanging out with him.

"Hey, Jacob. How's it hanging?" I walked up to him. I probably could've skipped from the excitement, but that would be too fucking much for me. I mentally vomited at the thought of it.

"Not much. How's your toe?"

"Fabulous."

My controlled fire fun sessions usually lasted about 2 hours, depending on how wild my experiments went. Jacob never seemed to mind the crazy shit I did. He'd mostly stand in the background and occasionally say something fucking brilliant.

Today, I decided to ease back into the routine. I brought a box of little green army men with me, ready to burn some plastic.

"Jacob, I need The Ghost." I told him, as I placed my backpack on the ground.

"Yes, ma'am." Jacob did a soldier's salute before running off to grab it.

I don't know how the nickname The Ghost came about for the fireproof box I used, but I could only dream of having my own one day. It was an exact square and clear. I put any thing inside this box, lit it on fire, and boom! The fucking thing was immune to anything.

Jacob came back with The Ghost in his hands and placed it on the ground. I knelt down and dropped about two dozen tiny soldiers inside. _Their fake guns and hard hats won't stand a chance against the devastation of my fire,_ I thought.

Matches were a pain in the ass when burning things like plastic. Which is why I came equipped with many different kinds of lighters. Cigarette lighters; ranging from cheap-o brands to my favorite Zippo lighter, cigar, table, utility, and the crown in my collection, Betsy the Torch. She only came out for really special occasions. Like when I wanted to make crème brulee.

Today, I pulled out my barbecue lighter.

"No Betsy today?" Jacob said, sadly.

"She's got other plans today. Sorry." I shrugged my shoulder as he crouched down next to me.

I took out a small piece of wood from my backpack. I laid it in the fireproof box along with the little men.

I pulled out my camera from my backpack. I always took pictures of my Thursday fire adventures one before and one after and kept a "burn book" at home. I pasted the photographic evidence on the pages, dated, made notes on how successful it was, and rated it on a scale of one to ten. I never had an experiment get past eight and a half.

To test out the men, I snapped on the lighter and tilted it into the box, so the flame hit a few of there heads. They melted a little bit, but I wanted to savor it. I moved the lighter to the piece of wood, and watched the fun begin.

The wood burned and flames danced onto the army of men. Little by little, the green solid figures turned into a pile of melted plastic.

I imagined them screaming for the help that would never come. They were drowning, burning, and choking all at the same time. They drowned in their fellow men's arms. They felt the heat and the smell of charring flesh. Their last breaths were ones of the smoky air that filled their lungs. They were holding steadfast and being brave, but ultimately their courage could not save them.

Wow. Why the hell was I thinking about inanimate objects and their doomed destiny? Seriously, those four weeks of Siberian exile were definitely getting to me. Must've been some of those philosophical writings I was reading. They make anyone think.

I didn't even realize I was staring off in the distance until Jacob nudged me. I snapped back to the here and now quickly.

"Hey, you alright?" Jacob said, concerned.

"Oh. Yeah. Just thinking about some things to burn next week." No way was I telling him the crazy thoughts going through my brain. I watched the last little bits of recognizable parts of the fighters lose their battle.

I snapped pictures of the aftermath and placed the camera back in my backpack.

After that, I scraped the plastic off the bottom of The Ghost and washed it down. I think Jacob could tell something was wrong as he helped me clean up. Normally, I'd be very talkative and chatter about my day or he'd discuss things about his friends and his father, but I didn't have the energy to listen or do anything.

I greeted Burt and a few other firefighters at the firehouse. Sometimes I'd stay and talk to them, but I just wanted to get home. I wanted to have some sort of rest before the appreciation dinner tomorrow.

Tomorrow was going to be the worst day of the week.

=**X=X=X=X=X=X=**

_End of Days is Near! _The title of the tabloid article said. I stared at it and chuckled darkly. My back was against the brick wall of the cafeteria with my legs out in front of me, my ankles crossed.

Squishing the paper into a ball, I placed it on the ground beside me along with some other articles that amused me. I decided to bring the remains of the pieces of writing I collected over the four weeks and go bananas over lunch.

I wish I was able to use some sort of fluid to give the fire an explosive glow, but flammable substances do not go over well on school property. Tried it, once and only once ever, last year and received that beautiful detention slip I set ablaze a month ago.

Along with the after school detention, I received an evaluation from the schools stellar psychiatrist. _Thanks for making me feel all warm and fuzzy inside! I love being told that I have issues. Don't. We. All._

My lighter descended to the top of the small pile of newspaper balls I had.

I was jolted when mere feet away from me, the back door to the cafeteria opened. Jasper stepped out and shut the door quietly behind him. A cigarette dangled from his mouth. He leaned back into the door, with one of his feet against it.

His grubby blonde head of hair snapped down, as his hands started to pat his body. He dug in his brown leather jacket, his tattered jeans, and even checked in his socks. He lifted his head to the sky and muttered a quiet "fuck."

I don't smoke, but I could fucking understand the need to escape for a while. Even if it was to pollute your lungs. It'd be pretty shitty of me, Isabella "Pyro Mean Streak Freak" Swan, to hold back the one nice thing I can actually do for someone.

So, I cleared my throat.

His head snapped to the side, cigarette still dangling in his mouth. He looked shocked to have company. _Fuck you, this is my spot._

I underhanded him my Ninety nine cent lighter from my spot on the ground. He caught it with ease. The butane lighter lit up. Jasper took one long drag and tossed my cheap fire source back to me.

He nodded to me in a silent "thanks."

I nodded back.

My lighter descended upon the pile of papers. The crinkled mess lit up instantaneously.

We didn't acknowledge each other after that.

After a few minutes, I remembered I had company with me. Company that didn't know about my fire obsession. Curiosity got the best of me as I looked up to see his reaction.

Jasper wasn't even looking at my very existence. He was looking to his right, past the cafeteria building, to a small group of people. I followed his gaze and noticed he was looking at Alice Cullen.

Alice was sitting on top of an outside table, with her feet on a bench. She was holding up a mirror thing that girls use to check their make up. She smiled into it, as she twirled her finger around a few ends of her short, spiky black hair.

Alice got a strange look on her face; like she was realizing she was being watched. Her head turned to her left, and then to her right. She looked straight ahead and locked gazes with Jasper.

Jasper winked at her. Alice pointed to herself; silently asking "are you looking at me?" Jasper nodded his head confidently and winked again. Alice smiled and blushed behind her mirror. She eyed him from behind it.

Jasper took one last drag of his cigarette and tossed it. He opened the door he was leaning against; Alice and Jasper never broke each others gaze.

Alice waved bye flirtatiously with just her fingers. Jasper gave her a final wink and disappeared back into the cafeteria.

I really wanted to be disgusted at the degree of affection that took place in front of me. Jasper exuded such confidence that he can get Alice's attention. However, Alice matched his level of confidence and did so with ease. I was entirely jealous of that fact.

I was so engrossed with the whole exchange, that I missed the complete destruction of the newspaper balls.

To be honest, there was more fire between Alice and Jasper's exchange then the one I created with my Made in China lighter and shitty tabloids.

* * *

A/N: Reviews are love.


	5. Black Shoes

A/N: Thanks for all the favorites, story alerts, and reviews. I'm glad people like Bella's sarcasm and attitude.

If you don't know what a VFW Hall is, just know it's one of the only decent places in a small town that rents out rooms for events, without being a hotel or gymnasium.

Thanks to persnickety_er.

Disclaimer: Uh….do not own.

* * *

_Shit! I don't have any fucking tights or pantyhose!_

I never understood the difference between them; I just knew that I didn't own any. The fact that I had to buy a dress and be somewhat formal occupied enough of my brain.

At that point, as I stood in my room with the teal dress on, I was thinking about my options. I had vaguely noticed some girls in school wearing jeans under their dresses, but that seemed wrong to do for this occasion. _Wow, I actually care about looking decent!_

I then thought about leggings. Then I realized I hadn't worn any since I was about ten.

Having options in your wardrobe was important. Must've missed the memo on that.

My final option was to forgo wearing something to cover my legs and wear something under my dress that would prevent any….indecent exposure, if you will. I had underwear on, but it wasn't enough for me.

_Bike shorts!_ I dug through my drawers and then I remembered that it was fall time; my shorts would be packed away. I also came to the realization that I didn't own anything that showed my legs in the first place.

"Bella! We have to go!" My dad called from behind my closed bedroom door.

"In a minute!" I was fucking panicking.

I was going to have to show my legs. The only comforting thing was that my legs were shaved and I didn't have to worry about people making fun of that. _I'm not a fucking caveman; at least I do that much._

My hands reached for the only pair of shoes I owned. They were black, and that goes with everything right?

I slipped them on.

"Ow! Shit!" My feet protested the discomfort. The shoes were too small. _Universe, it's Bella calling; fuck you!_

I stepped out of my bedroom and down the stairs a few minutes later, with my bare legs and too tight shoes. I could see from the window that Emmett and Charlie were already in the car.

Getting into the car was all kinds of awkward. I couldn't just sit down like I normally would with my jeans on. I tried stepping in with one foot, but the material of the dress rode up a little. Then I kneeled on the seat, but that was just too odd. I finally just sat on the seat butt-first, and slid my legs in.

The whole time I heard Emmett snickering at my unfamiliarity with dress etiquette.

_I am burning this dress when I get home._

**=X=X=X=X=X=X=**

We arrived at the VFW Hall around five o'clock; the dinner didn't start until six-thirty. Since this was partly Charlie's show, he had to show up early enough to greet everyone coming to one of Forks' rare regal social events.

I had to do my best and be the good little police chief's daughter for a few hours. What that entailed, I didn't know. Just being polite and not myself, I guessed.

Entering the event room, I was a little taken aback. _Did I step into another dimension?_

The room usually had long wooden tables and drabby colored plastic chairs with questionable stains on them. The walls would have some store-bought banners hanging for special occasions, but that was the extent of the décor.

Well that room had an alter ego, and I was standing in it. The tables were round with blue silky tablecloths on top of them. Little blue and white confetti pieces decorated the tables. The chairs were still the plastic ones, but they had light blue chair covers over them and they looked like they had some cushions as well. Centerpieces with an arrangement of flowers sat inside navy blue police hats as the base.

The only light source in the room was the little white bulb-like lights on strings that hung across the ceiling and lined the walls. Streamers twisted and turned along the off-white walls, which looked like they were scrubbed clean.

A buffet table stretched along the right wall. A DJ booth was at the back of the room in front of a navy blue curtain, near the wooden dance floor. The podium, usually the most dominant thing in the room, was pushed back and away from the rest of the items, like it was the black sheep of the family.

_Who would spend so much fucking time decorating for this thing?_

I got my answer when I heard Alice Cullen running in from the side entrance into the room, juggling two more centerpieces in her arms. I stood and watched her as she placed them in the center of two of the middle tables. She only had eyes for those fucking centerpieces and never looked my way.

"Hurry up, Edward! People are coming!" Alice yelled out to no one. Her heels clicked quickly on the floor.

I hid against the wall on the other side of the back entry way into the room. I didn't know why; maybe to put off dealing with people until it was absolutely necessary. I certainly didn't give a shit if I was listening in on a conversation with Trust Fund Fucker and his sister.

I peeked into the room a few seconds later when Cullen huffed and walked in with another centerpiece, meeting Alice halfway. Then I returned to my previous position.

"By people, you mean who?…Let me guess." Cullen drew out the last word.

"Shut up!" She playfully yelled. "He's nice." Alice sounded whimsical.

"So what? You share a moment and that makes him 'nice'?" I can hear the air quotes.

"You know what, Edward? Grow a pair of brass ones and then talk to me!" There was a shuffling of clothing.

Alice's heels quickly clicked away. Cullen sighed loudly into the empty room.

**=X=X=X=X=X=X=**

It was six o'clock and people had started to enter the hall.

Emmett was off talking up anyone and everyone in his sight. He was still getting "congratulations" about his fully paid football scholarship to USC.

Charlie had gone to talk to Burt. Probably discussing the annual police department vs. fire department basketball game that would be coming up soon.

And me? Well I was actually given something to do. The oh-so-wonderful task of standing by the card table, near the entrance of the Hall, to make sure people knew what table they were going to be sitting at.

I felt like a fucking degenerate.

Not just that, but I had to see everyonewalking in. _Everyone._ And on top of that, I had to be the good daughter and smile for them.

First, I was greeted by Mike, who thought my smile was a come on. He winked back.

Five minutes hadn't even passed when The Bitch Brigade came in. Royal Highness picked up the card with her bony fingers and then gave me the evilest, fakest smile ever. Jessica did a slow once over and raised her eyebrow at me, before flipping her hair and walking away. Rosalie gave me a brief smile and walked on. She couldn't say or do shit cause she never uttered a fucking word to me.

Jasper came in and Alice was right there. He nodded at me and walked with Alice to the event room.

I wish I had my lighter with me, then I could at least play around with it. _Should've stuffed it in my bra. Don't girls do that kind of thing?_

Instead, I was stuck running my fingers through my hair and playing with the ends. I looked up at the clock above the entrance. The dinner started in ten minutes.

My eyes went to my feet. They had gone completely numb from the loss of blood flow to them. At least I was fucking feeling something.

While looking down at my feet, a pair of somewhat masculine shoes came into my view. It shocked me a little and I stumbled back against the wall.

Cullen was looking at me like I had two heads. He then picked up his card from the table. _Why the fuck does he need to look at his card? He knows where he's sitting. _

He looked up from the card. His eyes were examining me; my shoes, my dress, my hair and then my face. _God, stop looking at me like that._ He continued to stare.

"What?!" I blurted out. Normally I'd just ignore him, but I couldn't fucking take it anymore.

The silence he created was unbearable. I bit my lip and wrapped my arms around my waist.

"You're wearing a dress." He finally said, but I couldn't decipher what he meant by it. _That wasn't a fucking answer, Cullen!_

"Yeah? So?" I tugged at the hem of my dress. I felt exposed and my face was heating up, as his eyes held an emotion I couldn't figure out.

A throaty chuckle escaped his mouth. He revealed a small smile as he placed the card back on the table. I watched his quickly retreating form enter the event room.

_What is with him? Always with the smiling, chuckling, and staring. _Was that his way of saying I looked like a fucking idiot? Or ugly? I knew I was both; he didn't have to point it out to me.

**=X=X=X=X=X=X=**

Every idiot who thought they could keep a beat was on the dance floor around eight-thirty. I, however, have a disease. It's called two-left-feet-and-never-gonna-anyway-itis.

There really wasn't much for me. I watched Charlie earlier as he fumbled through his speech thanking Dr. Carlisle Cullen for all the money he had donated to the department. Dr. Cullen was trying to be modest. _You have lots of money; don't try to fool us with the whole "oh it's nothing" shit. _He said a few words to everyone in the room and went back to his seat.

Shortly after the speeches, Alice dimmed the lights and the usual reason for going to these things began.

Eating, eating, eating.

Dancing, dancing, dancing.

Fun, fun, fun.

The food looked just as good as anything I usually cooked, and I was actually looking forward to trying some of it, but not before I was whispered about and giggled at by The Bitch Brigade while in the buffet line. _Yeah, my appetite's fucking ruined._ I grabbed some bread and a brownie and called it a night.

I had grown quite comfortable in the back. My feet were finally returning to their normal color as I had taken my shoes off and placed my feet on one of the empty chairs at my table. I probably could've fallen asleep if I wanted to.

I sat at my table in the back, played with the flowers in the centerpiece, and did some people watching.

Alice was all over Jasper the entire night. They were currently dancing. A fast song was about to end and Jasper twirled her around. He dipped her at the final note. She curtsied. He bowed.

Then, she leaned into his ear. He laughed. I could've sworn he looked over in my direction for a split second. They probably knew I saw them earlier and were talking about it.

I looked away quickly.

My eyes fell upon Emmett, who was sitting at a table in the front. He was sitting in between Mike and Rosalie, while Lauren hung all over Tyler, and Jessica kept her eyes on Mike. Emmett was probably just talking to Mike about some plays for their football games coming up. _As long as he doesn't normally hang out with anyone at that table, what do I care?_

I saw Lauren turn her head toward the side entrance into the room. As her eyes narrowed, I followed her gaze.

Cullen was walking over to my table.

He roughly pulled out a chair across from me and sat in it. He turned his head briefly toward Lauren's table. Then back around. His elbows landed on the table with his hands gripping at his hair.

_Why are you at my table?_

"Why are you at my table? Shouldn't you be over there…."

I didn't want to say Lauren's name out loud. I'd vomit all over the place and I was already embarrassed enough in this outfit.

Cullen looked up at me.

"... with her?" I finished, gesturing to Royal Highness' table.

Cullen turned around and looked at who I was referring to. He looked back at me with his brows furrowed. He folded his arms in front of him.

"Why would I be sitting over there?"

_Wasn't she his girlfriend? Did they have a fight and he's not talking to her? What does he want? My advice? Fuck that. Not. Going. There._

"What did you two have a lovers quarrel?" I really tried to sound sympathetic, but it came off as sarcastic. _Felt good._

"Huh?" _He really needs shit spelled out for him, doesn't he?_

I opened my mouth. "I saw you with her a few times. Don't tell me you two aren't going out? She's your type."

_Wow, I said that out loud? Damn it, brain!_

"My type?" He sounded very offended, as he shifted closer to the table, obviously intrigued at my fucking judgment of him.

_Did you take a vacation? Send me a fucking postcard next time!_

"Yeah. Blonde, skinny, bitchy."

_Brain, you are fucking fired!_

Cullen paused for a second. His face showed so many emotions in that one second, I was actually a little frightened at what he would say.

Instead, he threw his head back a little and let out this laugh. A real laugh; not a chuckle.

His head came forward. Strands of his…bronze hair hit his eyes. _Bronze? Was that the color? Never really noticed before. Could be the dim lighting in the room._

"What?" _He had me saying that word a lot. _

He sighed through a laugh. "Lauren and I aren't...together." He shook his head trying to contain his laughter again.

"Oh." I said, as I nodded and pulled some flower petals from the centerpiece.

"I wouldn't want anyone to have to deal with _that_. Not even my worst enemy." He sounded angry now. As if the whole thing was a sore subject for him.

And what did he mean by worst enemy? Was he referring to me? Was I really his enemy? _Hey brain, glad to have you back. Mind taking it easy on me?_

As that thought permeated my brain, a woman came over to the table. She was the epitome of everything a guy should worship. Long legs, big boobs, beautiful creamy skin, and even a shade of hair that wasn't red, but a lighter variant of it.

"Edward. Come on, I need you to take pictures!" She practically yanked his arm out of its socket.

_Boy, she's needy. Definitely not a thing guys want._

Cullen disappeared through the side entryway with the goddess holding him in a death grip. Probably to take pictures in front of the endless amount of plaques and awards in the Hall of Fame. _Why the fuck do people like standing in front of those things and take pictures? They're so cheesy._

I turned my attention back to the front table where Emmett was sitting. He wasn't there anymore. Neither was half the table.

The thumping of the music was actually making me pretty fucking tired. It was an incessant rhythm and oddly lulling.

I laid my arms on the table, put my head down, and fell asleep.

**=X=X=X=X=X=X=**

I felt a light tap on my shoulder; I was being woken up. My hands reached up to my eyes to rub them and I let out a yawn.

"Bella. Time to go." Charlie said.

I grabbed my shoes off the floor, wincing as I slipped them on my feet.

Charlie noticed my discomfort.

"You alright?"

"Yeah." I mumbled.

We walked out to the car. A centerpiece was taking up one of the backseats, the other one was empty.

"Where's Emmett?"

"Said he was getting a ride home." Charlie shrugged, as he turned on the car.

Once we got home, I took the death traps off my feet and I threw them into my controlled fire fun backpack.

I decided to not burn the dress. Instead I hung it up in my closet, deciding that having options was important.

* * *

A/N: Thanks for sticking with me. Reviews are love.


	6. Origami Lotus

A/N: Thanks for sticking with me. Disclaimer: Uh…do not own.

* * *

Charlie had _something_ to tell me.

It was a week before Thanksgiving and we were eating out. Usually when we dine out, it's because of one of two things: a special occasion or Charlie having something important to say.

We weren't here for a special occasion because it was just him and me sitting across from each other, inside our booth at his favorite restaurant, The Lodge. _I don't need a fucking deer hanging over me while I eat it's sister, or cousin, or best friend. _

So, I knew he was looking to talk. And Charlie isn't much for talking unless he's got a good fucking meal in his stomach. A hungry Charlie is not a pleasant Charlie.

I think he also liked to go to a restaurant because it was neutral ground and so he wouldn't yell…or so I wouldn't yell. All teenage girls have the Hysterical Yelling Gene.

The decision to discuss important things on neutral territory came after I told Charlie that I wanted to get my learner's permit. He was adamant that I was too young.

"Dad! Emmett drives! He's only a year older." I ranted. _It's cause I'm his little girl, isn't it?_

"I think you can wait a year." He said, sitting at the kitchen table, trying to keep his blood pressure low.

The conversation eventually turned into a one-way yelling match with me that went from simply asking him to me calling him sexist because I thought his reasoning was somewhere in the arena of males being superior to females in driving skills. Charlie did not like that in the slightest and he exploded. I eventually won because I drive Big Clunker. _And no accidents, Charlie!_

I sat there waiting for Charlie to finish his meatloaf, potatoes, and corn on the cob. _I can make a better meatloaf. With gravy, not ketchup._ I picked at my hamburger and curly fries. I wasn't really hungry for much of anything lately.

Charlie took the napkin from his collar and wiped his mouth with it. _Let the conversation begin._

"Bella, I wanted to talk to you about something." He confirmed my suspicions long ago, but it was nice to hear it out loud.

"About what?" I picked up a curly fry. _Drats! It's cold._

He remained silent for a few moments before he began.

"Well… I've invited someone over for Thanksgiving. I wanted to make sure it was okay with you."

"Why wouldn't I be okay with that?" I chomped on my cold curly fry.

"Umm…it's just that I ....I wanted to make sure you wouldn't….get upset when I bring her to the house."

_What?!_ Okay, I wasn't sure whether to be fucking offended and hurt, or touched that Charlie was concerned about my well being. It was as if he were slapping me in the face and soothing my hand all in one.

"Thanks, Dad. I'm glad you think so much of me." Sarcasm really was the only way to tell him how I felt.

"Don't act like that. I'm just giving you fair warning."

"What you should've done is given me 'fair warning' about this conversation." My eyes were well acquainted with my food right now.

"Bella, I'm not here to criticize your behavior. I just wanted to tell you about Sue coming over."

Sue? _Is Charlie seeing someone?_ I must've been really out of it if I didn't know Charlie was seeing someone. Charlie had never really had eyes for anyone other then my mother. His life was his work and his kids.

It was kind of fucking cool that someone finally caught his eye.

"Is she your…girlfriend?" I said, kind of rolling my eyes and briefly looking up at him.

"We've only seen each other a few times." Charlie blushed. His eyes held a glint. _Charlie, you are about as transparent as I am._

I figured that Charlie was concerned about the fact that I'd never seen him with a woman before and wasn't sure how I would react. I'd heard crazy fucked up stories about kids hating their father's or mother's significant others. Some of them were justifiable, but others were downright idiotic. And if this woman was someone important in his life, and might become important in mine, I should probably fucking meet her at some point.

"Dad, you can bring Sue over. I won't have a problem with that." I smiled at him. He smiled and nodded his head.

Of course, my brain decided to think for a split second. _Why would Charlie just bring me to talk about this? Emmett is important in this fucking equation too._

Then, he let out a long sigh. Not a relieved sigh, but a sigh that revealed that something else was on his mind. _Oh, great. My suspicions were proven again. What else ya got for me, Charlie?_

"Bella, I have one more thing."

I let out my own sigh. "What is it?" I slumped even more in the booth and crossed my arms.

"I'm worried about next year." His hand and eyes were focused on his glass of water. _You're not going to get the answer from staring at your drink._

"Why?"

"You don't hang out with anybody." He was struggling to get his words out. _Stop beating around the bush, Charlie._

"What does that have to do with next year?" I didn't have the energy to piece his puzzle together.

"Emmett will be away at college and no one will be around for you to talk to."

I let out a huge puff of air and stared at my soft drink. Now _I_ was looking for answers in there.

"It would ease my worries if you found a friend."

There it was. He didn't bring me here to tell me about his dating adventures. He wanted to tell me that he thought I was a fucking loner and wanted me to make some friends. _Charlie, you are a sneaky son of a bitch!_

Truth was, I liked being alone. Sure, I had friends when I was younger, but everyone did. Eventually, people moved away, stopped talking to you, or decided to get some hormones. I didn't like to rely on people because they fucking hurt you and I'd rather stay inside myself.

They could've cared deeply about you or been the cruelest motherfucker in the world, but eventually they all hurt you. Every. Single. One.

If I wanted to blame someone, I wanted to blame myself. Always.

"I have…friends." Charlie was usually fooled by my lying, but he knew this one was false without looking at my face.

"Bella, I am not ignorant. You come home everyday after school and either play your…games, read a book, or talk with Emmett."

_Hysterical Yelling Gene might actually make an appearance_. "So?! What I do with my time is no fucking concern of yours."

"Language, Bella!" He harshly returned. His tone immediately softened. "I just want you to have one good friend. I'm not asking you to get dental surgery."

I pushed my plate aside to make room for my elbows on the table. My head hit my hands. Tension was building in my chest and I had the burning desire to set fire to something.

"Please, Dad. Don't make me do this." My hands muffled my response.

"I could see if the guys at the station's kids would hang out with you."

_He's looking to set up a play date. A fucking play date! What am I? Five?!_

My throat felt like it was closing up and I just wanted to get out of this fucking restaurant. I don't think my want to burn had ever been that intense.

I sighed through choking tears.

I was not going to win.

**=X=X=X=X=X=X=**

As soon as I got home, I went to the attic. I opened up a box of some old school stuff. Inside there were book reports, crafts, and even some Judy Blume books. _Saving those for future reading. _

I finally reached my destination: My junior high yearbook.

On the way home, I had a hard time trying to figure out who I could befriend. I didn't know a lot about the people I went to school with, and the ones I did know a lot about I didn't really care for. So, I decided that I need some sort of reference point and that my junior high yearbook would suffice.

This was, without a doubt, the weirdest way to find a friend. It felt a lot like picking out a dog to bring home. _This one is too abrasive. No, she might bitch about my fire fun. Ugh! He definitely wouldn't get along with my family. _

Sitting on the floor of my attic, I flipped through the book and began my search. I snickered at some of the kids clothes and hair dos. I stopped at some of the faces I already knew along the way.

Lauren had the Royal Highness' bitch face down pat already, and her quote was some fucking boy band song. Jessica wasn't as bad; she actually looked like a nice girl in her photo. Her quote seemed like something she pulled out of her ass, but it seemed like she was trying.

I was blindly looking through everything. All the photos of sports teams, drama club plays, and other various school-sponsored functions. I purely took it in as a spectator because that was what I essentially was.

For some reason, looking at the pictures wasn't helpful. Maybe it was the fact that many of the people went through puberty since the photos were taken and they'd be a little different now. I decided to flip to the back of the book where the autograph pages were. I'd figured if I was going to get along with someone, and be their friend, they'd have to have something intellectual, funny, or clever to say. _No bubblegum popping, flirty types for me._

People said some nice shit in my yearbook. Like their indelibly inked inscriptions had to be decent or karma would kick their asses. _Actions speak louder than words, jackasses._

I skimmed over the "have a nice summer's" and "see you in high school's". Half of those weren't signed by anyone anyway. I looked at one girl's comment: "Bella. I thought your fire project in art was really creative. You are very talented. Looking forward to having you in some classes in high school. – Angela."

_She seems nice. And she appreciates the fire. Keeping her as an option._

I looked through a few more autographs. I made a small list of people I could possibly talk to at school. I placed the yearbook back in the box and took out the Judy Blume books that I wanted to revisit.

**=X=X=X=X=X=X=**

My Find-A-Friend mission was a disaster.

I was going to try to talk to this one kid, Laurent, but it turned out that he was in a juvenile delinquent center. _Probably would've really gotten along with him. _Two more of the kids on my list had actually moved to Seattle after middle school.

I tried for Angela, but she was out sick. My final option was Eric, but I couldn't find the fucking bastard; he did go to the school though. _Yeah! One small fucking victory._

At lunch time, I sat in my usual spot and continued working on a project I had started earlier in the day. The school loves to waste paper and hand out announcements for some function going on around town or in its own walls. This one referred to the upcoming Forks Toy Drive for Christmas time. _It's not even Thanksgiving yet for fucks sake!_

I grabbed a pile of them and started making an origami lotus. I went through an art instruction book phase while in middle school and dabbled in wood making, origami, and just making shit with construction paper. I made a paper machete one time and almost took Emmett's eye out. With the way I'm coordinated, it could very well have been my own eye.

Once I completed the lotus, I had to burn it. _There is beauty in the breakdown and what a pretty one it'll be._

I placed the origami lotus on the black top beside me and set it ablaze. It burned magnificently. The blue and green colored paper turned brown at the edges and crumbled against the fires power. I could feel the tension rolling off me as I watched the flames licking and lapping.

Once it was done burning, I heard a small conversation coming from the side of the cafeteria building. I couldn't make out what the people were saying, so I ignored it and played around with the remains of my experiment.

A few seconds later, I heard some heels clicking and scraping against the ground. I saw a pair of impossibly high heels come into my view. I craned my neck up and my eyes squinted from the sun blazing above.

"Hi, Bella. Mind if I join you?" Alice Cullen said to me.

_What?_

Alice didn't wait for me to answer. She sat down with her legs crossed and faced me from my side.

"I'm Alice Cullen." She had such a huge smile that it looked like it hurt. She held out her hand to me.

I looked at it. _What the fuck does she want?_

"Bella, you are so silly. I'm not diseased." She grabbed _my_ hand and shook it in hers.

_I was silly. When the hell did she establish that? _

I don't think I blinked or closed my mouth since she sat down. I think she sensed I was shocked at her sudden interest in me.

"So Bella, what did you burn today?" She looked down and gestured at the blackened, decrepit paper on the ground.

My eyes finally blinked and my mouth opened and closed a few times. _She was asking me about my fire fun? Alice "Rich Pixie" Cullen, was asking me about this?_

"Ummm…an origami lotus?" My answer came out as a question. _Why so shy, Swan?_

"Oh, I love origami. Actually, I love all kinds of art. Mostly things related to fashion. Do you like fashion, Bella?" _Is she serious? _

I gestured to my clothes. _Go ahead, laugh at me already. Scoff at me. Make fun of me and leave me alone, please._

Alice rolled her eyes. "Bella, you can wear what you're wearing and still be fashionable." She gestured toward my clothes.

"Stand up." She told me as she got to her feet. For some reason, whatever Alice said, was law, because I was standing up in that instant.

She looked at me up and down, tapping her fingers on her chin. _Yes, I know I'm a complete mess. I really don't want to be under your expensive microscope at the moment._

Alice walked around to the back of me. I jumped when she grabbed the loose fabric on my hoodie. She twisted it and tucked it in the back of my jeans; making it tighter.

She walked in front of me. I had my hood up, but Alice pushed it down. She brought my hair forward and twisted it around. She unzipped the zipper from the hoodie halfway, revealing my dark blue shirt underneath. Finally, she grabbed a pin she was wearing and pinned it to my jacket.

"A little adjustment and it's still you." Alice said cheerfully. She clapped her hands twice.

I really didn't know what to say or think. My eyes quickly glanced at my modified outfit. _I guess it's an improvement. I really wouldn't know. _Alice sensed my shocked demeanor.

"I've gotta run. See you Monday, Bella." Alice skipped, _fucking_ _skipped,_ away from me. She disappeared behind the cafeteria building.

The bell to end lunch rang soon after she left.

* * *

A/N: Reviews are love.


	7. Turkey

A/N: Thanks for sticking with me. Disclaimer: Uh…never owned.

* * *

_Stupid piece of shit rusty old hunk of fucking junk!_

I kicked the stupid tires on my pick up truck. It would not fucking start!

_Come on baby, just start for this last day. _I gave it one more rev and it came to life. I was finally off to school before the long Thanksgiving weekend. _Bella 1, Big Clunker 0._

Alice came to sit with me all three days of the short week.

Emmett and Charlie were the only ones I really ever had full blown conversations with. My whole being was not used to strangers saying more than a few words to me, let alone an entire hour worth. My brain did not want to respond to questions. My body wanted to crawl into a ball and just hide from having to say anything. _I feel like a fucking lunatic being let out of the looney bin for the first time._

I was also not used to having a conversation with a _girl_. A girl who was willing to; they tended to either ignore me or make fun of me. The ones that pushed aside my existence probably didn't know why they should, but they did. The ones that said and did shit to me probably didn't know why they should, but they did.

And boy did they. They pulled a prank on me that Wednesday.

I was in Pre-Calculus, my class before Chemistry. Mr. Messina handed out worksheets for us to complete in that class. I finished that shit fast. _Bella 2, Factorials 0. _The night before was a restless one for me and I was in dire need of a few quiet moments. My head lowered to the desk and I woke up five minutes before class ended.

To get to Chemistry, I had to go outside and walk to a separate building. Well, Forks decided to make my trip a misty one. I brought my hands to my hood to flip it up.

As I flipped my hood, I saw a bunch of colors fall to the ground in front of me. They were tiny squares with something circular inside. A few dozen condoms had landed in front of me.

Stares, snickers and laughs filled the busy walkway to my destination. Mike picked one up, saying something like "need it for later, baby." and winking at me.

The Bitch Brigade walked in all their fucking synchronized glory toward me. Royal Highness put her hands on her hips. The two skanks behind her copied her move.

"Wow, Bella." She clicked her tongue.

"_Wow_ is right." I shot back at her. I walked away from the fucking penile river on the ground.

My path was blocked by a smug Jessica and an emotionless Rosalie. Lauren's hot breath breathed into my ear.

"Pick them up" She snarled in my ear. I stood for a few seconds before I gave in and snatched them up off the ground. All eyes were on me, the Bitch Brigade's and passerby.

I walked by Cullen standing outside the Chemistry doorway. He was looking at his space phone and I felt like flinging that thing to the moon. I felt like fucking something up. I took my seat and saw Cullen staring at Jessica from the doorway, as she walked into the classroom. Fucking anger was rolling off of him. _Wonder what she did to him. Doesn't matter; we can team up outside of class sometime and get those bitches._

"I'm sorry, Bella. I wish I was there for you." That was the first thing Alice said to me on Wednesday. She took her seat next to me.

"It's okay." I mumbled. _I'm used to it; I'm not looking for a fucking pity party._

"No, it's not. They are unjust in their opinions. And their wardrobe is hideous too. Sluts 'R' Us doesn't even cover it."

I let out a chuckle. Hearing Alice say the word 'sluts' really was priceless.

We stayed quiet for most of the time, while I did my fire experiments; Alice suspected correctly that I wasn't used to interacting with people that much. When we did talk, she asked me about my fire obsession, what I liked to burn the most, and whether she could bring some stuff to burn at lunch.

"I've got a few ex's pictures I'd like to get rid of." She said, with a devilish grin, leaning back against the brick wall.

_Fucking A', Alice; angry shit is the best thing to burn!_

**=X=X=X=X=X=X=**

"Emmett, please let Bella cook the food." Charlie said to Emmett for what had to have been the millionth fucking time.

It was Thanksgiving. I cannot tell you how excited I got when I was able to cook large meals. I so rarely got the chance to cook them and it was such a joy when I did. At times like these, I honestly felt the desire to burn less and less.

It could also be that I was fully satiated from my lunch sessions with Alice Cullen. Her burn items and my burn items equal one Thursday of controlled fire fun.

"I'm just testing it. My job is to make sure all the food is up to my standards." Emmett's voice brought me back to the present. _No, Emmett. Your job is to peel the fucking potatoes and carve the turkey. _

"Quit being a Neanderthal, will you?" I baited him as I checked on the turkey.

Emmett walked right up to my ear and made cavemen noises, before starting his task.

Charlie had his hands in his pockets and was rocking back and forth on his heels. Sue hadn't arrived yet and the nervousness was written all over.

"So, Dad, when's Sue arriving?" Emmett put the peeler to the potato.

"Ten minutes." Charlie took a quick glance in the direction of the front door. He let out a long sigh. I was a little unaccustomed to Charlie acting so on edge. _Charlie, relax. You're acting like a teenager._ A few seconds later, Charlie quietly and slowly shuffled out of the room.

Emmett and I gave each other a look of humorous disbelief.

I took out the biscuits I'd made from the oven, and checked on the turkey one final time. _You are roasted and toasted to perfection, Mr. Turkey._ Emmett finished mashing the potatoes.

"No fucking lumps, Emmett!" I pointed a wooden spatula at him, as I finished up my homemade gravy.

"I know." He said disappointedly. I could've sworn I saw an evil smile appear on his face. _One lump in those potatoes and his CD's get it. _

A couple minutes later, I heard the front door open.

"Hi. Come in." I heard Charlie say.

"Hi. It's pouring out there." Sue said likely nervous. Weather talk was a sure thing. _Forks, will you ever cease to amaze me?_

Sue made her entrance into the kitchen mere seconds later. Emmett and I turned around and approached her.

"Sue, this is Emmett and Bella." Sue held out her hand to shake both of ours.

Over dinner, it turned into a nice, relaxing atmosphere. It was probably a good idea that I talked to Alice at school that week. It made talking to another girl easier. Especially someone emotionally important to Charlie.

I was a little weirded out at first seeing my dad acting all gooey eyed and shit. He'd reach over and hold Sue's hand or she'd lightly pat his. His smile was not one I'd seen before. _Wow, Charlie's in love. Is that what it is?_

Sue Clearwater was nice. I mean, I couldn't really find another word for her; I just met her. She lost her husband, Harry, two years ago from a heart attack. She had two kids who were around my age; they attended school on the Quileute reservation, just outside of Forks. They were spending Thanksgiving with some aunts and uncles.

I was surprised to learn how Sue and Charlie met.

"Oh, Charlie came over and introduced himself to me at the meeting." Sue said, placing some turkey in her mouth. She looked up at Charlie and smiled.

"Meeting?" I inquired, chomping on a piece of turkey.

"The widow's group. They meet every Thursday." Sue finished.

The turkey became bile. I couldn't fucking swallow it.

That floored me. I had no fucking clue Charlie went to one of those. It kind of hurt a little. _Is he still hung up on my mother's death?_ Guilt was pulling me down a big, deep, black as fuck hole, but I squashed the fuck out of it for now. The last thing I needed was to sulk and torture myself over family stuff on Thanksgiving. _That'd probably make this a real Thanksgiving._

I couldn't finish the now tainted meal on my plate. My fork pushed around peas and carrots, as I listened to Emmett talk with Sue about one of his upcoming games.

I looked on from the living room window as Charlie and Sue said their goodbyes. Charlie walked Sue out to her car. He held an umbrella to shield them from the rain.

"Bella, no one likes a Looky-Lou." Emmett teased from the couch.

I rolled my eyes and fussed up his hair. I plopped down next to him.

"Doesn't it weird you out that he is …seeing someone?" _Why do I have to sound so fucking vulnerable saying that?_

"No. Are you weirded out?"

"A little," I admitted, shrugging my shoulder. "…but, I mean, I'm happy for him." I pulled out my butane lighter from my pocket to play with it.

I wanted to bring up the widow's group thing and find out if Emmett knew of this. But I liked to suffer alone, so I swallowed that down along with my guilt.

**=X=X=X=X=X=X=**

_Oh, now you've really gone and done it, you piece of metallic retardation!_

Big Clunker was being a bastard. I really didn't have time, or fucking patience, for car troubles. _Wish we had a mechanic in the family. _

I popped the hood and peeked inside. I checked all the fluids, knowing I'd changed those recently. All the hoses and connections seemed to be in the right places. Nothing looked like it was hanging loose.

I ventured to the spark plugs. Two of them were pretty corroded and definitely needed to be replaced. _Fucking holiday weekend; I'll have to wait 'til Monday!_

I had to get a ride from Charlie to my destination.

"It's alright. I have to discuss some things with Burt about the basketball tournament." Charlie shrugged, as he pulled away from the curb of our house. _Great. Another event where the good daughter has to show up. At least I don't have to dress up._

Since Thanksgiving was on a Thursday, I wasn't able to go to the firehouse. I always ended up going on that Friday instead.

I always bought the biggest turkey in the food store and gave leftovers to the guys at the fire station. Not just any leftovers though. I created an entire turkey inspired recipe menu. Turkey paninis, salad, casserole, and of course, turkey pot pie.

I cooked a few things at home, and some at the fire station. I used The Ghost as a grill by removing the top of the box and replacing it with a wire rack. Smoky wood was my favorite scent in the world and was doubly satisfying when cooking food lingered with it.

"Bella! Come inside and eat!" Burt called from the fire station, holding a plate of the delicious leftovers. I was sitting Indian style, elbows on my knees, and watching the dying flames in The Ghost Grill. _That'd be a cool name for a restaurant._ I inwardly giggled.

"In a minute!" I yelled back to him. I put on my best smile. My chin dropped into my hands.

The flames danced and vibrantly swayed into the cold November air. The embers crackled and slowly breathed their last breath. They had no shot in hell of making it far. Lingering was what they did and then disintegrated into the atmosphere.

_What the fuck, brain? Morbid much?_

These trailing morbid thoughts had been happening on and off for a good month. My controlled fire fun was being ruined by these thoughts. I didn't know what my mind was trying to say to me, but I had to make it fucking stop somehow.

I took a spot sitting next to Jacob, once I came inside. I did consider befriending him outside of the firehouse, but I think Charlie wanted someone I could hang out with at school. Someone who also wasn't in anyway related to my controlled fire fun. Jacob encouraged that way too much.

After a few hours, endless crude jokes from grown men (Charlie kept his mouth shut, thankfully), and congratulations to me, Charlie and I went home.

**=X=X=X=X=X=X=**

_Third time's a charm right?,_ I thought as I walked out the front door and looked at my dilapidated truck. I reached for the keys to my truck off the key rack.

"Bella?" Charlie called to me, leaning on the open driver's side door of his cruiser. He was looking to catch up on his work after the long holiday weekend.

My first choice was to ride with Emmett, but he'd been leaving the house earlier every morning. "Oh, yeah, I pick up a friend of mine for school." Emmett said nonchalantly, when I cornered him about it.

"Maybe it was just having a bad day." I shrugged my shoulders and walked over to Big Clunker. I knew Charlie was rolling his eyes without having to look.

I hopped into the car and put the key in the ignition. I turned the key. The car roared to life.

Okay, I knew cars didn't have bad days. They were temperamental beasts who when they needed fixing, they weren't shy about saying so. I popped the hood once again. I observed the inner workings of the car and went to what I knew was the source of the problem: the two spark plugs

My brows came together in confusion. The corroded spark plugs were gone and replaced by two brand spanking new ones. _Huh? What? How? Where? What?_

"Well." Charlie said in disbelief, standing beside me and looking at the car. "I guess it works. I really have to go, Bells." Charlie walked away with his hands in his pockets. I might have nodded back to him, I was still in shock.

Charlie would've told me if he'd changed my spark plugs; he wasn't much for keeping _that_ kind of shit in. Emmett always brought San Juan to the mechanic when it needed fixing; he knew how to change oil and add fluid, but he never bothered to go past learning those things.

I closed the hood and sat back in my truck. I drove to school that day, considering all the people who could've fixed my car.

I even thought of absurd options like Sue, who didn't seem like someone who would spend their time tinkering with cars.

As I pulled into the school parking lot, I came to the conclusion that no matter who it was, and no matter how nice the gesture was, it felt like someone was pulling a fast one on me.

And I didn't like it one bit.

* * *

A/N: E/B action next chapter. Reviews are love.


	8. CD Number Four

A/N: Thanks for sticking with me. Thanks to persnickety_er and her beta skills. Disclaimer: Uh…do not own.

* * *

I didn't have to wear any heels, but I had to wear that stupid teal dress. Again.

"Ugh! Why?" I whined to Charlie. I restrained from stomping my foot.

"The photographer wants us in nice clothes." Charlie was tying his dark blue tie in the mirror in the hallway. His hands were growing frustrated with the task.

"I have other…nice clothes." I trailed off, staring at my dress.

"Oh come on, sis. You look adorable." Emmett passed by us in the hallway, wearing a button up shirt and dress pants.

"I don't want to look adorable, Emmett." _I don't know how I want to look, but anything but that._ I followed him into the living room.

The stupid school paper was doing an extensive profile on Emmett and his football dreams and USC scholarship. _God, when will this end? I love him, but it's really fucking annoying now._

Emmett was throwing a football around and acting like a big goober. Catching the football behind his back, tossing it between his hands, and spinning the pointed end on his finger.

"Hey Bella! Catch!" He threw the football at me.

_Bella Swan + Sports + Uncoordination = Disaster._

I reached for the ball, but the ball hit my chin. My hands grabbed the ball, but it slipped and hit a lamp sending it to the floor in pieces. I tried to save the lamp, but hit my knee on the end of the table the lamp was on and I fell to the ground.

Emmett was busting a gut.

"You fucking suck, Emmett!" I picked myself up off the ground. I hobbled after Emmett around the couch, but he was faster.

I ran out to the hallway to chase him, and he ran up the stairs. I would've gone after him, but the doorbell rang and I was the closest one to the door.

I turned the doorknob and was taken aback at who was on the other side.

Cullen was standing at my door, camera hanging around his neck, holding a hard plastic black case, and a tripod bag hanging across his shoulder. He was looking down at his phone, his hair hitting his eyes. With an exasperated sigh, he rolled his eyes and stuffed the phone in his pocket.

Our eyes met. He was a little startled. _Um, I live here too, jackass._

"Hi." He said. He cleared his throat.

"Hi", I drew out the word. "Um, what are you doing here?" I said leaning against the open door.

"I'm here to take pictures." He said, holding up the camera.

_He never fucking mentioned on Friday he'd be over my house. _

"Why didn't you say anything yesterday?" My hand went to my hip.

"I didn't find out until this morning." He sounded sorry for not letting me know sooner.

"Oh." I nodded.

We stood in silence for a few moments. My fingers drummed against the door, while Cullen shuffled his feet and shifted his weight back and forth. He looked at me, then my dress. His head went down again to the ground and his hair really was the bronze color I thought it was. _Huh, that's an unusual color. It's really unique. _

Charlie's footsteps came up behind me. "Bella, aren't you going to invite him in?"

"Hello, Chief Swan." Cullen looked up and greeted him with a small smile.

"Hello, Edward. Come in." Charlie gestured with his hand. He walked back toward the kitchen.

Cullen slowly walked in, looking around hesitantly. _The house isn't fucking diseased. Unless middle class homes give you the hives._ I shut the door.

I followed him as he walked into the house. It seemed like he wanted to stop and look at some of the photos on the wall in the hallway, but he kept going to the living room. He glanced at all the furniture, the coffee table in the middle, and the floor even.

"Where can I set up?" Cullen turned around to face me.

"Um, anywhere."

Cullen placed his case down on top of the sofa chair in the corner of the room. He opened the lens case and uncapped them.

I left the room as Cullen got his equipment in order. I trekked upstairs to grab my sneakers.

**=X=X=X=X=X=X=**

"Let's try Bella and Emmett by themselves." Cullen called from behind the camera.

For the past half hour, all three of us were standing in more traditional poses together; Charlie, Emmett, and I in varying degrees.

I was so uncomfortable with the camera on me and the poses we were in. Emmett loved taking photos, so all of this was no big deal to him. Charlie, _never_ comfortable with any attention, was fairing a little better; a proud father doing anything for his successful son.

_Can the world explode so this could end, please?_, I sighed as Charlie stepped out of the way and walked away from the living room we were currently posing in.

Cullen walked over to Emmett and me. He put his hands on both of Emmett's shoulders and turned him to face my side. Cullen brought his hands to my shoulders; _his hands are burning up!_ He hesitated, but never touched me. He motioned, instead, to turn toward Emmett.

Emmett and I proceeded to stare at each other. Emmett took a glance at my knee.

"How's your knee?"

"Oh, _real_ fucking great." I rolled my eyes. "You know I can barely stand up without falling down."

"That's true." Emmett chuckled. "You should've seen yourself." Emmett proceeded to do a goddamn impression of my failed football catch from before. He fake smacked himself in the chin with his hand, stumbled a little, and dramatically pretended to fall to the ground.

He chuckled even more then before. My mouth hung open in disbelief. _Oh, real fucking impressed with yourself, are ya?_

"Oh, thanks a lot." I was fucking pissed and embarrassed. "You should see you when we go to Taco Tuesdays." I put on my best Emmett voice and used all his typical hand gestures. "'Bella! They better have sour cream. If they don't have sour cream, I don't know what I would do with myself. I just might die!'"

Before I knew what was going on, Emmett had me in a small head lock. He mussed up my hair. He proceeded to give me several noogies.

I broke free from his grasp and shoved him. He laughed.

"You went with the 'sour cream'? Is that all you can come up with?" He snickered.

"Whatever." I folded my arms. _That really wasn't the best thing to get him with._

"Come on, you know I love ya." Emmett wrapped his arms around me in an awkward bear hug.

Emmett leaned in and planted a big wet one on my cheek. I struggled free from his arms and wiped it off my cheek.

I rolled my eyes and smiled. _He's just being a brother. My brother._

My ears became aware of a 'click' coming from a camera. I forgot Cullen was in the room and he saw all the shit that went down with Emmett and me.

_He fucking took pictures of that shit! How dare he! That Devil!_

I turned my head slowly to Cullen. He was looking at the little screen on the back of his camera. He was standing there with a small smile on his face.

I walked right up to him and cleared my throat, "Excuse me?"

He looked up at me. His face took on an innocent expression.

"I'd rather you not keep those photos you took, thank you." I sternly told him. My arms crossed at my chest.

"You're welcome." He responded back.

"What?" _That stupid fucking word again._

"You said 'thank you', and I responded with; 'you're welcome'. It's only customary." He smiled back at me, with that lopsided grin. _Oh, that's how you play your games._

My hands meant to grab the camera and hold it hostage, but it was attached to a strap around his neck. I pulled the camera and Cullen came within inches of my face. He blinked, looking a little startled.

I was a little shocked myself at his closeness. I could smell him. He smelled like… black licorice.

He became angry when he saw the way my hands were touching his camera.

"Ah, you don't like it when someone messes with you either?" My voice came out low and threatening.

Cullen stared into my eyes. All at once his anger became sorrow.

I looked at him in confusion. "Well, then. Thank you, but I'd rather you keep those photos between us and not share them with anybody." I said pointedly, letting go of his camera and stepping back a few steps.

"I intend to," he countered reverently.

**=X=X=X=X=X=X=**

Apparently, the newspaper is real fucking short-staffed, or people just don't care, so Cullen had to act as interviewer as well.

All four of us sat in the kitchen while Cullen pressed play on the recorder and jotted notes on a pad.

"How do you feel about your son going to USC as their 2nd starting tight end?" Cullen nonchalantly asked Charlie.

"I couldn't be more proud of him. I always knew he'd turn out to be a good kid, but….this is beyond anything I could've dreamed for anyone, including myself." Charlie quietly confessed. Emmett patted Charlie on the back. Charlie stared back at the coffee cup he was nursing.

"And, Bella, how do you feel?"

"Oh, well. I'm real fuc—I mean, excited for him." I looked over at Charlie, who smiled at my correction.

"Are you going to miss him next year?"

"Um…of course. He's my big brother." I looked over at Emmett, who was looking at me with happy eyes. "He's my friend, and I care about him, and I trust him with everything, and I'm going to miss that when he goes away." Emmett looked away, suddenly saddened. A little too saddened.

"What else can you tell me about your life with Bella and Charlie?" Cullen continued his questioning.

The interview went on for another twenty minutes. Cullen had some pretty interesting questions and then of course the basic ones that had to be asked. Eventually, all the questions rounded back to Emmett and his home life, what Emmett and I did for fun, and eventually about my life in general.

_Yeah, because the school paper wants to know about my epic fire experiments I do every Thursday._ _That's a barrel of laughs. Who. Are. You. Kidding?_

**=X=X=X=X=X=X=**

A few more pictures were taken in the kitchen. Cullen wanted us to look like we were some happy family eating some sort of meal. Luckily, I had some leftovers of the best fucking chicken ever from last night.

Cullen would often take a step back and look at the frame in general, analyzing every mundane detail. _Does it really matter where the chicken is? Come on and get with it already._ He would stop many times, just to move a plate or sometimes tilt one of our heads slightly.

It didn't escape my attention that whenever he did want to adjust us physically, he wouldn't have any problems actually touching Charlie or Emmett on their faces. With me, however, he would place his hands, _my god they are burning up,_ a few inches from my head, and just instruct me on what to do. _Is he being nice or rude? _

Thankfully, once we were done in the kitchen, Cullen and Emmett went upstairs to take photos of Emmett in his room. I spent that time cleaning up the wonderful pieces of broken lamp from my earlier klutziness. Using a broom and dustpan, and good ol' fashion hands, I finished the job in about ten minutes. _On a scale of one to ten, this disaster is a seven._

As I was finishing up, I heard Emmett and Cullen's laughter and footsteps on the stairs.

"No, it's all true." Emmett sounded strained, as if he were trying to hold back more laughter.

I stood up from the floor and walked to the kitchen to dump the remnants of the lamp. Emmett and Cullen came in shortly afterward, as Charlie sat at the kitchen table reading his newspaper.

"I'd like to go outside for a few photos. Maybe Emmett could pass the ball around with Bella." Cullen gestured between Emmett and me.

_Um, hello, what? _"Did you not hear about my debacle before?"

"I'd like to see it in action." Cullen said with a straight face.

"Oh, of course you would." I rolled my eyes and all three of us walked out the back door to the yard.

Emmett stood a few feet away from me and I caught the ball. My throwing skills weren't that great either and I looked really fucking girly throwing it back to Emmett.

All the time, Cullen was taking pictures. He'd move out to take wide shots of the scene, and then snap a picture of us up close. Eventually, Emmett and I forgot that he was even there.

"Hold on." Cullen disrupted the catching session. He ran up to Emmett and whispered in his ear. Emmett laughed. Cullen backed away from him straight faced. _Great, what are they planning?_

On the next throw, I caught the ball. Emmett came slowly charging toward me. I ran backwards and turned a few seconds later, back toward the house. Emmett was still on my tail.

Emmett and I ran wide circles around Cullen, who was catching all this on camera.

"Emmett! Stop it, I'm in a dress!" Realization dawned on me when I knew what the end result would be.

Emmett was laughing and he eventually caught up with me. His vice grip wrapped around me and brought us both down to the ground. _Ugh, fucking wet muddy ground!_

The whole left side of my body and dress was covered in mud. I stood up and pulled out pieces of dirt from my hair. I straightened my dress out, which slid a little past my knee. My hands scraped the mud off my legs. I could hear Emmett belly laughing at all this, even snorting every now and then. _Oh, you know what your punishment is later! Say goodbye to rap CD number four!_

Cullen had his head back in laughter. _Now, _your_ punishment, mister!_

Cullen's laughter suddenly ceased. A short ringtone came from his pocket. He pulled out his phone and was reading something on it. _For the last time, Cullen._ I held a small amount of mud in my hand behind my back.

_Let's string him along a little, shall we? _I walked up to him. "Let me know how Rover's doing."

"What?" He looked confused. _That word sucks, doesn't it?_

"That phone is for astronauts or NASA or something." I motioned to it in his hand.

"Why would you say that?"

"Look at it!" My eyes briefly glanced at it. "It's entirely too complex for someone who isn't a genius."

"Is that a backhanded compliment?" He retorted back.

"What?" _Damn it. _"No, just give me the thing."

I reached for it and our hands touched. A small spark tingled up and down my arm.

"Whoa there Sparky!" _That was something._

"Touché." Edward was looking at his hand too.

I successfully grabbed the phone again. I held it up in my right and the pile of mud in my left.

"Please give me back my phone." He kindly said to me, extending his hand.

I slowly walked backwards toward the house. Edward followed me forward several seconds later. I continued a few more feet before I made a run for it into the house.

I flung the door open and stood in the kitchen, with the phone and mud in my hands. Edward came in a few seconds later.

"Tell me why I should give you your space phone back." I commanded, a little out of breath from the run.

Edward came closer to me, his smell wafting toward me. "You're right. You shouldn't give it back to me." He quietly confessed.

_Say what?_ "Um, don't you need this thing?" I waved the phone back and forth. "You're on it every other fucking minute."

"That can be easily replaced. But…" He took the phone from me and some of the mud from my hand. "…your forgiveness cannot."

I was speechless. And now I felt real fucking bad. _How the hell did that happen? _

His muddy hand came down on the front of his phone, dirtying up the screen.

"I'm sorry." I said, wiping the rest of the mud off my hand.

"I accept." Edward smiled at me. He washed the mud off his hands. "I have another one at home anyway." He whispered through a small smile.

_Oh, you son of a bitch._ "Oh! You will never get another sorry out of me." I said through clenched teeth.

"I hope I do." He whispered to me with all his black licorice smell burning in my throat.

**=X=X=X=X=X=X=**

"The article should be out sometime in the future." Edward said to Charlie from the front steps of our house.

"Thanks for coming by, man." Emmett shook Edward's hand.

I was standing by the living room window, waiting for the exchange to finish.

"I'll see you around." Edward said to Emmett, before walking with his equipment back to his stupid Volvo.

_Stupid fucking shiny Volvo owner…who got a sorry out of me…who smells like black licorice?_

I was always indifferent to black licorice.

* * *

A/N: Hope you liked. Reviews are love.


	9. Sugary Sweets

A/N: Thanks for sticking with me! Disclaimer: Uh….never owned.

* * *

I had some food shopping to do. There was nothing in that house.

I drove my truck to one of only two major grocery stores in Forks. The small size of my town never became more apparent until I went to one of these places. On the weekends, it was painfully obvious. I could run into my classmates, my teacher, and we could have a lesson in the frozen food section if we wanted. _At least my weekdays would be open._

It was the first week in December and the heat hit me hard as I walked into the store. Annoying muzak played over the loud speakers. The signature incessant 'beep' of the scanners rang in my ears. Some kid was screaming and carrying on about not getting what he wanted. _When the fuck did the grocery store get so loud?_

I had lain in bed most of the morning. My body was assaulting me with everything it had. Muscles were cramping and I wanted an end to this bloating. I didn't feel like moving or going anywhere, which left me with very few options as far as how I was to spend my day.

Aunt Flow was visiting me and bringing all her unwelcome gifts.

The TV in my room was my only form of entertainment for a few hours. There was a marathon of a show where some people perform experiments and ultimately blow shit up in the end. I snickered at the disclaimer that opened each episode telling me "don't try this at home." Half the shit they did, I couldn't do to the fullest extent, but I could create a smaller scale version. Now, if I had my own fireproof box, then there wouldn't be an issue with safety.

Once the marathon finished, I found I was in the mood for a deli sandwich. A sandwich that was just meat, meat, meat. Turkey, ham, pastrami, salami, any of the –ami's. _And shitloads of mayo. Mmmmm…_

I did have the one task of food shopping to do, but that involved going out in the world for a few hours. However, it would lead me to satisfying my craving for a deli sandwich.

My Auntie was forcing me to lean over the bar of the shopping cart to keep myself from falling over onto the floor. I squinted with every throbbing cramp to my lower abdomen. I trudged through the aisles, picking up the necessities on the list and threw shit in the cart that would help me get through the week; _Bella's Period Pack of Cathartic Sustenance._

I reached my ultimate craving destination; the deli counter. I asked for double meat. Really I told the guy behind the counter to just "pile the shit on". I held the sandwich in my hands for a few precious moments, my eyes bugging out at the size of it, and placing it in the cart along with the other contents.

The candy aisle was calling to me. The glorious sugar coated sweets that my hormones wanted me to devour. My eyes gazed at all the options before me. My hands reached for an embarrassing amount of bags; enough to feed three Emmett's. Sour candies, chocolate drops, and peanut butter cups all fell into the cart.

I continued browsing the aisle. _Cotton candy, taffy, jelly beans, fruit jellies…fuck._

_Black licorice._

My eyes scrutinized the typically unassuming bag of candy. The bag was staring at me, all innocent. Truth was, I never thought much of that particular kind of candy, and now it was the elephant in the room. Its buddy, red licorice, was looking at me as well. I wasn't annoyed by that bag. I always liked the imitation counterpart.

Thoughts traveled to yesterday. _Oh, thoughts. You like piercing and poking my brain these days, don't ya?_

I had never spoken more then a few words to Edward Cullen, besides in class. Really, what would I talk to him about? My phone was as fancy as the family I came from.

I was genuinely surprised to see him with camera and equipment in hand on my doorsteps--didn't know he fancied himself a photographer. Granted he does work for the school paper, but his equipment obviously spoke volumes. If someone took a look at my fire fun equipment, they would've thought I was an amazing pyrotechnic. _Oh, if only._

When I grabbed his camera, black licorice invaded my nose. When we talked in the kitchen, the scent danced on my tongue. _Oh sweet mercy. How does someone smell like black licorice?_

_Goddamn it, Bella. It's just fucking candy!_

A grumble resounded loudly in my throat. I threw the fucking red licorice into the cart. My body was too tired and achy to continue debating with myself over the scent of the sugary sweets.

I made my way to the check out counter, the wheels from the shopping carts squeaking in my ears. The loud bang of people's purchases hitting the conveyor belt made me cringe. And some other fucking kid was throwing a fit! _Ugh, it's all so loud!_

I placed my contents onto the belt and pushed my cart down toward the cashier.

"Hi, Bella." I looked up at her. Her smile was all teeth, as she continued to ring my purchases up. _Hmmm...she looks familiar._

"Hi…" I quizzically started. I looked at her name badge. "…Angela." I realized. _Angela? Oh! You were on my potential friends list._

Her appearance was pretty much the same as her junior high yearbook picture. Hair was still the same dull brown color, while everybody else in school seemed to dye their hair every fucking color in the rainbow. She had on a work vest, but her outfit underneath showed that she didn't care much for fashion; or intentionally looking like a slut.

I wasn't too sure if I should talk to her. I felt so out of the loop. _What could I say to her? 'Hi Angela. I'm Bella. I've been going to school with you since forever and don't know shit about you. Wanna braid each others hair?'_ I needed something that wasn't embarrassing to me. And fuck if we were ever going to braid each other's hair_._

_Maybe something related to work. I shop here. She works here. We have 'here' in common._

"How's work?" My voice was a nervous whisper. I fidgeted with my wallet in my hands. I was really hoping I didn't have to repeat the question.

"Oh, it's been great. I just started last week. I've been looking to save up some money for a while." Angela reflected happiness and easiness in her voice.

_Huh? That wasn't so bad. Should I hedge forward and ask for what she's saving for or be satisfied with opening my mouth? My God, I sound like I'm playing the game of Life. Geez, Bella it's just a fucking question. Wow, I think I'm sweating bullets!_

"$78.23," Angela informed me.

I fumbled through my wallet for the money and left it at that.

**=X=X=X=X=X=X=**

My hand turned the doorknob to enter the house and I could hear Emmett from somewhere on the first floor. He didn't sound like a happy bear.

"---know? That really wasn't the best thing to do." I heard silence after that. He was on the phone.

"I can't do this anymore. I'm at a loss here." Emmett sounded saddened and hurt. _Who's the motherfucker doing that to him? I'll kill 'em._

My hands held the bags as I made my way to the kitchen. Emmett's voice spoke again and was coming from my destination. He came into view from the entryway where I stood. His back was turned away from me, looking out the window over the kitchen sink.

"..._I_ have to tell her? No, _we_ do. It's -- I can't---." Emmett turned around with the phone to his ear. His eyes bugged out of his head, as he looked at me.

"I have to go…Yes." Emmett flipped his phone shut quickly. My bags hit the kitchen counter with a loud thud. Emmett's feet shuffled slowly to my side. His hand scratched the back of his neck.

"Hey, Bells. Hoarding off for the winter?" Emmett sounded nervous, even with his big, dimply smile.

"Everything okay?" The no bullshit rule _always_ applies with Emmett.

"Yeah. Everything's great." The smile grew wider. His shoulders shrugged a little.

I had to offer to help if everything really _wasn't_ great. "Hey, if someone's messing with you, I'll fuck 'em up." Emmett didn't even laugh; he always loved my expletives or my attempts to defend him physically. His smile deflated into a thin frown.

"Thanks." He was obviously trying to appease me. "Are there anymore bags in the truck?"

I simply nodded. He ran off to fetch the rest of my bags as I put the food away.

My brain ran amuck at what Emmett was upset about. His avoidance of it was crystal clear. The fact he couldn't talk to me about it made me really fucking scared.

Emmett discussed _everything_ with me. Okay, not the stuff that would've made me gag, such as his first kiss, blow job, and first time bumping uglies. _Save the goretastic details for your football buddies._ In return, I talked to him about everything. I didn't have any romantic or sexual endeavors to embarrassingly discuss with him, but I discussed all my fire experiments.

His bags hit the kitchen table. He dug through one of them and pulled out its contents. A small, humorous laugh came from his mouth.

"Oh wow! You bought them." Emmett held up his package of hot dogs.

"Yeah. I know they're your favorite. And shit, they were on sale." I smiled at him.

I briefly looked at him on my way to the refrigerator. Emmett's hands held the package of hot dogs, bouncing it up and down. He stared at it, as if he were having a silent conversation with the fictitious meat substance.

I couldn't take looking at that sad bear anymore. _Seriously, no more bull shit._

"Emmett, who was on the phone before?" I tried to remain calm; hoping to get him to confess. I stretched to the top shelf of the cabinet, putting some cans of vegetables away.

"Huh?" Emmett's head shot up quickly. The movement with the hot dogs ceased. "Oh, that was…" He hesitated, "….a football buddy." Defeat rang loud in his voice.

_God, Emmett. I'm not an idiot. Nobody on that team would leave you feeling like that. _

His feet scurried around the kitchen to quickly finish putting the food away. _Damn it. He's not giving me an inch. _ "I'll see you later, Bells." Hands were shoved in his pockets, as he exited the kitchen and the house.

I'd never heard or seen him act so defeated. Emmett Swan was _never _defeated. This was a kid who made a fucking joke out of everything, even if it was the tensest moment in the history of the world. And it was always the right joke.

It saddened me that he wasn't laughing at this. _Sad Emmett is making me uncomfortable._

It angered me that someone was doing this. _If I ever come across that asshole…_

It ticked me off that I felt paranoid. _This is about me._

**=X=X=X=X=X=X=**

"I don't know, Alice." I looked down at the long sleeve blue shirt I was wearing. I had no problem with the color or cut, but the lace around the very modest v-neck was getting me nervous.

Everyday this past week, Alice brought in one item for me to wear after lunch. Monday, it was the pin she gave me from the first lunch talk. Tuesday, it was a jacket to replace my hoodie. Wednesday, it was a headband with some sort of shiny flower on it. I had an inkling that she was easing me into some sort of girly world that I had no clue about.

"Bella, the lace is not the kind you think it is. It's not like _lingerie_ kind," I cringed at the word. "It's the 'I have class' kind." Alice so deftly explained to me. Truth be told, if it was anyone but Alice, I'd probably be running to the nearest fucking exit.

My eyes glanced at my neckline. I fingered the incriminating lace. Lace represented too many sexually-related things and that was a fucked up road I didn't want to venture down, with Alice, behind the cafeteria.

"If you want, you can wear my jacket with it." Alice handed me her black button-up jacket and I slipped it on. _Good, she wasn't pushing me too hard._

"Thanks." I gratefully whispered. _Not just for the jacket._

"You're welcome." Alice fussed with my hair a little bit. _It's just school, Alice._

"It's just school, Alice." I blurted out.

Alice giggled. "You never know who's watching though." She winked at me.

_Me and my lace getting gawked at. Yeah. Okay._

**=X=X=X=X=X=X=**

_Ah…the one thing in my life that doesn't leave me running for the hills._ I sighed as I parked Big Clunker outside the firehouse for yet another Thursday.

My backpack was extra heavy today. I had an overabundance of candy left over from my "visitor" and wanted to burn that shit up.

"The guys are going to be upset. We're suckers for chocolate nougat". Jacob mockingly shook his head at the growing amount of candy that I was depositing on the ground.

"Yeah, well…I brought Betsy today." I had swung my backpack from around my back and pulled out the fiery torch. Jacob chuckled and ran off to grab The Ghost.

A little while later I had set up the wood inside The Ghost and was depositing some of the sugary sweets. Betsy sat on the ground, waiting to make her appearance. I was dropping some candy in the box, when the loud screeching of tires and a revving engine caught Jacob and I's attention.

An obnoxiously loud yellow Porsche was sitting in front of us, by the curb. I couldn't see who was driving it; the windows were tinted. Small muffled voices were coming from the car.

It seemed like forever before the passenger door opened.

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A/N: More fun to come in the next chapter...Reviews are love.


	10. S'Mores

A/N: Thanks for sticking with me! And thanks for all the lovely reviews!

* * *

_An obnoxiously loud yellow Porsche was sitting in front of us, by the curb. I couldn't see who was driving it; the windows were tinted. Small muffled voices were coming from the car._

_It seemed like forever before the passenger door opened._

"Out you go," A small sing-song voice came from the car. I recognized that it was Alice. She wasn't the one who stepped out of the car though.

Well, _stepped out_ was loosely putting it. More like shoved out. Edward landed on the ground with a big, black sports bag. His palms splayed out behind him.

Jasper stepped out from the back of the car. He sat in the front seat; Alice was driving.

"Later." Jasper glanced down at Edward. He pulled the door shut and Alice drove off like a bat out of hell.

Edward sighed and slowly stood on his feet. He straightened out his black coat and dusted his jeans off. He lifted his bag off the ground and placed the strap on his shoulder. His eyes finally met mine in utter bewilderment and uncertainty. _What the hell just happened?_

Jacob and I stood. I opened my mouth to speak, but Jacob beat me to it.

"Can I help you?" Jacob asked.

Edward gestured toward me. "Oh, I know Bella." he said, answering yet not answering the question. His hands descended into his pockets.

"Is he a friend of yours?" Jacob turned to me.

"Yeah, I have Chemistry with him." I stated, standing up and looking at Edward.

There was a heavy silence between the three of us that made me real fucking uncomfortable. I felt the discomfort coming off of both of them as well.

Finally, the quiet was interrupted by a loud bell coming from the firehouse. Burt came running out. "Jacob, we need you," he waved his hand for Jacob to move along.

"Bella," I heard Burt call to me, "Felix will stay behind and monitor."

Edward and I's attention turned toward the firemen climbing into and on top of the fire truck. Within a minute, six of the seven men in the house were on the truck, all suited up for the call. Jacob hopped onto the back step, as it rode away, horns blaring and sirens wailing.

We watched as the vehicle disappeared in the distance. Once it was out of sight, I looked toward the fire house; Felix was standing outside against the wall. He was not a happy camper, missing out on the call.

I turned my gaze toward Edward. He was looking at me and hadn't moved an inch. _Fine, I'll start._

"What are you doing here?" I eyed his bag and slightly hunched shoulders.

"I…" He cleared his throat, "I'm in photography class in school and we have a final project to complete. I didn't know what to do for it. Then I remembered your fire experiments; they sounded very intriguing."

_Well, thanks for the advanced warning._ "Why didn't you tell me beforehand?"

"I didn't have the time." Edward stated matter of factly. _Um, how about last Saturday, or in Chemistry class…that we have…everyday together…and in which you hardly ever speak to me._

It was redundant to let him in on all the times he could've told me. Plus, he had no way to leave the firehouse; what with Alice just dumping him on the sidewalk.

"Is it okay if I take photographs of your experiments?" Edward patted his black bag resting on his hip.

"Well, I mean, I take my own pictures of my fire fun, but--" I folded my arms to my chest and gestured to my cheapo camera on the ground.

"Oh…okay, well--"

"No, but…" I unfolded my arms and gestured to his camera. "…you can take your own photos too. I guess." I rolled my eyes, letting out a small chuckle.

Relief came in the form of that lopsided grin he sported every now and then. His bag went from his shoulder to the ground. He bent down to unload his equipment.

I reached down to pick Betsy up. Holding onto the body of the torch, I admired her appearance. She was a beautiful, shiny chrome color. She had a sleek body, but was entirely deceptive in the activity she participated in. Even the fire she dispersed was illusory; the normally perceived _cool_ blue was hotter than the warm yellow.

I looked up to Edward holding the camera to his eye. _Oh fuck, no pictures of me please. _ My reaction was to turn away from the camera, but I had nowhere to turn to. So, I tilted my head down and ignited Betsy with the push of a button.

**=X=X=X=X=X=X=**

_If only I had graham crackers and marshmallows…_ The smell of chocolate and the burning wood reminded me of a camp fire setting.

The rest of the bag of chocolate drops fell into the fire. I was throwing some in one by one, watching them melt. I took them apart first and saved the silver wrapping to create one giant ball of foil.

_Ugh, sticky fingers. _The chocolate drops that I was unwrapping had melted on my fingers so I brought them to my mouth to lick the chocolate off of them. My lips wrapped around each one licking them clean from the creases to the tips. I was so overcome with the fucking delicious chocolate in my mouth.

"Mmm…" I vocalized. _Shit, did I just do that out loud? That's fucking embarrassing._

I chanced a glance at Edward; he was staring at me, my middle finger in my mouth. He quickly looked away, clearing his throat and bent down to change the lens on his camera.

Over the hour, he took photos from the tripod, making minuscule focus adjustments with the various lenses that he used. Sometimes, the camera was around his neck as he walked circles around the fire and used a really big lens. _That must be his Betsy. _ The click of the camera and the crackle of the fire was all that resounded in the air.

At that moment, Edward stood up to take a photo; I was positive I was in the shot. _Nice way to keep to your word._

I reached my hand back to pull up my hood, but realized I was still wearing Alice's jacket. _Damn you lunch time fashion shows!_ I tried to grab the jacket from behind my neck to bring it to the top of my head, but the fabric didn't have enough give. Instead, I brought my hands up to cover my face. _There's a captain of this ship and his name is Obvious. _

"Everything alright?" Edward called, camera in his hands his eyebrows pressed tightly together.

_And Honesty is his shipmate_. My hands slid from my face. "I know you took pictures of me."

"I didn't" Edward let the camera hang near his stomach.

"How do I know you're not lying?" My voice was laced with skepticism.

"You can look at the pictures on the screen" He turned the camera around and showed me a tiny screen on the back of the device.

I uncrossed my legs and walked around The Ghost toward Edward. My fingers brushed against my thighs to wipe the rest of the wet saliva off of them.

It had gotten darker since I had arrived here just over an hour ago. The brightly burning fire and the screen from Edward's camera were the only real light source. The firehouse was lit up in the distance, but didn't offer anything substantial….

The shadows on his face made me think not to trust him. "Give me the camera." I demanded. _This is my show, thank you._

"Um… I don't know if I can do that."

"I knew it." _You fucking liar. _I was ready to tell him to walk the fuck home.

"No, it's not that." _Is he biting his lip?_

"Fine, then just…I don't know, help me hold it." _Really, is your camera that precious?_

He seemed appeased with that solution. I stood facing his side, as my left hand held the camera. His right hand gripped the other side.

_All these fucking buttons_. "Where are the pictures?"

He silently pushed some buttons on the camera. Little thumbnails appeared. Edward moved the small highlighted box nestled around the tiny pictures. He scrolled to the first image and clicked on it to make it bigger.

I never really cared for much. I wasn't impressed by anything. Nothing really excited me. There was nothing in my life to really cheer for or make me want to do leaps and bounds for. My whole life was summed up in one word: Whatever.

But there was nothing "whatever" about what I was looking at.

The images on the screen were some of the most beautiful things I'd ever seen. The pictures were dazzling arrays of variations on the fire I loved so much. They looked endlessly fluid as they were captured forever in one split second. Their texture looked like vivid blankets in some, and intense waves of fiery smoke in others. The embers danced brightly against the fading daylight in the pictures, going on its own way; becoming one with the air.

I was internally battling with myself to say something nice about the photos to Edward. I was _never_ one to stroke someone's ego. _He's probably got a big one to begin with._

Instead, I just kept looking at the photos as I let out a breath I didn't even know I was holding. I inhaled deeply and….oh Lordy. _Mmmm…black licorice._

That shit just assaulted me. I was both angry and happy at its reappearance. Especially how close it was now. I took in another breath. My eyes closed slightly. _I'm a greedy little bitch. Mmmm…and I don't care. _I kept my "Mmmm" internal that time.

I blinked my eyes. _Okay, back to reality Bella. Why were you over here in the first place? Oh, to prove the liar wrong._

I scanned more images to find out the truth. He left the photos on the screen long enough for me to analyze them for any sign of my presence. _Damn, he's not lying._

I was about ready to give up, when I saw what I was looking for.

"Ah, right there." I pointed at the screen.

"What? Where are you?" I could sense Edward smiling in disbelief. I hadn't lifted my eyes away from the screen the entire time.

"There. There I am." I finally looked at him and pointed.

"That's your hand." _Yeah, and…_

"Yeah, that's a part of me. So, therefore I am in the picture. Now, I suggest you delete it or suffer the fucking consequences." I threatened with narrowed eyes and a low voice.

Edward stared at me with an unfathomable kind of intensity. His eyes danced between mine. _Well, what's it gonna be?_

I could hear him take in a deep breath of air through his nose. Edward's voice came out low as he spoke, "Your hand is meant to be in the photo. It creates an illusion that your hand…" His left hand rested on my hand that was holding the camera. _His hand is burning up! _"…started the fire. The top of the flame…" He pointed to it. "…skims your palm, making the flame appear as if you are the supplier of the fire. The way your fingers curve downward…" His thumb lightly traced my thumb once. "…shows the delicacy of the source. And the color of your skin against the bright light, gives off a white glow that is…. beautifully contrasted against the night."

_Uh…wow. What? You got all that from a photo?_

"So, please. Forgive me for having your hand in the photo." Edward's finger clicked a button. The screen prompted him to delete the photo. And he did.

I looked up into his…green…eyes.

_You didn't…_

"You didn't have to do that," I felt real fucking bad and slightly offended. _Such a nice photo._

Edward shrugged. He took the camera from my hand and bent down to put it back in its case. I just fucking stood there. I still couldn't fathom the words that came out of his mouth.

Really, I just couldn't fathom _Edward_.

**=X=X=X=X=X=X=**

The fire was slowly dying down inside The Ghost. I walked a few steps to the pile of wood on the grass next to the blacktop. I picked up some wood and dropped it in the box.

Edward had finished putting away all of his equipment. He sat on the ground with his legs stretched out in front of him, his arms out behind him. It reminded me of how he was thrown out of the car.

"Alice--" We both muttered out at the same time. We looked at each other.

"What?" I blurted; standing with my arms crossed a few feet away from him.

"Alice found another outlet for her fashionable endeavors," He nodded toward my outfit.

_Alice talks about that shit with him?! _ "I'm not a fucking dress up doll." My hands clenched into fists.

"No, it's not just you," He laughed, and then realized his embarrassment.

I laughed out loud. _Ha ha, she dresses him up too._

"Well, I'm more of a guinea pig to her designs more than anything," He nervously let out.

I sat down on the ground a few feet from him, bringing my knees to my chest. My eyes fell upon a few bags of candy that still needed burning. I crawled across the way to pick them up and returned back to my spot. I crossed my legs that time.

_God, I'm fucking starving. _I opened the plastic bag of peanut butter cups and unwrapped the individual candies. _Ugh, must…have…sugar. _The delicious peanut butter tasted so good in my mouth. _Is there such a thing as post-PMS cravings?_

We sat for a little while, just staring at the fire. The bag of sweet goodness rested in my lap. I dove in and enjoyed it so fucking much. _Mmm…God, again?_

"What were you Alice-ing about?" He asked, reaching for a bag of fruit jellies. His eyes fixated on me.

"Um…her throwing you out of the car?" I popped another peanut butter cup in my mouth, chewing on it fervently. I glanced over at him and quickly back to the fire.

I heard Edward chuckle; I felt him eying me from where he was sitting. "Do I make you nervous?"

I snapped my head to look at him, almost choking on my candy. "Ummm…no. Just…" _Why am I acting nervous?_ "…I like peace and quiet when I'm…with my fire." I placed another piece of candy in my mouth.

"Oh…okay." He repositioned himself so his hands were holding him up, his legs still out in front of him.

For some reason, I had a weird feeling in my stomach. It wasn't like I had to upchuck, but my stomach was doing flips. I breathed in some air and it really wasn't a good idea. A small wind came in and blew some of that fucking black licorice smell my way.

I sighed, out of frustration. _What is Edward's deal?_ He was at times really talkative and at others just as uncomfortable as I was. He couldn't possibly have a problem talking with people; I'd seen him talking with ease to our fellow classmates.

I shoved another piece of candy into my mouth. My throat was protesting the constant invasion of sugar. _I need a fucking drink. _I turned my head toward the firehouse. Felix had gone inside by now, but was likely nearby.

I was up on my feet and walking to the firehouse without saying anything to Edward.

I entered the big, garage-like opening. One lone fire jacket hung on the racks along the left side wall, the boots standing beneath it. I walked toward the back, where the break room was.

The door was open and Felix was sitting, watching TV. The fridge was in my sight and I opened it a little roughly, grabbing a bottle of water in the process.

"You alright, kid?" Felix was leaning back in his chair, his arms crossed on his chest.

I closed the door. "Yeah," I casually answered, leaning against the refrigerator. The open water bottle met my lips.

"He's not trying anything funny on you, is he?" His voice turned very big brother-like.

I wanted to laugh. I wanted to scream. I wanted to throw something. "No, no. Edward's fine." _I just don't know what his deal is._

Felix relaxed immediately. "That's good. At least you have some company for a change."

"Jake is company." I said, taking a big swig of the water.

"_Real_ company, Bella. Not someone who has to supervise you." The two front legs of his chair hit the floor. His arms rested on the table in front of him.

"Yeah, I guess." I appeased him. I gripped the bottle in my hand tightly, staring out past the open door, out of the break room.

"Hey, have a seat for a second." He prompted with his hand. I pulled out the chair closest to me, and sat in front of him. "How long you been coming here?"

"Umm…since I was twelve." I quietly spoke.

"Long time, huh? And how many times has someone come here to visit you?" Felix interlaced his fingers.

I honestly fucking thought, thinking of anyone besides Charlie or Emmett. And they never stayed for the fire. My brain ran through all the ridiculous situations that someone might've come here to play with the fire with me.

I came up short. I stayed quiet.

"Bella?" I looked up at Felix. "It's never too late to make a friend. Especially a nice kid like him." His head gestured toward the door.

I looked back at the door and wasn't sure what to think still. Friendship wasn't something I was used to or ever really wanted. Even now with a quasi-friendship building with Alice. It seemed like just a random event that spiraled into some talking sessions at lunch; I had yet to hang out with her outside of school.

But, here was Edward. Out there, being….a friend? Or was I just a project of his? _Ugh, my brain hurts thinking of this shit._ But, I had to find out.

I walked back to the fridge and opened the door. I grabbed another bottle of water.

"Whatever." I shrugged. Felix leaned back in his chair again.

I walked out the firehouse to find Edward sitting in the same position as before. He was looking into the fire.

My hand held the bottle in his line of sight. He looked at it, then up at me. The bottle left my hand. That lopsided grin of his made another appearance.

_Here's to finding out what the fuck this is._

* * *

A/N:Reviews are love.


	11. Nude Pictures

A/N: Thanks for reading and all the reviews!

Major props to my beta, persnickety_er.

Disclaimer: I don't own this thing called Twilight. Maybe you've heard of it?

* * *

_Ugh, another fucking test_, I thought as I stared at the blackboard in front of the classroom. Mr. Banner was going over a few things before we got started. It's like teachers love doing that shit toward the last few weeks before winter vacation. I could hear the evil cackling in their heads.

I knew everything Mr. Banner was going over, so I allowed myself to drift off for a few minutes. _Hmm…yuck, my turn to do laundry…need a big burn project…ha! Mr. Banner has a cowlick…Edward just walked in the door…_

Edward walked into the classroom, smiling apologetically to Mr. Banner as he took his seat next to me.

"Now that Mr. Cullen has decided to join us, we can begin the test." _Mr. Banner is obviously annoyed at having to cater to people half his age._

The kids in the front passed the tests back to everyone. I glanced at the test; Mr. Banner had some mercy by giving us only multiple choice questions. _The identity of an element is determined by…Snore! _There were a good 100 of these; I was going to go out of my mind from the sheer volume of boredom interlaced in these menial questions.

I glanced over at Edward. His head was angled toward the test, with the end of a pen in his mouth. His hair hit his eyes. He let out a long sigh. _Did he find this shit as unchallenging as I did?_

_Should I ask him?_

Last night I had committed myself to finding out what all this shit was.

I've been told friendship isn't a bad thing; a la Charlie and his oh-so-wonderfully-subtle talk with me at The Lodge. Charlie, with all his cop nature, would likely check up on how my friend hunt was going at some point in the near future. He wouldn't be the Chief of Police if he was a lazy schmuck. _Better get a move on it._

I briefly thought about paying someone to just be my friend for a day so Charlie would fall for it; I could blush like crazy and he wouldn't see it. But, I'd have to ask Charlie for the money, as I had none. As if I needed _that _on my subconscious.

To be honest, last night wasn't too bad. Edward kept his distance. We sat around for a good half hour just looking at the fire. I'd look over every once in a while, making sure he wasn't going to fall asleep. But nope, he looked pretty relaxed. Content, even.

I thought I'd have to drive him home, which would've been a little awkward. I didn't know where he lived and was feeling okay with ending the night right then. Luckily, Alice showed up as that thought entered my mind. _That was freaky. Does she have a sixth sense?_

So I sat with this stupid test that I was half way finished with, looking to just stall a little. I would've had to sit through the rest of class twiddling my thumbs, until the bell rang for lunch. I needed some form of entertainment.

I reached into my backpack for a piece of paper, really wanting to be super fucking stealthy about it. I pulled out an old flyer from earlier this year about buying tickets to some fucking school function.

Well, the flyer was a bright goldenrod color. _Real fucking incognito, Bella._ I decided to just go with it.

I looked up at Mr. Banner, he had his nose in a book. I quickly scribbled on the paper:

**This test is shit.**

I folded the paper up into a tiny square. My hand meant to slide it across the table very easily, but Mr. Banner decided to scare the shit out of me with a coughing fit. I ducked my hand under the table, and hit Edward's leg with the note.

My body could almost feel Edward looking at my hand, then up at me. I gestured harder with my hand again, looking toward the front of the room. _Take the fucking note, will ya?_ His hand took the note from mine. He placed his pen down on the table. I heard him opening the note up underneath unfolding the paper beneath the table.

He sat there for a minute, not writing anything. I wasn't sure what he was going to write. Or what he was thinking. _What if he's the goody two shoes type who doesn't joke around? What if he's the type who doesn't like to pass notes? Oh my God, what if he's a tattle tale? What if he was offended that I wrote on, technically, school property? Write something, Edward!_

A short tight-lipped chuckle escaped him. _What does that mean?_

He placed the note on the table and wrote. The paper crinkled. The note was folded and passed to me under the table. I opened the note up.

**Truer words have never been spoken.**

_Thank God. _

A sigh of relief softly left my mouth. I looked at the note. His handwriting is what struck me. _Figures; of course he's got fancy ass handwriting._

**Fancy handwriting. What are you? A calligraphy artist?** I wrote and passed it back to him under the table. _Fucking sarcasm, why don't you work on paper?_

**I've dabbled in it.** He wrote back. _That's just so random._

**How does one dabble in ****that****?** deciding to stick with the serious route instead of explaining my love for sarcasm.

**Part boredom and part Alice.**

Ah, Alice. That little pixie was another thing I couldn't fucking fathom. _When the fuck did my life become a puzzle with so many pieces? _ Sure, she had been hanging out with me at lunch for the past two weeks, but I still didn't know her. And she didn't know me.

We'd spent all that time in companionable silence. Alice would occasionally speak, and I'd say something then go back to my fire. I always felt like she was waiting for something. Something from me.

_Have to find out what all that shit is too_, I mentally noted.

And then I thought about last night when Alice tossed Edward out of her car.

**Alice, huh? She's got a way of pushing you around. Especially out of cars.**

I looked over at Edward to gauge his response. _Is that a hint of pink on his cheek?_

**She's just persistent**, he returned to me.

**Tell me about it. She barely lets me keep my clothes on at lunchtime.** _That came out wrong. _ I crossed out that last sentence, but it was still readable. And he'd probably look at what I was going to write anyway. **Shit. I mean, she basically cons me into playing dress up.** I attempted again.

I reluctantly passed the note. From his face, I could tell he was reading my first sentence.

_Is there a paper bag around here I can put my head in?_

I went back to my test, embarrassment written all over my face. _How many valence electrons does an—_

Edward passed the note back to me under the table, the back of his hand hitting my leg.

**You go to the firehouse every Thursday, right?** _Phew!_

I was about to write my answer, but Mr. Banner's chair skidded against the floor. He stood up to walk around the classroom. The unfinished note sat on my lap underneath the table.

As Mr. Banner checked out all the cheaters in the class, I thought about how much more I should say to Edward today. I was having an easy time talking to him through notes, even if I did embarrass the shit out of myself. However, I didn't want to spill all my guts in one day.

_But, _I was still on a little high from my commitment last night. I resigned to going off the deep end. My eyes closed and I took a deep breath.

**Those pictures of the fire were cool.** It took me a few seconds to put the right word for what I thought the photos were. I still wasn't satisfied when I wrote it down.

I went back to finishing up the last few questions of the test. Edward was still working on his.

Edward's note finally hit me on the leg.

**They're some of my best.**

_Was this him stating his superb photography skills? Was it a compliment to me and my amazing fire skills?_

**Thanks?** with a question mark.

The note slid across the table.

**Yes.** He looked over at me and smiled.

I bent my elbow on the table, resting my slightly flushed cheek in my hand. I flashed a brief smile to him.

**=X=X=X=X=X=X=**

I usually stopped at my locker after chemistry and before going to lunch, but three unsightly things were standing near it. Her Royal Highness and her minions were all together, as if they were waiting for me to arrive. With my back pressed against the wall, I spied on them from around the corner before the hallway to my locker. My head turned to listen in on their conversation.

"Is that all you can come up with, Rose?" Lauren stood with her bony arms crossed.

"Yeah, I mean, it's not even that original." Jessica restated. _Stupid fucking nasally voice._

Rosalie had opened my locker. _Bitch_. She was taping up pictures of what looked to be nude men and women. _Fucking bitch._

Lauren walked right up to Rosalie, inches from the side of her face. "You better step it up, Rose."

"Well, it's getting kind of boring going after the same person." Rosalie slammed my locker door shut. Her back pressed against it.

"What do you suggest then?" Lauren deviously asked, her hands playing with the ends of her bleached blonde hair.

"I've got some ideas." Her lips curled into a smile. That line churned my stomach.

They stood there. I decided to skip going to my locker for now. They were likely expecting me to go there at some point. They loved to be there for the reveal.

I grunted softly to myself, kicking the wall behind me.

I wouldn't have anything to burn at lunch that day.

**=X=X=X=X=X=X=**

My knees came up to my chest. I brought my chin to rest atop them. I felt like a little kid without her favorite toy. Like the next door neighbors kid was holding it hostage until I gave them something in return.

My back was against the brick wall behind the cafeteria. Alice hadn't arrived yet. I honestly never expected her to come everyday. Or ever, really. She had no obligation to hang out with me. She could've been hanging out with other people.

At that moment, the back door to the cafeteria opened. Jasper and all his blonde mess of hair strode out. The chains hanging from his leather jacket jingled as he sauntered over to stand next to my sitting form.

"Alice will be here soon." Jasper spoke softly, as he pulled out a cigarette. I was going to offer him a lighter, but saw that he had one; a complete one eighty from the last time. He brought the cigarette to his lips and lit it.

I was really dying to do something and not just sit there with nothing to occupy myself for the entire lunch hour.

I stared at the cigarette on Jasper's lips. I had never tried a cigarette before. I found it really fucking ironic. Fire was my thing and cigarettes encompassed that.

Never really had an opportunity until now; Emmett's never had them because it affects how he plays his sports. Charlie smoked a long time ago when he was younger; I had found some incriminating photos of him smoking _more_ than cigarettes a few years back. _Oh Charlie and his afro._

I wasn't sure if Jasper was a hypocrite, didn't share, or would just be a dick about it.

My knees left my chest. I looked up at Jasper, exhaling smoke from his lips.

"Can I have one?" My voice came out weak. _Is he going to reject me?_

Jasper looked down at me. He reached into his leather jacket pocket and tossed the pack to me. I looked at the box, internally laughing at the surgeon general's warning.

I pulled a cigarette from one of the sleeves. As I tossed the pack of cigarettes back to Jasper, I took a quick glance at which end of the cigarette he had in his mouth. I placed the cigarette between my lips, with my thumb and index finger.

With my trusty lighter handy, I lit it. I stared at the smoke escaping the end of the stick. _How the fuck do I smoke this thing? _

I felt so embarrassed asking Jasper, so I let the thing hang there. My eyes went back up to him and what he was doing with his. He just looked like he was taking the smoke in and exhaling it. _That's not hard._ My fingers held the cigarette. My lips wrapped tightly around it and I took in some smoke.

_Ack! Fucking a'! It burns! _My mouth rejected that shit. I held the cigarette out and away from me. I puffed my cheeks, coughing the smoke up. My fisted hand came to my mouth as I finished up my fit.

I could feel Jasper looking at me. _Great, he probably thinks I'm a fucking loser. I would think that._ But, when I looked up at him, he had a fucking knowing look in his eyes. As if he's been where I just was.

Jasper took the cigarette out of his mouth. He pointed to his lips, as he sucked in some fresh air. The stick went back to his slightly closed mouth and sucked in the fumes. The cigarette left his mouth. Some more air came in through his lips, and he exhaled it all out.

I copied his moves, albeit with a little more cautiousness. I took in more air then he did, and less smoke. It all came out easily through my lips. I nodded and smiled up at him.

I took another puff of my cigarette. There was no magic in it. It all felt anticlimactic to me. Smoking a cigarette was just downright fucking boring.

"Bella, I didn't know you smoked." Alice's voice came from above me. It wasn't a disapproving tone.

"Oh, um, this is my first. Ever." _Probably my last. _I held the cigarette up by the end that was in my mouth.

I noticed Alice didn't have an article of clothing, jewelry, or anything to fashion me with today. She did have an envelope in her hand though. _Are you hiding it, Alice? _

"No fashion show today, Bella." Alice said happily, as she floated down to the ground. She stretched her feet out in front of her.

"Oh really? I was getting used to it." I put the cigarette to my mouth again.

"Instead, you should come over to my house tomorrow night." Alice brightly smiled at me.

_What now?_ I choked on the cigarette smoke in my mouth. I heard Jasper lightly chuckle.

"Oh, wow, Alice. That's very nice of you, but **--**" _I really hope she isn't inviting me over just to dress me up. _ I put the cigarette out on the blacktop.

"Bella, I want to hang out with you. I've been so busy outside of school, that I haven't had the chance to get to know you." Alice's eyes shone with sincerity. "I see us being great friends."

_Friend._ It felt like such a foreign word.

"And bring these with you tomorrow night." Alice handed me the envelope she had in her hand.

I lifted the flap of the envelope. The nude pictures of men and women from my locker sat nestled sideways.

"We're gonna burn them." Alice winked at me.

* * *

A/N: Reviews are love.


	12. Red Lacey Thong

A/N: Thanks for reading and for all the lovely reviews!

Two shout outs: One for my fabulous super beta, persnickety_er, and one for Bratty_Vamp, who is a great sounding board and writer.

Disclaimer: I don't own this thing called Twilight. Maybe you've heard of it?

* * *

_Holy shit! What in the hell?_ I jumped back a little at what I saw among the pile of dry laundry I was folding.

A. Red. Lacey. Thong!

It certainly wasn't fucking mine! _Underwear that covers my ass for me, thank you very much._

_How the fuck did that get in there?_ I picked up the barely there undergarment and placed it just off to the right of the clothing. The fire engine red color kept drawing my attention to it, as I continued my folding.

Every kind of scenario was playing in my head as to how this thing decided to crawl into the house. It had to have legs to get here. That among other things. _Note: Mentally bleach brain later._

Maybe someone was playing a cruel joke on me. It certainly wasn't out of the realm of the B.B. to pull this kind of stuff. It was entirely possible that one of them to slipped it somewhere in my bag, or even my jacket, without me noticing. But how would it end up in my laundry basket?

Alice could've slipped it to me. It wouldn't make sense though. I was remembering the fashion shows and how everything was subtle. It wouldn't be like her to do that, of the little I knew about her character. _It doesn't seem like Alice._

I considered a few more odd scenarios, including ones about our pet cat stealing it from somewhere. Then I realized I would have to have a pet cat for that to be possible.

_Oh. Holy. No. _I thought as my mind came up with a concrete and possible scenario.

It was Charlie's girlfriend's.

_Universe, I'll take a swift kick to the knee, a bump on the head, and/or another broken toe over this. Please send it same day delivery. Thanks, Bella._

**=X=X=X=X=X=X=**

I had to approach Charlie. _Oh higher being, have I done something to offend you? _

I didn't want to be rude and throw the underwear away. I'd hate it if something I owned was thrown away without my permission. Even if it irked me that I knew what kind of underwear Sue wore.

With my face as red as the thong bunched up in my hand, I made my way to the living room. I had heard Charlie enter the house not to long ago. Charlie plus feet equals _clump! clump! clump!_

Feet squeaked and skidded along the shiny floor. The television blared loudly from the hallway. _Your ears going already, Charlie?_ Some basketball game was on.

A sports anthem played in the arena, cheering the team on and getting the crowd to clap along with it. _You can do it, Bella! Underwear discussion with your father…that's normal._

I plopped down in the sofa chair in our living room, placing the thong between the arm of the chair and my leg. I tried to get comfortable with myself physically as much as possible. Because mentally, this shit would forever be ingrained in my mind.

"Hey, Bells" Charlie acknowledged me. He slouched with his feet pressed against the edge of the coffee table in front of him.

"Hey." I noticed his attire; he had on a t-shirt and basketball gym shorts, his clothes a little drenched with sweat. A basketball sat on the couch next to him. _Oh, the basketball tournament! That's coming up soon. _"Practicing for the game?"

"I have a few side bets with the guys at the stations. They think I've lost my edge." Charlie chuckled a little. He leaned forward to grab the beer he had placed on the table.

"Sue's also going to be there. She thinks it's good for my health to stay active."

I chuckled at the thought of Charlie trying to impress his girlfriend.

"Have any plans tonight?" His beer can rested against his thigh, eyes glued to the TV.

"I do." My head bobbed up and down. Number Six on the TV dribbled the ball between his legs. Switching his legs forward and backward.

"With the jars in the kitchen?" Charlie was never comfortable mentioning my fire fun by name.

"Well…I'm actually…" My eyes fell to my intertwined hands briefly. "…going over someone's house." I met Charlie's eyes. He had put his feet back on the floor.

"Oh. That's great, Bells." He smiled, sounding genuinely excited. Number Six's basketball entered the hoop and swished against the net. "Who is it?"

"Alice. Cullen." I added the last name in case he didn't know.

"Oh, Carlisle's kid? She's…inventive." Leave it to Charlie to assess someone's character correctly. "I get no trouble from her or her brother."

A loud whistle came from the TV. Charlie's and my attention turned to it. A time out had been called.

Charlie stood up and walked to the kitchen.

_Shit._

**=X=X=X=X=X=X=**

_What do I want? Soda? Water? Juice? To get the fuck out of doing this?_ I stood by the open refrigerator door. I was pretty sure I was wasting massive amounts of energy with it open. And insurmountable time before I would just give up on this.

Charlie was cleaning up some of his left over dishes from this morning. _He's distracted and facing away from me. Do it now._

I took a deep breath and shut the door.

"Um, Dad?" I looked at anything but Charlie.

"What is it?" He was turning off the faucet, turning toward me. _Damn it._

"Dad, is this Sue's?" My words came out tight and fast. I held up the color-of-sex underwear.

Charlie's eyes widened comically for a second. His eyebrows went up and then down. _Was that a look of recognition, confusion, or shock?_

"Oh..." Charlie's voice rang of embarrassment. _For himself? _Charlie grabbed an empty beer can on the counter. The water from the faucet made a reappearance. He filled the can up.

"Um…hmm…those…" He cleared his throat really loudly. He let out a long puff of air. "Those aren't Sue's." He mumbled earnestly, with a hint of embarrassment. Essentially, I was learning about what kind of underwear Sue wore anyway. _I can't win, can I?_

"Then how did they get in here?" It was a question posed for the both of us.

"I…don't know, Bells. Um…"

Charlie stood over the kitchen sink rinsing out the liquid remnants of another beer can. I plopped down in one of the table chairs. The thong sat as frustrated-l--lllooking as I was from its spot on the kitchen table.

I sighed. _To whom do you belong?_

"Maybe Emmett?" Charlie drained the water from the can.

I shot a look at him. _Do not give me that terrifying picture!_

"Maybe someone he… knows." He shook the can out.

That thought never crossed my mind. It really should've. Emmett was way notorious in his earlier high school football days for bringing home the girls. None of them were ever good enough for him though. I designated myself as the one person that must approve their worth.

Luckily, he avoided the one group that I truly despised.

There was one girl, Melanie, who stalked him for a whole month. She left notes with bleeding hearts on it and a lock of her hair.

"_Which bitch is it?" My fists were at my side, as I strode up to him. I didn't know her name at the time._

_A small smile played on his lips. "Bella, she's not going to bother me anymore." He was amused by my candor. He always has been. _

"_Doesn't mean I can't take a bat to her leg, arm…or face." I wasn't about to back down until I could do some damage control._

"_Hey, listen." He walked closer to me, slapping his football sized hands on my arms. "I know you want to show her who's boss," That dimpled grin and chuckle accompanied his words, "But, do you want Dad coming to the school to arrest you?"_

_Emmett did have a point. It would've also likely had lead me to suffer from a serious case of grounded-for-a-month-without-fire-fun-itis._

The thong on the table now felt more sinister than anything else. My instinct was to burn the thing, but that wouldn't eliminate Emmett's problem, if one existed.

I hoped that shit wasn't happening to him again.

**=X=X=X=X=X=X=**

The thong sat within the clean clothes of the basket. I wanted to see if Emmett would address it himself. I wasn't sure if he would. I also didn't feel like embarrassing myself again with another conversation on underwear with a male related to me.

I shifted the laundry basket against my hip and stood outside his door. He'd been up there all morning. I suspected he had a crazy Friday night and was looking to sleep.

I brought my hand up to knock on his door, when I heard his muffled voice. He was speaking to someone.

"…I figured just as much…no, I wasn't expecting _that_…" Emmett was talking on the phone.

_Fuck, curiosity is going to kill the Bella._ If I was to listen to anymore, I was going to have to jump in the washer and get as clean as the laundry in the basket.

I lifted my hand to knock once again.

"…I really hope so, babe. I really do."

_Babe?_

My theory about Emmett was coming closer to reality. I took the thong out from the top of the basket, and placed it in my hoodie pocket. I was going to have to do this my usual way; the no bullshit rule.

"In a minute!" I heard Emmett's bed creak. "Hey listen, I'll call you back." His phone snapped shut, as he opened the door.

"Hey, sis." His grin was in place.

"Just dropping off the laundry." I held up the basket, smiling back at him.

"Oh, great. Thanks." Emmett took the basket from me. He placed it on his bed, as I slowly walked into the room. The thong in question felt like it was burning a hole through my pocket.

_How the hell am I going to approach this?_

"Have a late night?" I rocked back and forth on my heels.

Emmett ran a hand through his Curly, disheveled hair. "When don't I?" He chuckled as he moved around his room, putting clothing away.

_Come on, Bella. Rip it off like a bandage._

"Say, Emmett?" I pulled the thong from my hoodie pocket and held it out.

"Yeah?" He called from his dresser.

"I found this in the laundry. I asked Charlie if it was his." I closed my eyes and shook that mental image from my head. Emmett turned around. "No, not his, but Sue's, and he said it wasn't." A dam of sweat was building on my forehead. "So, is it yours? Well, not yours, but a _friend_ of yours?" I felt my voice squeak a little higher with each word. I kept my eyes on him.

"Oh." A nervous laugh left his lips. His smile faded quickly. His cheeks turned a light shade of red. _Yeah, he's as embarrassed as I am._

The thong and all the silence it generated dangled between us. Mental images involved with how this thong got here were really hitting me. I just wanted to throw the piece of lace on the ground and leave the room. However, my overall concern for Emmett held me here.

Emmett quietly shuffled forward. He took the thong from me.

"It's my…girlfriend's." He looked at it with a mix of quiet amusement and innocence. His fingers traced over the scratchy material.

"Girlfriend?" Happiness entwined with that word. "You have a girlfriend, Emmett?" A smile cracked up with my joy.

"Yes… I do." He slowly nodded.

"And she's not a stalker, is she?" I questioned further.

Emmett briefly chuckled. "No, she's someone special."

"That's great!" I playfully punched his arm. "When can I meet her?" _I have to size her up._

I was so excited that Emmett had someone special in his life. And an actual girlfriend.

"We haven't been going out that long." He said with a foreign seriousness. Feet dragging on the floor. Freshly clean laundry slapped into his hands with force.

My hands went to my hips. "What? Come on, Emmett. I _have _to meet her," I asked nonchalantly.

"Oh, we're not ready for that yet." He grabbed a few of his socks from the basket, walking to his sock drawer.

_Yet? What does that mean?_

"Well, I don't want you wasting your time." I still tried to keep the joking manner in there. Patience was never my friend.

"Just…let me feel this out a little more, okay?" His voice turned sad. His back was to me, but I could see the frowning dimples on his face.

A horrendous feeling brewed in my stomach. Its bitter acid burned in my throat. And I hadn't eaten anything all day. Emmett was avoiding me.

"What's going on Emmett?" I asked honestly, sitting down on the edge of the bed. The now empty laundry basket hit the floor with a light thud. _No more distractions._

"Nothing…" Emmett absentmindedly dug around in his drawers. Almost fervently.

I wasn't the one to turn to for relationship advice, but I had to try.

"Are you having problems with your girlfriend?" The question left me with a sad sigh. I leaned forward on my knees, clasping my hands.

"Listen, Bella. I know you want to help, but it's not…I can't tell you."

"Is it something with her?"

"I'm sorry, Bella." He whispered.

_Who knew an apology could actually offend someone? Who knew an apology could actually scare someone? Who knew an apology could…feel less like one?_

"Well, you know me… I'm here." I looked up at Emmett, his back leaning against the dresser. _Please tell me, Emmett._

He simply nodded.

I glanced over at the clock on his night stand. Alice would be here in about an hour. I still needed to shower and put the rest of the laundry away.

"Alright, Emmett." I stood up, my hands now in my pockets. "I guess I'll see you later tonight." Eyes on the floor, I made my way out of his room.

**=X=X=X=X=X=X=**

"Hi, Bella." Alice stood in my doorway. She looked at the small foyer. There were photo collages, a small dark wood table with a vase of fake flowers in it, and flowery wallpaper. "Wow, I love your home. It has a charming…hominess to it."

"Thanks." I muttered. The place had been like this for years. Nobody in my family bothered to spruce it up.

"It really is charming, Bella." Her words bounced with unwavering earnestness.

I rolled my eyes. Alice was very eye-roll worthy.

"You have the envelope?"

I held it up, shaking it a little and closed the door behind me.

"Let's go have some fun."

_I really hope so._

* * *

A/N: Reviews are love.


	13. Pink Bedazzled Journal

A/N: Thanks for reading and reviewing!

persnickety_er, she continues to rock my socks. Bratty-Vamp, a fabulous sounding board.

Disclaimer: Twilight? I don't own it.

* * *

Sitting in Alice's Porsche, I was unaccustomed to the quiet purr of a professionally made European car. My car's engine didn't make animal-like noises. It hacked up smoky fur balls and more than likely exhausted cancerous chemicals into the air. The sports car I was riding shotgun in was slick, yellow, and ostentatious; everything my dirty, faded red, beat up Chevy wasn't.

Alice reached over to turn the radio on. It remained silent as she continued to mess around with the buttons.

"Broken," she sighed. "Some wiring thing. I have to order some special part." Alice waved with her hand, indicating she had no clue what she needed to fix it.

The ride was mostly silent. Mainly on my part. I really didn't have much to say. I was still thinking about Emmett and his gloominess as of late. _Where oh where has my Silly Emmett Bear gone? _It had me fucking irked and upset. Emmett was the one thing I was so sure of and could rely on. My solid rock was now my sad sack.

I wasn't sure if I should turn to Charlie about all that. I wasn't sure if it was my place to go to him, as Emmett clearly didn't want anyone to bother him about it. It's not like I wanted to know every fucking detail of what was going on with him, but throw me a damn bone Emmett. _What about all the shit I came to you about? Fuck man._

"You okay, Bella?" Alice glanced over at me.

"Fine." My answer came out stilted.

Alice smiled back at me, as if I had said the nicest thing to her.

"Well, I'm guaranteeing your 'fine' will turn into a 'spectacular' by the end of the night. We are going to have some fun. No time with me is anything short of fun." The headlights on the road in front of us couldn't compare to her beaming nature.

I wanted to believe her. She seemed so sure of herself. I was jealous.

**=X=X=X=X=X=X=**

Getting to the Cullen's house was a fucking trip if I'd ever been on one. It was a good fifteen-minute drive from my house, then another ten minutes through some backwoods. I almost asked Alice if she actually remembered where the fuck she lived.

I was following all the tall, moss-covered trees outside my window. It was close to five and getting darker. The green was gradually blending in with the dark night.

"Welcome to La Casa de Cullen." Alice musically extended her greeting.

I turned my head. _Shit, is this what a mansion looks like?_ My eyes were glued to the enormity of this behemoth of multi-story white decadence and _are those marble columns?_

There was an enormous driveway just off to the left of the mansion, but Alice parked on the small semi circle. A flower bed of a variety of colors sat just in front of it.

I hopped out of the car, envelope of naked people in my hand. Alice was standing on the top of the two steps up to the door. The door was tall, gracious, pristine and purely un-me.

"My dad won't be home until later. My mom went to a conference for her work this weekend." Alice offered me as we stepped into the house.

"What does she do?" My voice was a tad above a whisper. It echoed throughout the all white foyer.

"At the moment, art restoration. Her main love is restoring old houses." She indicated with her hands to the general area inside the house. _"_We Cullens love our multitude of activities and hobbies." She sang and danced her way to the center of the entryway.

My ears heard her, but my eyes were taking in this big as fuck house. A gigantic staircase sat directly in front of me, curving off in two separate directions at the top. The floor was marble, glistening from the massive chandelier directly above my head.

I didn't realize I was even looking up at it.

"That chandelier has been here since way before we moved in. This was my grandfather's house."

I nodded. I felt my head slowly tilt down to the floor. I caught a small glimpse of my reflection on the floor. _It's like I'm looking in a mirror._

A loud clatter echoed in the distance. It sounded like pots and pans were being moved around in a kitchen. _Someone's fired._

"Oh, Jasper." She playfully rolled her eyes. "The kitchen? Not his zone. I told him to cut some peppers Julian style once. He said 'Who's Julienne'" She giggled.

I lightly chuckled. My arms encased my body, my hands rubbing my upper arms.

"While I help my Almost Perfect, you go explore." Alice walked backwards, floating away from me. I think she sensed that I was a little uncomfortable and looking to acquaint myself with the surroundings a little better. All of my own accord. "No room is off limits." She smiled and disappeared down the hallway to the right of the stairs.

And then, I was alone.

I had a few options.

A. The hallway to my left.

B. The hallway Alice went down.

C. Go upstairs.

_D. Ugh...this is so fucking unreal._

I really couldn't fucking come up with a concrete reason behind choosing, so I just went with Standard English language logic; left to right.

My sneakers squeaked against the flawless surface. My hands descended into my jean pockets, as I walked to the beginning of my chosen hallway.

The pale gray walls were adorned with tons of photos. Nothing like what we had hanging in my house. They weren't the cheesy family portraits in front of bland multi-hued backgrounds, but varying degrees of blacks, whites, and grays.

There was a set of three out of focus landscapes with blurred, bright sunsets on their horizons, the photos stacked above one another inside the picture frame. The rays of light from the sun stretched to the far corners of the picture. If the photo were in color, it would show every hue the sun was capable of.

A poster sized, close up photograph of snow and ice hung next to the horizons. The trapezoid-shaped patches of ice looked as if they were outlined in thick black marker, but there appeared to be no signs of tampering with the picture.

The next few were family orientated. Alice wore a big afro wig in her photo. Her body was cut off just below the shoulders. She was looking up at the enormous amount of hair on her head and smiling slyly. The photo looked to have been lightened and contained very little contrast.

Another one was of Carlisle and Esme. Esme stood to the left, and slightly behind Carlisle. She wore a black long-sleeved shirt, an exact replica as the white one that Carlisle wore. A superimposed image of Carlisle's arm and part of his body was overlaid as a grey shadow against Esme's dark shirt, giving the effect that their bodies were linked together.

I kept walking down the long hallway, examining and soaking in all the pictures before me. Dozens upon dozens of abstract photographs varying from pictures of tiny water drops on leaves, so detailed I swore that it was an actual body of water I could go swimming in, to optical illusions of buildings that could've been placed in books dedicated to that sort of mind trickery. My fingers traced over a few images; my mind hungered for the meaning behind them. _Or the person behind the photos._

All the photos had two initials signed in the lower right hand corner: _E.C. _

I was so occupied with the photos; I didn't even notice that I had turned a corner and was now in a different hallway.

A loud, laugh pulled me from my photo gazing. _What a cackle on that one._

The laugh was coming from a door at the end of the hallway.

"We'll see, alright?" It sounded like Edward. There was an annoying twinge in his voice. _That hyena laugh annoys the shit out of me too._

Alice did say that no room was off limits. Was that the occupied ones as well?

I followed the noise to the door straight in front of me. A red light bulb was on above the door. _Odd color choice._ My hand turned the door knob, pushing it open gently. I peeked inside.

_Can someone put a muzzle on that woman?_

Inside, the room was more wide than long. It held the resemblance of a photo studio. Light boards hung around the room, some held film negatives. A large table with contact sheets sat to my left. Two large lights stood on stands in the center of the room, with shields to prevent the light from dispersing. They were pointed at a woman, standing in front of a light gray, blotchy background.

The woman sat on a wooden stool. Her head thrown back in laughter. _Damn, she can break sound waves with that noise._

_I thought I heard Edward in here._

My eyes traced the room for him. He was in the far right hand corner of the room, changing a lens on his camera.

"Say Edward? Looks like you have a visitor." She sing-songed, hopping off her stool and walking over to me. _Shit. One of the hyenas from The Lion King spotted me._

Edward looked over his shoulder. He quickly set down the camera and lens on the table in front of him. His stride up to us was seemed panicky.

"Is this the famous Bella I hear about?" The woman out stretched her hand. "I'm Tanya. Alice's cousin. And Edward's. Duh!" She rolled here eyes, indicating with her hand to her head at her stupidity. "I saw you at the appreciation dinner."

_What the fuck are the Cullens talking about me for? _My head cocked to the side a little. _Light reddish blondish hair, tall…big boobs. Oh! She _was_ at the appreciation dinner. Those knockers don't go unnoticed by anyone._

My hand lightly shook hers. The stench of some smelly hand lotion was now slathered on my hand. "Well, you know _my_ name." Bitterness laced my delivery. I wiped my hand on my thigh to rid it of the slimy lotion.

"You are lovely. Edward doesn't do you justice. I mean he talks about you and--" Tanya's words gushed out in one breath.

"Tanya, we'll finish the photos tomorrow." Edward's eyes were closed, his thumb and forefinger pinching the bridge of his nose. _Thank God someone got her to shut up._

"Fine. I have a cocktail party in Seattle to go to." She grabbed her bag off of a hook by the door. Edward followed her. "Edward, tomorrow." She ruffled his hair. She glanced over his shoulder to meet my gaze. "Nice meeting you, Bells." She had the audacity to call me by a nickname. _You've got some balls, lady. _Edward gently closed the door.

My arms wrapped around my upper body. I fisted some of the brown cotton hoodie in my hands.

Edward turned around. He ran a hand through his hair. "Sorry, she's a little off the wall."

"Or just doped up on a life time supply of amphetamines." I mumbled.

The room was quiet except for the hushed central air that whirled above us. Edward had heard what I said. _Oh shit. What if he doesn't take drug use lightly? What if he is defensive toward Tanya? What if he thinks I take drugs? I mean, so what; it's none of his god damn business if I did. Fuck, his dad's a doctor. Oh my God. What if he tells his dad I take drugs? And Charlie has to arrest me and take me down to the station? Oh the humiliation! All because I made a damn joke about taking drugs when I don't. Don't do drugs, kids. Or joke about them._

_And Edward is staring at me. Smiling._

Edward was laughing, and not the annoying sound that screeched from Tanya's mouth earlier. It was a musical, easy-on-the-ears sound. What I imagined a black licorice laugh would sound like.

I lightly chuckled, out of relief mostly.

"Um, Alice said no room is off limits." I wasn't sure if he knew what I was talking about.

He brought his hand to his hair, pushing it back in one swift motion. The room was gently lit by the afterglow of the two lights on their stands. I could see some hairs still clung to the light sheen of sweat on his forehead.

"You can look around." His hand gestured to the room in general.

The room's walls were a mint green color. I took notice that there were no windows in here; likely to keep any unwanted light from filtering in.

I walked over to the stool that Tanya sat in earlier. I was bombarded with massive amounts of light. The two lights blinded me from seeing anything beyond a foot in front of me. I squinted trying to see past them. Suddenly, they switched off and the fluorescents popped on above me.

"Better?" Edward softly called from the door, his hand coming off of the light switch.

I quietly nodded. Edward walked across the room, back to where he was when I entered. He brought a cloth to his lens and began cleaning it. To his left sat something of interest to me.

I walked over to a white table, covered in photographs. My hands were in my pockets, unsure if I was allowed to touch them. Instead, I shuffled around the table. The photos were close ups of various nature elements such as water, rocks, and grass. There were also pictures of industrial elements like city buildings and dirty sidewalks.

There were a set of photographs of people in a park with a city in the background. Some of the photos were unsuspecting bystanders, while others were placed in poses.

All the photos were in black and white.

I had the urge to touch one of them. It was of a girl with long, light colored hair. She wasn't centered, but just to the left. Behind her were people lying on a hill of grass, sunbathing. Her body was turned slightly, her body in motion to leave the frame. Her face was full of annoyance and discontent.

_Aww, what? You can't tan?_

"Actually, she was upset that her friend walked off without her." Edward's voice called from somewhere close.

_Did I say that out loud?_

Dropping the photo on the table, I stepped back from the table but tripped on something. It was Edward's foot. Before I could fall back, Edward's hand pressed against my lower back to steady me. My back lightly brushed his body.

"Sorry." He whispered. His scent permeated my nose. He was so close I could taste the spicy scent on my tongue.

"I wasn't sure if I could touch them." I regained my sense of balance, before I moved away from his hand.

"You can hold them. They're just test prints." He picked up a few photographs, spreading them out across the table.

I picked up a few and browsed through them. I recognized some repeated images from the ones hanging in the hallway.

"I saw this one in the hallway. But it looks different." I brought the image closer to my eyes, scrutinizing every aspect of it. The picture of the leaf with the water drop on it caught my attention. When I saw it in the hallway, the water drop looked like an actual lake was on the leaf. But in this photo, the water drop just looked like any ordinary water drop.

Edward picked up another photograph from the table.

"That's because I combined two photos together. The photo of the lake I took from a distance, and placed it within the water drop." He held the photo of the lake next to the one of the leaf.

_Who would've thought to do any of that shit?_

"That's really…fucking cool."

"I like superimposing. It's surprising how well certain objects fit together. One's you wouldn't think would belong, actually do."

He had mentioned that he was going to use my fire in a project of his.

"Is this what you plan on doing with those pictures of my fire fun?"

"I haven't decided yet, but I do have some of the fire photos printed."

A big black portfolio book sat on the far corner of the table. Edward slid it over to us. I lifted open the spiral bound book, the plastic slips crinkling with the smallest of touches. Inside, there they were; my fire fun in bright, vibrant colors. Not black, white, or gray.

"Had a colorful day that day?" I questioned.

"No. I always shoot in color, but never print in it."

"So, I was your first?" I watched his expression soften.

"Yes. You were."

**=X=X=X=X=X=X=**

"Bella, Jasper, and I set up some wood out back. Is that okay? I wasn't sure how you took your fire." Alice walked backwards, eying my reaction.

I nodded. I wasn't sure how the Cullens wanted my fire fun set up. I was responsible with my fire, but I wasn't taking my chances with that tonight.

We walked through the stainless steel kitchen to the very woodsy backyard. The lights from the house lit up the yard, angling our shadows on the porch deck and grass. My eyes bugged out of my head at the wide openness. _This yard's the size of a fucking football field!_ The forest ran for miles around.

Luckily, Alice and Jasper set up the wood away from the potential fire hazards.

"Is this good enough?" Alice asked, standing side by side with Edward and Jasper near the final product.

I walked over and looked at the arrangement. It was an elaborate one with rocks set up underneath it and the wood criss-crossed at various angles; usually I just pile the wood and go nuts. It was more than enough for me to burn the nude pictures.

"This is a lot of wood, Alice." I questioned.

"Well, I figured let's have a mini-campfire. When I think of fire, I think of s'mores." I then noticed the bag Alice was holding in her hand. "And I have a few things I'd like to be rid of myself."

"Hope you're not talking about me." Jasper drew out his southern accent. He smiled down at Alice, wrapping his arm around her waist.

"You know you're a keeper." She stood on her tippy toes to plant a kiss on his cheek.

Edward strode over to where I stood. I stroked several matches against the red phosphorus stripe on the side of the box and tossed them into the unhampered pile of wood. The lit ends touched the splintered wood, lightly crackling from the contact.

"Want some help?" Edward approached me, his hand open and waiting for the matches.

I dropped a few in his palm.

**=X=X=X=X=X=X=**

A little while later, the fire was gloriously lapping and glowing. The fire was free of The Ghost's confines. No glass to encase it, no walls to hold it back. The forest background accentuated the freedom of it all.

I took out the nude pictures from the folded envelope in my hoodie pocket. I tossed each glossy, airbrushed specimen into the fire. They disappeared as they crumpled under the forceful blazes and disintegrated into gray ashes.

Everyone sat back and watched it without a word. Edward sat to my left, Alice across from me, and Jasper to my right. I wasn't sure if they were waiting for me to instruct them on what to do or just giving me my moment. I just did what I normally did: sat cross legged on the ground, burning my items, rarely thinking of anything beyond that.

But, I became aware that I was a guest in someone's home; not at the firehouse or in my own house. And I started feeling bad that I might be ignoring my hosts. I wasn't sure if I was doing it on purpose or trying to get more comfortable in this new setting.

I remembered the last time I was at the firehouse and craved some s'mores.

"You brought s'mores?" I called to Alice.

She lit up like those twinkly lights at Christmas time. Alice pulled out each individual item from her big brown bag. "I did. I brought options. Milk chocolate, dark chocolate, white chocolate. And cinnamon graham crackers and chocolate graham crackers. And marsh--"

She was cut off by Jasper's laughing and Edward's light chuckling.

"Bella, you live with men. Do they care about options?"

I gave a closed lip smile and shook my head from side to side.

"Of course they don't."

"When you have one perfectly good one, why go changin' it?" Jasper commented. He picked up Alice's hand and lightly kissed the back of it. Alice rolled her eyes, but couldn't keep her smile hidden.

Alice passed the marshmallow bag around and soon everyone had massive amounts of the gooey white substance burning from their sticks.

Alice and Jasper were caught up in their own world. Jasper kept putting stick-melted marshmallow on her nose. _Those crazy kids._

I kept munching on the burnt white stuff before I could make my snack. The sticky sweetness stuck to my lips. I kept smacking them to feel how much remained. My tongue darted out to skim around the outer edges of my mouth. I finished up the lingering amounts of marshmallow on the stick.

I hadn't heard Edward speak the entire time outside. He kept refilling his stick full of marshmallows, then he'd twirl and bounce them over the fire, eat, and repeat.

My legs started losing feeling in them. I stretched them out and leaned back on my elbows.

"Hey, you in deep thought over there?" I looked to Edward.

He snapped his head to look at me. His green eyes fixated on my brown ones. They danced back and forth between mine.

"No." Edward simply said, turning his head back to the fire. Dipping the marshmallow back into the blazes.

My guilty conscience got the better of me. _Is he mad at me? What did I do to him in the last hour and a half to garner that? Let's see…he was fine in his photo room. He was okay outside, even offering to help me light the fire. Then, I burned the nude pictures….oh shit. I burned pictures! Is he mad that I killed some of his crafts art?_

"Are you mad at me? For setting fire to those nude pictures? I mean, it is part of your hobby's world." I sat up a little as the question left my mouth.

He snapped his head over to me and laughed. "No. I would've set fire to those myself. I don't run in the x-rated photo circle."

_Come on, he's a teenage boy. I know Emmett has a collection somewhere. Thankfully, I never came across them. _

"Not even a little, Edward?" I stared at him without blinking.

Edward stared back. I searched his eyes, as did he mine. I looked for an answer. I had the feeling Edward was gauging my reaction to his possible answer. The light from the brightly burning fire heightened the everlasting tension between us.

Edward kept his intense stare on me. He opened his mouth to speak.

I heard Alice screech with laughter. Edward and I turned our heads to see Jasper holding one of Alice's burn items hostage. It looked like a diary of sorts.

" _Dear Diary, today I…._" Jasper chortled, as he tried to read it. Alice hopped on Jasper's back. She kissed his neck to distract him and grabbed the book from his hands. He didn't chase her though. He let her throw the pink, bedazzled journal into the fire without a fight.

A small beep came from Edward's direction. He leaned back and fished out his cell phone from his jean pocket.

"What's up?" Alice asked, standing above the flames with Jasper at her side.

"Just my alarm. I have a shoot early in the morning."

"With who?"

"Tanya." Edward stood up.

I stood up as well, stretching out my long dormant arms and legs. Edward was looking at me and smiling.

"I'll see you on Monday, Bella." Edward gestured his head toward me.

"See ya." I waved a small goodbye with my hand, as I watched him walk off.

_This night worked out just right. Not fine. Not spectacular. Just. Right._

* * *

A/N: Some of the photos I described I based on actual photos, some I came up with.

Reviews are just as good as fire fun with your new friends.


	14. French Fries

A/N: Thanks for reading and reviewing! I love all my readers. I really truly do. You are all super cool people for sticking around for my story.

Three shout outs and I'll shut up: persnickety_er, bratty-vamp, and the_gazebo on Livejournal, a great place to chat about fan fics and find some great recs.

Disclaimer: Twilight? Not mine. Neither is _The Stranger._

* * *

**Snore.** I wrote on a piece of tattered loose leaf paper, before passing it to Edward. We had been passing notes back and forth to each other for the past forty minutes of class. We were on the back of our second piece of paper.

**Give the guy some credit. He's trying to make molecular structure interesting by using gumballs and straws. **A small smirk appeared on his face upon my receiving the note.

**I can't believe my tax dollars are being used for this shit.**

_**Your**_**tax dollars?** I imagined he'd have his eyebrow raised with that statement.

**Okay, not mine personally. **I rolled my eyes and looked over at Edward.

He snickered.

"Mr. Cullen, do you have something to contribute to the class?" Mr. Banner looked at him with a disapproving look.

"No, Mr. Banner. But, I think the use of the gumballs is very visually arresting," casually pointing his pen toward the candy setup. "I can see the molecules much more clearly than I did before." Edward said, with a straight face. That straight face did me in.

I laid my head down on my hands to stifle the laughter ready to explode inside of me. I tried to disguise it as a coughing fit.

"Miss Swan, are you not feeling well?" Mr. Banner looked over at my slumped form.

"I'm fine. Just a gumball--I mean a hair--my throat." I muffled into the back of my hands. I felt the hiccupping coming on; I had to stop. A short snort came out, as I composed myself. I finally looked up; my vision was watery from the onslaught.

Mr. Banner returned to his lecture.

Looking over at Edward, he still had his straight face on. The sight of it almost made me go into hysterics again. Instead, I grabbed the note paper from his side of the table.

**I hope you burn in hell. ** I slid the note across the table with force.

**As long as there are gumballs. **

**=X=X=X=X=X=X=**

_Woot! Motherfucking '92'_, I thought as I looked at my Chemistry test results after class. I would do a little celebration dance in the hallway, but there were people standing in it. I didn't need people thinking I was crazier then previously judged. _Look at the pyro freak dancing like a retard. What is that? A fire dance?_

I did go for another celebration route. Though I never ate lunch at school, I was in the mood for French fries. I stepped up to the lunch counter, which was in a room just off of the cafeteria. I always avoided that place at all costs. I didn't want to be in the same room as my peers any more than I needed to. The cafeteria resembled a cage to me, and I never wanted to be on display.

When I reached my final destination, I placed the red and white checkered boat-like container onto my tray. However, when I took a good look at the greasy fries, they weren't done enough. I liked them burnt and crispy.

Suddenly, a hand invaded my snack. I looked at who had intruded upon my food. The fingers pinched a fry and lifted it away.

Edward held the fry between his fingers and popped it into his mouth.

"Get your own fries, mooch."

"I like yours." He shuffled along the line with me, but didn't pick anything out.

"I'm fucking burning them." I moved a few more inches to the cashier.

"I like them burnt. Golden, actually." He smiled wryly.

"Do you have a come back for _everything_?"

"Do you?" He grabbed some more.

"Touché."

I paid for the underdone food. Edward followed me to my usual spot behind the cafeteria. We plopped down on the ground. I kept the fries in between my closed outstretched legs, ready to cook them a few seconds more.

I briefly wondered if Alice and Jasper were joining us, but remembered a phone call I received from Alice on Sunday. _"Bella, Jasper and I won't be in school tomorrow. Jasper's waiting for a decision on something, and wants to be home for the phone call_._" _Alice beamed into the phone.

I lit a bundle of fries pinched between my fingers. Their color deepened under the flame. The pale yellow became the crispy brown I loved so much. I tasted one of the salty concoctions.

Edward took a few more fries, ones that weren't personally burned by me. I really didn't mind sharing. I wasn't going to eat them all anyway.

"So, how'd you do on the test?" The crunchy fries descended into my mouth.

"80." He split the piece of a long fry in two, popping one half into his open mouth.

"Why, Cullen? I am shocked. I expected more out of you." I mocked him, shaking my head.

"Well, I was _very _distracted." he referred to our note passing. He eyed me, popping the other half into his mouth. A small, lopsided grin played on his lips.

"You didn't have to answer back." I laid another fry on my tongue. The salt rubbed against my tongue, my mouth watering at the acidic contact.

"Something told me if I didn't, I'd regret it." The last of his small pile of fries entered his mouth. He brushed his hands against his thighs, wiping the grease from his palms.

"Why's that?"

His brows creased in their center. He brought his knees up to his chest, arms resting on top of them. "I wouldn't be sitting here talking to you."

I busted up laughing. Not because what he said was funny, but at the fact that he thought he'd never get the chance to talk to me. _Seriously? Me?_ I picked up another fry.

"What?" His eyes held humorous disbelief, a small confused smile graced his glisteningly greased lips.

"You make it sound like I'm some sort of interesting person. Which, I am not." I waved the fry around, accentuating my words with the small piece of food. The fry entered my mouth with my final words. "Besides, I find you _way _more interesting."

"Is that so?" I felt Edward's eyes bore into the side of my face. Slowly, I turned my head. His eyes urged me to continue with my train of thought.

_Fuck. Couldn't just keep my mouth shut, could I? _

"Uh…no. Yes. I don't know." I fiddled around with the fries in my tray. My eyes examined the various shades of yellow fries. _Golden sand, sunny, creamy gold…pale hand shaped hand._

Edward picked up more of the oily potatoes. As he reached for the food, the inside of his wrist lightly brushed against the top of my thigh.

"I don't know much about you. So, maybe that makes you more interesting?" I twirled the thin string attached to my hoodie around my finger. "Well, not more interesting. I mean, just as interesting. No, um…" I bit my bottom lip, unable to find the words. _Insert foot in mouth. Yum, dirt!_

"Like an enigma?" Edward chimed in.

"Yes. You are an enigma." I rejoiced at the fact we were on the same wavelength.

Edward nodded, staring at the tops of his knees.

_That doesn't sound good._

"Not in a bad way." _In what way?_ "Not in a 'Stay away' kind of way. Like an 'I wouldn't mind getting to know you' kind of way."

"Well, I look forward to getting to know you, Isabella Marie Swan." Edward declared.

"Well, I look forward to getting to know you, Edward…what's your middle name?"

"I don't know."

"I don't know or not telling me?" _Playing games are we, Cullen?_

"Both." He smiled.

"Okay. Well, Edward I Don't Know Cullen, I look forward to finding out."

**=X=X=X=X=X=X=**

"Where you off to?" I said, looking up at Edward.

"I have an off period right now."

After lunch, Edward and I walked to our next classes. It was odd walking in the hallway with someone. Someone shuffling their feet alongside you and talking. Making time go by a little faster with small talk. Most people seemed to hate it, but I never really had someone to share that with. Either I was the quiet student who sat toward the front, or the more talkative daughter and sister at home. Small talk felt like a weird middle ground I had never covered before.

I saw various looks on the student body's faces, as I walked next to Edward Cullen. Ones of curiosity; maybe they thought Edward was taking pity on me. Ones of jealousy; maybe they thought I was, somehow, in with Edward now. And one's of befuddlement; wondering when this all happened.

I was thinking the same thing myself.

"Lucky. Good ol' English for me." Sarcasm dripped from my voice.

"You don't like English?" He quizzically proposed.

"No, I do. It's just…I've read the book we're on now."

"What book?"

"_The Stranger._ I have a hard time getting through it." I didn't want to discuss it at length. I didn't want to talk about how the man in the book, branded by society as an outsider, thought of the world in a removed way. How detached he was from materials, feelings, and people. How sometimes he saw the world as a madly spinning sphere, where there was meaninglessness in everything that occurred.

How he couldn't shed tears at his own mothers funeral because of his indifference. Even if he did find solace in knowing he felt his mother was the same way, he had no way of showing it to her.

This all felt like a vague resemblance of those morbid thoughts I had weeks ago. I didn't even realize I had stopped talking, walking, or that my head was now gazing at my feet. I felt a hand lifting my chin up.

"I know what you mean." Edward lightly held my chin, whispering softly. He gave me a small sympathetic smile. I lightly nodded against his hand.

**=X=X=X=X=X=X=**

The next morning, I woke up early to run into Emmett before he left to pick up his friend. I stood by the front door. Today was Taco Tuesday, and it was our thing that we did. I knew what he ordered by heart. _Four hard tacos, three soft tacos, extra avocado, extra sour cream. And the obligatory nachos that we shared._

Emmett's feet bounced along the stairs, his head looking down. He stopped short before the bottom of the stairs and met my frame standing by the door.

"Hey. What time do you want to meet up later?" He knew what I was talking about. Sometimes Emmett had practice late or worked out in the gym at school.

"I can't make it today, Bells." Emmett confessed, fixing the collar on his unbuttoned shirt, straightening out his t-shirt underneath. His face took on that frown that was becoming familiar. I honestly wasn't expecting him to say he'll come. It made me sad that I was expecting disappointment from the one person I thought could do no wrong.

My hands fell into my back pockets, as I swayed from side to side. I had spent all day Sunday thinking about the Emmett situation. I was taking little things into account. I came up with a theory as to why Emmett was acting the way he was. I was hoping my saying what I thought it was would ease what was going on with him. I had to pull the "no bullshit" rule out on myself, which was always uncomfortable.

"Emmett, I know that you're going off to college next year, and I am going to miss you. We haven't been hanging out lately… and it bothers me. I don't know if you are trying to distance yourself from me to make…your moving out less painful..." Everything came out uneven. Each word was harder to say than the next. I felt a foreign lump pressing against the inside of my throat. _Am I choking up? Is this what it feels like to really get upset?_

"Oh God, Bella." Emmett's face fell. He walked over and enveloped me into his big, huggable arms. I hugged him back on instinct. "This has nothing to do with you. This is all me. I promise you that." He squeezed me even tighter with those last words.

We stood and hugged for a few minutes. He lightly swayed us back and forth, occasionally squeezing me tighter to his chest. The lump in my throat subsided to a smaller size.

"Will you ever talk to me about it?" My mouth muffled by his shirt. My nose pressed against his shoulder.

"Someday." He gave one final squeeze, before stepping back to look at me. Those bear paws rested on my arms. He gave me a big, dimply grin, but I still saw the sadness behind his eyes.

I was going to have to be patient with my brother. Patience was not my game, and I would have to wait for the results.

**=X=X=X=X=X=X=**

I was severely disappointed. I wanted to go to Taco Tuesday. Those delectable tacos were at times, the only good things going for me. However, I wasn't about to be a sad sack and go eat them alone.

I was sitting with Edward in my usual spot. He was fiddling around with his camera. It was a different one than the one I usually see him with. This one had silver lining around the black casing. There was a long armed button that Edward pushed toward himself when taking a new picture.

I leaned forward in front of the camera to get a good look at it from the front. Edward lowered the camera, tilting the front of the camera up.

"Oh, I was just looking." I leaned back against the wall in my original position. "I haven't seen that one on you."

"This is my best manual camera. It's a Pentax. I've captured some of my favorites with this thing. Rain drops are individual storms with this beauty." He smiled, like a proud father of a child.

"Can I try it?" I asked. I wasn't sure if he would let me. I never usually let people play with anything special in my fire fun collection.

Edward quickly slipped the strap from his shoulder. He placed it over my head, adjusting it with the little clasps. His hands pulled it taught, the tiny metal grips finally resting by my collarbones. Letting the camera hang free for a moment, I flipped my hair out from the strap. I brushed some of it forward, to cover my exposed neck.

I looked over at Edward. He was looking at the camera, then up at me. He didn't break his gaze on me.

"What?" _What am I doing wrong? Was there some sort of photographer etiquette that I am unaware of? _I picked up the camera again, looking at it. _Was he regretting letting me try it on? Of course. _"Here. Sorry I asked." I reached around to take the camera off.

"No." He pushed the camera back down onto me. "I was being rude. Sorry."

"You should never upset a pyro when there is film nearby." I said, half joking.

"You're right. But the film in that camera is already exposed. It's just a test film roll." Edward smiled.

"So you were going to let me take pictures of nothing?"

Edward laughed. And flashed me that damn lopsided grin.

Alice and Jasper decided to show up right then and there.

"Hey Bella!" Alice sat down beside me, eying the camera around my neck. Jasper stood next to her and whipped out a cigarette.

"What do you need to tell me, Alice?" She was positively beaming and bouncing up and down. I was scared she might actually hit the sky at the sheer speed of her bouncing.

"Jasper?" Alice looked up at Jasper. She smiled with all her pearly whites.

Jasper smiled down at her, lightly patting and pushing back the top of her hair. "Go ahead." He laughed.

"Jasper is a huge fan of the Civil War, and he's always wanted to be in one of those reenactment things. So, yesterday he got a call from the Washington Civil War Association, and he's going to be in one!"

I looked up at Jasper. He tilted his head forward, holding the rim of an imaginary hat on his head.

_Would my new found friends be interested in going to eat some cheap Mexican food with me? Maybe to celebrate?_

"Say, um..Alice?" I started. "I usually go to this place on Tuesdays. Well, it's Taco Tuesday. Maybe we can go there and…celebrate?"

"That sounds perfect, Bella. Jasper has been dying for a good Mexican place."

Jasper slid down the wall to sit next to Alice.

"Fancy or dirty taco stand?" Jasper asked, putting out his cigarette.

"Dirty taco stand." I affirmed.

"Fuck yeah. I'm there." Jasper threw his arm around Alice's shoulder.

_Me too._

* * *

A/N: That was pretty much pure fluffy. I hope you don't mind.


	15. Christmas Balls

A/N: Thanks for reading and reviewing! I adore all of you for sticking around for my story.

My beta, persnickety_er and the awesome Bratty-Vamp = two cool chicas.

Disclaimer: Don't own.

* * *

I was out. With people. Doing something. It felt odd.

After school, all four of us decided to meet at the taco stand. I squinted my eyes to adjust to the bright fluorescents inside. The small shack wasn't crowded just yet, all of us gazed up at the menu above the counter.

I placed my usual order, _two hard tacos, two soft tacos¸ and_….

"Did you want to order some nachos to share?" I turned to the three faces behind me.

"Not a Mexican restaurant without the nachos." Jasper said, winking and clicking his tongue.

I ordered the nachos.

We sat down in one of the restaurants plastic booths. Alice and Jasper naturally sat next to each other. Edward gestured for me to take the window seat, as he sat down beside me.

"Geez, were you left starving on a mountain somewhere?" I scanned at the items Jasper had in front of him. He had a variety of things I had never thought to have tried on the table.

Jasper chuckled. "I miss Tex-Mex. Back in Texas, Rosalie and I would go to this one place near San Antonio that served the best carnitas. She can eat anybody under the table, I'll tell you that." He took a bite of his beef taco.

_Rosalie,_ I internally sighed. A name I didn't necessarily want crossing my mind, as I was trying to spend time with people who wanted to be my…friends.

"You and Rosalie?" I grabbed a fistful of nachos, placing them on the foil from my unwrapped taco.

"Yeah." Jasper nodded.

Only silence followed. Nasty tasting bile was building in my throat. _On Taco Tuesday, damn it. _Discussing Jasper's evil twin sister was not something I wanted to do.

"So, Bella? What do you want for Christmas?" Alice chimed in. She took a bite out of one of her empanadas.

"Oh please, don't buy me anything." I quickly affirmed.

Edward snickered beside me, fiddling around with his rice. "Too late."

"What?" I looked back at Alice. "You bought me something? Take it back."

"I can't and I won't." She smiled, playfully popping some food into her mouth.

"How did you even know what to get me?" I scoffed.

"I already knew on the first day." Alice stole some nachos from the center of the table.

"Do you still have the receipt?"

"Bella, I am not returning it. I know you will like it." Alice seemed crestfallen at my refusal to accept whatever it is she wanted to give me. _Good job, Bella. You're a real fucking shrew._

I took a deep breath, "I'm not good with accepting gifts." _I don't deserve them._

"Neither is Mr. Powershot over there. Can't stand it that we have a party for our birthday every year either." Alice gestured her head to Edward.

Edward simply shrugged his shoulders.

"I'll take whatever you give me." Jasper smiled, as Alice leaned into his side. Alice looked up at Jasper, ready to kiss him.

They were cute and all, but if they started making out right then and there, I might've had to toss some nachos at them.

As if reading my mind, Edward picked up some tortilla chips and tossed them at Jasper and Alice. He put his hand under the table quickly, and looked off in the distance trying to seem innocent.

"Who was it?" Alice narrowed her eyes at us, picking the nachos out of her hair.

Edward pointed his finger at me. _You son of a bitch._

_Mr. Powershot? Say hello to Ms. Powerpunch. _I punched Edward square in his arm. Edward looked to have barely felt it. He was wearing his black wool coat, and probably had on a long sleeved shirt underneath. _Edward Cullen, I owe you a real punch in the arm._

"I knew it was you, Edward." Alice opened her purse and pulled out a small bottle of pills. "I can see past the straight face." She placed one in her mouth, taking a swig of a bottle of water.

A little while later, we were all full from gorging our stomachs with taco stand cuisine. It was all just as pleasant as any other time I came here with Emmett.

Jasper was talking about the reenactments he'd be involved in.

"It's really accurate. Immense amount of research goes into doing all of it. I have to brush up on some artillery things, but I'm pumped to get in there."

_How did this seemingly cool, leather jacket, tattered jeans wearing smoker get into war history shit?_

"How'd you get into all that?" I asked.

"My dad's a war nut. He buys DVD's on wars and collec---" A low, muffled clatter sounded on the floor.

Edward had dropped his fork underneath the table. He leaned on his side to reach for it. Suddenly, Edward's head rested on my thigh, as he reached for the lost utensil. I blinked my eyes at the sudden onslaught of his black licorice scent and the air mixing together. All right under my nose.

"Sorry." His ear and bronze hair rubbed against my jeans. His cheek brushed the top of my knee.

"You got it?" Jasper asked, trying to look under the table.

"Almost!" He called, sounding strangled from the effort of reaching for it. "It's by your boot! Just kick it toward me!" His hand gripped onto my calf trying to leverage himself, as I assumed that he was reaching for the fork. His hand slid a little along my calf, straining to reach further. The ministrations, however brief brought on a relaxed feeling in me.

The utensil hit my shoe. I was slightly knocked out of my stupor. Edward finally came up from under the table, fork in hand.

"Got it," as he maneuvered his way back up. He disposed of the dirty fork in the trash.

_All plastic forks should be so lucky._ I inwardly smiled.

**=X=X=X=X=X=X=**

I stuffed my books into my locker, just before lunch. Looking past my locker, I saw Alice walking my way. She was carrying a card in hand. _Please be just that._

"If you are just giving me a card for Christmas, I will kiss you on the mouth."

"Nope. This is for Jasper." She placed the card in her bag. "You know, Bella? I see you one day accepting a gift and being utterly happy. I mean that all in a nice way."

"Really? You '_see'_ that?" _Holiday fruitcake and a pair of socks? Why you shouldn't have!_

"I do. Never doubt what goes on inside this head." Alice pointed to her temple, accentuating the last few words. I slung my backpack onto both my shoulders, as Alice and I walked toward my usual spot.

It was the Tuesday before Christmas break, and school was just chugging along as always. Except for the people walking around with Holiday spirit spread across their faces and on their clothes. The gift giving was evident, the fucking tinsel and lights hanging everywhere was blinding. The only thing I enjoyed around this time of year was the cooking and that only goes on for one day.

I was in even less of a Holiday mood when Mike decided to walk right up to me the day before, Santa hat and all, and asked me if I wanted to hang some 'balls from his Christmas tree.'

"So, what are your plans for the Holidays?"

"Christmas is the same old." With the one exception of Sue coming over with her kids. _Yeah! Awkward family times at last!_ "New Years...nothing."

"Well, we're having a big New Year's Eve party, if you want to come. Emmett and Charlie are invited too."

I had to laugh at that. I would ask them, but I think I knew their answers.

Charlie in any kind of fancy schmancy festivity is a picture if I had ever seen one. Not that he wouldn't have liked it, but his idea of big celebration is buying imported beer for a change. As for Emmett, I didn't know where he stood on anything these days. I was afraid to even ask what to get him for Christmas.

Oh shit! I didn't buy them gifts!

"You didn't go Christmas shopping yet?" Alice said, stopping us in the hallway.

_I guess I said that out loud._

"I'll just go the day before." I shrugged. It's not like what I buy them is specially ordered. Half the time, it was a gag joke that I bought for less then ten bucks.

"Let me go with you." Alice advised.

_Was shopping in this woman's blood? A day without shopping for her must be like a day without fire for me._

"The day before Christmas? Don't you have things to do?"

"Pssh!" waving her hand in a nonchalant gesture, "I'm done so early the birds aren't even up yet." She giggled.

I guess it wouldn't be so bad getting some extra help, considering I had Emmett and Charlie to get for. Possibly something for Sue to. _Yep, definitely need some help._

"Okay." I quietly admitted.

"Yay! And we'll find something for you to wear for the party."

"I have _something_." That teal dress still hung in my closet.

Alice shook her head as she ruffled my hair. She rolled her eyes.

Yep. Worst. Fears. Realized.

**=X=X=X=X=X=X=**

I had resigned to letting Emmett approach me with whatever was going on in his life. Sure it was frustrating and utterly confusing, but that was what I was going to have to live with. Let him come to me.

Until Wednesday morning.

I had just left the parking lot where I was hanging out with Edward, Alice, and Jasper. My first class was on the other side of campus and I always had to leave a few minutes earlier to get there.

I went to turn the hall to my class and spotted him. I peeked around the corner at the scene. They were a distance away, and there were others in the hallway. I couldn't make out what they were saying.

Angela was laughing, as Emmett smiled at her. He put his hand on her arm, as she held his letterman jacket in the crook of her arm. Angela looked around the hallway. She reached for the door behind her to open it. Emmett and her walked into the room. The door closed behind them.

_Shit! _I felt so close to finally getting answers. A few more feet and I'd have known what he was hiding. I'd know that he was keeping whatever it was he had going on with Angela. I would find out why he was doing it. Why he kept his distance from me.

Then I thought about it. He was my brother. Catching him in the act would be a really fucking shitty thing for me to do. I'd be pissed as all hell if he caught me doing something I was hiding. There was a reason he was concealing it from his family.

But…. _Oh God!_ I felt like I had an angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other.

The second bell, reminding me that I had one minute before class started. I turned and made my way further down the hallway.

To class.

This whole thing with my brother was finally leaking its way into school. It was usually something I dealt with at home. And by dealt with at home, I mean keeping it to myself.

Charlie was not one to deal with emotionalities with his teenage daughter. Don't get me wrong, he tried. The first time I had my period will forever top my Charlie Emotional Dysfunction list. Let's just say there was an incoherent explanation, a diagram courtesy of the good Dr. Cullen, and then a call from Charlie's mother. Effectively, I learned about menstruating over the phone with a slightly drunk woman living a few thousand miles away in sunny Florida.

I could talk to the school counselor. However, I was not one for crying my eyes out over my problems. Plus, that's bound to make its way back to Charlie and Emmett. Even worse, around the student body.

_What about the three new people in my life?_ _Maybe they have some advice?_

For some reason, I was really nervous about telling my new found comrades anything personal. It would mean that they were getting involved. _Would they want to get involved?_ I wasn't sure if that was a good or bad thing. Not just for me, but for them.

In Chemistry, we were watching a video that would last us through the rest of the week. Halfway through class, I tore out a piece of paper from my notebook.

**I'm worried about my brother.** I folded up the note and passed it to Edward.

**What's going on with him?**

I proceeded to write down everything that I knew about what was happening with him. The constant sadness, the unwillingness to go anywhere with me, his secret phone conversations with a possible girlfriend. I didn't reveal anything about what I saw that morning; I wasn't going to spread gossip around, especially if my brother was involved.

**Maybe he's depressed.** Edward finally wrote.

**So depressed he can't talk to me about it?**

**Maybe he wants to protect you. He doesn't want to hold you down with his problems.**

_That would be a very Emmett thing to do,_ I thought.

**I guess so. It's just--** I couldn't finish the note. My hand was connected to my heart at that point and anything I wrote would bring me to the brink of sadness. I didn't fucking need that in the middle of Chemistry class. With the entire class, including Jessica behind me, looking at the mess I would turn into.

_At least the room is dark. _I hung me head, my hair hiding my face. Leaning on my elbow, I shielded my face with my hand. _Please last the rest of this class._

I felt a warm hand reach over to tuck my hair. His fingers traveled along the top of my ear, curving the loose strands of hair around the sensitive skin. Small tingles warmed me as the tips of his fingers gently grazed my jaw. The ends of my hair lightly fell against my shoulder, as his hand drifted away.

My eyes traveled to Edward's receding hand. I looked at him. His eyes held a look of concern and comfort.

I sent him a short smile. _Thank you._

**=X=X=X=X=X=X=**

"Why are you burning Christmas balls?" Jacob asked, as I threw a few multi-colored orbs into the fire.

"I want to string someone up by their balls. This is the closest I'll get to physically doing that, without jail time."

"Hope it's not me." Jacob chuckled.

"No. Some slime ball at school." More ornaments entered the fire. The paper thin glass cracked loudly against the heat. Loud popping sounds permeated the atmosphere once the ball met its physical limits.

"It's not that guy who stopped by here two weeks ago, is it?" Jacob's demeanor turned protective.

I laughed, tossing a dark green ball into the fire. "Edward? No. He…I don't know. He's not like that. That's all I know." I unwrapped another box of shiny spheres. The box and clingy cellophane went into the blazes, along with a few more balls.

Once I finished my burning activities, the usual silence I enjoyed so much fell upon us. I thought about what everyone came up with. After asking Edward about my brother, I reached out to Alice and Jasper at lunch time for their opinions on the Emmett conundrum.

Alice held a similar theory to my original one. _"He wants to get used to the distance. He loves you, but knows you will miss him once he moves to California."_ Jasper had a harder time connecting the puzzle together. _"Nothing coalesces. There's a missing piece."_ I was scared to think what that missing piece was.

_Is it Angela? Was she that final factor? Should I approach her about it?_

As I entered school on Friday, I definitely had to find a way to get my answers. I felt so damn close to knowing everything. Yet, I couldn't find a non-awkward or non-uncomfortable way of even going up to her. It's funny that I had considered friending her not too long ago.

I gasped. _Was this going on when I decided to talk to her that day in the grocery store? _For some reason, that got me really fucking peeved. The fact that she was right there in front of me, saying 'hi' and being nice to me. Yet she didn't utter a word about it. She just babbled on about her new job. _Couldn't say anything about going out with my brother? _An internal burning rage forced me to push forward with my plan.

At school, there was a student talent show later in the afternoon during my lunch period. All of the students had to be there. I would be able to find her and talk to her then. I would corner her if I fucking had to.

"Yeah! Merry Last Day Before Christmas Break, Bella!" Alice hugged me, as I stood outside the auditorium. Her Santa hat jingled with all her holiday energy. Jasper was not far behind her, in his elf hat. "Oh! You smell like strawberries."

"And you reek of Holiday cheer." I playfully threw back.

"Peppermint to be exact." Jasper stepped forward and wrapped his arm around Alice's waist. He kissed her cheek.

I kept looking over Alice and Jasper's shoulders for the one person I needed to talk to. The two of them talked for a little bit. I hummed and nodded along, but I was dying to just get this all over with.

"We're going in Bella." Alice informed me.

"Save me a seat. I just need to do something." I anxiously fiddled my fingers together.

Alice and Jasper went into the auditorium. I stood out there for a good five minutes, until my eyes fell upon her. She was walking right toward me. However, she was stopped by a boy. They looked to be starting up a conversation.

_Should I wait until they are done? Should I chance going up to her with that boy there? _

I marched forward, still indecisive at my next move. My feet were going forward, but my mind was stagnant. I felt like one of those people who doesn't know how to drive manual shift, as the car jerked back and forth.

Suddenly, I felt someone tapping on my shoulder. I turned around. There stood three of my worst nightmares. Plus one more; a fiery redhead with massive hair. All four of them had on slutty santa elves outfits, sky high boots that made me feel ten times too small, and glittery eye make up that could blind people.

"Hello Bella." Her Royal Highness' fly trap opened and closed. "How's it going?"

I sighed. The worst of the jokes always started out as a simple conversation starter.

"Everything's great." I sarcastically quipped. "You?"

"Oh, Ben!" A loud clapping sounded from behind me. I whipped around to see Angela hugging and lightly kissing the boy on the lips. I gasped. _What? That son of a---_

"Bella, I didn't know you were a peeping tom. You know it's very rude to stare at people at such intimate moments." Lauren spoke with a fake disapproval.

"I wasn't fucking peeping!" I grit my teeth. _Leave me the fuck alone! _

"Such a dirty mouth. Do they sell those along with the filthy tacos you eat?" Lauren further prodded. The redhead and Jessica smiled. Rosalie just stared at me, nothing registered on her face.

"Don't fuck with me, Lauren. Or I swear I will--!" I stepped up to her.

"What? Set fire to something? Everyone will know the Pyro Mean Streak Freak will have done it. Because that's what everyone sees you as."

I fisted my hands into balls. My body was trembling from the realization that my theory was wrong, the fact that it was all playing out for these conniving bitches to see, and feeling utterly humiliated.

"Can I help you ladies with something?" An arm wrapped around my shoulders. I glanced up at Edward, as he stared at the four bodies in front of me.

"Hi Edward." Lauren put on her biggest smile. The other three put on their own smiles.

"I think you have somewhere to be. Dancing up on a stage perhaps?" He motioned to the auditorium.

Lauren's smile fell. "And I'll be doing it just for you." Lauren blew him a kiss, as she and her three minions turned to leave.

Angela and Ben ran in front of Edward and I. They held hands, as they made their way to the auditorium. I felt myself shaking. I couldn't control my legs, knees, arms, hands. My eyes even began to protest.

"It's okay." Edward said, as he saw me unraveling before him.

A dry sob hiccupped out of me and into the near empty hallway. I hid my face behind my sleeve.

"Shh." Edward whispered, as his arms enveloped around me.

My arms encased his body. I rubbed my face into his shirt. I took in that odd scent of black licorice he carried on him. The smell of his freshly laundered shirt made that first scent even better.

I felt his nose press into my scalp. "You smell like strawberries."

"You smell like black licorice." I admitted without knowing it.

Edward chuckled into my hair. "Is that a good thing?"

"Yes."

* * *

A/N: Reviews aren't as good as black licorice hugs, but they come close.


	16. Steinway

A/N: Thanks for reading and reviewing!

Thanks to: persnickety_er, Bratty-Vamp, the ladies over at the_gazebo

Disclaimer: Don't own.

* * *

"There's nowhere to park." I muttered, looking at the circus that was the mall parking lot the day before Christmas.

"Found one!" Alice ferociously turned the wheel into a suddenly vacant spot. If I wasn't buckled in, I would've been up on the dashboard.

"Where do you want to hit up first?" Alice asked, as we walked through the parking lot.

I shoved my hands into my coat pockets. "That store that has all those infomercial gadgets." I caught Charlie watching infomercials sometimes, even hearing a few "hmmm's" from him on occasion. Emmett's present could possibly come from there as well; some sort of joke gift or maybe I'll try and be sincere and buy him something that he can take with him to college.

"Oh, I love that store! I bought my first--Bella watch out!"

Alice pulled me toward her and out of the way of a speeding car that came barreling from behind me. _Just what I need; Christmas in the hospital._

We entered the store, which was basically a bunch of tall shelves with no sort of design on any of the four walls. The store contained many products that begged to be lampooned and others that actually deserve better treatment than being in a store like this. I ended up picking Charlie up a foot bath with a billion different settings--that glowed in the dark, for some reason. Emmett's gift was a bacon maker for the microwave and an anti-snore pillow; he needed that last one real bad if he was going to have a roommate.

I picked up some ties with a couple packages of tank tops at one of the freestanding stores, and called it a day for the boys.

As for Sue, that's another story. I'd only met her once, so I was at a loss as to what she might like. Alice suggested a nice necklace or bracelet. "Nothing fancy, just a little something showing you think she's alright." I ended up buying her a gold necklace with a tear drop shaped jewel. I was just thankful it came in one of those already wrapped boxes.

"Now, your dress." Alice rubbed her little hands together.

_Oh. Joy._ I rolled my eyes.

"Bella, I promise to find you something that won't make you uncomfortable." Alice hooked her arm in my arm. "Okay?" She nudged me with her elbow.

I nodded.

"And nothing from there." She pointed to the _Fairest of Them All_ store I had visited months ago.

We went to two different stores in the span of two hours. I grimaced at a few that Alice showed me; some strapless and some rather short ones. She insisted that they would look different when I tried them on. They did look different, but they definitely weren't for me.

There was one more store we stopped in. I spotted a dress myself. It was black, and as Alice described "cap sleeved, scoop neck with an empire waist." She could've been speaking Japanese for all I knew.

I tried it on, and surprisingly didn't go running for the hills. I showed Alice, as I did with all the ensembles. She did a once over as I looked in the three way mirror. She pinched some of the fabric tighter to my waist, hugging every curve of my frame.

"I like it." Alice said, looking at me in the mirrors. "I think it needs a little tailoring, but I can do that."

"You sew?"

"I make most of my clothes." Alice took a scarf from a nearby rack, tying it around my waist. She held a look of concentration. "I think I'll add a little something to the dress too." She undid the scarf, placing it back on its previous spot. "I would've offered to make you a dress, but I wasn't sure how you would take it."

_God, I'm awful._ That made me angry with myself. "Next time, Alice." I smiled at her.

She smiled back.

**=X=X=X=X=X=X=**

Christmas Day. As uneventful as all that came before.

I gave Charlie and Emmett their gifts, and they liked them. Charlie was grateful for the foot bath. Emmett got a kick out of his new quick cooking tool. "The dorms don't allow hot plates. I'll have to use the microwave for cooking. Thanks, Bells!"

Sue and her kids, Seth and Leah came over a little after two o'clock. Seth was a nice kid. When it was mentioned that Emmett was going to be playing football at USC, Seth asked Emmett all kinds of questions about the sport.

I gave Sue the necklace I bought. "That is very thoughtful of you," she smiled, then handed me a gift, which turned out to be some refill fluid for some of my lighters. It made me smile that Charlie actually told Sue something I could actually use.

Leah, on the other hand, looked eternally bored and pissed off. I probably would've gone toe to toe with her and eventually won at that game; however, I was cooking and essentially playing hostess.

When it came time to eat, Leah shuffled food around her plate.

"Leah, honey, you need to eat." Sue insisted.

"I wanted to go to Sam's today!" She looked like she'd been holding that in this whole time.

"Don't start that here."

"Ugh!" She threw her fork down on the table.

_Fucking. Great._ I did my best to keep my massive eye roll internal.

"You can go over to his house after this." Sue looked like she wanted to be anything but nice to her daughter right then and there. "And please be respectful of other people's things."

"Can I at least call him and wish him a Merry Christmas?"

"Yes." Sue sighed.

"Phone's in the other room." I blurted out. _Congratulations, you win the award for Best Teenage Hissy Fit over a Boyfriend on a Holiday._

At that moment, I was very glad I grew up with a brother.

**=X=X=X=X=X=X=**

"You like?" Alice walked into the room, straightening out the short pink wig that sat on her head.

"It's pink." I stated. _Oh God, that better not be for me._

"It's not for you." likely reading my shocked expression. "It's the only time of year I get to wear a wig."

"It's…you." I smiled back at her.

"Now, What do you think of this?" Alice asked, as I stood on a small platform in front of her own three way mirror.

I was in Alice's very own fashion work room. Complete with a few shelves of fabric, a sewing machine, and mannequins.

"It's...a whole new dress." I smoothed out the sides of the dress.

Alice giggled. "I only added the blue trim on the ends of the sleeves." Alice fingered the satiny material. "And the blue cumberbund." Alice smoothed the material that was stitched in just below my bust.

I hung out with Alice, Edward, and Jasper for most of the Christmas break. Charlie had been spending loads of time with Sue and working over time-- nothing like a late at night drunk driving call almost every night, and Emmett hung out with his friends or whatever he did these days.

I was very grateful that I had the Cullens and Jasper as friends; I would've had fun setting things on fire all alone at my house, but knew I would eventually get into some sort of stupor when I ran out of things to burn. No money equals less things to buy and burn. _Hey, New Years Resolution: get a job._

A double knock came from outside the long purple curtain that serviced as a door.

"Come in, Edward." Alice stepped over to the curtain.

Edward walked in with completely disheveled hair. His shirt was unbuttoned and the sleeves rolled up a little past his elbows. A tight white t-shirt underneath.

I folded my arm across my chest, resting my other elbow on top of my hand. My fingers lingered near my mouth, gently playing with my bottom lip. I looked into the mirror staring at the white fabric reflecting back in my eyes. Watching it move in ripples.

"Do you have something to fix Tor's dress? She spilled wine on it." Edward looked exasperated, and utterly pissed off. His chest heaved in anger, straining against his t-shirt.

"Stain remover? Yeah." Alice flitted over to a large drawer in the opposite corner of the room.

I looked down at my feet, wiggling my bare toes on the platform. My fingers smoothed out the blue material resting on my dress.

My eyes traveled back up to the mirror. I met Edward's eyes and slightly slack jaw for a brief moment, before he quickly looked away.

_Why does my face always turn red around him?_

"Is she behaving herself?" Alice asked, finding the stain remover. She placed it in his hand.

"She has wine. Does it sound like she's behaving herself?" _Wow, never heard Edward be so snarky before._

Alice snorted, covering her mouth with the back of her hand.

"I'm not photographing anymore of Tanya's friends." Edward shook his head, his jaw taught.

"Is she around for the party on Wednesday?" Alice reached for a piece of fabric on one of her shelves.

"Free food and booze. You take a guess?" _So snarky and…_I chewed on my bottom lip. I felt my breathing pick up a little, as I trailed my eyes to his bare forearms. The rolled up sleeves were perfectly hitting the crooks in his arms.

"Here. I saw what she was wearing. Put this on her if it doesn't come out." She handed Edward some gold colored fabric.

"Thanks." Edward pushed the curtain roughly aside as he exited. I stared at the long drapery as it slowly came to a stop.

"Okay," she heaved out, walking back over to the platform. "Shoes."

**=X=X=X=X=X=X=**

I don't think I'd ever been in a room with so many strangers before. _Apparently in the middle of nowhere is where the party is._

The huge lawn and driveway outside of the Cullen mansion had turned into a car park. Dozens upon dozens of guests vacated their vehicles and entered the mansion. New faces walked in at a quick pace. Many people were current or former patients and colleagues of Dr. Cullen's, clients of Esme's, and subjects of Edward's photos. All the Cullen's greeted each guest that walked through the massive front door.

They were immediately redirected to another room that was strictly for big parties like these; Alice put up ropes in other rooms to block guests from hanging out in them.

I sat there perched atop the Cullen's stairway, staring at the sea of people below. I noticed the many compassionate handshakes that Dr. Cullen gave, the loving hugs that Esme handed out.

And, Edward smiling and shaking everyone's hands. A few people passed over Edward's handshake with a stern, lifeless glare. It didn't seem to faze him; it would've bothered me. _What the fuck is your problem?_

I heard a cell phone ring echo in the entryway. Alice reached for her phone, hidden in a pocket of her dress.

"Hi, honey. Are you on your way?" She walked a few feet away from the greeting precision, toward the stairs. "Wait, what?..." She plugged her finger in her ear. "…What happened?...Alright, well, call me when you get here, park in the garage." Alice hung up the phone.

"Everything okay?" I called to Alice.

"Jasper's just running a little late." She sounded very un-Alice with worry in her voice. She placed her phone back in the hidden pocket of her dress. "Almost everyone's here. I'm heading over to the party room."

I hopped down the stairs and walked with Alice to the gigantic room full of partygoers.

The loud buzz of the enormous amount of people talking filled my ears as I entered the party room. The room looked to be carved of shiny tan colored stone. Tall windows looked out at the miles upon miles of forest. The room was lit with dangling crystal chandeliers, and candles that sat on white covered tables. A huge buffet sat near the lofty windows. There were a few people dancing to a hired band that sat in the back of the room.

I nursed a cup of soda, leaning against the wall near the entryway. I understood that Alice and Edward had their obligations to entertain and chat their guests up, so I wasn't bothered that they couldn't spend time with me. And Jasper hadn't arrived just yet, so it was me, myself, and good ol' Coca Cola.

I watched the confidence that all of the Cullens exuded. They laughed when they were supposed to laugh. They asked to see photos of newly born children from the mothers, giving high fives to the younger attendees, and patting someone's shoulder who might've been hurting.

My eyes followed to a small ruckus that was going on with three men on the dance floor. Two of them, a gray haired man and a short dark haired man, danced around drunkenly, forcing people to spread out and away from them. The third one, a long dark haired man, tried to control the other two, but was being coerced by the other two to dance along with them; _dance_ being a loose term. Carlisle and Edward walked over to the three of them, escorting them to a table in the back of the room.

Edward made his way back to the middle of the room. He was stopped in his path by a short, brown haired female with black rimmed glasses. She dressed in a slutty black ensemble that easily could've come from the kids section. I didn't recognize her at first with her glasses, but I identified her as Tor, the girl Edward was photographing a few days ago.

Edward smiled down at her. Tor held some sort of alcoholic beverage in one hand, and squished Edward's face with the other. He lightly took her hand down from his face. _Wouldn't want that nasty thing touching my face either._

She obviously didn't get the fucking message, as she reached up to his collar and played with it. She managed to unbutton two buttons, before Edward had enough. Tor mouthed something that looked like "fucking prude" before taking another swig from her glass, as Edward walked away.

I looked down at my drink, diluted from with ice water. This was not my scene. I was the definition of a fly on the wall. I decided to buzz on out of the room.

My heels clicked against the hard, cold stony floors, as I made my way through the darkened roped off rooms. I decided to explore the rest of the mansion; no one else would be doing that at that moment. The marble floors adorned a few more of the uninterrupted, open rooms, before carpet took its place. The walls turned less stone like, and more subdued earthy colors.

A lit hallway was in my sight. I walked into it and glanced at all of the artwork and artifacts that adorned the walls. There were achievements by Dr. Cullen. His endless hours of research reported about in newspapers from all over the Northwest region. I learned about Esme and her house restoration projects from clippings of architectural magazines encased in glossy frames. Even Alice and Edward had mentions from somewhere regarding their talents in fashion and photography. The hallways kept winding, and histories kept dictating to me from their walls. I was able to see a little bit about each Cullen.

I turned a corner and found myself lost. I had no clue where I was. My sudden curiosity had backfired. _Better get started now. I'll be here all night._ I turned on my heels, tracing my way back to where I came from.

I made the turn and bumped into something. I looked up at the sudden obstacle in my way; Edward was following me.

"You following me?"

"I used to lose my way around here. Figured you might too." Edward shoved his hands in his pockets.

My eyes traveled to the heirlooms hanging up on the walls. They were all associated with music. Framed sheet music that looked distressed, torn and creased from constant use. Various weathered black and white photographs of a dark haired man with a piano.

"Have you gone into any of the rooms?"

"No. Not yet."

"Okay." Edward turned me around, so I was facing the end of the hallway. He let out a deep breath, placing his hands on my shoulders. His hands warmed my cold arms. "Now you have three choices. Door number one," He pointed to the one on my left. "That one is full of fascinating things made by the good people of Proctor and Gamble."

I chuckled. "Door number two?"

He pointed to the one on my right. "That one…well that one is under lock and key by Carlisle."

_Well, I have no choice, do I?_ "Door number three, it is." I gestured with my head to the door in front of me.

He stepped around me, opening the door. Edward turned on the switch by the door. Fluorescents lights flickered and buzzed to life above me. I took in the sight before me.

The room looked like a school music room, even down to the linoleum floors and a chalk board. There were about a dozen different pianos. Antiques and more modern designs sat by each other. They varied from a maple colored upright, not unlike one that would be used by a music school teacher, to a deep maroon little piano that sat on a small table.

Then, I spotted what looked to be the granddaddy of them all.

My shoes clicked on the floor as I strode over to the behemoth of a musical instrument. Slick black and shined to perfection, I ran my hand all the way around the piano, lightly grazing the curves.

"It's a grand piano. Steinway." Edward interjected.

"Is that a good company?" Really, I knew nothing about pianos.

"It's one of the best."

"What about the other ones?" I bit my lip at how gorgeous this work of art was. _This is a Betsy that out does mine._

"The others in here were Carlisle's grandfathers. He was a concert pianist, traveling all over the world. He kept many of the ones he played on." He walked over to a smaller mahogany piano with gold trim designed around the edges. "This one, Carlisle's grandfather played with the Boston Pops Orchestra."

"Are they a big deal?" my head tilted to the side. I made light circles along the slippery black surface.

"Yes. They're one of the best."

Edward seemed to hesitate before he sat down on the bench in front of the Steinway. "It's been a tradition in the Cullen family that everyone learns the piano." Edward gently uncovered the keys. He played a few notes of a song.

_Wait. _"You play?" I walked over to where he was sitting. I leaned forward on my arms, on the piano.

"A little. I know some songs, but not on the same level as Carlisle or Alice."

"Alice plays too?" I might've interjected a little too loudly.

"Everyone with the last name Cullen plays."

Edward went into a sweeping melody full of happiness that could make anyone without a heart feel it. He stayed up there for a while, hitting the ivories on the right side of the piano the most. The middle and higher notes dominated his composition. He slowed and sped up, almost as if his thoughts were diverting down different paths; making decisions as to which way to proceed. He accentuated every note with graceful intensity. The notes spoke so clearly what he was feeling; even a musically clueless person like me knew what he was letting me know.

"You play very well." I whispered, not wanting to disturb the air too much.

He chuckled. "Actually, Carlisle wasn't sure how well I'd take to it." His fingers drifted to the lower range on the piano. A more melancholy arrangement floated out.

"Why do you say that? Seems like it's coded in the Cullen DNA to do it."

His index finger lightly hit one key, sending an incomplete sound into the room. He hesitated with the second note he would play, opting with a darker colored key. His ministrations incessantly bounced upon the two keys, as he decided where the third note would come from. The notes staggered, like an animal using its legs for the first time. Edward stopped his constant precisions.

His hands glided to a new area of the piano. He began the song slowly. Within seconds, the song flew around, his fingers extending up and down the row of black and white. His hands were screaming with the intense melody that eventually evolved into a dark remorseful, contemplative tune.

I looked at what was playing across his face. Disheveled bronze hair hung in his eyes, his jaw clenched tight. Edward closed his eyes as he continued his piece for a few more notes. He finished up the song and laid his arms on the piano's roof. His forehead hit his arms, shielding himself from me.

_My God, what do I do? _All I could do was watch, but the way I stood felt so casual; as if I didn't care that he was upset. I straightened my body out, my hands resting on the musical instrument.

I couldn't bring myself to say anything. I wasn't sure how to comfort. Edward had comforted me before, but I'd probably have said or done the wrong things in that moment. _Maybe I'm my own brand of emotional retardedness. Thanks, Charlie. Ugh, I can't take myself seriously, even in my own head! _It felt like such a private moment, one that I shouldn't be in the room for, or witness at all.

I felt the cool black surface of the piano beneath my fingers. I would normally have a desire to burn this wooden masterpiece. It was wood, for Christ sake; it was meant to burn. I would've started at the legs. They would eventually become no more and the piano would crash down to the ground. The keys would bounce and send an untuned mess into the air, as the wood clapped with the ground. The black color would crack and reveal its true nature underneath. The inner workings of the piano would…

_This is so wrong. Why am I thinking of this right now?_ I lifted my hands up off of the piano. Uselessness fell upon me. I was as good as the other pianos in the room at that moment.

_Maybe if I just sit next to him._ _Maybe that'll be enough._ My feet walked over to Edward's still form. I smoothed my dress out as I sat down on the plush piano bench. I wasn't sure if he had fallen asleep or noticed my sitting next to him.

I hit a key on the piano, letting him know I was here.

He looked over at me, hitting the same key I had played.

**=X=X=X=X=X=X=**

Edward resumed his playing a little while later. I sat there watching his hands do wondrous things to the rectangles in front of him.

"Can I try something? I don't know if _you_ know it." I asked, biting my bottom lip.

He obliged.

I placed my two index fingers next to each other on two of the white keys. Edward realized what I was about to play, and laughed.

"What?"

"Is this what you wanted to play?" Edward placed his two fingers where mine were. He then played the rest of the song with two fingers, like how I knew it.

"Yes. How do you know that song?"

"Everyone knows Chopsticks." He laughed a little too much.

"Shut up!" I fussed up his hair.

He looked over at me. I was a little peeved that I thought I knew something that Edward didn't. Edward threw an arm around my shoulder, rubbing it.

It made me feel a little better.

I stared at the top of the piano, running my hand along it. I giggled at a small, silly thought.

"What?" He asked. "Am I forgiven now?"

"Nothing." _It's so stupid. _

"Okay." The word dragged on with confusion.

_I might as well say it._ I rolled my eyes. "I always wanted to sit on one of these." I glided my hand along the top of the piano.

He looked at me. His eyebrows and eyes laced together in surprise.

"I know it's stupid." _Let's take the crazy one step further._ "I've seen it in movies. It looked…fun." _Is my face a cherry yet?_ I put my hand to it. _Yep, ripest one in the bunch._

Edward looked out the big window that we faced. A small, dimpled smile spread on his face.

"Just forget it." I said, waving my hand dismissively. Edward's hand left my shoulder.

"Do you want to sit on it?" Edward looked back at me. The smile still hung there.

"Am I going to break it?"

He looked at me with utter disbelief.

"I don't know if it'll cave in and snap."

"It won't."

I stood up from the bench, moving to the side of the piano. Since I was in a dress, I couldn't climb on facing it. With my hands behind me, I attempted to push myself up onto it. My legs kicked and my feet flailed around in the air. My butt was rubbing against the edge of the piano.

"Let me help." The piano bench scratched against the floor, as Edward came over to help me get my ass up on this thing.

Edward's hands held onto either side of my waist, his fingers pressing into the thin fabric that covered my skin. I could feel his fingers mold into me as he lifted, his thumb resting on my ribs, the four others pushing into my back. The heat of his imprints soaking through the light material. His hands supported me as I made the final jump onto the piano. I adjusted my dress a little, as he walked back over to the bench.

I felt like a little kid as I swung my legs against the piano, my palms grasping the edge. Looking at my feet and the floor below, I kicked off my shoes. They hit the floor with a hard clatter.

Glancing over my shoulder, I saw Edward looking at the piano keys. He was hitting one of the middle notes on the piano.

The back of my knees started to feel raw and red from the constant swinging and contact with the edge. I scooted back until I was in the center of the piano. My legs straightened out in front of me, as I swayed my feet from side to side. I leaned back on my hands.

"Is it everything you thought it would be?" He asked, his hands clasped in his lap.

_Not quite_. "No. Maybe you need to play."

Edward's hand ran along all the keys on the piano, and then started a song. He was playing a familiar sounding tune. A Christmas tune that had a jazzy feeling. It sounded like something from a cartoon. I imagine a group of cartoon characters dancing along to it. I tried to place where I heard that version before.

Then, I looked at Edward and the way his head leaned over the keys. His neck craning down, eyes completely focused on them. _Just need the purple striped shirt. And the blonde hair._

"Can you play Jingle Bells, Schroeder?" I asked through a snicker.

I waited. He didn't respond, still continuing on with his song.

"Well, can you?" I asked again.

Again, no answer. Edward took a quick glance up at me. A small know it all smile appeared.

_Why's he smiling? What's so damn funny? I'm the Lucy, he's the Schroeder. Lucy asks the questions and talks and Schroeder plays the piano and…doesn't respond._

"Ha ha. Very funny." I nodded my head from side to side.

I laid all the way back on the piano, staring at the ceiling. My hands rested at my sides, my finger picking at the fabric on my dress. Looking to get more comfortable, I turned my body and lay on my stomach. I turned my head to face Edward, resting it on my arms.

Edward's song changed into one that was something I had never heard before. It must've been something he was writing himself. It didn't sound like anything I knew. In fact, I felt myself lulling to sleep at that moment.

My eyes fluttered. Every nerve in my body released little bits of tension. I thought about little embers floating away from a fire, releasing their last breath of air. The taste of the cool December draft against their fiery skin. I nuzzled into my arm. A wave of sleep was overtaking my body.

I was pulled from my evident nap by an alarm. Edward's phone was going off. His song came to a stop.

"One minute to midnight, Bella." Edward whispered. "Did you want to go back to everyone?"

I let out a deep breath. "No." My lids closed around my eyes. I readjusted my head into the crook of my arm again, a long sigh escaping me.

"What are you thinking about?" Edward asked. His arm leaned on the piano roof, as he tinkered with the keys.

"Nothing. Just…relaxing." I really was thoughtless at that moment. I shouldn't be so relaxed on a hard piece of lumber, with no back or neck support.

A few seconds later, Edward's phone went off indicating midnight. The New Year.

Suddenly, loud yelling came from outside the curtained window.

"For auld acquaintance--what the fuck are the lyrics, Caius?"

"Aro, Do I look like I fucking know what the fucking words are?"

"It's in Scottish, you drunkards!"

"Well, why don't you sing it for us, Marcus? You all knowing pissant!"

"I don't know them."

_Shut the fuck up, you walking vodka bottles._

A moment later, Edward slowly started playing Auld Lang Syne on the piano. I opened my eyes and stared at his concentrating ones. His head turned slightly, following his hands to the next spot on the keys.

The time old melody vibrated against the piano. The wood came to life in the form of Edward's rendition of the traditional tune.I hummed along with Edward's playing. My humming reverberated against my arms, traveling to the piano. The humming and music intersected together.

I fell asleep to the sound of the New Year playing in my ears.

**=X=X=X=X=X=X=**

I was being nudged awake. A low velvety voice called me back to consciousness.

"Bella?" I opened one eye to see Edward.

I groaned, nuzzling my face further into my arm.

"It's morning." He whispered.

"I'm comfortable." I mumbled in my arm. _Leave me alone, I don't want to move._

"No, you're not. You're going to have a back ache later."

I stuck my tongue out at him.

"Come on." Edward tried to coax some sense into me. I could feel the stiffness coming already.

"Alright." I sighed. I took a moment to sit up, leaning on my hands.

I felt something hot on my back. I turned my head around and saw the curtain open, the bright morning light hitting my body. My hair flew around as I looked back to stare at the wall across the room, my shadow silhouetted on it.

I looked at Edward. His eyes swam in what looked like contemplation. His breathing had quickened a little. He brought his tongue to lick his dry lips. He was looking somewhere on my face.

"You feel okay?" I placed a hand on his forehead. _Feels okay._

Edward closed his eyes and sighed. "I'm fine."

I scooted to the edge of the piano and hopped off of it.

"Breakfast?" He asked.

"Yeah." I responded, as we walked out of the piano room.

* * *

A/N: Reviews are as lovely as tight white t-shirts.


	17. CD Number One, Two, Three, and Five

A/N: Thanks for reading and reviewing! All of you are lovely.

Disclaimer: Don't own.

* * *

"Where do you want this, babe?" Jasper asked Alice, holding one end of a long table, while I held the other.

"By the main entrance." Alice scratched something off on a clipboard with a pencil.

The basketball tournament was a few hours away. Myself and anyone within a few miles radius who knew Alice was helping; a smile and wink and you had to submit to her.

_Always turning the most mundane thing into an event._

Paper streamers and helium filled balloons were being put up by some freshmen. One of the local restaurants supplied some of the refreshments. Newton's Sporting Goods, despite the slime ball Mike was, had donated some equipment to auction off to raise some dough for a foundation by the winning teams choice.

"I don't know how she has the energy to do all this shit." I strained against the heavy weight of the table; _what the fuck is this thing made of?_ Jasper and I continued our journey across the gymnasium to the main entry doorway.

"Alice's love of life is bountiful." Jasper's foot accidentally kicked against one of the legs, rattling the metal. I tightened my grip on the hunk of wood.

"And life includes decorating a run down gym in paper?" I continued walking backwards swaying from side to side.

Jasper attempted to shrug with his shoulders, as we rounded the corner out of the doorway and into the Hall of Fame area that sat outside the gymnasium. We sat the table down in front of one of the glass displays of Fork High's athletes past.

Every year, I always had a hard time deciding which side I'd wanted to win. Sure, my father was the chief of police, but the fire department held a special place in my heart. I eventually decided based on who did the coolest thing for me lately.

It was the fire departments turn. The fire department gifted me some really fucking awesome Zippo lighters for Christmas. And those things come with a pretty hefty price tag. Also, I rooted for the police department two years in a row. Maybe I was feeling bad for them.

Yet again, I was assigned to checking people into an event; _knew there was a reason for hauling that huge table out here_. Well, not the same as making sure people sat at the right table, but similar enough. Luckily though, I wasn't alone in my assigned duty.

Jasper and I leaned back in our chairs, the backs hitting the green wall behind us. One of his boots pressed against the table tops edge. My hands were folded on my stomach.

"You get to set off cannons?" I questioned Jasper about his Civil War reenactment activities.

"I will eventually. I'm not on that level yet. My goal is to make Captain. It's all about experience. The more time you put in, the quicker you'll make it up to the higher ranks." He balanced back and forth on his chair. "But, I do get to fire a gun."

"Nice. I've never fired one before."

"Charlie never let you?"

"Are you kidding? I still find it amazing he lets me light things on fire."

"Why do you say that?"

"I don't know." _Can we talk about something else, please? _I fiddled with my fingers nervously. I never understood why Charlie accepted my love for something that was so dangerous and weird. Why couldn't I have a hobby that could lead me somewhere like Emmett? No one gave college scholarships to someone who melted plastic toys.

"It's alright. I'm not looking to pry." Jasper stretched his arms above his head and yawned.

Jasper and I looked up at the sound of a door opening and closing. Edward walked in from the entrance; his hair was wet from the heavy rain outside. Dark beads slid down his slick black jacket. Tiny droplets held onto the ends of the bronze strands. He was carrying his big black duffle bag that held all of his photography equipment, I presume.

Walking our way, he nodded 'hello' and continued toward the gym door.

I don't know why, but I felt like giving him a hard time. _You think you can just casually stroll in here like you own the place?_

"Edward?" He turned on his heels to face me, a hint of mock confusion on his features. "You can't go in without a ticket." I gestured with my head to the gymnasium.

"I don't need one." Rain fell off the ends of his hair like water from a leaky faucet.

"I was given explicit instructions from Alice that everyone has to have a ticket. And you know how Alice gets with instructions." My voice lowered with those last few words.

"Do you have one?"

I removed the admittance ticket from the breast pocket on my shirt, delicately pinched between my thumb and index finger.

"Can I have yours?" He reached for the key to his entry.

"Nope." I swiped it away before he could take it from me.

"I'll just ask my good friend Jasper over here then." His body shifted to Jasper next to me, opening his mouth to speak.

"He's my good friend too." I patted Jasper on the shoulder twice, squeezing it firmly. "He won't be budging."

"Well, then. I don't have a choice do I?" That lopsided grin plastered on his face.

"Your only way in is through me." My voice explored a lower octave.

He leaned his hands on the table and whispered intently, "Then may I have a ticket, please?"

I pointedly stared at him, tearing off the light red ticket from the roll and handed it to him.

"Thank you. Enjoy the tournament."

Edward stood up straight and made his way to the gym. I folded my arms onto the table.

_That was fun._

Jasper let out a short snicker. He started coughing to cover up an obvious laughing fit that was brewing inside.

"What's so damn funny?" My eyes turned to narrow slits at the figure next to me.

Jasper quickly ceased his laughing, but not before smiling to himself.

Soon enough, the fine people of Forks made their way up to Jasper and I's ticket table to purchase their tickets for the game, make a donation, or buy food or drink vouchers for the refreshment table.

Jacob came over to say 'hi' and arrived with some people I'd never met before. They initially frightened me; they were the size of frigging trees.

"Oh, these are my boys. Bella, this is Quil, Embry, and Jared." Jacob pointed to each guy standing next to him. My eyes went bug eyed when I shook each of their gigantic hands. I was surprised my hand was still intact.

"So you're the fire girl?" The shorter, stockier guy named Quil asked. He folded his arms; his forearm muscles looked to be straining his own skin.

"Ugh…yes?"

Jacob laughed. "Sorry. I mentioned to them that you set things on fire."

"You should come down to our bonfire sometime." Embry offered. Their booming voices definitely added to their fear factor.

"Oh, wow. Um…"

"Hey, Bella it's alright. You don't have to say yes. They're just a bunch of losers anyway; you don't want to hang out with them." Jacob could barely get the last few words.

The three boys pushed Jacob around, jabbing his shoulder playfully. It looked a lot like how Emmett and I mess around with each other.

"If anything, he's the loser." Quil tousled Jacob's short black coif.

I made a promise to maybe check out their bonfire someday, before Jacob and the boys entered the gym. Ultimately, who was I to resist good fire?

I held my ground as I heard four distinct laughs walking my way. Royal Highness, Jessica and the red head flounced to the table. Rosalie stood a foot away from them, hands in her jean pockets.

"Four, please." Jessica held out the right amount of money, as I handed the tickets to her.

Lauren was whispering something into the red heads ear. _Wonder where it is behind that massive mop of Medusa hair. _The red head walked right up to the table, looking right at Jasper. Jasper, on the other hand, was looking at Rosalie.

"I'm Victoria." She held out her hand for him to take. Jasper looked at it as if he were a vegetarian being offered a hamburger. "What's your name, soldier?"

"It's not for you to know." His eyes went back to Rosalie.

"Why so rude? She's just asking you for your name." Lauren interjected.

"I'm not the rude one." His confidence laced with bitter anger and annoyance.

There were more people making their way to the tournament now and a small line was forming behind the four most hated people in my world.

"Jasper, I thought you were a Southern gentleman, not trailer trash." Lauren's phrase rang loud with her bitchy honesty.

"No, Lauren don't --- " Rosalie suddenly stepped in, looking right into Lauren's eyes. She looked unnerved.

"Rosalie, don't you agree that he was being rude?" Lauren said as if she didn't hear Rosalie's protest.

"Leave her out of it." The brother in Jasper appeared.

"_Now_ you're being the nice brother." Lauren continued to push some sort of button in Jasper.

Rosalie threw on that same emotionless face that I've seen many a time before.

The line had doubled since the quartet's arrival. I didn't give a shit if there was a line, but the cause of it was hitting on my last nerves. I wanted not only to tell them to move along, but to jump off a cliff--or to a lesser extent-- get the fuck out of my face. And Jaspers. _Who the fuck were they to bother Jasper? Why did they have to stir up so much shit? Get the fuck…_

"Get the fuck in the gym or get the fuck out of here." I all but snarled at them. "You're holding up the line." I emphasized each word of my last sentence.

"No need to get bitchy, Bella." Lauren slipped out, before she and her minions walked off toward the gym.

I exhaled, running my hands through my hair. Jasper sent me a small smile. However, for the first time ever, I saw past Jasper's usual coolness and blasé attitude.

Something was bothering him. _Was it the right time to ask? Should I ask? Was it any of my business?_ This chink in Jasper's armor was a surprise. Everything rolled off his shoulder in an easy motion, it was almost invisible. I felt it rude to pry though, as he didn't ask for me to go into more detail about my situation from before.

**=X=X=X=X=X=X=**

I threw on my sweatshirt and headed into the gym.

Jasper and I switched off once the game started. Every year, I sat in the same spot: the very top of the bleachers in the upper right hand corner. It was a bird's eye view. It was comfortable.

Fisting my hands into the front pocket, I glanced around the fully packed gym. I looked at all the faces in action or watching it. All the faces that I liked and didn't like were in my view.

Charlie was on the court, ball in hand. He searched for an open player on his team. He dribbled a little bit more, trying to get away from Felix's blocking form. The clock was running out on him to pass the ball. _Poor Charlie; you don't stand a chance against him._ To my surprise though, Charlie made a fake pass and fooled Felix. The ball left his hands and landed into the basket.

Sue didn't sit too far from where Charlie made his shot. She was clapping and smiling for him. I saw Charlie smile big for her, and Sue blushed like a school girl with a crush. Surprisingly, I didn't feel like throwing up chunks. I felt like thanking Sue for making Charlie smile.

Alice had left the gym a few minutes earlier, likely to keep Jasper company. Sports just didn't seem like her thing in the first place.

Sitting near where Alice exited was the Bitch Brigade minus Rosalie. They looked bored as ever, as Mike and Tyler sat between Lauren and Jessica. I think my eyes might've actually become diseased if I stared at them any longer.

A ways down on the court, I spotted Edward. He had his camera in hand. His face completely concentrated on the task of taking pictures. His hands worked the large lens, turning it ever so slightly. Sometimes, he lined up a shot, but quit once he realized he couldn't get the action in time. He was constantly changing his location; he'd stand behind the baskets, sit on the edge of a bleacher seat, or sit on the ground.

Edward was closer to my side of the gym, when a whistle blew from the referee. A foul was called and Jacob needed to take two shots.

"So, who are you rooting for this year?" Edward walked his way up to me from the bottom of the bleachers. He sat facing me on the seat below me, looking up under my chin.

"How did you know I pick sides?"

"Wild guess."

"The fire department."

"Your team is losing."

I shrugged my shoulders.

Jacob took his first shot on the foul line. He gained one point for his team.

"What do you get if your team wins?"

_Hmm…never really thought about that._ "Just bragging rights, I guess."

"So why do you do it?"

"I don't know…maybe they need a lucky charm."

"Must not be if your team is losing right now." He smiled up at me.

Jacob took his next shot, adding another point to the fire departments score.

"And now we're tied." I said, as I looked at the digital scoreboard above the basket on the opposite end of the court.

I leaned forward to rest my elbows on my knees and placed my head in my hands. I watched as the teams continued their endless dance. Edward continued to take photos of the action from his spot below me.

And even though I was rooting for the fire department, I clapped when Charlie intercepted a pass from Burt. Charlie made it all the way across the court to score two points for his team again.

"What would you do if I complimented you right now?" Edward asked, turning his body around on the bleacher to look at me full on. His elbows rested on his knees. The view finder on his camera rested against his eye.

_Huh?_ "What? Why? What would you say?" I fisted the cuffs of my sweatshirt into my hidden hands.

"I don't know. What can I say?" He nonchalantly offered. His finger clicked the shutter button.

_Please God no. _I brought my hands up to my face. "Edward, keep your lens off me. Shouldn't you be taking photos of…that down there?" My sweatshirt cuff flapped against my hand as I pointed down to the action on the court. I promptly returned it to my face.

He lowered the camera. "How many pictures do I take until I can compliment you?"

Truly, he was exhausting me. "I'm just sitting here. What do you need to be complimenting me on?"

"Hmm…" He rubbed his lightly stubbled chin with his fingers. "The paper decorating." He fingered the flimsy cheaply made party material that wrapped around the bleachers railing.

"That spot you're touching is my best work. You better do it justice." I eyed the bright yellow colored creation.

"So, with that said, how many?"

"200." I decided. _That should get him off my back for a while._

A small devious smirk spread across his face. "Deal." He swiveled around to face the action.

I sat back against the wall behind me. Jacob looked to pass the ball to a rookie on the team, but passed the ball to Felix, who made a lay up to score for the firemen.

"Done."

"What? No, you're not."

Edward flipped the camera around. He did indeed take numerous shots of action that had just happened before my eyes not mere moments ago.

"You said 200 shots. You never said they had to all be different or of anything important." _How dare he celebrate such a sly act!_

"The decorating is abstractedly beautiful." Edward said, before snapping a photo of the action on the court.

I covered up a loud snickering laugh with my hand. _Did he really just say that? About streamers? _ I felt my face heating up, blushing in to a bright red. _What the fuck?_

"Oh my God, I'm red." My hand pressed to my cheek.

"It's a good color on you." His trademark lopsided smile made the red even redder.

"You know what's a good color on you? Black and blue." I punched him square in the arm, as we both smiled at each other. Edward had a surprisingly hard as steel arm and only flinched a little. Edward moved on to photograph more of the game.

The whistle blew as halftime came for the tournament. Cheerleaders from the high school ran onto the court to perform for the attendees. _I am _not_ staying around for this._

I stood up and stepped down from the bleachers, the wood rattling against my weight pressing down on it.

I shoved my hands in my pockets, walking along the outside of the basketball court. Walking to the Hall of Fame corridor, I smiled at Jasper and Alice as I passed the ticket table. Even though I despised any and all school or community events, I was having a decent time with my friends. _Do I really hate these things because I never had a reason to go to them? _It was so new to be part of something like this.

A sliver of the cold January air hit my face as I pushed the heavy metal bar on the door. I stepped outside of the school and gazed into the dark night. My breath blew out white clouds as I looked past the parking lot, toward the baseball field. It was quiet.

I sort of missed the quiet in my life at times. The times when it was just me and my burning. I felt like I was go-go-going all the time. Spending time with friends had become fun and surprisingly cathartic, not unlike the times I would burn things, only much less destructive and a whole lot less looked down upon.

I really didn't know what to think. _I need some balance._

In the distance, I saw two figures walking along the outline of the forest behind the baseball field. I barely made them out from the light fog and mist of rain that started to come down in Forks fashion. They were holding hands. Their heads turned toward each other.

A car stuttering to life caught my ears. The engine was not giving an inch, as the person tried to rev it up. _It's dead, buddy. Get a jumper._

Suddenly, the two figures emerged from the shadow.

My eyes widened. My mouth fell open. My mouth closed. My teeth clenched. My hands balled into tight fists. My legs stuck in place, shaking with anger.

My voice.

"No fucking way." I stammered to myself.

There they were. Rosalie and Emmett walking toward me, eyes on each other. Hand in hand.

_Emmett! With Rosalie!_

"No fucking way!" I shouted across the parking lot.

Rosalie and Emmett looked in my direction, stopping dead in their tracks. Hands still linked together. Their faces were drained of all their color; I could see the pale white from where I stood.

My anger boiled so hot, it was immune to the cold around me. The anger jolted to my feet. I marched with precision to confront them. Of course, I wasn't going to do it quietly.

The loud revving of an engine coming to life rang in my ears.

"No fucking way!" I spit out with every bit of venom my body had stashed away. "You…You…You fucking…low down piece of ---"

_Ow!_

The last things I remembered were my eyes focused on Rosalie, my body thrown, my leg hurting, my head hitting the pavement.

My world turned the darkest black I'd ever seen.

* * *

A/N: Heartfail…I know.

Let me know how you feel about my story, everyone and anyone.


	18. Itchy Gauze

A/N: Thank you lovelies for reading and reviewing!

Massive, ginormous props to my beta, persnickety_er.

Disclaimer: Don't own.

* * *

_Ugh! My head_! I internally groaned. I was slowly waking up from… something. I couldn't think what it was or how I had gotten into the position I was currently in. I could feel that my body was lying horizontal on a soft surface; though stiff and starched to no end.

The first thing I heard was a door opening and closing with a light, metallic click. "You need to go home." The voice sounded familiar, but I couldn't place who he was.

"How much longer with this?" A soft, anxious velvet voice called. The sound came from somewhere close to my ear.

"Her breathing indicates she should be waking up soon." The familiar voice was clearly trying to inject some of his calm manner into the velvet one. I heard a pen running across paper, and it hurt my ears.

I couldn't open my eyes to show them I was here and aware. My eyelids felt heavy, one of them heavier than the other. A vein pulsed and beat loud on my temple, sending pain in a roundabout way behind my eyeball.

I groaned loudly this time at the sudden onslaught of the sharp annoyance.

"Bella?" The familiar voice called.

What sounded like chair legs scraping across the floor beat loudly against my ears. Shoes protested noisily against a squeaky surface. The unmistakable sound of a door opening and closing went by quickly.

"Bella? Can you open your eyes?" The familiar voice willed me to finally make contact with him, not in a commanding way, more like I was being encouraged to take my first baby steps.

My body responded with the opening of one eye. The other was blocked by a scratchy, thick cloth. There was no light peeking through. _Am I blind in one eye? Oh God! _I felt my hand weakly come up to try and touch the obstruction over my vision.

"You have a bruised eye." I finally recognized that it was Carlisle, with my one good eye apparently. His hands gently pulled the sticky tape from holding the cloth down, coolness of the air around me hitting the area around my eyelid. His face remained still. "It should heal within a few days."

I hadn't registered before then where I was. My one eye took in the gown I was wearing, and the strapped on cast on my left leg. The room smelled sterile and clean. The incessantly beeping heart monitor just over my shoulder, next to the railings on the side of my bed. This all led me to believe that I was in the hospital.

Charlie entered, rushing to my side. He definitely hadn't slept much. His eyes held a small glint in them. Tears won't fall from his eyes, but utter gratefulness shone. His rough, calloused hands clasped my right one. A small Charlie like smile was his true physical way of telling me that he was feeling better now that I was awake.

"How you doing, kiddo?" Charlie brought out a nickname I hadn't heard in many years.

"I'm…" I could feel the hoarseness of my voice, and how strange it felt to move my vocal cords in general. The pain in my skull was so wishy-washy. I wish I had some sort of voice telling me to prepare for it. The IV tugged lightly as I felt my bandaged hand.

"You were bleeding quite a bit." The tone of Charlie's words told me he was still a little spooked from seeing so much of my spilt blood.

I squeezed the hand Charlie had underneath mine. He looked relieved.

"What…happened?" Everything came out monstrously slow.

"You were in the school parking lot. Mr. Banner was distracted as he backed up his car into…where you were standing." Charlie clearly didn't want to relive this more than he had to.

Carlisle walked out of the room, promising that he'd check back in on me in a little while.

"Your friends are looking to see you." Charlie informed me.

A few minutes later, after Charlie let go of my hand and smoothed my hair back, he switched places with Alice. She looked the most un-Alice I'd ever seen her. Her usually cheerful bounce into a room was replaced by a slow shuffle. Her short spiky hair was flat against her head. She looked to be following the same sleeping plan as Charlie.

"Oh my Bella. You had us all so worried." Alice gave me a light hug, not looking to disturb any of the wires and tubes running into my body.

"I'm up now." My throat weakly offered.

"I hope you're feeling better." Alice slid the chair closer to my bed, the legs grating against the floor.

"My head feels like a two hundred pound gorilla sat on it."

Alice looked up at me from the chair and chuckled. "Good to know the gorilla didn't knock that humor out."

I wanted to scoff at her, but my voice hurt. And I certainly couldn't roll my eyes. I stuck out my tongue at her instead, like the five year old I knew I was.

Jasper came in not long after Alice, giving her a quick kiss 'hello' and sat by me. He pulled over another chair and propped his feet on it. The typical Jasper behavior ended there though. He was much more talkative then I'd heard him before. He went into detail about one of his favorite Civil War heroes, General Robert E. Lee. I tried to cling onto his words, but I could barely get passed the first sentence about how the General became one. Jasper seemed to still be as on-edge as he had been the last time I'd seen him. He picked up a tissue box and tossed it around in his hands for a few minutes.

He definitely had a bucket load of _something_ on his mind.

"Lee once said 'You must study to be frank with the world: frankness is the child of honesty and courage. Say just what you mean to do on every occasion, and take it for granted that you mean to do right.' Honesty, Bella. There are those who don't have it in their blood. There are also those that have it, but have had it transfused with the blood of dishonesty. That last one hurts more then someone born with lies in their veins." Jasper stopped tossing the box between his hands.

Edward didn't sit down like everyone else had. His eyebrows scrunched together, his mouth in a straight line. He looked like he could punch someone in that moment; _listen, Edward, I feel like I've been hit with a boulder. I don't think I can take anything more than a feather hitting me._

As if reading my stress correctly, he sat down with a sigh and placed his hand on the bed, playing with the edges of my bed sheet.

He ran his other hand through his hair. His shirt looked clean, but his pants looked like a wrinkled mess. I even spotted a faded mustard stain on his thigh.

_Everyone is like The Night of the Living Dead. I'm up, people! I'm alive!_

"Edward, please stop." I struggled to get the words out.

He reached over to my bedside table, pouring some water from the salmon colored pitcher into a clear plastic cup. He handed it to me. I didn't know why I didn't think of that before.

"What do I need to stop?" He linked his fingers together, leaning his elbows on his thighs.

"Just…everyone." My words took on a whining quality. "Ever since I woke up, everyone is mopey. Angry even."

"You were hit by a car. You were out for two days." He offered as an excuse.

"I'm fine now though. My head hurts, yes. My leg is in a cast. My throat feels like it's on fire." I felt an inner chuckle come on from that last one. "It's all things that heal. Head is still here and above my shoulders. Everything is fine now."

Edward hung his head. "Do you remember anything before the accident?"

My tender brain searched for any information that stuck out from that night. "I remember the tournament…The Bitch Brigade…" Edward chuckled at the nickname. I bit my bottom lip as I dug for more memories of the evening, "…stepping outside…and…I might've seen Emmett, but I'm not sure."

Edward exhaled loudly, disappointment laced into his nonverbal response, "Emmett," he grumbled.

"What? What happened to Emmett?" _Curse this coma I was in!_

"I…I'd rather he talk to you then you hearing from a third party." His hand tightly gripped the sheet on my bed again.

"Edward, now _you_ can personally stop doing that." I gestured toward his angry fist.

"Sorry." His hand loosened from the cotton. He briefly patted my hand, before placing it back on his lap.

I decided to address something far less serious. "Get into a fight with a mustard packet?" My finger gestured to the yellow distraction on his leg

Edward looked down. "Bottle, actually." His tongue darted out, his thumb pressing against it. The friction and wetness of his thumb wiped away only a little bit of the stain from his jeans.

Edward and I sat and watched a little bit of TV, but they didn't have any good channels. We eventually settled on a late night comedy variety program.

"What was that skit that he did a while ago? I can't remember what it was." I twirled and gestured with the remote in my hand.

"Hmm…" Edward folded his arms, his body slid down to a more slumped position. "I don't remember." He chuckled and smiled. "I usually fell asleep to it."

"What? That was the best thing ever invented for late night." I slapped the remote against the bed.

"I prefer the other guy. He's also on earlier."

"What are you, a fifty year old man? Maybe you need a reason to stay up late."

I went into a side by side comparison of the two late night hosts and why my favorite clearly trumped his.

I started feeling subconscious in my bed. It felt like I was being laid out to be viewed; I was in a practically sheer gown, without a bra, a thin piece of fabric as a blanket that wouldn't keep a baby warm, and my pants-less legs out on display.

Eventually, I didn't care too much about the position I was lying in or how I was dressed. The dimly lit room became a blur in my eye and I drifted to sleep.

The next morning, I awoke to a static sound and a long beep.

"Chief, what's your location?" Charlie's walkie talkie came to life.

Charlie gave an annoyed look, likely mad at himself for not turning the radio volume down while in the hospital. He pushed the button to allow him to speak; he sounded tired. "Forks Community Hospital."

"Sorry, Chief." The officer responded on the other end.

"How long have you been here?" I asked groggily.

"I came in not too long ago. I woke your friend up and told him to get some shut eye at home. Nice of him to stay with you through the night. I meant to come back sooner."

I decided that enough undue attention had been paid to me for now. God knows how much more was given to me while I was unconscious the past couple days.

I rubbed the sleep out of my eye. "Dad, go work. I'll be fine." I reassured him. "I'm in a hospital…" A few stuttered yawns escaped me, as any long movement with my bruised eye hurt, "…with doctors, nurses, the whole medical kit and caboodle."

"Bells, I'm your father, I'm allowed to stay and worry." He shifted to sit up straight in his seat, taking an authoritative stance.

"I think you would be the first to say 'where does worrying get someone?'" _Please, did I have him hook, line and sinker?_

Charlie looked at the beeping heart monitor next to me, then at the phone beside my bed.

"I'll call and check on you in a little while." He placed his hands on his thighs, and lifted himself up off the chair. The numerous amounts of gadgets on his utility belt swayed noisily.

"Deal." It was as good a compromise as we'd come to.

Carlisle came in a half hour after Charlie left. He explained to me the extent of my injuries. Besides the eye, I had a concussion that knocked me out for a couple of days, and a severely broken shin bone. As a result, I had the luxury of a metal rod in my leg for two months and staying off my feet for a month. This meant no school or other activities that weren't of the utmost importance.

"No firehouse?" I practically begged.

"Firehouse? Oh, no. None of that."

I was way more disappointed that I had to stay away from the firehouse for another month. If there was a way to get myself injected with a non-bad luck or non-accident prone gene, I would've. It baffled me that other than sports injuries, Emmett always remained unscathed. Charlie never really had a full blown klutzy moment, just the normal trips over a crack in the sidewalk.

I guess I must've gotten my bad luck and clumsiness from my mother. Not like I would know. It's also unlikely that Charlie would share any of those memories with me. And then I realized where I was and knowing that she had her last breaths in one of these rooms.

I was called back to the present by Charlie wheeling me out of the hospital later in the afternoon and to his cruiser. I was partly grateful that the town I lived in was small and made car rides short.

Charlie supported me with his shoulder for the umpteenth time in my life, as I hopped my way into the house. Every time was just as frustrating and humiliating than the next.

"I'll just lie on the couch." I mumbled to Charlie, as we stood in our small entryway. He helped me to the couch. I didn't want to deal with the long ass journey up the stairs and back down again. _My month long confinement in this house will be center stage no matter where I rest._ He ran to grab me some pillows for my head and my leg.

The pillows were cold and that made me smile, as I leaned my head back into them. I picked up my leg and watched the pillow hug the sides of my shin and calf.

"Can I get you anything?" Charlie inquired from behind the couch.

"No. I'm alright right now", as I folded my hands on my stomach. Charlie's boots made their typical heavy noise against the floor as he walked up the stairs.

Emmett quietly shuffled into the room from upstairs. He looked at the sofa chair and sat in it. From where I sat, I could see with my one good eye out the window and look at Emmett directly.

His mouth let out a huge gust of air before he started. "I'm sorry I didn't come to the hospital to see you."

"I wouldn't have known. I was kind of out of it. I had enough people crowding around me anyway." I shrugged my shoulders.

It was silent in the room for a few minutes. I watched the sunset outside the window. The sun burst with bright rays of orange, pink, and red. Our treeless front yard gave me a clear view.

Emmett leaned forward with his elbows on his knees, rubbing his palms together. He sat back and wiped his palms on his thighs, looking anywhere but at me. I couldn't help but feel anxious from his movements. I remembered Edward mentioning Emmett having to tell me something from the night before. _Maybe this was it._

"Emmett, is there something you have to tell me?" _No bullshit._

Emmett looked at my leg and its cast, then up at my head and covered bruised eye. He leaned forward again, his head hung low as he ran his hands through his curly hair.

"Bella…do you remember anything before the accident?"

"Not much, no. Just the game and maybe one or two things?" I grabbed a thick cotton blanket off the back of the couch, opening it up. I had a hard time covering my legs. Emmett stood up from his chair and helped lay it over me. He tucked the blanket around me like a cocoon. "Thanks." I softly offered.

Emmett decided to sit on the arm of the chair, his profile in my sight. "I've been seeing someone."

_Okay, he _does_ have a girlfriend._ "And?"

"Well…I'm not so sure that you'll have a fair opinion of who I'm seeing."

_Well, duh. No one is going to be good enough for you._ "You never know."

"I'm going out… with Rosalie."

_Huh?_ _What?_ I couldn't help but let out a laugh. _Rosalie?_ I covered my mouth with one of my scabbed and scraped hands. Another one erupted from somewhere in me.

Emmett stayed quiet. He turned his head to look at me, and for a faint second, I thought he was going to join me in my laughing fit; _this is another Emmett joke, a dark one, but another one of his jokes….Right?_ Instead, he looked at me with no trace of humor etched on his face. _Right?_

Instantly, I felt my face lose any hint of humor. My hand lowered to my side, revealing a gaped mouth. "No." I started with disbelief, quickly transforming into anger. "No. What? No!"

"Bella, just listen please --"

"Do you even know who she is? Do you?" My throat felt dry and tight.

"Don't overwork yourself, please?" Emmett's big brother voice warned me of my tired condition. His hands gestured me to calm down.

"D-do you know the shit her and her skanks do to me?"

"Don't call her that." His voice was quietly defensive.

"So you're _defending_ her?" That word felt so dirty and unworthy to be mentioned with her name.

"I'm not defending anyone."

"Then what is it, huh? What is it?" My hands balled into tight fists. My nails dug into my palms, scratching my healing wounds.

He didn't give an answer. Instead, we sat there in more silence.

I felt so angry that I couldn't just get up and leave the room. I wanted to throw something at him, but the only things in my reach were my pillows and they were the only comforting thing to me at the moment. I settled for looking off in the distance, angry traitor tears forming in my eye.

"Bella, I didn't mean to make you cry." He made no move to comfort me in anyway.

I just ignored that last statement. "How could you, Emmett? And keeping it a secret from me?" my voice came out small and weak. _What the fuck did he expect?_

Emmett remained still. "Look…I know you hate me---"

I scoffed, dabbing the tears away from the edge of my eye. _That's not even the half of it._

"--but I can't stop seeing her." His head shook with conviction, the action making my blood boil beyond its limit.

"Of course not." Resigned sarcasm coated my voice.

"I can't…tell you everything."

"Isn't that everything? You're seeing someone who is part of a group that makes my life a living hell? Congratulations, Emmett. You win at making me feel like even more shit than I do right now."

"You don't think I intervene? You don't think I tell Rose to tell them to lighten up on you?"

"Like that makes up for all the shit they do!" I was feeling the effects of my upset manner coating the inside of my nose. "If you like her so much, then tell her to stop hanging out with them." _Rather you not hang out with her._

"I'm not about to be the guy who tells his girl who to hang out with."

He really wasn't giving me an option. I could tell he wasn't willing to budge on dating that blonde bitch. There wasn't any other way to see this situation. _Does. He. Not. Get. It?! _

"Your _girl?_ I'm your fucking sister!" I was pointing my index finger into my chest.

A blimp sized quiet filled the air. My sniffling was the only sound bouncing off the walls.

"So now what, Emmett? I'm supposed to watch you be happy with your girlfriend and then have to deal with her and her posse continue to pull pranks on me at school? Because that is what it sounds like to me."

There were no lights on in the room and the sun was quickly leaving us. I couldn't make out his expression clearly anymore.

"I'm sorry, Bella." His voice was steady and quiet. The couch's frame creaked as Emmett stood up. His form walked to the front door and disappeared outside. I could hear his Jeep start and drive away from the house.

My emotions were running high from the physical and emotional pain. Tears streamed down my face. And I was further upset that the tears were only wetting one cheek.

I felt like I had been slugged with a sledgehammer, and then dipped into hot molten lava.

And no hand could reach in to help me out of it.

**=X=X=X=X=X=X=**

"Ugh!" I gritted my teeth. _Fuck, I can't reach it! _ My arm stretched out under the coffee table. My fingers splayed out in the strenuous effort I was making to pick up the damn remote control. That's what I get for tossing it around and trying to have fun. _Trying_ being the key word.

"Here I'll get it." Charlie quickly walked over from the dining room. He scooped it up and slapped it into my open palm. With the push of a button, the television clicked to life. Some mindless mid-day game show was wrapping up. Some old lady won a vacation to Italy and a fucking boat.

I didn't care that much to watch television or do anything for that matter. I had exiled myself to the couch, since I came home from the hospital four days prior. I only got up to use the downstairs bathroom or hobble my way to the fridge for food. School had started back up and I was oddly missing the normally abhorrent place. Those pop quizzes in English would've been a godsend to my new loathsome routine.

Of course, there was one person I really didn't want to see. He had guessed correctly that I didn't want to see his face, and gave me space. He would run upstairs when he came home and stayed up there all night. I had suspected that he had come down late at night to scour the kitchen for food, and to be in another room besides his own. I was up late at night due to my sporadic sleeping schedule. At sometime in the night, I'd fall asleep. The television would be also be off when I woke up in the morning, and I knew that Charlie went to bed at a reasonable hour.

I wasn't sure how long it would last until one of us said or did something. We were being stubborn, I'll admit, but I felt my reason was more justifiable than his. Not only did it hurt that he was dating someone made of bitchiness, but that he had kept it a secret. Rosalie never said more than a few words to me, and yet she had the audacity to go along with what the Bitch Brigade did. She had the nerve to pull, prod, and twist up the strings of my insecurities.

I couldn't help but wonder if Emmett was walking over to the dark side and possibly feeding the BB things about me. _No, he wouldn't do that. That's heartless and wrong and un-Emmett._ _Very un-Emmett_. _Very un-brotherly. _ And then I regretted for even thinking something like that.

Charlie knew Emmett and I weren't on speaking terms, but he didn't know the extent of it. Three days into our fight, Charlie called a meeting at the Lodge. It was the one time I was lucky to have the injuries I had. No way would I be able to feel comfortable, physically or emotionally, discussing this with my father in a public setting.

He also took it upon himself to relax his duties at work for a few days, only going on calls that were dire.

_Maybe Charlie will let me do fire experiments with my jars._ It would've been the highlight of my fucking day…or weeks to come.

"Dad, could I move the jars right here?" I asked before he went out on a call for backup.

"When I get back, Bells. I don't want you alone with it." His slightly disappointed tone warned me, as he stepped into his bulky boots by the door.

The fake Hollywood set on the television drew me in. The mid-day dramas made me feel dirty and tired, more than before. My brain was melting at the sights and sounds of the over dramatized life styles that played out on screen. A living room with bad lighting left shadows under the actor's eyes. I ran my fingertips underneath my eyes, feeling the evidence of my sleeping issues.

"I should be back within the hour. It's a rookie highway patrolman, looking for validation." His experience with the young man was identifiable in his tone.

Twenty minutes after Charlie left, my leg pain kicked in. My pain pills weren't within reach, likely to ward off any addiction I could develop from them. I was an unmovable lump on the couch. The crutches given to me were in the hallway closet behind the coats; I was under explicit orders from Dr. Cullen to wait until he says I could be up and about again. A cane was somewhere in the house, but somewhere fucking hidden. _Hidden. Things are always fucking hidden from me._

The front door knocked twice.

"Who is it?!" My voice carried to the other side of the door.

"Bella? You there?" Alice called back.

_Shit. Ugh, where's the spare key?_ I closed my eyes, hopefully jotting my memory.

"Alice, I can't get up! There's a spare key behind the rock!" A few seconds later, I heard the door open and close.

Alice walked into the living room. Her eyes instantly became invented with easiness.

"Bella, look at this place", her tone just shy of complete offensiveness.

Weakly, I turned my head to look at what the room was telling her. The coffee table was littered with old magazines and puzzle books I asked Charlie to fetch me from my book shelf. Empty and half filled water bottles lay like plastic boats. The wastebasket next to the couch overflowed with tissues, dirty paper plates from my meals that I would actually eat.

"And you need a shower." Her gaze made contact with the top of my head.

"Thanks, Alice." I looked off at the figures on the screen. Some lady on TV squished a girl's face in her hand before giving her a royal slap across her cheek.

All of a sudden, I felt like such a big blubbery baby. My vision blurred with long dormant tears sliding down my right cheek. The semi-healing eye took advantage of my now open eyelid, sending drops down in succession. I could feel the days old dirt all over my oily skin; dead skin cells rough and grainy. I pulled my fingers through my hair; knots prevented the smooth ride down to my ends.

My hands flopped into my lap as I glanced over at the same slap happy woman on TV from before. She had done a complete one eighty and was now comforting the girl who was at the other end of her act of punishment.

"Bella, let me help you." Alice gently sat on the other end of the sofa; my feet almost brushed the side of her thigh.

"With what, Alice?" I made no move to look at her.

"Clean you up. You can't spend the next month the way you are right now."

_She wants to help me shower. No. Just. No._ "Alice, No. You are not helping me with that. That's--No." I vehemently shook my head.

"Why not?"

"I'm..well.."_ I'd be naked. _"I'm not...I'm not comfortable with..." I'd never had someone close to me see me naked since I was a baby. Even in gym class, I changed in the bathroom stalls. Doctors' jobs included seeing their patients bare, but I still had a minor panic attack when I had to put on that examination gown. The cold room would hit my body and it still felt like I couldn't calm down. I'd probably panic from the afterlife as the mortician prepared my body.

Alice sighed. "Bella, I'm only here to help. I think you would feel immensely better if you washed up. A clean body is a happy body. Your body is a temple." She preached to me.

Ashamed, I lowered my head. Alice was being her happy, caring self and I was preventing her from getting what she wanted; for the other person to ultimately be a happy, caring person. Truth was, I didn't know what would make me that way. I wondered what would be the ultimate thing that would make me as perpetually joyous and unbridled as Alice Cullen.

I felt jealous of someone else for the innumerable interval in my life.

"Would you feel better if I shared something about me with you?" Alice glanced at me, tilting her head to the side. Her eyes took on a calm, knowing look.

I wasn't sure if it'll actually work. I didn't know what could be as personal as exposing my body to someone else. Unless they were doing the same.

"Alice, you don't need to show me yours. I mean, I'm sure you are very pretty. But, um--" _Great, Bella. You sound like a lesbian._

Alice's giggle interrupted my embarrassing same sex rambling. "No, nothing like that." She reached for the remote to turn off the now happy mother and daughter on TV.

Silence filled the air for a few seconds. Alice took a deep breath before she began. "I always thought that I was…unshakably blissful. And knowing how blissful I was made me even more elated.

"I thought that being who I was would help me get through whatever I would go through in life. Why _shouldn't_ it? Was it because I was personally dealing with something and not looking at it objectively?

"This..." Her mouth opened to let a breath of air escape. "...thing I trudged through…completely made all the years before seem like a lie. Well, not a lie, but that everything I thought I was…it made me question things. Ultimately, I had to build myself up again and figure out if I truly was the happy person I thought I was."

Alice had engrossed me in her story. I really didn't know where she was going with it, but it left me anxious and unsure whether I would react the way she wanted me too.

In one swift motion, Alice's hand grabbed the back of her hair and…

_Did she just pull off her hair?_

Alice now sat on my couch, holding a wig in her hands. Her real hair was the same black color, but it was a buzz cut and hair missing in some spots.

I couldn't help my mouth from gaping open or my hand from rising to cover it. My thoughts immediately went to her health.

"Oh God, Alice! Oh God, Alice are you dying? Please don't be dying!" Genuine tears were brimming in my eyes.

"No, Bella. I'm perfectly healthy. Except for…" Alice pointed to the little amount of hair on the top of her head. "I have alopecia." Alice finally admitted, fussing with the ends of her wig.

"So, you're…" The next word I was about to say sounded wrong, "…bald?" I was hoping I wasn't offending her or sounding mean.

"I take pills to try to grow my hair, but it doesn't fully grow in some spots. It'll appear and then fall out."

I looked at the spots on her head again, noticing that some spots were fuzzier than others. For the first time, I realized how I would feel if I was in Alice's shoes. I would've had a hard time dealing without my hair. I would cry every time I saw a bristly brush, knowing I couldn't use it on my head. Magazine ads with women and their perfect locks would send me into hysterics. It made me feel like a female for the first time.

_I care what I look like to others?_

I think that even if I was Alice, and I was a living light bulb, I would've had a hard time dealing with it myself. Would Alice have had a hard time like I was having? Was I making a big deal out of nothing?

Now I felt like my problems with myself were small compared to hers.

"Alice, I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what?"

"I didn't know."

"Why would you be sorry for that? I never told you."

"Then why now? I feel so…insignificant." I couldn't find a better word.

"Nothing you think is insignificant. You are human, Bella. You are allowed to think and feel what you want. As for me, I care about you and am doing what I can to get you out of your funk. Funks are _not_ fun."

Alice twisted her body more toward me, her arm laid across the top of the couch. "I've been treating this", she lightly gestured to her head, "like a secret for so long. Why should I hide it? At the same time, it's nobody's business but mine and my friends. And you are my friend so therefore you…" She casually pointed to me, "…are my business."

It was honestly one of the most sincere moments in my life. I needed more of them. I smiled back at Alice, feeling better and happier that I knew a little more about my friend.

Alice was surprisingly strong, as I draped my arm over her shoulder and my hand holding the railing. We made our way up the stairs to clean the funk, literal and figurative, off of me.

After the shower, Alice hung out with me a little bit more. Alice was a little wet from helping me clean myself.

"Sorry, I got you wet." I played with the ends of my long sleeved shirt.

"The one good thing about no hair: Less time in the shower." She smiled and winked.

"Fine, rub it in my face." I twirled the ends of my hair.

"You know? I think you would look really pretty with curls." She grabbed the end I had in my hand, twisting around her finger.

"Really?" _What do you have up your sleeve, Alice?_

"Yes." Suddenly, Alice gasped. "Sleepover!" She clapped her hands together; her voice so bubbly, I thought it might burst.

_Oh. My._

Eventually, Alice had to say her goodbye and left to go home.

_Charlie!_ I forgot about him. I remembered him saying he would be back in about an hour and it was…over an hour later. I was about to call the station when there was a knock on the door.

I immediately thought it was Alice, likely forgetting something. "What Alice?"

"It's me. Can I come in?" the voice of Rosalie floated from behind the door, into my house, and my ears.

_Ugh!_

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A/N: Reviews are love.


	19. Labyrinths

A/N: Thank you lovelies for reading and reviewing!

Disclaimer: Not mine.

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"It's me. Can I come in?" Rosalie's voice took up unnecessary space in my ears.

"You're not allowed in!" I shouted with as much venom as I could manage.

"Bella, I have---I need to talk to you." Her voice spoke of genuine concern, but I'll be damned if that woman stepped one more toe into my life.

"You don't _deserve_ to talk!" My throat could've used some water at that point. I leaned for a glass of it on the newly cleared off table.

"You need to know what's going on!"

"There is no other way to see this! You are a bitch, plain and simple!"

"That's a little unfair, don't you think?"

_Unfair? This bitch thinks it's unfair of me to not let her have her say on things unfair?_

"No!" I simply stated. She didn't need a full out fucking explanation. "Go away! I'll call Charlie! I'll have him site you for trespassing!" _Got ya now!_

"I've been in this house before."

_Emmett. Grr!_ I fisted my hands on top of my blanket. _She's been in this house before? Eww…Oh my God! I had her fucking thong underwear in my hands! Double Eww!_

I grunted loudly, the memory dirtying up my brain. "Go away!" I couldn't hold back the hurt anymore, as I pounded my fists into the blanket around me. _Ugh, why do my tears come when I'm angry?_ I blinked them back before they broke through.

Rosalie's shoes clicked against our hardwood floors. She appeared around the corner and in my sight. Her long blonde hair swung against the molding in the entryway.

"How the fuck did you get in?" I took in the unbelievable sight of Rosalie Hale in my living room--tainting everything with all the high-heeled steps she would take.

"I know where the spare is." She held up the golden traitor between her thumb and index finger.

"I don't want to even look at you!" Rosalie stepped back behind the wall of the entryway into the living room. I could barely see her arm around the curve in wall. "Just…fuck off. Fuck off and let the door hit you in the ass on the way out!" I was being extremely melodramatic when I harshly pointed toward the way she came in. "You are disgusting, selfish and….I'm not wasting my energy on you."

"Bella, I'm trying to be mature with you, and…" She exhaled an exhaustive breath. "I would think you could… be the same way."

"Mature? _You_ are talking about mature? What high horse did you come down from?"

"I never said that I was grown-up any other time." She sounded remorseful, but I was hardly going to give her the benefit of the doubt. "What is it going to take to---?"

"--to let you talk? How about never?!" I needed bitch to fight bitch apparently.

Rosalie turned toward me, her mouth open to speak. But she went back to her previous position, closing her mouth; likely seeing the red as hell look on my face. I really didn't feel like entertaining her thoughts or opinions. She definitely didn't warrant that much. Even if Emmett was going out with her. I turned my head to look away from her. _Why was she here? Was she here on her own will? Was she her on a mission from the BB? Was Emmett telling her to come here and make nice with me? _

"Listen, if you think you can just come in here and, and…make shit better or worse, you can't."

"I understand. I know what you think of me. I'm not ignorant to that." She finally turned back toward me, permanently this time. Her posture reminded me of someone who had been in one too many pageant competitions. "To be honest, I think I would feel exactly the same way you are feeling."

_Really? You would? Wanna wear these shoes? Or this cast? Fine. You wanna spit out your story? You're on my turf, my fucking rules._

"How about _I_ do the talking and you answer only when _I_ give you the chance?" The emphasis was necessary. She was not going to have the upper hand when on my territory, physical and emotional.

"That…seems fair." Her voice saying she didn't have a real choice in the matter.

The room stayed quiet as I gathered my questions. I wasn't sure if I really wanted to ask this woman anything. I didn't want to hear her voice, see her fucking face anymore than I had to, or know anything personal about her. I had always been steaming mad at her. The moment I saw her in my vision with the rest of the Bitch Brigade, she was on my list.

The only inquiry I had was how the fuck Jasper dealt with her ass? Then, I realized I had my first question.

"Did anyone else know?" _Please, don't let this filter over there. I really can't take any other people being dragged into this. Or another person betraying me._

"Edward and Alice didn't know. On New Years Eve, Jasper found out. Emmett and I were having a night in with some of my family. I thought Jasper had left for the night to go to the Cullens. I was with Emmett. Jasper came storming in when he realized Emmett's varsity jacket was hanging on our coat stand." Rosalie stopped to pull down the ends of her jacket.

"Jasper demanded to know everything. How long? Why...How could I do this? And when we were planning on telling you? He grilled Emmett to no end; how disrespectful he was and how he was deceiving you. Jasper had his jabs at me, which Emmett didn't take lightly. If my parents hadn't been home, Jasper and Emmett might've taken it further." She physically shuttered at the memory.

"Ultimately, Jasper gave Emmett and me an ultimatum. One week. We had one week to tell you everything. He was going to tell you that night, but he was so torn on what to do. And we were going to tell you, Bella. The night of the basketball thing, we were planning it. We were." She practically begged me to accept her heartfelt confession of when she was going to confess.

I was processing this whole messy labyrinth. Things had spun into riddles and complex mazes that left my head reeling from it all. Jasper knew, but obviously out of loyalty to his family he didn't share it with me. And to be honest, I couldn't blame him. Because even though I wasn't a big fan of Emmett at the moment, he was flesh and blood. I loved him enough to know that he made mistakes. I knew me enough to know that I wasn't perfect. Yet, I wasn't above holding shit over his head.

"When did you two meet?" _Always best to start at the beginning._ My line of questioning wasn't cutesy. I wasn't an interested friend wanting to know their full on lovey dovey moment.

"At the appreciation dinner. Do you want to know more?"

"I ask the questions. Remember?"

She simply nodded. I was hustling this woman like a detective searching for all the hard evidence and clues; the bloody glove had to be somewhere.

"Who approached who?" I continued.

"Emmett came over to sit and talk with Mike." She had a small grimace on her face from saying his name. "They only chatted about football things and strategies; about an upcoming away game." She smiled briefly before continuing, "Emmett looked over at me and said 'Do you know how much a polar bear weighs?' I laughed and said 'Nice try. I've heard that one', and I was going to blow him off. But, he smiled that dimply grin and blushed, obviously embarrassed at being caught. And it was the cutest thing ever."

Emmett liked the chase most of the time when it came to girls. Flavors of the months…or minutes, for that matter. I've seen him flirt once or twice when we were out at the supermarket or department store. Very rarely would he bring home a girl. Most of them were weekend hookups at a party he went to somewhere in Forks or one town over.

It surprised me that he was with Rosalie for as long as he was; Three months must be years to him. She had the balls to take Emmett down a notch. She called his bluff and still liked his dumb ass.

Maybe there was something I was missing about her. Maybe Emmett as well. I still felt reluctant to know her, but I was doing it for the sake of my brother. I knew he wouldn't purposefully be with someone like her to hurt me.

"Why?"

"Why what?" She made a move to step forward, but I eyed her slight movement. She stayed where she was.

"Why do you do…it? Everything? The Bi--" I was about to say the nick name for her vile friends, but I stopped short. "… the things everyone does…to me." The comfort level in my body had reached an unbearable amount, as my tears struggled yet again to stay behind their lids.

Rosalie remained stoic through my blabbering. She folded her arms and leaned her shoulder in against the entryway. "Ever since I can remember, I was always known for one thing. I was the beautiful blonde baby who stopped people at the grocery store, on the sidewalk, at the park. I've made some of the toughest men in the world smile, when their mouths were in a permanent frown. People constantly told my parents that I should be a baby model, but they always politely declined. A few months before my second birthday, my father's company went under and had no job or money to his name. My father is a very proud, family man. He will always pursue the best option for his loved ones before settling on the lesser choice.

"One day, my mother heard a commercial on the radio for a World's Most Beautiful Baby Contest. The winner would receive an array of prizes including a year's supply of diapers and five thousand dollars. Five thousand dollars would've taken care of the mortgage for a few months and then some. They knew once the judges laid their eyes on me that I'd win. They knew how much they really needed the money at the time. It was a golden opportunity they couldn't pass up."

"Sure enough, I walked away the big winner." Rosalie sounded bittersweet at the outcome of the contest.

"After that, I was entered into every single child pageant and beauty contest across the great state of Texas. My dad eventually found another job, but I continued to compete. I'm not sure if you want to know about all the weird beauty regiments that go into being in these things…" One side of her nose wrinkled up in slight amusement, her hand waving in a dismissive fashion "…but I've had some pretty surreal moments at those events. All of that happened up until I was about eight, when my father had insisted we stop. I was grateful that he had the sense to tell my mother that enough was enough. A dad can only take so much of his little girl dancing around in shiny leotards and winning golden trophies.

Once I reached my teens, well…there was no stopping the new kinds of looks I was getting from people. Boys…men." Rosalie looked away from my gaze and darkly chuckled. I imagined she was remembering an incident with a certain male.

"I've always been a vain mess, Bella." Her shoes clicked their way to the armchair across the room. She gracefully settled into the cushions. "I'm always the first to admit that."

"Are you saying that if you're vain, then putting others down comes along with it?" My face wrinkled in utter confusion.

"Not necessarily. But more times than not, that is how it is." She shrugged at recognizing the fact.

I never thought I would be hearing someone say outright that bitchiness and good looks have to be together. I didn't want to be the final judge on what was considered attractive, but I'm fairly sure there were people who were eye catching who never said rude shit to those of lesser stature. _She's no different. There is no reason for her to act the way she does. _ There had to be something more as to why Rosalie did what she did. Why she went along with this whole beauty charade. The feeling that we weren't only talking about how beautiful Rosalie was had crept up on me. Or that people worshipped the exterior she wore.

"Why do you hang out with them?" I brought back the initial question, with less venom and more wonder.

"It's all pre-determined. They're the only type of people who I _could_ hang out with. I've developed a niche for myself with what I have." She gestured to herself with her hands. "Ultimately, I need to keep company with the group I am with now. Do I like participating in the activities they consider fun? No. Do I wish I could get away? Yes."

Every time, I've seen her with the BB, her face was unreadable. I thought it was just an unemotional bitch face, part of her role in the whole thing. All the other girls either sneered or laughed at my expense.

"Nothing makes any sense. No one knew you from Adam when you moved here. You didn't have to do anything or specifically hang out with anyone."

"There is nothing else I know. No one else would understand what it means to have what I have. Those girls I am with now feed me everything I need to be me. It's sick, an addiction, I understand, but I can't let it go. Even back in Texas at my old school, I attempted to take part in their plans. But, it got old fast and nothing hurts more than knowing your own brother not approving.

"You had to have felt something like that at some point. The needing to be who and what you are?"

It was funny how long ago I judged a couple people on their monetary background. The fancy cars, the update technological gear, even the high end fabric Alice bought to make clothes with. But, it became clear to me once I hung out with Edward and Alice more, that they never rubbed any of their lifestyle's luxuries in my face. In fact, I remember Alice and Edward both being in my home and taking in the quaint sight of it all. _Maybe they don't like having all that money. It's what they know too, but they don't wear it on their sleeves. _

_Could Rosalie have a similar resentment?_

_Is it how you use it?_

The webs of information tangled and weaved its way through my brain. These new things about Rosalie made my brain hurt. I never expected to get all of this from her. She was taking me through the complications of being beautiful and all the pre-requisites that go with it. _Was it really so hard to step away from it all?_ It was making sense but not at the same time. I suddenly felt like I knew too much now. The bombardment of information crashed onto me in torturous waves.

Not only with Rosalie, but everyone. I was knowing people and it scared me. I missed my hiding out. _When did all of this happen?_

"Are you okay, Bella? You look a little…flushed." Rosalie made no move to do anything, but just looked on. Her eyes were invading me and taking in things I was portraying. It was odd to hear her personally care.

"I'm fine." My voice strained. _Oh God, don't cry._

"Before you get upset, I'm not here to do that. Unfortunately, Emmett had done that to you." Rosalie rolled her eyes, shaking her head from side to side. "He definitely didn't mean to."

"It's not like I haven't cried because of him before."

"I know. Believe me; Jasper has made me shed some tears." She let out a very unlady-like snort. She quickly composed herself. "Emmett just has bad timing."

"Bad timing?"

"I told him to wait until you were feeling a little better to tell you everything. Guilt was eating away at him. He couldn't even get close to you in the hospital. We had our earful from everyone."

For once, I was grateful for being out for those couple of days. It must've been a blizzard of emotions from all five of them. I imagined Edward and Alice being in shock and angry, Edward's boiling mad expression and Alice's passion to make everything right. I imagined poor Jasper standing in the middle of it all, looking to be the calm of the storm. They clearly were upset when I finally woke up, but more than I thought they should've been. They looked like how I felt right now; like an unpredictable tornado pulled apart the outside of a house, revealing the interiors. Essentially peeking into the lives of how the occupants arranged their furniture and what kind of bedspread they used.

I suddenly remembered the words Emmett had used. How he couldn't let me know the whole story.

"What exactly did he want to tell me the other day?"

"For a long time, he felt so bad that he was towing the line with being with me and being honest with you. We've had many conversations and arguments about it all. Many times he asked me to leave the group. He's not the controlling boyfriend type. I don't think he even knows what it would mean to be one."

"We had to come up with a solution. Something that would make Emmett, and ultimately me feel better. Because Bella, I love your brother very much. I would jump over the moon and beyond to make him feel better."

"Then, it smacked me across the head. I had access. Access to information that could help you out. I know all of the plans they will be playing out." Her eyes lit up with each sentence she finished.

"So what, you'll be a spy?"

"In a way." Her body had leaned closer to me with the intensity of her revelation.

This was a very big gesture. Huge. Probably the biggest thing anyone could ever do for me. She had my back. She wanted to be my ally. As close to a friend she could be with her situation.

There was nothing selfish about what she was going to do. Not only is she willing to stick her neck out for me, but for herself.

"Bella, I am very serious about your brother. I, unfortunately, have not had the chance to find out any information about you, through you. I have had to learn it all second and third hand. And it hurts me to know more about you then you know about me. It's unfair that I know things that I shouldn't know. However, I do know that someday when you find out what it means to know someone and love them, you would do anything for them. Anything. Even the most bizarre and heartbreaking things you could think of. I would do anything for your brother. And that means fixing everything I've done wrong while here, including just standing witness to all the crap pulled on you."

_And for Emmett! _I wasn't going to get up and give her hug, not only for physical reasons. I embraced this kind act internally. My usual safe net of sarcasm was tamed by this circumstance.

"So…what do I have to do?" A coal of emotion lodged in my throat.

"Nothing. I'm going to ward them off as much as I can. I'll let you know when something is coming."

"What if they find out?" _They'd figure it out, won't they?_

Rosalie laughed it up so hard. "I've done some warding off for you recently. We'll be fine." I didn't miss the 'we' in there.

Rosalie and I sat in the living room for a few moments, before the front door opened. I wasn't sure if it was Emmett or Charlie. I bent forward slightly to peek at the stairs; Emmett would walk right up the stairs.

Emmett peeked around the corner, his baffled eyes falling on Rosalie. He looked over at me. I saw him swallow heavily.

"Why are you such a jughead?" were my first words to him.

His eyes went wide. "Uh…" Emmett looked over at Rosalie again, asking a silent question.

"I told her." Rosalie clasped and unclasped her hands together.

"Oh!" Emmett wiped his hand across his forehead, his mouth blowing out air. Emmett looked at me, a big brother glint fell upon his eyes. He walked over to me, his hands in his pockets. He bent down, kissing my forehead. One hand left his pocket and rested on the top of my head. "I'm sorry, Bells."

I smiled up at him. "You're forgiven. And you owe a few Taco Tuesdays."

"We'll all go. Rosalie keeps bragging she can eat me under the table." Emmett walked over to Rosalie, sitting on the arm of the sofa chair. His arm draped over the back.

"Jasper mentioned that." I looked at Rosalie, she smiled into her lap. _I definitely want to see that._

Eventually, Rosalie and Emmett had to say their goodbyes to each other for the night. I could see them from the door. They were whispering things, but I didn't listen in. I heard the sounds of a few brief kisses.

I heard Rosalie's shoes reenter the entryway.

"Oh, how's your truck running?" Rosalie asked, her hand resting on the molding of the wall.

"Fine?" _Why would she want to know?_ My face twisted in total bewilderment, my words took on the same quality. "It needed spark plugs not too long ago, but they were replaced…"

Rosalie's look softened and she smiled at me. "Your car is tricky to buy for, but it's not a lost cause. Let me know if you need an oil change."

_Oh….mystery solved. And I found a mechanic._

Her fingers drummed against the wood. "See you around, Bella."

She fled the area. I heard Emmett say 'my babe the mechanic', before the door shut.

* * *

A/N: I know many of you will feel strongly about this chapter, but I promise it'll be okay.

How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the ice.

I have to give it up to my friend and fellow fan fic author, Bratty-Vamp. Her story _Abbraccaire il Cantante_, is a fantastic story that she is about to complete and it is definitely worth a read. I have it saved under my favorites, so check it out. Congrats Kat!

I promise some crazy good drama coming your way. My next few chapters are events I had in mind before I fully developed my story.

See you at the next one!


	20. Beaker Boy

A/N: Thanks for reading and reviewing!

Disclaimer: Don't own.

* * *

"This is how it'll work."

Three weeks ago, I wouldn't have imagined this happening. Emmett and Rosalie were sitting across from me at the kitchen table. A meeting was taking place on how this whole spying thing would work. I had been so angry and hurt by Emmett the past month or so, I forgot what it was like to actually be civil with my brother again. The moments where our care-free laughing and jabbing at each other were steadily coming back, and the fact that I didn't have to worry if or when I would have those again were a welcome relief.

And to have the company of one Rosalie Hale sitting in my kitchen was by far an unexpected turn of events.

"Sometimes, they plan things out in advance. Other times, they see an opportunity and go for it." Rosalie's thin gold bracelets clanged against the wooden table in front of the three of us. Emmett sat in between, his hands intertwined together. "I can help you out with some of the planned ones, even completely prevent them altogether. However, the 'spur of the moments' I can only try and deflect."

"Well, what happens when they don't…do them?"

"They save it for another day or they move on to someone else." Rosalie was clearly not comfortable affecting anyone else with the pranks. This really wasn't as win-win as I thought it would be. Someone else would suffer the brunt and brutality of the BB.

Should I have had so much faith in Rosalie? All I really had to go on was Emmett's word that Rosalie wasn't who she appeared to be. _'She's not who you think she is. You know me; would I stick around this long if I wasn't completely interested,' Emmett had suggested._ The other thing I had to go on were the smidgens of humility I had been told about or even shown; _would a girl who fixed cars and took part in eating contests really hang with something so despicable?_ Part of me wanted to believe that under her exterior she was someone else. I had to.

A knock came from the front door.

"I'll get it." I pushed my chair out.

"We're heading out anyway, Bells. Rose and I are going backpack shopping at Newton's."

"Emmett? Isn't that a backpack you have right there?" I pointed out the unmistakable object sitting on the ground, against the leg of the table. It looked perfectly fine to me.

"Hiking backpacks." Emmett clarified, picking it up off the ground. "Never imagined there were tons of varieties and things that go into buying a backpack. Rosie knows all about hiking. We've hiked up and down the trails of Forks. She says it's barely a challenge compared to Texas trails. Right, babe?"

Rosalie shyly smiled, gripping the straps of her school bag on her shoulder. _Another thing to add to my ever growing Rosalie Complexity List: A hiking aficionado._

I followed a hand holding Emmett and Rosalie out to the front door. I opened the door, and Edward stood with a smile. He looked over my shoulder and the smile disappeared, his mouth turned into a straight line.

Emmett turned to me. "I'll be home when Dad gets home." He ruffled my hair, and walked with Rosalie out the door.

Edward sidestepped to let them pass. His eyebrows came together in the center. He looked at the duo as they walked down the walkway.

He looked back at me, his eyebrows returning to their natural shape. "I come bearing gifts." Edward walked into the house, holding a bag of pleasant smelling food and a not-so-pleasing pile of papers.

"Horray." My finger twirled around in a fake enthusiastic gesture, as I pushed the door shut.

"Which is why I brought food over. Forgive me?"

"It's not your fault teacher's assault their students with an endless amount of sleep inducing labor." I was curious as to what kind of food hid in the bag. I took it from Edward's hand and opened it. _Mmm…chicken tacos._

"So, no shooting the messenger at what I have next?"

"Why?" I lightly limped to the living room with Edward behind me. I really wasn't supposed to be up and about that much; getting up to open the door was a welcome respite from the constant immobility.

"Banner has a new lab for us." I stood in front of Edward, as he sat on the arm of the couch showing me the paper with the first big project of the school year.

All my other teachers gave me the usual work load while I was home. Edward volunteered to bring it back to me, and even staying to work on it together. I couldn't really afford to get behind during my junior year. Mr. Banner however, hadn't given me any assignments in the past three weeks; something about him hitting me with his car and turning me into Robocop. _I guess three weeks is long enough._ Our bespectacled nerd of a science teacher probably wouldn't hold it over my head if I didn't complete the assignment though.

I plopped down onto the sofa. "So what if I don't do it?" I opened the foil wrap around the taco and picked up a stray cube of chicken that had fallen out of the floury shell.

Edward dropped his black duffle bag to the floor. "Then he'd just give you an 'A'."

"And what about you, partner?" adding a slight twang to the last word.

Edward shrugged his shoulders. His eyes trained on mine as he waited for an answer. The combination of the slight glint of amusement and the deeply devious green smugness were not very convincing in the least.

I licked the oil from the chicken off my fingers. "Na uh. You are not riding my injury coattails." I snatched the now saliva tinged paper from his hands.

He flashed a lopsided grin. A snort flew out of me and some little stringy pieces of chicken in my mouth tumbled onto my lap. _Oh great. _

Edward thankfully was on the floor pulling out school stuff from his black bag, not looking at the mess I made of myself.

We settled into the typical teenage homework routine we had going on for the past few weeks. Yes, we even copied answers off each other. But, we were thorough. The faster we got that shit done, the better.

I always sat on the couch with my leg elevated slightly. Edward was always very accommodating. He didn't mind that I took up more than half the couch. Or that my bare feet brushed Edward's thigh, my toes tickling against them every once in a while.

"I'm done with Chemistry." The weighty textbook fell to the carpet below. "If I have to look at one more scientific element table, I will send fireballs of doom to the people at…" I lifted the book from the floor, looking inside the cover for the name of the publisher of such a shitty subject.

"Bedford, Freeman and Worth. One hundred seventy five Fifth Avenue. New York New York. One zero zero one zero." Edward never looked up from his spiral notebook on his lap, his textbook long dormant on the floor.

Once I flipped open the book, I found the name and address he had apparently memorized. "Either you're quick with your hands or you're Rainman."

Edward darkly chuckled. "I took a few photos for the company. Mostly people with science equipment, but a few nature shots. Some made the cut for the book." His pen pointed to the volume in my hands.

"So you are a published photographer? Your stuff is in _this_ book?" My finger made a singular, quiet thud against the hard, cardboard cover.

"I was commissioned for a job and they are in there, yes."

_Ugh, why so modest Edward?_

"Show me." I opened the book to a random page, leaving it in my lap. Edward flipped to the back where the index and bibliography were. He turned his head to view the book at a proper angle. His finger followed along the words and numbers on the page.

"I'm trying to remember what page. It's been a few years." His eyebrows bunched together. His eyes moved across the page with urgency to find the number.

"Edward, are you telling me that you had a picture of yours put in a nationally published book at age…" I implored him to finish my sentence.

"Fourteen." The pages fell from his fingers; air ricocheted from the effort and little wisps of his hair responded.

"Wow. I mean, Edward that's something, don't you think?"

"Mm." His mouth came together in a tight, concentrated smile. "Here." The book rested flat on my thighs.

The photo was a series of four shots of a clear beaker on a table with a red substance. In the immediate background was a boy's torso and hands, which were slightly unfocused.

In those shots, the boy was performing a chemical reaction. The pictures were accompanied by italicized text and numbers, written to indicate what was happening and what chapter to view more information on the subject.

"Bella, you don't have to pretend it's something great." He sounded unnerved, grabbing the book from my lap. It closed with a sad thump, then placing it on the coffee table in front of us.

I rolled my eyes._ Come on._ "Edward, am I someone who butters people up?"

He heaved out a sigh. "No, it's not that."

"What is it then?"

"It's…a beaker, Bella. It's no Diane Arbus photograph or anything interesting."

"But it's out there." I'm not a fan of selling out, but with someone as talented as Edward, he definitely deserved a little boost. "And what are you talking about? You've done some other things. All those other photos I've seen were beautiful." The 'no bullshit' rule applied to nice things too.

"My name is on that though." He gestured toward the innocuous book on the table.

"Don't people use fake names for artwork?"

"In this day and age, it'll be found out who I am."

But what does he care that this particular book contained his photographs. I could've thought of many different books I wouldn't want my work in. This was a safe choice; you can't have any controversy from a straightforward piece of literature. If I was someone who was looking for someone to see my work, this would be a great avenue. It's a jumping off point. Not many people our age had that kind of opportunity given to them.

I had a feeling this ran deeper than embarrassment over educational type photos.

"Why do you say that?" I propped my elbow on the back of the couch, my head naturally falling into my hand.

"Say what?" His hands formed into fists, his skin straining against the effort.

"Who cares if people knew who you were? You could be far worse things than a Cullen." _A pervy, asshole aka Mike Newton._

"Being a Cullen is shit." Edward's bitterness and harshness were hard to swallow.

"You think being anything else would be better?"

"Yes." He closed his eyes, leaning back into the sofa. His hands lost their tension, laying palm down on at his sides. He took a deep breath. "My family could pay any company off. For anything. Enough to put a family member's picture in their books or magazines. It's not something to be proud of at all or flaunt around. It angers me. They are a bunch of overachieving assholes; they'll hold onto to things even if they don't have a right to it. I don't want to be known for that."

I shook my head with vigor. "But you're not." _I used to think so._ "You are far from that." And he was.

I really didn't know too much about his family. Carlisle and I have always been on a strict patient doctor regiment for a long time. Esme was also a question mark; I didn't know much about her beside her profession, which required lots of traveling as I never saw her. His extended family members were as blank as a canvas to me.

But from the times I spent with him, whether at his home or behind the cafeteria, nothing indicated that he was what his family was.

"Edward?" I sat up fully, mimicking his position. "You are not your family. If you were how you described your family, I wouldn't be talking to you. You or Alice." I leaned over to look at him in the eye. I patted the back of his hand. "You are as humble as the photos you take."

There wasn't really much I could say to comfort him; to ease the burden of having a family as fucked up as he says they were.

"You know what I do when I'm angry?" A sly smile spread across my face. _Scratch that._ "Well, any kind of emotion really."

He looked over at me with a quirked eyebrow.

I picked up one of the cheap-o lighters I owned off of the table. My finger flicked the wheel, the hot flame appeared instantly. I let the fiery wheel go and tossed the object to Edward.

I searched for the page with the boy with the beaker. Page four hundred and two was no competition, as I ripped it from its seams. I handed it to Edward.

The candle jars I had been using for my smaller experiments sat on the coffee table. I reached for it, palming it on the bottom.

"Here." I twisted the lid off. "Light the corner of the paper and put it in here."

"You shouldn't have done this." He gestured with the lonesome page.

"What? Rip a textbook apart? There's nothing I wanted to do more. Plus, watching it burn? I'm practically euphoric right now." I couldn't help but plaster a genuinely excited smile on my face.

Edward looked like he was going to say more, but just smiled instead. The fire came to life. It quickly took the paper under its control. Edward dropped it in the clear glass container and I placed it back where it was originally sitting.

It didn't take long for the flames to completely engulf the paper. Smoke danced up and out into the living room air. It eventually became charred crumbles. Little specs of black and burnt brown.

We sat and watched the grey and white smoke clear for a while. I smiled as the trail drifted farther and farther up, mingling with the rest of the air.

Edward cleared his throat. "There are more where that came from." The textbook pages flew under his fingers as he tore the sheets from their binding.

I was about damn near having an Alice-like giddy fit, but composed myself.

One by one we burned the photos that Edward had taken for the book. From some random girl who showed off the color changing of dry ice to the demonstration of how a pH indicator works. A few nature photos were tossed into the mix as well; pictures of bugs sitting atop irrigated leaves and a time sequence of a flower finally blooming. Edward stopped my hand before one of them met its maker.

"Keep that one." He took it from me.

"Why?"

"I actually like this one." He folded it up before I had a chance to examine it.

By the time we had finished our burning, it was close to six o'clock. Charlie was due home by seven. We had no more homework to do and I had filled my burn quota for the day. I still craved to do something though.

"Let's pop in a movie." I suggested, as I stood up. I grabbed the candle jar with the remnants of the now non-existent photos.

"What do you have?" Edward stood up too, straightening out his t-shirt.

"I don't have much of a collection, but its up in my room." I hobbled to the kitchen to dump the scraps in the trash can. Edward followed me.

"So, do you want to watch it up there?" His hands sat in his back pockets.

I thought for a second, as I threw the bits of non-existent paper away. "Probably. Charlie will be home soon enough and he likes to hang out down here. Put his feet up and all."

Edward and I trudged up the stairs. Alice was the only Cullen to have been in my room. She really didn't have anything to say on how I decorated my room. _Decorating? Is that what you call putting up white Christmas lights?_ The closet of clothes was another story; it didn't take long to go through everything. _'Quantity is important, but if you had lots of quality in here, I might've overlooked this atrocity.'_ _Alice said. _Of course, I took her overreaction with a grain of salt.

Now, it was Edward's turn. He casually sat on the side of the bed, his hands lazily intertwined in front of him.

I marched over to the DVD collection I owned. I dragged my hand across the top of the TV, feeling the neglect from not cleaning my room.

"Hmmm…" The small shelf full of both books and movies in my room contained few options. Really obscure movies that were purchased from the five dollar bin. Living with two men, the only real options were sports, slapstick or gross-out comedy. I gathered some titles and brought them over to Edward.

I stood in front of him, holding up the boxes. "Bio-Dome, Animal House, Tin Cup, or Billy Madison." I fanned out all four of them, two in each hand.

Edward took the DVD's from me. He flipped them over to look at the summaries on the back. "Two guys stuck in a dome?" His face flickered with bemusement.

"Okay, that one was part of a buy one get one deal. It came in a pack with another movie that Emmett has."

Edward was taking his sweet ass time looking at them. He kept looking at the covers, staring at the characters faces as if that'll give him the magical option to choose. His fingers skimmed along the tiny print.

"Which one is your favorite?" He asked, laying the DVD's on my bed.

"Out of these four? I'd say…Animal House. It's gross-out, but a really good movie. John Belushi is exceptionally funny in it. I mean, no holds bar hysterical. If I needed a funny movie on a deserted island, I'd pick this one."

"Hmm…I've seen it already." Edward put the DVD to the side on my bed.

"What? Why didn't you just say that?"

"I wanted to hear what you'd say." He blurted out his next sentence, "Good to know my opinion on you hasn't changed."

_What? _"Your opinion on me?" _This should be good._ I folded my arms, waiting for the inevitable elaboration.

"What?" He looked like he'd been caught ogling the cookie jar.

"What do you think about me, Edward?" Truth be told, I was standing directly in front of him, looking down at his perplexed expression. I picked up the DVD with the toga party attired men on it. "Tell me what my opinion on Animal House has to do with your opinion on me."

Edward's mouth opened and closed a few times. "Nothing bad. Trust me."

"But you put it out there, Cullen. You can't leave a can of soda out in the open and not expect the flies to come."

Edward stood up in front of me. "I think…" He started.

I looked up at him, swallowing hard. His eyes clouded with emotions I didn't think I'd seen mixed together before; decisiveness and fear.

All I could think was _my god, he's tall._ My heart was close to popping out of my chest. I was feeling a little intimidated at how much he towered over me; I was eye level with his chest. The more I stared at it, the more I felt an urge to move--

"Billy Madison?" Edward held the face of a smiling Billy in a school desk in my vision. "Never saw it."

I blinked a few times before stepping back, sending the previous thoughts away. _Did he just say he never saw 'Billy Madison'? _ "Adam Sandler? Goes back to school?" I started slowly.

No comprehension on Edward's face.

"'More Gum'?"

"Nope."

"Wow." I smiled in wonderment. "I thought all boys under the age of twelve have seen this movie."

"I guess I was a deprived little boy."

"Until now. You are about to get schooled on Sandler, my friend."

I made my way back over to the DVD player. The rejected DVD's were stacked back in their original spots. The circular disc snapped into its snug spot on the tray. I walked around to my side of the bed, sitting back against the headboard. I grabbed the remote from my nightstand and pushed play.

The opening scene came on screen and I knew I had to forewarn Edward.

"Okay, it's not the most intelligent movie, but it's a good cheap laugh."

"I'm up for it." He leaned back into the headboard. His hands folded behind his head, pulling the dark blue t-shirt taught against his arms. A new area of Edward was exposed to me; I glanced at the spot where the end of his shirt rode up. That sliver of white skin that sat above the waistband of his jeans. The dark wash of his denim accentuated the alabaster color of it. It lay like a vacant sandy beach outlined by the ocean of his jeans. The skin's perfect look was disrupted by the dark red indention in the shape of the button from his jeans. _I think my finger could perfectly fit in that circle._

I longed to look closer, to feel if the skin was as sleek as I imagined it was in that moment. I lazily bit my lip at the thought, my eyebrow quirked with wonder. Would it be like running my hands across marble or the petals of a flower? Would it be hard as a rock or as soft as the softest skin in the world?

I saw Edward's eyes were on the TV. His arms suddenly folded across his chest. And then that spot was now hidden; covered up by the cotton again. _Oh lord, how long did I stare at it? Why do those shirt sleeves look even tighter now?_

I curled up on my bed, fluffing the pillow beneath my face. I peeked past my feet to view the TV. Every now and then, I look up at Edward; his face always trained on the images in front of us.

Billy had just completed third grade when I grew tired. I gave in around the time Billy had a party in his mansion's backyard.

**=X=X=X=X=X=X=**

Under my cheek, a steady rhythm played in my ear. That thumping, calming sound I could've enjoyed on repeat for hours. Slight tempo changes would've been just as beautiful to hear and feel. Even though I had it really close, it wasn't close enough. Something was keeping it away from fully having it pressed against me.

The smooth material under my cheek changed its shape. It no longer laid flat; it wrinkled from the movement of what this fabric belonged to. It wasn't entirely unpleasant, as it simultaneously brought on the rhythm change I was curious about. A satisfied sigh escaped me.

"Bella. Bella." A soft voice and the light tapping of my shoulder were bringing me back to consciousness.

I grumbled at the nasty interruption.

My fingers found the edge of the cloth I was lying on and played with it. I folded it around the circumference of my index finger and interwove it with the others. I was expecting the rough, lumpy shell of a pillows outer lining underneath a pillowcase. Instead, there was a silky supple flat surface. My hands quit the fun it was having with the fabric and became acquainted with this brand new place I happily happened upon. It was a magnificent heated feeling on my fingers, working its way along my nerves. The surface responded with little bumps popping up wherever I rubbed along it. My curious nails lightly scratched against the gentle, undeniable new found land, feeling it mold around my fingers; _oh God, this feels even better than the rubbing!_

"Bella." Urgency layered in his voice. The hand nudged me further, trying to wake me of my contented discovery.

My face rubbed into the cloth, the natural shape of my nose bending against it. My hand still pressed into the flat surface, never tiring of the feel of it under my skin. _Oh, the softness and firmness. _My eyelids finally opened to see where I laid my head. My head rubbed further into cotton, willing to go back to my unconscious state. My hair hung in a stringy mess.

My eyes finally comprehended where the hell I was. I was shocked to find Edward's face so close. He was staring off in the distance looking at the wall behind the television, completely motion and emotion less.

_What?_

I looked down and saw my cheek was pressed into his chest, eye level with the wrinkled bunched up fabric of the mid-section of his shirt. And the silky surface my hand was touching was his abdomen. My thumb now firmly pressed into the indented button mark I had been looking at before.

_What. The. Fuck?_

"Oh my God!" I immediately rolled to my side, facing away from him. My face grew white hot with a searing flush. I stared wide eyed out the window. The embarrassment I was feeling propelled me off the bed like a rocket. I shuffled as fast as I could into the bathroom.

_A hole in the floor could do me some good right about now!_

I flipped on the light and turned the faucet on to splash cold water on my scorching flesh. The excess wet dripped down my chin, leaving some stains on my shirt. I grabbed my bath towel and patted the nubby, scratchy square all over my face.

The natural pink reaction of my cheek was painted on, refusing to leave me any dignity to erase. Water didn't tame the fire. It raged like a forest being taken by arsonist's flames.

_How in the hell do I explain touching Edward's…skin? Ah, fuck it. I molested his body. But, I was unconscious. You can't hold shit against people when they're sleeping._

I was never good with the self-pride thing. I could own up to something I did, but that didn't mean I was internally good with handling it. _Look at you now; you're freaking out in your head._

I threw down the towel on the counter space next to the sink. My bare feet felt the relief of the cool tiles beneath them.

I slowly peeked around the corner of my bathroom doorway. I opened my mouth to speak to a more than likely still shocked boy, but all I saw was my empty green bedspread with only the imprint of where Edward was sitting before.

* * *

A/N: Fleetwood Mac was playing in my ears through most of this chapter. Silver Springs, Say You Love Me, Dreams…

Let me know as always. The good, the bad.


	21. Bonfire

A/N: Thank you lovelies for reading and reviewing!

Disclaimer: Don't own.

* * *

"Yes!" I hopped off of the exam table, ecstatic at having good news for once in a doctor's office.

"Take it easy, Bella." Charlie handed me my cane, my new walking instrument of choice.

"You heard what, Dr. Snow said. I'm good to go." The door out of the small exam room was held open for me as Charlie and I made our way back to his cruiser. I could drive Big Clunker around, but had to take it easy with normal activities. I could go to school, walk around for longer than a half hour a day, and the best news of all: go back to the firehouse.

"You have to keep your foot elevated as much as you can." His pace slowed down to keep up with mine. I realized that slower pace equals more room for conversation. _Yuck._

"Ever heard of something called a chair?" I hobbled like an old lady with my cane, as we walked the linoleum paved hallway of the hospital.

"Don't get smart with me." Charlie sternly warned.

I rolled my eyes, as we continued out of the emergency room sliding doors for the millionth and one time.

Once I arrived home, I told Emmett the good news. His bear traps opened up and closed in on me in his classic vice. He swung me from side to side. I tried my best to wrap my arms around him, but they just flailed like dead fish at my sides.

"I've had enough broken bones, Em." My face was squished against his shoulder, muffling my words. I missed the hugs, but not enough to get back in the car and go back where I just came from.

"Sorry." Emmett released me, looking at me with refreshed eyes. He definitely wasn't just hugging me because I could walk again. "Hey, you know what today is?"

"The 10th?" _Really, Emmett. The calendar is mere feet away._

"Yes." He rolled his eyes, "…but it's a _Tuesday_," he said drawing out the last word.

"What does that matter?" _Tuesday? What's so special about…Oh. Oh!_ Comprehension crossed my features.

"You up for it?"

For the first time in a long time, Emmett and I munched on mounds of nachos and tacos at our favorite fast food eatery. Just the two of us.

It was after four o'clock when we got there. The nice, cozily heated joint wasn't too busy. The late afternoon rush of customers was getting in that last snack before heading home for dinner.

"What? That is ridiculous. I can't believe they wouldn't let you on the team." I picked up a whole glob of nachos and placed them on my plate.

"I'm too big for wrestling, but not big enough for football. I'm straddling two weight classes." Emmett delicately held his taco, glopping on extra sour cream. The contrast of Emmett, the massive tight end for the varsity football team putting soft sour cream on his dainty taco made me internally snicker.

"That sucks, Em. Although, I'm glad I don't have to sit around watching you tackle another sweaty guy to the ground." Hearing the sounds of guy's bare limbs smacking against each other always made me squirm.

"What about football? I tackle guys there too."

"That's not full on contact the whole time though." I physically shuddered at the image of the tangled arms and legs.

"My head is so into the game, I don't even notice it." Emmett took a sip of his drink.

We sat and chatted easily like that for a long while. It was definitely like old times. Only happier. Whenever I would talk to my brother in the past, I always felt like I was living through him. He'd talk about some crazy house party experiences he had during his freshman and sophomore years. The shenanigans of some of Forks' teens were highly amusing when they were intoxicated. I was glad to hear that Emmett knew when to stop drinking enough himself and instead paid attention to some of the crazy shit that went on there.

Emmett also had lots of friends outside of Forks. They'd go off-roading, hitting all the bumpiest spots. When he was in his earlier years of high school, he'd have some friends of his pick him up and they'd go out in their cars. Once he got his license, he asked for a Jeep and now he had his own car to go off-roading with. Emmett would often come home with his face splashed with tan colored mud.

The idea of getting drunk or bouncing around in a dirt caked vehicle weren't necessarily things I wanted, but knowing someone was having the time of their life was enough for me.

"I heard this screeching from the kitchen. And I wasn't exactly quick on my feet. I finally hobble in there and see Alice trying to fish out the cheese packet from the mac and cheese box that was now swimming in the boiling water. I asked 'What did you do?' She said…" I had to stop because I couldn't continue without letting hysterical giggles escape me. "She said 'I thought it dissolves in the water.'"

But now I was able to share some of my own stories and talk about my own friends with him. He laughed along and exchanged more of his own in return. I was on a similar playing field. It was refreshing and thrilling.

**=X=X=X=X=X=X=**

"That sounds great! So eight o'clock, instead of seven?" The kitchen phone sat against my ear, as I listened to Jacob on the other end. My hands tore through the cellophane on the bulk size package of chicken cutlets. I was cutting and bagging them for later use.

"You know how to get to La Push?" Jacob's cheery disposition radiated through the phone. "Quil, go get the rolls." I heard Quil on the other end ask 'What aisle?' "I don't know. Go ask someone." Jacob responded back. "So you know how to get there?"

"Yeah, Charlie will tell me."

"Alright, see you then…look at the signs," he responded back to Quil, before his phone clicked off.

Jacob and all of his Quileute friends were having a huge bonfire and barbecue. _What better way to celebrate than to watch a gigantic fire by the beach?_ I was made of pure joy at the thought of not only getting to play with flames, but attended an actual event. I had never been to too many things that I was officially invited to by people close to my own age.

When I was a kid, I would be invited to places. When everyone was still young enough to hang out without having formidable opinions about each other. Everybody was still innocent to the word clique and no one felt embarrassed to hang out with certain kids. I remembered attending this girl Annie's birthday pool party. She had the best above ground pool in town. And the best swimming toys to go along with it. All the kids from her local pre-k class were invited, including moi.

The shining moment when I was at the party was when little Jessica asked me to join her in a game of Marco Polo. I remember Annie's mom taking a picture of the two of us. Jessica's hand reached out to tag me, but I avoided her touch the last minute. _Yeah, that shining moment is real lackluster now._

I heard someone rap on the front door three times. With cane in hand, I made it there in record time. Edward stood in the door way, smiling down at me.

The shirt incident had never been discussed. It was the proverbial white elephant in the room. Anytime I thought about it, I blushed brighter than a tomato and felt individual beads of sweat form on my forehead. Edward never had any tell tale signs; straight faced bastard that he was. I never saw his reaction after the whole thing. Maybe it was best left brushed under a rug. _Or a shirt._

"Wow. Only took you twenty seconds this time." Edward quipped.

I rolled my eyes. "Wow, Edward. Sarcasm fits you so _very_ well." _So do those jeans….wow, um, head is…slightly dizzy._

Back in the kitchen, I laid the big chicken pieces out on a plate. I sliced them horizontally and washed the poultry, before stuffing them into a bag. I was about to zip up the first full bag, when Edward came up next to me.

"Would you like me to season them?" Edward asked, his body heat radiating against my arm.

"Season?" _We do that in the Swan house?_

Edward chuckled. "I only need olive oil, lemon juice, black pepper, and rosemary."

"Rosemary? What do you think this kitchen is a Simon and Garfunkel song?"

His hands pressed against the edge of the counter, he was just about eye level with me, "Why don't you tell me what you do have then?"

"I think I have oregano?"

"Oregano will work."

I pointed Edward in the direction of all the ingredients his seasoning called for. The lemon juice was hiding out in the fridge. The black pepper, oregano and olive oil were in a cabinet above my head. Edward grabbed them from the bottom shelf of the three tiered cabinet.

For the next ten minutes, we were in a comfortable silence working as a team. Preparing and packing chicken. I washed and cut, while Edward dipped the chicken in the seasoning and packed them in their freezer bags.

After I washed my hands of the chicken, I walked to the fridge to grab a drink. Edward was still working with the last of his pieces.

"So, did you want to hang out and work on homework later?" Edward dipped the chicken in his concoction.

I peeked up from the fridge at him. "Homework? It's the weekend, Edward. And I have my freedom." I swung the door closed, cradling a can of soda in my hand.

"Oh." Edward ran his hands under the running faucet, squeezing soap into his wet palms. "…You know? We could go catch a movie."

Popping open my drink, I froze "Oh, um…."

I don't know why, but I felt bad for telling him I had other plans. "Actually, I was invited to this bonfire over at La Push beach." My finger absently twirled the tab on the top of my can.

"Oh," was all he said as he dried his hands on the kitchen towel.

"I mean, it's a massive fireball. I couldn't think of a better way to celebrate than to be around a giant fire all night."

"All night?" He stepped toward me.

"Yes."

"Well…who's going to be there?" He ran his hand through his hair. The action sent his hair off in every direction.

"A lot of people from the Quileute reservation. Jacob and his friends. You've met him before. At the firehouse. And his friends came to the basketball tournament. You saw them too."

Suddenly, comprehension showed on his face. That followed next with color slowly draining from it. "Are you talking about those big guys?"

"Yeah?" I wasn't sure what his angle of questioning was with that.

Edward closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "Bella, please just….be safe."

"What?"

"They seem very…" He paused, searching for the right word to use, "dangerous."

"Okay…" The word was drawn out with a tinge of annoyance. "They aren't going to do anything."

Panic set in his voice. "How do you know that?"

"Because they're _Jacob_'s friends. I know Jacob. I hang out with him every Thursday." Jacob definitely didn't know how to hurt a harmless fly.

"But where? At work. He has to be nice to you there."

"Charlie would know if something was up with Jacob."

"I didn't say he committed crimes or has a record, but he could still be dangerous. Him and his friends."

"Jacob isn't going to do anything to me. Burt wouldn't have hired him if that was the case." _Where the hell is all this coming from, Edward?_

Edward was not making a very valid argument. I couldn't for the life of me figure out why he would pick on Jacob and his friends.

"I want you to be careful. Can't I have that?"

"Let you have that? What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing. I can't want my…" He paused again, "…friend to be careful?"

"Edward, I've been careful without you for a long time."

He opened his mouth to say something, but I cut him off.

I pointed a finger at him. "Don't even mention my klutziness. That has nothing to do with this."

Edward pinched the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger. It looked like it hurt. "I don't want them to take advantage of you. There. That's what I want."

"Why? Because they are big guys? That's pretty harsh, Edward." Edward judging someone by the way they look was not something I thought I'd ever see him do. "Emmett is as big as them."

"Emmett is your brother. It's different." He seethed out his next words. "I have a few harsh judgments for him myself."

"You don't know the whole story," I grumbled under my breath.

Edward's fingers let go of his nose, "What's that?"

"Ugh, Edward?" I was about to tear my hair out of my head from the amount of confusion swallowing me at that moment. What did he want from the conversation? I decided to offer him an invite. "I can see if you can come. Would that make you feel better?"

"No, that's not necessary." He was very adamant about that.

"Then stop!"

"No. Bella, I hate to say it but I think you're…" He stopped himself, pulling at his hair close to his head.

"I'm what?"

He groaned to himself. "Forget it." He angrily pulled a chair out; his elbows painfully hit the table.

_That's it! _"Edward, I am so fucking tired of you putting shit out there and-and not finishing whatever it is you have to say to me." The metallic can in my hand was losing a battle with my fingers.

His shoulders were tense. He cupped the back of his neck with both his hands; his head hung low between his forearms. "I don't know if you'll…feel or understand what I mean."

"Well, that is the chance you take when you have opinions."

"Fine." He took a deep breath through his nose. "I think that…." I was waiting for the edited version of what was on Edward's mind "…you're naïve."

"No, I am not." I gritted my teeth.

He lifted his head. "Look at the Emmett situation. He is with someone who does these unjustifiable things to you. He practically shuns you and ignores you for months because he is with this person. And you…let it go? Just like that?"

_No, not exactly like that._ "I didn't _just_ let it go, Edward. There's more too it than that."

"Care to elaborate?"

"I can't."

"Can't or won't?"

"What do you want from me? Unfiltered honesty?" _I can't give that to you._

"That's the chance you take." _Shit, he was throwing my words back at me._ _And he's so smug about it!_

We were quietly seething for a few minutes. My eyes were trained on the cold drink in my hands. Words can only be analyzed so much. I looked at the clock. It was almost seven ten. I would need to leave soon to make it down there on time.

I was very confident nothing was going to happen. Jacob was not a danger. His friends looked that way too. So, I would be surrounded by lots of people. Most of which I didn't know.

"You're right. I'm taking my chances." I grabbed my cane and walked to the door.

"Where are you going?" Edward jumped out of the seat and stood in my path.

"Having fun. Doing something I really want to do. Ever do that for yourself?" I looked up at him, before pushing his arm out of the way.

"Bella, please---" Edward turned to me.

I didn't hear the rest of Edward's plea, as the front door closed and I caned it to my truck.

I arrived at the bonfire ten minutes late. The walk to the beach was not fun with my cane. I didn't think I was even half way there. Jacob came running up to me.

"Bella! Oh geez, I'm sorry. I forgot you had your cane. Want me to help you?" Jacob smiled and offered me his arm, I stared at it. It looked like it could crush me without any effort. _Be safe._ Edward's warning played in my head at that moment. _You know him at work._

"No, I'll be fine. Slow, but fine." I shyly nodded back to him.

Once we reached the bonfire, I took in the biggest flames I had ever seen in my life. Piles and piles of wood lit ablaze by their orange enemy. Stacked high to keep the fire burning for hours on end. The heat brushed my cheeks, as I took a seat by a few pre-arranged logs.

I looked around and observed my surroundings. _They always teach you that in school, right?_ I saw Jacob, who had run off to play hacky sack with Embry and someone I didn't know. I caught sight of Leah and Seth, Sue's two teenage kids. Leah was sitting with someone; their arm wrapped around her shoulders. I can only assume it was Sam, the boyfriend Leah wanted so badly to spend Christmas with. Seth was by the barbecue pit, chatting up with an older man.

I counted the number of girls. _Surely if there were more girls than boys, not too much can happen right?_ I don't know where that irrational thought came from, but it seemed comforting that girls slightly edged out the boys.

At that moment, I was very glad I was sitting in front of an inferno wall. My hasty exit from my house left me with only a hoodie. I dug my shoes in the sand. The coolness of it washed over the front of my sneakers. I wrapped my arms around my shins, trying to keep the warmth within.

Eventually, everyone rushed over to line up for the food. Many of the partygoers sat in the sand. Some beach chairs were spread out for people to plop down in. A few people sat around on the logs facing the fire.

I felt the weight of the log shift. I peeked over from the corner of my hooded head.

"Want some food? I took too much." Jacob smiled and held out his plate to me. Two hot dogs sat on his paper plate. My stomach was grumbling, but I was likening the situation to a child taking candy from a stranger.

"No, I'm fine. I ate a little something before I came." I looked back down at my feet.

"Hey Black! Ten bucks says you lose!" I heard someone call from behind us.

"Why don't you just hand me your money, Paul? It'll save you from looking like the sore loser you'll be when I'm done with you." Jacob called back to Paul. Jacob turned back to me. "Sorry, Paul has a bit of a temper." Suddenly, a small round object flew into the back of Jacob's head. A hacky sack fell into the sand at our feet.

"Alright, I'm coming." Jacob called back. "Do you want to play, Bella?"

I stared at the squishy, intricately weaved sack on the ground. I had never played before. It looked like fun. Doing something different. A nice memory I could make for myself. Maybe one that wouldn't fade into something bitter like my Marco Polo memory.

I looked back at who I would be playing with. They were all boys, men really. They had taken their shirts off. They were tall and dark. They were silhouetted against the fire I had been sitting in front of. _Would I be able to outrun them? Stand up to them? What if that Paul kid lost his cool? I didn't know what set off his temper. What about Jacob? _

I picked up the ball and handed it to Jake. "No, I'm not allowed to do anything strenuous," I lied. I picked my foot up to indicate my still injured leg.

"Alright, maybe next time." Jacob bounced off the log and headed in the direction of the other players.

I sat and tried to enjoy myself in front of what should be the most exciting thing I had ever seen. But, a lump kept building in my throat. I was hurt and scared. I was tired and uncomfortable. I wanted to be in my element so bad. _This fire is so bright. I love it. It reaches so high…damn it, Bella that's so fucking fake._

A loud thunder clap sounded. Suddenly, buckets of rain came from the sky. A few people grumbled, while I heard girls scream from the wet that now dampened their hair.

I had something dampened of my own. My spirit.

**=X=X=X=X=X=X=**

I pulled into my driveway, noticing that no other car was in its spot. Big Clunker was put in park. I was nowhere near dry from the stupid onslaught of sporadic Forks weather. My anger was only fueled more by it all. I leaned my head back against the head rest to calm myself. The scent of rain and my sweat from the humidity enveloped the cab.

A small glint of color caught my eye. Sitting on the porch step up to my door was Edward. His slick wet bronze hair shone from the yellow light near the door. I fisted my keys in one hand, grabbing my cane from the passenger seat with the other. Pushing the car door open, I was met with round two of Fork's no mercy weather. I responded with a splashing slam of my own.

I kept my eyes on him as I trudged up the driveway. My cane must've made me look like a mad old lady.

He stood up once I stepped onto the tiny step, wiping my feet on the mat.

"Why are you here?" I turned the key as I shoved the door open.

"I didn't mean to upset you." He quietly offered, as he stepped in after me.

"I wanted to have a good time, Edward. But, your words messed with my head." My free hand motioned to my head. I continued my walk to the living room.

"Again, I'm sorry."

"You had me freaked out that something was going to happen. What--Why would you scare me like that?" My eyes began their slow churn of traitorous tears.

We stood there looking at each other. Both drenched. My eyelashes wet from the fresh rain and my own stupid emotions. My nose joined the party.

I wasn't sure what was happening with Edward. He was breathing harder. His hands shook, either from the cold or the nature of the conversation. His eyebrows met in the center, creating an unidentifiable groove.

We must've been like that for a long while. I was doing my best to calm my nerves and cease the visible effects his earlier words had on me. I leaned into my cane, wiping the wetness from my eyes with the back of my hand. A significant sized lump had formed in my throat, strangling my words.

"Edward, just go." One sniffle escaped me.

How long does one sniffle last? I don't know. I guess it depends on how much energy you have to let one out. Maybe it depends on how much crying and yelling you've done. It could be as simple as the amount of upset you feel at that point. My one sniffle seemed like a lifetime and a millisecond all at once.

After my sniffle, Edward took a few long steps at a time toward me. I looked away from him, not wanting to deal with it anymore.

My face didn't stay away from his for long. His hands turned my head, as his lips met mine in a soft, firm kiss.

_What in the name of…_

I was thrown off balance by the surprise reaction. My cane slipped from my hand, clattering to the ground as I fell back on the couch. His lips still pressed to mine as I braced our fall, his palms flat on the couch below me. My eyes were wide open, looking at his concentrated closed ones. The softness of his mouth molded to mine. His bottom lip nestled between my own. He slowly let my top one go, ending my first kiss.

How long does a swallow last? Enough to push down the emotions building up inside? Possibly not long enough to think about your next move.

Edward's hot, sweet breath fanned my face as he captured my mouth again.

_Is this…am I…being _kissed_ kissed?_

I really wasn't sure when this was ever going to happen to me. I thought up all kinds of ways this moment would go down. I narrowed it down to getting it done at a kissing booth at a carnival, a random person wanting to taste food in my mouth, or maybe college.

But this was right now and I wasn't prepared. I didn't know what to concentrate on. I wasn't sure if I should do anything. My body was still and the only thing making me move was Edward playing with my lips.

His soft lips came back again and again to massage mine. Light smacking sounds filled the mostly quiet living room; the sound of rain pelting against the window was static noise in the background. He tugged at my lower lip, sending goose bumps up and down my body. The goose bumps turned to heat and it was the most pleasant feeling in the world. It was comforting, melting warmth that ignited my largely ignored hormones. _Wow, is that what that is?_

Hesitantly, these things called hormones responded back. I gently kissed his full, red bottom lip. I closed my eyes and waited for a response.

_Should I have done that?_ The double meaning of my internal question didn't escape me in that moment.

Edward took my lip again with more vigor. His hands moved to brace the arm rest behind me, his forearms prominent in my peripheral vision. I realized I had been lying stiff and straight the whole time.

Edward moved his legs to get more comfortable with our entangled limbs. Suddenly, I was very aware of our bodies touching. Our rain wet, jean clad legs rubbed shin to shin. His shirt had ridden up a little bit from supporting his upper body on the arm rest. His lower abdomen rubbed against the skin exposed where my own shirt had come up.

The contact of that bare skin sent a burning blaze, covering my body. It possessed an intensity that was too hot to handle. It was strong and never ending. Consuming me and pulling me under.

Could I have stopped it? But I wasn't sure if I wanted to stop it.

My lips worked with his, trying to work through this. Our swollen mouths softly nipped and tugged each others, testing out the new territory. The softness was unlike anything I could've known. The combination with the slow pace allowed me to take more in, enveloping the warmth in my mouth.

My body's supply of oxygen was wearing thin and I needed to breathe. I pulled away, taking in the small amount of air around us. Edward apparently didn't need the air, as his lips pressed into my neck.

A small gasp left my numb lips. He had hit a spot. A daringly delicious spot. His lips were the end of a match and I was the striking point. I was the lumber and he was the flame. I had reached a new point and it was mind shattering.

My head turned to stare at the back of the couch, the fibers filling my vision. His tongue licked at my pulse and I shakily exhaled.

Once his tongue hit my heated skin, my mind wandered down a winding thought path. _Am I capable of having this? Did I want this? Did I deserve this? Can I do this? What is this? _ I wasn't sure what to think anymore or what to feel. His actions were undeniably good, but the swirls of emotions were taking hold of me. The bold power of it all shook me was making me doubt. It was battling with the urge to continue this fresh finding.

_Should I let him continue and see if fear subsides? Oh God, I don't know, I don't know---_

"I don't know." I unconfidently whispered.

_Shit!_

His wet lips slowly left my neck; the chill of the room took its place. I turned to face him. His eyes shone with happy apple and confused jade. He glanced back and forth between my eyes, glancing at my lips. His Adam's apple bobbed with a swallow.

I urged him to allow me to sit up. Edward crawled off of me. We sat less than a few inches apart. I was now more aware of him than I ever had been before.

I tucked my hands under my thighs, taking in a small amount of air before I said, "I don't know."

"Don't know what?"

"About…this." My tongue ran across my lips, licking them clean from Edward's taste.

He stared straight ahead at the picture above the television. It looked like he was looking past it and not admiring the studio portrait. It was the last posed Christmas picture we took as a family. My ugly green, cable knit sweater that I loved so fucking much. My stringy brown hair looked thin; a long green ribbon tied my hair back into a ponytail. Emmett wanted the tips of his hair dyed blonde, even though it looked stupid on his curly hair. And Charlie with his stoic smile, his mustache hiding his upper lip.

_Mouths. Yes, those are on my mind._

I gazed over at Edward's. His sat in an angry cherry pout; the color stood out among his pale, slightly flushed face. I could hear the breathing coming from his flaring nostrils. His eyes glinting from the lamp light in the room.

"That's stupid, Bella."

_Excuse me?! _ "Stupid? My feelings are stupid? Well, that's the chance you took." _Nothing like reclaiming my words._

He stood and his wet clothes left water marks on the couch. His anger and hurt was a blazing light that lit me with my own.

I stood up too, giving him one final thought. "You should've thought about my feelings before you kissed me."

"Touche." He called from the door before he closed it behind him.

_And there the words go again. _Defeated, I hung my head in my hands, feeling the tears form behind my lids.

* * *

A/N: I await your thoughts on this chapter...

I wrote a canon!Charlie one-shot called _And Then There's Morning_, for a fan-fic challenge on the_gazebo. It was interesting being in Charlie's head. Check out the other entries for the contest as well!


	22. Black Licorice

A/N: Thank you lovelies for reading and reviewing. Thanks to those that liked the kiss. I sweated a little over it. Never wrote a kiss of that magnitude before. Glad it was received well. I love hearing from everyone, the good, the bad, and the "wtf?"

Thanks to Bethany and Anna for helping on this one. Thanks to Kat for just being awesome.

There is some time jumping in this one.

Disclaimer: Don't own.

* * *

I ran as fast as I could up the stairs once I heard keys jingling in the door knob. The slight pain from my ramrod leg didn't hurt as much as the ache in my chest. My body threw itself onto my bed when I reached my room, too worn out to shut my door. My head hit the pillow with force. My clothes were still wet and hell if I could give a shit.

Curling myself into a ball, I stared out the window. I sobbed as quietly as I could. No doubt, something would bring Emmett or Charlie into my room at some point in the evening. Likely asking if I ate dinner or to see if I was still alive. Sure enough, twenty minutes into my crying fit someone was knocking on my door.

"You left your cane downstairs." Charlie's noisy boots hit the hardwood floor of my room. I felt rather than saw him place the cane on my bed.

I cleared my voice of tears as much as possible. "Thanks."

The tell tale sign of Charlie leaving didn't come. I wasn't sure what he was doing and I didn't want to turn around. He'd likely raise a question I wouldn't have an answer to.

"Your clothes are still wet. Did you just get home?" He observed.

Clear snot was creeping its way down the side of my nose, making its debut with the pillow. I wiped it up, but it hung thick and heavy in my nostrils. I had no choice but to sniff it up, and thus revealing I had been shedding tears.

"No. About a half hour ago." _So busted._

The weight of my bed slightly shifted as Charlie sat down on it. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah, just a cold." The words came out harsher than I wanted them to.

The times I'd fall down or bruise myself, he'd know by the book what to do: clean the wound; apply anti-bacterial cream, bandage, and a small dose of tender, love and care in the form of smoothing my hair back or rubbing my back. The emotional wounds however weren't so clear cut for him. I could count on my hand the number of those I had, but during those times Charlie would often let me cry it out. He absorbed it like a sponge, but didn't know how to handle it. It was less challenging to get a criminal to confess a crime, but getting his teenage daughter to talk about her age appropriate issues was a whole other beast.

"Bella, are you upset about something?"

_Shit. I'm really busted. _I sighed. "I don't want to talk about it, Dad." I stretched my legs out, folding my hands between my thighs.

The bed didn't move. I was waiting for him to get up and leave. "Is it..." He cleared his throat; a habit of his when he was uncomfortable with a subject. "…girl issues?"

_Where is this persistence coming from?_ "Dad! No, its…I can't talk to you about it." Reaching up to my nose, I swiped away more snot with the back of my hand.

Charlie shifted on the bed. "Okay."

I didn't know what time I went to sleep, but it couldn't be too much longer after that. I woke up the next morning with a blanket tucked around me and my sneakers off my feet.

**=X=X=X=X=X=X=**

"Bella?" a voice called me back from my thoughts.

_Great, I have to be nice._ I snapped up to the person talking to me, blinking my eyes against the bright fluorescents that hung from the high ceiling. "Yes, Mr. Taylor?" My hand fit into a pre-manufactured bag of popcorn, popping a piece of it into my mouth. An unnaturally squeaky crunch echoed against my teeth.

He pushed the center of his silver rimmed glasses, righting it with the bridge of his nose. "M'yeah…I'm gonna need you to pay for that before you leave today. M'kay?" Mr. Taylor, the manager of the Safeway and my new boss, reminded me. The annoying piece of gum in his mouth popped against his teeth.

"I will." I plastered a huge shit eating grin. _I fucking love them._

Mr. Taylor did a quick about face on his heels back to the front of the grocery store.

Rolling my eyes, I heaved open the heavy 'authorized personnel only' door to a dingy, dark short hallway. Sour garbage stuck to the hairs of my nose. The floor was sticky from Mark dropping a whole crate of Mountain Dew, the neon drink flooding the walkway earlier. The break room was set off to the right; the door was already open as I stepped in. Plopping down in the scuffed up dirty orange chair, I let my mind wonder the remainder of my lunch break.

At my new job.

_Alice and…Edward's birthday. Tonight. Should I go?_

I'd had trouble deciding for two weeks whether to go or not. I tried to make the decision while I was up late at night. Lying in my bed, letting sleepiness be my guide. The tiredness would be like the swinging watch of a hypnotist.

Flipping over onto my stomach I stared at the pillow to my left, imagining the answer would appear. It looked like any other pillow, but it wasn't. This pillow contained the evidence of the first boy not related to me allowed in my room. He lay on my bed, looking the picture of comfortable.

I fondly remembered the day Edward and I watched a movie there. It seemed so simple at the time. Friends watched movies together all the time. Emmett would have movie nights with his buddies. Heck, Charlie had Burt and a few guys from the station over a few times to watch a big game.

Why couldn't it be the same with Edward and me? He enjoyed the movie, as did I. Although, Edward didn't seem like the kind of guy to protest the kind of movie I wanted to watch. He seemed like a quiet sufferer of sorts, evidenced by my molestation of his body. Where that all came from, I didn't know. Maybe I had a thing for silky skin and lean muscles and--

"Mmm…popcorn." A cheery Angela entered the break room, bringing me back to the oddly stained gray walls and chipped countertops with unclean appliances. Angela was the most welcoming employee of the small bunch. She walked around with optimism and kindness in her pocket. She gave me the run down of where everything went and didn't go. I learned you didn't talk during Mr. Taylor's long, drawn out rhetoric. Also, burning cheese on toast in the toaster oven leads to a nasty smell and looks.

I didn't respond, instead shoving a handful of popcorn into my mouth. Angela pulled the fridge door open, grabbing her brown bag lunch.

"How are you enjoying working here so far?" Angela's voice beamed at me, but directed her attention to her sack meal. She placed it on the round table we employees dined so elegantly at.

"It's…" I didn't have a real word for it yet. "…new."

She giggled. "It's slow right now. It'll pick up later." She pulled out a glistening bottle of water, opening the cap and taking a swig.

I stared at the bottle of water that hung in the air.

I was nervous and unsure what Edward had wanted the day he visited me at the firehouse. He only wanted photos of my fire experiments, or so he said. Quietness during my fire time was normal, but I was a mute through it all. I wasn't sure if I was comfortable or not with this new person in my life taking part in my activities.

Looking for a moment to get my thoughts together, I retreated to grab a refreshment. A bottle of water. Two in the end; one for me and one for Edward. It was a small gesture at the time, but sitting in this break room now made it feel like I was connecting tiny dots. Clues, even.

All too late, I realized that not only was I feeling déjà vu with the object at Angela's lips but I was also in a similar looking break room my small step forward took place in.

Frustrated, I stood up and exited. I had to be back at work anyway.

**=X=X=X=X=X=X=**

The day after the incident, Alice came over. We walked upstairs to my room. Plopping onto my bed, Alice looked at my nightstand with the mountain of tissues and the unopened bottle of medicine that Charlie dropped off for me early in the morning.

"Are you sick?" Alice inquired, now looking at my face for a sign of illness.

The rims of my eyes and nose were a nice tint of red. I could easily pass for a person with a cold. "Yes. I was out in the rain last night and caught a little something," playing up the hoarseness of my voice.

Alice pulled out a big pink scrapbook prepared with magazine clippings and pictures from her large canvas bag.

"I need some help planning our birthday party." She flipped open to a random page with a layout of the cake they were having.

"That's a massive cake." _Do they even have fridges big enough to store it in?_ It was the Betsy of the cake world.

"I know. It's another big Cullen occasion so it's a necessity. You should see the weddings. This is like a store bought cake compared to other cakes I've seen."

"I've never had more than a one layer cake for my birthday." I shook my head in complete disbelief. _What is with the Cullen's and their massive celebrations?_ "Why is every Cullen party huge?" The question was part rhetorical, part inquisitive. I had only been to one and it scared me that these things happened all the time.

"It's always been like that." Alice flipped through the first couple pages of the book, the pages looked like cotton candy colors celebrating their coming out party. "The Cullen's are very into their traditions and keeping things they've always been. It makes us look better if all of the people in our family's social circle knew we got along and had these lavish affairs." Alice put on a snotty accent on her last few words.

I could think of other ways families could stick together and not have to spend mucho dinero. "Do you like having them? Going to them?"

"They aren't so bad." She shrugged her shoulders, before she looked up at me and said, "Edward hates them though. _Despises_ them, but he can't get away from them. It always ends up being just a birthday party for me." She sounded sad for her brother.

I tucked some stray hairs behind my ears, trying to look casual. "Wow that sucks." I sounded dead, which helped my cold mask.

"He's in his photo room all day. He rarely comes out and says 'hi' to anyone when we have them. He hasn't celebrated a real birthday for himself in years." Alice glanced at her neatly put together scrapbook more intensely, folding some cut out articles that would run over the page if they weren't.

I grabbed two tissues from the box by my bed. Blowing my nose, I did my best conceal some stray moisture ready to leak over from my eyes.

"So, what flavor is the cake?" I leaned over to look at the drawing of the four tiered cake, as I blinked my eyes dry.

"I'm going with a lemon cake and vanilla frosting." She pointed out the bright yellowness and stark white confection. "But, I also have a chocolate cake for those who don't…" I saw her flip to the next page over with the more normal flavored treat.

I heard Alice, but I wasn't really listening. I nodded along with things I did hear that required my opinion. The color of the tablecloths was the biggest decision she had to make. She asked me for advice on candles, knowing I might have something to contribute there.

I know I should've said something to Alice about Edward. She was my friend and friends tell each other things that were bothering them. First kisses and things that we're uncertain about were in that category for sure. I knew it was unfair of me to put it on her though. She would have to go home to him and know this was about her brother.

Alice eventually left and I was lost.

**=X=X=X=X=X=X=**

_Beep, beep, fucking beep._ The annoying robotic monotone sound came from the scanner gun in my hand, as I remembered my task at hand. Sitting on an upside down milk crate in the middle of the canned goods aisle, I printed new price labels to stick on the front of the shelf underneath each product. The little green and black screen telling me that beef stew had jumped up in price. The small printing slot in front of the gun gave me the new sticker.

Going to school that Monday was hard. I had to see Edward at two separate times of the day. I never wanted to stare at the messy math on the blackboard in Pre-Calculus class more than ever. I stayed after class as long as I could, even seek unnecessary extra help on the subject. I thought about taking off for school the first few days I was supposed to be back. But I had already missed so much. Three weeks away from school was a long time. I knew those weeks would come back to bite me in the ass at some point. I wished there were some national holidays in February.

I limped into Chemistry. I was relieved to see the seat next to me vacant. _But why does my chest still hurt?_ It was less than two minutes before class started; it's possible that he was still coming.

Then there he was walking into the classroom. His hair ever the same, haystack mop. His usual dark wash denim and long sleeve unbutton shirt with a white shirt underneath. I trained my eyes to the floor, staring at his black sneakers as they passed by.

My stomach flip flopped, waiting for them to disappear behind me as he would sit down in his usual seat. I made feeble attempts to dislodge my heart from my throat. I was not ready, but I was waiting.

His shoes didn't make that turn however. I followed where he was going sit a couple rows back. _Was I sitting in the wrong seat? Third row from the front. These were our seats. _

The class was almost all in, when the Gosling twins came in the door. Adam went to sit next to Edward, while Aaron took the seat next to me. _What is going on?_

Mr. Banner walked over to my table, placing his hand on the table. "Mr. Cullen said that you wanted to switch partners. Is that correct, Ms. Swan?"

I wasn't sure what this meant. _Is he being spiteful or giving me space? Did he want to avoid me as much I as I wanted to avoid him_? I just nodded at my teacher, not looking to delve into the personal reason for swapping with him.

It was all I could to not turn around and spare a glance in his direction. But of course the universe wanted me to do just that. The lab in class that day involved four people to work together. Spinning around in my stool to face my extra partners for the day, I caught a free glimpse of him. I did my best to crane my head down through out the lab, pushing my hair forward and throwing on my hood; I prayed Mr. Banner wouldn't say anything about my wearing it in class.

I dreaded lunch more than Chemistry; at least I had busy work in the classroom. I didn't know if he would be there. And if he was, how would I explain it to Alice and Jasper? Would he have told them everything?

I rounded the corner I always took to the back of the building. I stopped short. No one was there. _It's only five minutes after, they might still come._ Taking my usual spot a few feet from the door, I waited.

I pulled out my lighter and played around with it. The flame looked ready. Waiting for something to come into its path and disturb it. To give it something to hold onto. Something to completely consume it. Fire is nothing without the things it burns. Ultimately, nothing could go up against it though. Sometimes things were slower to burn than others, slower to react to.

Suddenly, I heard a set of feet in the direction I came from. I sighed. _Okay what do I say? How do I explain everything? Will it make sense? Oh God, do I need to do this now? Ugh own up to shit, Bella. Just talk to him!_

Another set of feet were heard, followed by the scoffing of shoes against the pavement. I waited with baited breath; _will somebody appear around the corner, damn it?!_ Eventually whoever they were, walked away.

I turned my lighter back on. Staring at it, I felt tears well up in my eyes. _Not now!_ The flame became blurry in my vision. I pushed back the water ready to fall. _What was I doing to myself?_ _Why was I sad? Why was I angry? Why everything?_ I stood up and walked across the courtyard to my right. It was the only way to my car.

I eventually decided that lunch was best spent in my car. Specifically in the truck bed, where I'd sit on the cold metal and burn my objects. My butt was numb by the end of the hour, but it was better than my other options. It was a lot easier to set fire to things there, as no one could actually see what I was doing. I'd find fallen leaves and twigs scattered around me inside the hideaway and I'd mindlessly burn them. Those particular stenches bothered me, but they were readily available.

The stranded foliage jogged my memory of the very first time I burned in my life with the tiki torches. Seeing those pine needles burning on the ground was unlike anything. They were thin and brittle. They reminded me of the end of a wick from a dynamite stick. I half expected a massive explosion when they reached a breaking point.

That night, I began my burning spree. My candle jars were used and abused each time I came home from school. Paper, pencils and all stupid inconsequential things were not forgotten. I was frustrated with the confinement of the glass jars and how small it was.

Thursday couldn't get here faster. Before I went to the firehouse, I asked Charlie for extra dough and bought more things to burn. I stopped at the local toy store and bought dolls, more little green army men; a gambit of things I knew would look cool once they melted.

"Going all out tonight, huh?" Jacob commented as I carried several bags of burn items from my car.

"Yep." I dumped a whole box of green army men, before I unwrapped a couple boxes of prissy looking little girly figurines. Trying to rip the boxes open, I decided 'fuck it' and threw them haphazardly into the merciless flame.

I rubbed my eyes with the heels of my palms, preventing any pain from leaking over.

"You okay?" Jacob stood with his hands in his pockets, eying me on the ground.

"Yep. Perfect." I hoped he wouldn't push it further.

Each time I set my fires, I thought about all the times with Edward and what led to the kiss. Should I have been so blindsided by it? What made him want to kiss me in the first place? It gnawed at me that I didn't know, but I was frightened to officially have an answer. I desperately wanted to work through it.

Friday I threw on my fire fun backpack over my shoulder and trekked out to our small backyard. The grass was a bright green at daylight, but nighttime brought a midnight black to it. The porch light dinged on when I passed under it. We had piles of wood stacked on the side of the house for fireplace purposes, but those slabs wouldn't see the inside of our home.

Methodically, I laid the wood out in a simple design. The several pieces of dry wood were formed into a cross-like design. Where they met, I pyramided some more lumber. This would allow a draft to come in and let the fire breathe. Betsy the Torch made a magnificent reappearance. I only gently placed the blue flame against the top piece of the pyramid.

For a while, I closed my eyes and let my mind take in the heat. The heat, intensity and passion that always burned against my skin. The crackling applause of the embers permeating the air became the only sound I heard.

I basked in the ever amazing reaction that two simple things had when thrown together. The wood and fire danced their ever simple dance. They talked their own language and were getting to know one another. I could never come to the conclusion if they ultimately loved or hated their counterpart. _Fuck, they were made for each other._

What made the wood like the fire? Why did they act the way they did when they met instantly? Had the wood tried others and there was no eminent spark that they searched for? That they yearned for?

Yearned. _What a fucking powerful feeling_. Wood and fire would always yearn for each other. Yearning. That word was sticking to my brain like the sap on my hands from the lumber. Like sweet molasses that could give you a toothache, but hell if you were going to give up the delectable taste. The tip of my tongue darted out to lick my lips.

I moved to sit cross legged on the ground, facing the back of the house. I hated how the tears had drained me. The energy sucked out of me from that one weak act. Weak in nature and action. I rubbed my eyes, feeling the smooth lids and the sore rims.

I heard a car pulling up in front of the house. I assumed it was Emmett. Maybe he was having an early night. He mentioned that he was going out with Rosalie tomorrow in the morning. I shrugged my shoulders at the thought.

"Bella?" I heard Charlie yell from the side of the house. Charlie came running to where I was burning. I could make out the faint hint of his furrowed brows once he was in my sight. "Bella? What are you doing?"

"I'm burning?" _What does it look like I'm doing? What else would I be doing?_

"Bella, you are not allowed to have open flames like this." He was in his cop mode, with his hands gently resting on the belt of his uniform.

"I've done this hundreds of times, Dad." I sighed out as if I was a broken record.

"That hundredth and one time could burn down the house." Charlie gestured to our living space. "And you haven't burned out back here in years."

"Do you not trust me that I can take care of it when it might get out of control?"

"I trust you, Bella. But that?" He pointed to the dancing flames. "That can't be trusted."

Charlie walked toward the porch, where the green water hose was coiled on the ground.

"Please, can't I just let it burn out? I'll be here all night." I was grasping for straws.

"No. You'll have to wait until your time on Thursday." He stepped forward to extinguish my fire.

I knew my next action would not go over well with him, but I went for it anyway. I stepped in front of Charlie, as he was about to let the water go. He stopped short.

"Bella, stop this." He dropped the hose to his side.

"Please? I can't wait until Thursday. I can't." My hands balled up at my sides, clenched white tight.

"Don't make me do something I'm going to regret."

My voice broke. "Fine. Ground me. Send me up to my room." Tears coated my eyes.

"I only want you to put the fire out." Charlie calmly insisted.

"I built the fire in a way so that it won't burn anything down." I gestured to the structured wood.

"You could be the best at building a fire and I would still tell you to put it out." Charlie's hand held the hose nozzle tight.

"That's not true. How many times have Burt and the boys put together a fire?"

"Bella, don't be ridiculous. They are firefighters. Dealing with fire is their profession."

"Ugh!" I brought my hands to my hair, pushing some strands back. "I know what to do if something happens." I walked back to my original sitting area behind the fire.

"Why are you arguing with me on this? You never cared about setting a fire back here." Charlie's sternness as a cop was mixing with his fatherly ways.

I plopped down onto the grass. Way back in the beginning of my fire obsession, I was furious that I couldn't just waltz out back and start burning. Eventually as I got older, I became satisfied with my weekly fire fun at the firehouse. In my safe little fireproof box.

Charlie squatted on his knees next to me, his hands clasping together. "What's wrong?"

I flatly replied "Nothing," staring into the eyes of the fire.

Charlie breathed in and out through his nose. "Bella, I know there's something."

Crossing my arms was my response to his statement.

"That night I came home and you were sleeping in your clothes, Edward called while you were asleep. He asked where you were. I told him that you are sleeping and possibly sick. He told me to tell you 'I'm sorry'. When you finally went to sleep that night, I stayed around a little bit. I took off your shoes and heard you say 'Edward. I don't know. Please.' You said his name a few more times after that."

_I said his name in my sleep? Embarrassing._

"Did Edward and you get into a fight? Did he hurt you?" Charlie seethed under the surface at his last few words.

I quickly responded "No! Edward wouldn't do anything like that."

"Why did he say 'I'm sorry'?"

"It's...nothing you'd understand." I picked at the blades of grass in front of me.

"Why do you think that?"

"Trust me, you wouldn't." The lawn in my hand was tossed into the fire in front of me. "Where is all this coming from?"

"All of what?"

"Your persistence in knowing about my personal life."

"I'm your father; I need to know everything is okay."

"My personal life is just dandy, thank you very much," bitterly annoyed sarcasm in my voice. More green traveled from my palms to the flames.

"Excuse me, young lady. Don't take that tone with me."

Closing my eyes and fidgeting with the cuffs of my sleeves, I let out a frustrated sigh.

"The past couple months, I'd never seen you happier. For a long time Bella, I genuinely worried. And if there is someone messing that up for you, I don't want to think what that will do to you more than what you were like before." After a few moments, Charlie stood up with a small grunt. He picked up the hose. "Watch out."

I reluctantly got to my feet, stepping away from the fire. Charlie blasted the water into the center of the configuration. The water defeated the fire. The heat couldn't stand up to the cooler counterpart.

Were the water and the fire too much for each other? Every time the water is near the fire it destroyed it. What if that wasn't its intention? What if the water wanted to be around the fire but it didn't know how, so instead it stopped it in its tracks? Preventing it from truly sharing anything with it. Fight fire with fire, but that scared the shit out of me.

I pulled hard on the ends of my hair as my purely fire thoughts plagued me, gnawing at something much deeper than I would've imagined possible. Charlie wound up the hose around in a tight loop on the ground against the house.

Charlie walked back to where I was standing by the now extinct flames. "I don't want you falling back into your old pattern." He sighed out, rubbing and clapping his hands together to rid the dirt off his hands. "I can't…help you pay for it anymore. I have to save up money to help your brother with college things really soon." He looked back toward the side of the house, obviously looking to leave and get back to the station.

I nodded at him. For some reason, I wasn't at all surprised with what he was saying. I was waiting for the day he would end funding my habit.

So I drove around town looking at all the 'Help Wanted' signs. I found three. One was for Newton's Sporting Goods and that was an automatic 'no' on my part. No chance in hell was I spending anymore necessary hours with Creep-o Mike. The second one was for a cement company. I would've taken the job, but it required I knew how to drive a cement truck, had a license to operate one and not be in high school. The final place was the Safeway. At least I could get a discount on groceries and gas money by working and then shopping afterwards.

**=X=X=X=X=X=X=**

_Shit!_ The scanner gun battery was running low. I didn't know or rather remember where the store kept the spare ones. Most of the whole store orientation thing flew right over my head. I walked to the front of the store by the registers to ask one of my new coworkers.

There were only a little more than a handful of people working in the store at the time. Mr. Taylor was behind the customer service counter working on his accounting book. Only two of the five lanes were open, indicated by the green number boxes that lit up above their corresponding registers. Angela was behind her register handing out change to a customer. Ben, not having anyone to ring up, helped bag groceries for Angela's.

I stood in the lane, leaning against the conveyor belt. "Angela? I think the battery is dead on this." I waved the scanner gun in my hand.

"Oh, here." Angela opened a drawer underneath her register. She pulled out two 'C' batteries. "Those things die often. Ben!" She giggled as he came up behind her and tickled her sides. She blushed a light shade of pink.

I opened the back of the scanner gun and proceeded to replace the batteries. Without thinking I blurted out, "You two are adorable."

"Thank you." Angela shyily tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. "You and Edward are too." Angela replied.

Flabbergasted, I stopped what I was doing. A knot tied in my stomach. "Oh, umm…Edward and I aren't together." I tried to keep any kind of emotion from evoking.

Angela turned a key to open up her cash register, pulling out the black tray filled with money. "Really? I didn't know. I've seen you two walking the halls. Hanging outside by the cafeteria. Standing really close together. You looked like two people should. I mean, don't take my word for it if it isn't true. I tend to embellish things. Writers tend to do that."

This was all news to me. I wasn't aware we came off a certain way. I was looking for a revelation even if it involved someone entirely outside of the situation. "What do you mean 'like two people should'?" I placed the scanner gun on the conveyor belt, intrigued by Angela's observation.

Angela picked up the twenty dollar bills from her drawer and started counting them. "Like…you enjoy being with each other. Like friends, but connecting on a different level. Just the way you two look at each other. I don't know. I know Ben thought you two were together as well. Say Ben? Didn't you think Bella and Edward were together?" Angela turned to Ben, who was fixing more plastic bags on their silver hooks.

Ben looked up at Angela and I. "They aren't? I mean, you two aren't?" He directed that last one to me.

I shook my head. Ben went back to his busy work.

The _two_ of us. Not just Edward looking at me in a certain way, but me as well. Was I really looking at him like we were part of a pair?

"Did I offend you, Bella? I didn't mean to if I did. I guess I just misinterpreted." Angela looked at me, as she tucked some coupons into a blue money bag.

"Oh, no. That's okay." I quietly offered before picking up the scanner gun, placing the cover back on over the batteries.

I wasn't offended, but Angela's last words definitely played around in my mind. Misinterpreting. Could that be it? Could that be what I had been doing? Maybe I wasn't blindsided, but just misread all the things that happened between us.

Sitting back down on my crate, I laid out all the jagged parts in my head. I went all the way back to the beginning of the school year, including the ones I thought about before. The appreciation dinner, the day he came over to take the photos, the notes we passed to each other in class.

The times behind the cafeteria when everything was easy. When he'd look at me and I didn't know what he was thinking. I've seen that look on more than one occasion. _Had he thought about kissing me before? _

The taco stand outing when his hand grabbed onto my calf. I didn't think about it then, but the fork he had dropped on the floor was plastic. He didn't have to spend all that time picking it up. He didn't have to pick it up right then and there.

I stumbled upon the last day before Christmas break. The mixture of disappointment and sadness hit me hard. He had been there at the right time. The BB had gotten the best of me and the other from the undiscovered secret that Emmett and Angela were harboring led me to Edward's arms.

_What did go down between Emmett and Angela?_ I couldn't help the thought as I dug through that particular day. I believed it would give me comfort to know the exact details of that day. Maybe I had misinterpreted that too.

Placing the scanner on my crate, I speed walked to find Angela. It couldn't wait. I found her counting her drawer out in the back office. I thanked whoever I worshipped that Angela was a shift supervisor and didn't need someone else to monitor her counting.

I was almost out of breath when I reached her. "Say Angela?"

Angela laughed. "Slow down there, Bella." She pressed a few numbers onto the calculator in front of her.

I breathily laughed. "Um, I don't know if you remember, but I saw you talking to Emmett a while ago." I did my best to pull out something significant from that moment. "He gave you his jacket?"

Angela smiled "Oh…that." She rolled her eyes and sighed. "I'm such a bad editor. I completely forgot to get a picture of Emmett in his varsity jacket for that profile we're doing on him. And, oh my, can you tell him that I'm sorry about pushing back the date again? We were supposed to do it a long while ago, but it'll be in the last issue of the school year. You know what I'll tell him myself. That's what editors do. Thanks for reminding me, Bella."

I absentmindedly nodded.

My feet carried me faster down the nearest aisle from the employee door.

I skidded to a stop in front of it. To my right, there they were. Sitting on the same shelf as they were before. The clear and red bags displaying the candy, the yellow, black, and white writing telling me what it was.

_Black licorice._

I stared at the candy, much like I did late last year. My little decision to go with red and not black. My over analysis of the sweet frustrated me at the time.

The day I had my first close encounter with Edward, the scent hit me like a boulder knocking down a building. It was the most unusual, pleasing smell I could've thought of someone to possess. It made my mouth water. It rendered me incoherent most of the day.

The scent hit me harder when I hugged him outside the auditorium. He allowed me in. I pressed myself into his chest, breathing in the softness and smell of him. His arms ironically felt like a release.

Each time we got closer and closer it flooded my senses. I didn't mind it one bit. It was far from a nuisance. It was a comfort that I wanted to sink into.

Staring at the black licorice, I was beginning to think that my uncertainty was…unjustifiable. _Why was I feeling it? _

That kiss…I thought about it every day. The way his lips worked against mine. His body pressed against me. It was the most intense thing I'd ever felt in my whole life, and I wasn't sure I could handle it. It was a high that scared me.

_What kind of high was it?_ The only thing I could equate it to was my fire fun. And that couldn't match what I felt. This was on another level. Not knowing what it was bothered me.

_I need to know._

Standing in the middle of the candy aisle at the Safeway, I had come to a decision I had been unable to come up with for two weeks. This decision would simultaneously coincide with another.

No more bullshitting myself.

* * *

A/N: Listened to a lot of Matt Nathanson and Bat for Lashes. Seek them out if you want to.

Reviews are as wonderful as black licorice revelations.


	23. Hot Air

A/N: Thank you lovelies for reading and reviewing.

Thank you to bublichka and Bratty_Vamp for being cheerleaders and giving me great advice on this chapter. Thanks so much to thrown_rosesx for the really helpful beta skills.

Disclaimer: Don't own.

* * *

By the time I was off from work, I had no time to go home and change. I had failed to remember that the party had started an hour earlier. So, I would be going to an extravagant, overly costly shindig wearing my piss-yellow polo work shirt, dirty jeans, ratty sneakers; all accompanied by a light amount of sweat coating my forehead from work.

My stomach churned as I turned onto the driving path that led to the Cullen mansion. The long lines of white lanterns hung from the canopy of trees. They were a comforting white as I drove further into learning and confessing the truth.

The closer I got towards the manor, the more familiar the scenario looked. There were cars here from the last party that took place here, though I couldn't identify the owners to each vehicle. It was difficult to find a space, but I managed to find a small one on the outskirts of the house. Once I was out of my car, I weaved through all the cars, finally making it to the front door in a matter of moments.

The main foyer was quiet, as various voices came drifting from another room. I was half hoping I wouldn't have to search out for Alice … or Edward. I traveled to the big party room that I figured would be the setting for the celebration.

The room was a dizzying array of Easter type colors. All of the women wore cupcake colored skirts and dresses. The men dressed with ties and dress shirts that matched the light airy hues of the occasion.

I spotted Alice in front of the gigantic cake she had decided on, with an appropriate knife in her hand to cut it with. She looked like the incarnate of a daisy in a dress of white and yellow. Even a daisy was tucked into her wig. Jasper stood at her side; being the rebel he was by wearing all black but sporting a pale yellow tie.

There were a few people who stared at me and my ensemble. _Yeah, I'm fucking wearing what I'm wearing. What's your problem?_ They stared at me as they whispered into each others ears. _And this is what goes on after high school__. _

The weight of their looks made me roll my eyes, but forced me to tip toe my way toward the back of the room. I had scooted no more than a few steps back, when I bumped into something. Behind me, a small table full of glasses fell on the floor with a loud shatter. The sound echoed around the room.

A chorus of heads turned in my direction.

"My bad." I raised my hand, acknowledging it further. I looked at the broken pieces on the floor, looking around for a broom and dustpan to help clean up.

As soon as I glanced up, Alice was at my side. Jasper was strolling up to us, his hands in his pockets.

"Oh my, Bella, you made it!" She wrapped her tiny arms around me. I felt sets of eyes staring in my direction more than before. "I wasn't sure if you were coming."

"Yeah, I didn't know either." I admitted. I still wondered how much Alice knew about what happened with Edward and myself. "Say um … where's Edward?"

"He's not here." She briefly looked around, casually looking for him. "I think he's in his photo room." Alice's eyebrows came together.

I suddenly remembered the conversation Alice and I had. He wouldn't be here. He would either be in his photo room or up in his own. Seeing it in action tugged at my heart more than it did when I first heard this was how he spent his birthday.

"Oh," I lamely stated, trying not to sound like I was looking for him. _Who the hell am I kidding?_

Alice put her hand on my arm. She leaned in close. "Bella, I know you and Edward are going through a rough patch. I would've understood if you didn't want to come today."

"Actually," I started, biting down on my lip, "I wanted to talk to him."

"Oh Bella, I'm so glad." She sounded more gratefully then I thought was possible.

Esme strolled over to the three of us, giving me a brief, but anxious smile. "Alice, it's time to cut the cake," she said, looking towards her daughter.

"I'll be right there." Alice turned towards her mother. Esme walked away, her hands clasped in front of her. "Bella, I'll talk to you later." She winked at me. Jasper bowed his head before exiting with Alice.

I left the stuffy, uptight room, headed into the hallway that led to Edward's hideaway of sorts. The walk felt unlike the last one I had taken down this hall. As I passed the photos Edward had taken, it dawned on me that I knew so little about him. There had to be stories behind these pictures on the wall. Why did he take these? Were the subjects of them something special? The one that intrigued me the most was the one of his parents; they say a picture says a thousand words, but nothing was coming from theirs.

I was almost to the end of the hall when a set of male voices came from behind a door nearby.

"Ask me if I care," Edward hashed out. It was a mixture of rough, quiet, and harsh all mixed together that caused a shiver down my spine.

"Edward. Son, please --." Carlisle sounded as quiet as Edward, though infinitely calmer.

"No. Don't." His voice had grown louder with warning.

"Edward, I hope you will think next time before you try a stunt like that again," an overly arrogant voice spit back at him.

The sounds of footsteps were heading toward the door. I scrambled toward another room across the way, opening and closing the door quickly. Seconds later, I heard the distinct sound of a door slamming. Footsteps thudded against the carpeted floor.

The space I found myself in was a small guest room. The queen sized bed covered with a nauseating looking floral bed spread. Overall, it looked like beaches decided to mate with the whole area. The blanket had the design of a cheap hotel room. After settling into the foot of the bed, I gazed at the darkness outside.

A light, gauze curtain hung over the darkened world outside. The fabric flowed slightly from the heat hitting it from the floor radiator. It was amazing how one little thing such as tiny molecules of air could affect something so greatly; changing its shape and giving it some life. Fire also needed air to let it breathe and fly. The size of the fire could be large, small; disproportionate; the air could be too hot, or too cold. All these things come together and influence each other to make it work. One strong, sweeping wind is the difference between a campfire and a forest fire. Without air, fire didn't exist.

The rhythm of the waving drape comforted me as I decided to wait until everyone had exited from the hall. It felt like my mind was split in two, for half of me was trying to focus on the hallway, while the other half was concentrated on how fast my heart was beating at. _I don't like not knowing and that's why I'm here_, I repeated to myself.

I heard two sets of footsteps out in the hall.

"I take it you won't be coming to the party," Carlisle resigned.

"As per usual," Edward coldly replied.

I assumed Carlisle was the footsteps walking back to the big room, moving at a quickened pace. Edward didn't move, possibly contemplating where to go next. Suddenly, the door to my room flew open and shut, the sound of someone breathing anger through their nose. I squealed at the surprise.

A tall floor lamp clicked on. My hands rested over my racing heart as I glanced up at who switched the light on. Edward's hand had just left the knob. He placed a brown, leather journal on a small writing desk near the door. Confusion crossed his features, as if to ask why I was here.

Quietness filled the stale, musty smelling room. The hissing of the base heater clicked off at the exact temperature it was set to. I reached for the sleeves of my hoodie only to find nothing there; it was sitting pretty in my employee locker. _Fuck._ Instead, I rubbed my forearms despite the toasty warmth.

"Happy Birthday."

A sardonic, dark chuckle resonated from his lips. He didn't say thanks. It was so irrational for someone to hate their birthday so much. Another thing I longed to understand.

Edward opened up his mouth first. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to disturb you." He quietly clicked the light off, leaving the place in the same condition he saw it in.

I stood up from my spot. "Wait!" I all but yelled.

The outline of his face was more prominent with the moonlight cascading down his frame. The curves of his lips and paleness of his face, tiny glints of light from the whites of his eyes were all but contrasting with his dark mood. I heard his sneakers scrape against the carpet and shuffling of his clothes. He had moved closer to the center of the room.

I returned to my spot on the bed. "Stay." My feet nervously played together, brushing the tops of each other.

We'd been avoiding each other. Our eyes searched spaces for unprotected glances, but looking to stay away all the same. Intentionally steering clear of all the common places we knew the other person would be at. Tension rolled in the air across the rooms we couldn't escape; a tension that strangled me and left me crying. And now, in that moment, our eyes scanned the dark for an affirmation to end this. We were there. I believed that he knew, and of course I knew, that we had to have this conversation. Now.

"I want to make amends," He started, speaking the exact words I expected. "I am hoping you would want to be friends again. And we can forget what happened."

My voice broke slightly, realizing I was admitting something painfully new. "I can do one, but not the other."

"Bella, I'm really sorry. I cherish our friendship so much and I can't give it up." But his words confused me; I still wanted to be friends. Why would he think I didn't?

"No, not that. You kissed me. That's not something I can forget." Not only that, it was my first. _Aren't you supposed to remember them?_ _Oh__,__m__y! Did he forget me already? Of course he did._

"But could you? Get back to where we were before?" He wanted to move on. _Ugh, stop bein__g __such a girl!_

"I don't want to go back to the way it was before."

"Bella, please. Let me make it up to you and we'll be good friends again."

_Wait, what were we talking about? What was _he _talking about?_ _Great, getting off on the wrong foot already._

I took a deep breath. "Edward, I don't want to go back to the way it was before." He was dying to get a word in, but I had to summon my nervous courage right then and there. "… but it's not what you think."

His eyes closed and eyebrows came together as he figured out what I was implying.

I stared at my lap, looking up at him under my lashes. I should spell it out for him, but I still had so many questions and being too blunt too soon wouldn't get me any answers.

I watched as his eyes went from a 'what are you getting at' hunter green to a full blown happy jade. "Bella." He sat down next to me on the bed, the mattress protesting the movement. Happy jades looked for a sign of bluffing that wasn't appearing on my face.

"At the time, I really didn't know what to think. I couldn't figure out what I was feeling. I guess a little time and perspective is what I needed." I laughed to myself at my comfortable admission.

His hand reached for mine, the warmness of his fingers and palm coated the back of my hand. That beautiful one-sided smile washed over me like a heat wave.

"But, I was nervous." The overwhelming urge to remind him how anxious I was came over me.

"You don't think I was?" He studied my profile, his smile bashfully excited. "Kissing you was the most impulsive thing I'd ever done in my life."

"I never pegged you for someone who wasn't spontaneous."

"I'm nowhere near that. Except for my art and you." His greens pierced my browns.

_I_ made him be impulsive; made him do what he wanted. It was the oddest compliment I'd ever had anyone give me.

"Not that I could do what I want with you, but that you make me feel like I can do things."

_Because 'bullshitting' isn't my thing._ "I don't even know what I'm doing when I'm … doing _that_." I just did what I wanted. I rarely had complaints from Charlie and Emmett about what I did. Or anyone for that matter. Always did what I liked and if no one liked it, then that was their problem.

"Just being you." He squeezed my hand, confirming his statement; I can't change who I am, and he wouldn't want me to change either way. _I_ was what he liked.

I blushed. No one outside of my family really made me feel like I could be me, that I was anything special. I never participated in school activities, and I wasn't a stellar student, even in all the advanced placement classes. No one handed out awards to people with hobbies like mine. Or scholarships for reading the most books in any given amount of time.

But this was someone who liked me for me. I always felt pressure for staying who I was. People always forced me to change because I shouldn't be me. It was an unsettling feeling I would have to get used to. I still wasn't sure why it meant so much to him.

"What does that even mean?"

"What?" My hand was in his, with his thumb stroking over my knuckles in a soothing gesture.

Instantly, it calmed and comforted me. "The whole being me thing. I'm …," I was about to say 'no different than anyone else,' but that's not true. "I … I'm just a person."

"You don't have a clear view of yourself."

"Or you're looking through rose-colored glasses."

"For two years? No, not likely."

_Wait, two years? Where did he get that number from?_ A hint of pink colored his cheeks. His head hung low. I guessed he realized his slip up.

"Edward, I've only been talking to you for …," I counted in my head, tracing it back to the holiday time. "… three months."

"Um ...," His hand left mine for his already messy hair. "I've …."

My sweaty hand fell to my lap as I said, "You've what?"

He inhaled some air and shut his eyes, wielding not to see my reaction. "I've noticed you for a while," he quietly admitted to his lap, his loose hair creating even more of a shield.

"Noticed me." I thought stating it out loud would help me make sense of it.

"Yes. How do I put it into better words?" He said, trying to clarify with himself.

I searched my own brain for another verb. _Noticed_ was such an in between word. _Seen_ sounded too casual. _Watched_ sounded too creepy._ Observed_ made me sound like a science experiment. I continued to sift through a thesaurus of options, but with each word, I became discouraged with the idea that I was more of an object then a person. Like I was under a magnifying glass being intensely looked at.

I stood up, feeling uncomfortable with my next thought, "Were you stalking me?" I would be absolutely beside myself if I did all of that pondering and contemplating for it to come down to him staring and following me.

"No, no!" He immediately retaliated. He reached for my hand, showing that it was nowhere near my worst possible outcome and looking scared that that was what I concluded.

"Then what would you call it?"

"I …," He looked up, probing for the right choice on the ceiling, "… admired you." A relieved smile graced his lips, happy to have found the correct term.

_Admired?_ I played around with it in my head, digging the sole of my sneaker into the carpet.

His hand still held mine, not tugging or pulling me closer; just being there. That simple touch of the pad of his thumb slowly moving over my knobby knuckles definitely felt lovely. The trickling of the heat that spread, the tickling of the aftermath. I watched as it worked its magic. _If this is what admiration is, I don't mind it._

The heat of Edward's gaze forced me to look up at him. My stomach twisted into crazy, undoable knots. He quickly looked away, the image of a boy after ogling the cookie jar.

His averting gaze left me confused. Admired implied something deeper. It also encompassed a considerable amount of looking at me. He did mention an extensive time frame. "Two years?"

He nodded, bringing his lips between his teeth.

"So when you admired me, what did that entail?"

"At lunch, with your fire. You were always content around that time." He smiled, liking remembering one of my mid afternoon sessions.

I swayed a little, thinking about how we had been mere feet from meeting each other so many times. "Why didn't you come over and say 'hi'?"

"Didn't I tell you I'm not an impulsive person?"

"That has nothing to do with talking to someone."

"It does."

"No. You walk up to someone and chat. Say 'Hi, how're you doing?' That's simple enough."

"Would _you_ have let me?"

"Ye --," I stopped. I thought back to my more anti-social days. My initial reaction might've been to 'fuck off' or leave him hanging. With him however, I imagined I would've been harsher. Probably kick dirt on his shoes or insult his phone.

"It's alright. I knew you didn't like me." He nonchalantly shrugged his shoulders.

"Really?" I wasn't aware I was _that _obvious with my hatred. I certainly didn't think _he_ noticed.

"Trust Fund Fucker?" He cocked his head to the side, waiting for my response.

I went slack jawed, dropping my hand from his. _That's just __… __ugh!_ "How did you know?" I deadpanned.

"The margins of your paper aren't exactly hidden."

"Oh," I muttered, my cheeks turn to color an embarrassing shade. "I don't mean any of that now."

"Would I be around if you did?"

"I don't know. You could be a masochist." _I'm pretty sure I am._

"I might be."

"Why do you say that?"

"Spending all that time with you, I had never wanted to be with someone more. The thought of wanting to grab you and kiss you. It hurt knowing I couldn't just do that. It was the worst kind of masochism."

It must've been extraordinarily painful when I rejected him the way I did. All that time, how long we kissed and I blabbered out the first thing in my mind. "No wonder you called my feelings stupid."

"Stupid was the wrong word to use."

"What word is good then?"

"First off, I should've been patient." If he had stayed patient though, hell would freeze over before I noticed. "But, I knew you felt something too. That wasn't enough of an affirmation though."

Those two weeks felt like an eternity ago. Especially when I reached for his hand. "Well, I know now."

I had never felt so much warmth hit me before than in that moment. Because when his eyes met mine, they sparkled brighter then all of my fire fun projects put together.

Stepping closer to him, I sat back on the bed next to him. Our thighs almost touching. His face inches from mine. Butterflies of what could happen next filled my insides. A memory appeared in my mind of the last time were this close, and I smiled softly in his direction.

I looked down at my feet, my hair hanging around my face. Edward's cold hand delicately tucked it behind my red hot ear. I was reminded of the times where he'd perform that same action, not knowing it was his way of showing me affection. _Because I'm an idiot who couldn't see the signs._

I slowly lifted my foot to play footsies with one of his, trying to gather up the courage to just go for it. Biting my lip I whispered, "I don't know what I'm doing, but I'd like to try."

I looked up to that crooked smirk. His own foot responded to mine. "I don't know what I'm doing either."

_Really?_ I was … shocked to say the least. "You've kissed other people though, right?" I asked, looking at him dead in the eyes.

"No," He whispered, eyeing my lips.

"Are you sure?"

A light chuckle preceded his words. "Others have showed interest. But, my interest was for only one person." He squeezed our hands together, sweeping it along my cheekbone. My eyes fluttered closed at the feather touch feeling. The scented air of him stirred me.

He had given me his touches; I wanted it to be my turn. My finger slowly approached his jaw. The clear cut lines that structured his boyishly handsome face.

The smooth skin with rough stubble lightly scratched under my fingertips. His eyes eased closed; a waft of air with a following contented sigh passed through his nose. I was amazed that such a simple thing can relax someone so much. I never thought I was doing anything significantly different.

My hand cradled his cheek, my thumb stroking it up and down. His lips parted slightly, rewarding me with a sweet breath. I never expected his unique scent to escape from his mouth. I breathed in the black licorice smell I always found comforting.

I stared at his open mouth, longing to discover if I could taste it. I was hoping and praying I wasn't going to ruin the moment. My teeth met my bottom lip from the fright. His eyes were still shut, his lips vulnerable. I took the advantage and ran with it.

I licked my lips, tilting my head to the side. My body twisted toward him, as he faced out. I hovered in front of him, eying his lids and lips. My eyes shut as I made contact. Surprised at my action, he breathed through his nose. His bottom lip rested between mine, the fullness of it spurring me on to massage lovingly. I softly pulled at it as I ended the kiss.

Slowly pulling back, I glanced up at his hooded eyes; my own likely looking the same. The green spotted with blissful black dots, stared back at me. I wasn't sure what kind of boy I would be attracted to before I got to know Edward. There wasn't anyone that grabbed my attention. or made me think I could like him. I never knew if I'd get the chance to really feel that kind of want. Seeing Edward's face staring at me with so much need and passion told me that I was into this kind of boy. This boy. I hoped that I was enough for him, that I wasn't a disappointment.

I licked my lips nervously, his black licorice taste following my tongue into my mouth. He was manifesting; his taste in my mouth, his touch on my skin, his scent in my nose. It was enough and not enough at the same time, though nowhere near overwhelming. I went in again for just that, but Edward had the same idea. Our noses bumped together unintentionally, and I giggled while he chuckled. My smile was still wide as I went in for a second time, and we met halfway. Our noses nestled against each others cheeks, a tickling brand new touch that built anticipation in me.

Edward took my bottom lip this time, his hand coming to rest on the back of my head. His lips worked magic I didn't think they were capable of. My mouth struggled to take it all in, wanting to savior and let it overpower me. I tugged on his swollen lip with my teeth, officially declaring my mind overruled by hormones.

My hands ran along his shoulders, ascending to his neck, making my way to his jaw line. I had never paid much attention to jaws; I never had a reason to. But my hands feeling his jaw moving as his lips kissed me made me melt. I couldn't stop there, as my fingers found his hair. His scalp was pulsating, hot and sweaty. I fisted his hair, pulling him closer to me.

And then the best sound of the world came from him; his groan against my lips. Edward's hands became eager as he moved to pull me closer, his palms and fingers splayed along my back.

His reaction to our kissing was unlike any kind of reaction I had seen from him. Everything was subtle with him; nothing was ever outright said or done. The fact that once we collided he easily expressed himself did something to me. Maybe my making him impulsive was what it was. I was doing this to him. And if that was it, I had no problem doing it.

I decided to explore my power over him. My uncomfortable position hindered me, so I let go of his lips with one last smack. Lingering satisfaction and the cutest 'where'd you go?' expression displayed on his face. Despite the protest, it quickly changed when I swung my legs over his lap. My knees rested on either side of his thighs.

He tilted his head up to look at me, adoring amusement on his face in the form of a crooked smirk. His face looked different from this angle; an up close, clear view I soaked up. I could count the number of eyelashes easily if he closed his eyes; the black standing out against the pale. I spotted a tiny freckle bordering on being underneath his eyebrow, and I lifted my hand to trace it. My finger went over his eyebrow and down his nose, feeling a slight crook there. For my own amusement, I pushed down on the bulb of his nose and giggled as it distorted his face. One of his hands cupped my own, and I moved it back against his jaw.

Edward's hand moved to my back again, snaking underneath the loose fabric. My bare skin relished the feeling. The feathery tracing patterns from his fingers were working wonders on me. My own hands slid up along his temples, tangling in his hair.

His lips seeked for mine, as I let him pull me flush with his body. His lips and hands worked in a pleasurable collaborative effort; the soft mouth he possessed set me ablaze; his long fingers left burning trails along my skin. Every untouched inch on my body responded. My voice eagerly told him how much I liked it. My knees buckled under me, as I sat fully in his lap.

Once I sat, he completely let loose. His hand groped at my thigh, his thumb tracing along the inseam; the other grabbing my bottom to scoot me closer to him. Evidence of his arousal was apparent quickly. Panting and moans of satisfaction deafened the room.

I wanted so much from him in that moment; I couldn't control myself. I pushed his shoulders, forcing him back onto the bed. He looked stunned for a second, but my lips resolved that issue. My hands slipped under his shirt, feeling his abdomen with renewed vigor. Just below his belly button, a small patch of hair occupied my attention. My finger lazily played with the thin, hairs above the button of his jeans.

Abruptly, Edward grunted, grabbing my two wrists and flipped me over on _my_ back. He pinned them above my head, his lips landing on my neck. Much needed air entered my lungs and escaped me in a whoosh of pleasure. His tongue licked frantically at my pulse, working its way down near my collarbone. The collar of my shirt was in the way. _S__tupid Safeway, you make me miserable at work already. You are not leaking over into my personal life._

The three buttons on my shirt were swiftly undone by Edward as he accessed the skin he was dying to get to. My moans escalated to an impossible level. _Tongues, oh I love them so much._ He worked faster and faster, sloppy wet kisses carelessly endlessly hitting every spot on my neck. _Oh God__…_The parade of tongue, lips and wetness clouded my brain. I begged for it to reach an end.

I reached to remove his long sleeve shirt he had been wearing over his shirt. I tugged, scrambling to pull it off his arms. Edward helped me out with it, as he hovered over my neck, panting into it. It fell somewhere that was of no concern to me. Personally, I wouldn't have cared if I never saw the thing again. Edward returned to his previous spot.

I wanted him closer. He wasn't fully pressed to me. There was no dam, barrier or any damn man made structure between my brain and my wants in that moment. _Oh my, oh my,_ was all I could think. _Please. Something__…__I need something. I need more._

My legs took the initiative. I hooked my ankles around his hips, pushing him on top of me. The closeness of all of him took me higher. I moaned at what I was doing to him.

Suddenly, Edward stopped kissing me. He was breathing heavy as he looked down where our bodies were joined._ Did I do something wrong?_

Edward let out a frustrated sigh. His forehead fell on my shoulder. He was grumbling quietly.

"Edward?" My heavy breathing meshed with my words, making it sound airy. "What's wrong?"

He simply shook his head no, hair tickling my ear. I could hear his ragged inhales and exhales through his nose. "No … it's … forget it." He sounded exasperated.

I couldn't help but feel self-conscious. "Was it me?" He did look down where we were together. I could only assume I had done something.

"No." He continued on though, "Well … you had _something_ to do with it. But it's not your fault."

"Okay, what does that mean?" I tried my best to remain patient and calm. My out of control hormonal feelings worked very hard to keep themselves in check. I didn't know how insensitive I was sounding.

He grumbled further, "Bella, please drop it."

"Edward, what happened?" _Please talk to me._ I tried to lift his head from my shoulder, but he wouldn't have any of it.

"Just … when I leave the room, don't look down." He was admitting defeat.

_What?_ I was thoroughly confused. _Look down where?_ I went with a hunch. My hands felt for something wrong in the general direction of down.

I felt my thighs, my stomach, and my crotch. Then, I felt it. On the back of my hand, a small amount of dampness.

From Edward's pants.

Edward groaned with discontent when I felt the spot.

_Oka__y__…__um__...__what is that? _My eyebrows crawled together in confusion that really shouldn't be there. _Bella, it's a penis; what do you think comes out of there, you sexually challenged nitwit._

My mouth formed a quiet "oh." I squeezed my eyes shut to wield away the situation. I didn't know what the fuck to say. Knowing me, I'd talk out of my ass and say the wrong thing. _Should've paid attention in Sex Ed instead of collecting condoms to burn._

"Um …," My voice sounded strangled. I quietly cleared it. "Edward? You okay?" _Yes, start with vagueness and go from there._

His nose nudged my shoulder, moving side to side. "I'm …" The word hung in the air. "… okay." He sounded like he lost out on winning a prize.

_Should I mention it outright? Say '__i__t happens__.__' Is that too insensitive to say?_

My hands found their way to the back of his neck, to relax myself as I contemplated how to address this. In return, my fingers calmed him down. I did my best to comfort him and hoped this was the right gesture. My fingers twirled lazy patterns on the nape of his neck. My cheek rubbed his. His hair smelled really divine as my hands found his scalp. I planted a small kiss near his sideburns.

"I'm sorry I didn't get you a birthday present." I whispered. _Change in conversation. Those always work._

He sat up looking me directly in the eye with humorous disbelief.

Leaning in close to my lips, "You already gave me one," was all he said.

Small flurries of kisses were planted on my lips.

A little while later we lay beside each other, enjoying the silent hum of what was to come for us.

* * *

A/N: Well……how about them apples? Adele and Sting gave so much of the right mood to write this chapter.

I have a Twitter if you want to follow me. I mention BTE things sometimes. www(dot)twitter(dot)com/gangsterdorothy


	24. Noodle

A/N: Thank you lovelies for reading and reviewing!

I have posted an EPOV outtake of an earlier chapter of BTE under the outtake section called Trimming The Edges. I'm not sure how many outtakes I'll be posting there. It depends on what comes to me, but enjoy the rare look inside his head.

Thanks to my pre-readers Kat and Anna and to my beta thrown_rosesx.

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters.

* * *

The two weeks after Edward and Alice's birthday party, we spent almost every minute together. Outside of our shared classes, we hung out at either my place or his photo room.

We constantly distracted and interrupted whatever the other was doing, putting off deadlines and forgetting about everything around us. And we didn't care because we were having fun.

I accidentally let things burn for longer than I intended. On Thursdays, Edward accompanied me to my fire fun. I learned quickly that it was a bad idea to burn anything around him. I had a bag of gummy bears that I wanted to melt; they were a pile of colorful gelatin from the microwave, I wondered if they would turn out differently under the intense heat. We were so immersed in each other that the little candy animals went ignored. Edward apologized by offering to help me clean the fireproof box later in the evening, but his idea of help was spraying me with cold water from the hose. He made it up to me by making me some instant hot chocolate that was stowed away in the firehouse break room....and maybe some 'I'm sorry' kissing.

Edward couldn't complete any of his photo projects. At Edward's place, I watched from the sofa bed as he examined film strips, arranged photos in a book, or simply pondered which print to use. While in his photo room, he was so relaxed; he was in his element and it was a joy to watch. He'd peer over the light box, staring at the sepia colored films. His hand stroked his chin when he was nearing a final decision, while it went to his hair when he was completely clueless. A new natural instinct of mine developed; my feet carried me to his side, enveloping him in a reassuring hug ... and maybe some 'inspirational' kissing.

Not everything was sugary sweet with us though. We found out we were two very horny teenagers. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. For me, absence makes my horniness grow hotter.

Today was the first day that Edward and I weren't together the past two weeks. I ended up having to do a double shift from the wee hours of the morning to just after dinner time. Though, I did call him earlier in the day at break time. So immersed in our talk, I ended up forgetting to put water in my cup of noodles meal and almost burned the store down. Edward promised to replace it by taking me to dinner one night, which made me giddy the second half of my long work day. My body was torn between hopping into bed and catching a few hours of sleep or spending some time with Edward and getting a few kisses.

I didn't speed home after work. I'd be endlessly embarrassed if I was pulled over for a speeding ticket and trying to come up with a good reason. With the happy high I was on I would've blurted out the truth; _Oh yeah, I was on my way home to go make out. _No doubt that would've gotten back to Charlie. The cops loved sharing with each other the ridiculous excuses people made.

Turning onto my street, I spotted Edward leaning against his car, his long legs stretched out leisurely. That bronze topped mop looking my way; I couldn't wait to get my hands on it. I gunned it a little bit before I backed my car into the driveway.

Hopping out of Big Clunker, I watched Edward stroll up to me as I shut my car door. His buttoned shirt open, the t-shirt he wore stretched the right amount against his body. "You know where the spare is. You didn't have to wait outside." Sitting on the couch or any piece of furniture would be much more comfortable than against hard metal.

He was dangerously close to me, his eyes staring down my lips. "And wait a few more seconds to see you? Nope. Not a chance." His hand cupped my cheek as he placed a soft, chaste kiss on my lips. That bottom lip of his always left an indelible impression on my fantasies. His mouth belonged on mine and that's what made it all perfect.

His lips ghosted mine, before they skimmed along my jaw. A sensational 'hmm,' hummed from his mouth, tickling against my ear. My hand found his hair, holding him hostage against me. If he continued, I'd be a big pile of goo on the pavement.

His eager hands dipped under my shirt, finding soft flesh to knead. My back pressed against the pick up as his thumbs performed hypnotic and enticing movements along the plain of my stomach. A moan was the only possible response.

The hazy sun above danced along my eyelids. The slight chill of March air hit the exposed skin Edward was enjoying. His burning hands and cool temperature were a pleasurable combination that forced me to lean into his body more. His nose and mouth pressed more into the sharp angle of my jaw line, rubbing in a lazy syncopated rhythm.

Sliding my other hand below his belly button, my fingers found their favorite spot. They lightly scratched the trail of hair. My mind and body conjured up all sorts of tales I wanted to be true. The beat of my heart increased wildly as my fantasies reached an ultimate high.

"You're so…" Edward's thumb slid further up, skimming just under my bra. His teeth grazed my earlobe, sending goose bumps up and down my spine. "…soft."

I wet my dry lips as a helpless whimper tumbled from my mouth.

In true Forks fashion, golf ball size hail fell from the sky. _Nature you evil bitch. _The moment ruiners hit the hood of my truck with a loud metallic thump. We ran for cover to the house.

_Shit! Where are my keys?_ I frantically checked my hoodie pockets, the back ones on my jeans. Finally, I found them in the front pockets. Edward wrapped his arm around my waist, pressing his nose into my hair. I heard him chuckle, as I now fumbled with the stupid golden piece of metal in its lock. _Oh he'll pay for that…nope, not likely._

I gained access and stepped into the empty house. Still attached to me, Edward kicked the door closed. I spun around to face him, planting an urgent kiss on his lips. His mouth pressed fervently at mine, effectively driving me even wilder with lust. He worked his fingers on the zipper of my hoodie to remove it. Once it was shed, we molded ourselves tighter to each other.

Edward's hands rested on my hips, pushing me further to him. I fisted his hair at the nape of his neck, effectively bringing him closer. My day became an infinitely better when he sucked my bottom lip into his mouth. Edward returned my now inflamed lips to their place with a small smacking sound.

I looked up at his eyes, so full of lust and want. The spot above his top lip had become swollen from my ministrations. I was successfully weak in the knees from those two images.

Our lips returned to their rightful place, as our hands went to new places. Mine went to his shirt collar, pulling him down to me. His went to the small of my back, his thumbs rubbing lazy patterns. I hummed at the feathery touch.

Staying attached to each other, we blindly moved away from the door. We hadn't mastered the art of not stumbling and fumbling when making out and on the move. So it really wasn't a surprise when my back rubbed up against a pole of some sort, my heel hitting a low level step.

I realized where I was. My lips, red and puffy, pulled away reluctantly. "Stairs," I merely informed Edward.

"Okay." He simply stated, eagerly pulling my arm.

_Huh?_ I thought as Edward lowered us to the stairs. There was some failed communication on my part. I was going to protest to say that I only meant to tell him of our location, but was silenced when his mouth was on mine once more.

We sat side by side, our bodies turned toward each other. My hand rested upon his chest, his own rubbing up and down my jean clad thigh. The movements of his hand and his rapid heart beat drove me crazy. They were calls from him that he wanted more. _More…I always want more too._

I turned to straddle his lap, my knees resting on the step. Edward groaned when I finally settled down. His hand went straight for my butt, pushing me against his arousal. A loud, breathy moan fell from my lips into Edward's hair. My hands went to his scalp, as he repeated the same motion a few more times.

The movement and feel of him against me overpowered me and sent me into overdrive. Hardly anything could stop me when my mind ran away like that.

But, I knew what would occur next.

I was so wrapped up and enjoying this glorious moment, when all too soon it was going to take place. Like clockwork, it always happened. We tried to press on, but you can't plow through an involuntarily reaction.

Edward immediately stopped his hands, helping me off his lap. I settled next to him, watching as his eyes were tightly shut. The groove between them looked as painful as the strained material of his pants. Staggered breaths escaped his nose and mouth, like low hisses from a teapot. His chest trembled as he tried to calm himself down.

The first time Edward and I made out, his…situation was a surprise. We both were overly excited and elated from the moments before, discovering a shit ton of things in nanoseconds. Laughter was our choice of cure for the awkward moment when all was said and done later on. It was one of those tiny hurdles you conquer, something you can remember as a crazy experience.

However, it occurred again. The next time was that following Monday in my bedroom on my bed. Puzzled looks were exchanged at its reoccurrence. Boys have penises and they reacted to sexual shit, but so much so that they had to stop because they thought they couldn't take it? The only thing we had going for us was Edward's ability to stop himself in time before he had another messy issue with his pants.

Our current frenzied pace wasn't working, but we couldn't control ourselves when we were on a roll. It was an avalanche of lust that reached no ending point. Our hands, lips, bodies …all of them had one thing on their collective minds.

I thought about what we had in common the times we made out. Maybe it had something to do with being on a bed whenever we kissed. The idea sucked, but if our only compromise was the furniture we lay on, then I'd take it. Maybe we'd do better on a couch, or sitting down, or against a wall... But the outcome was the same. Each time ended with him stepping away from me, creating a distance between us. His face contorted into a distressed shape, his hands balled up into fists at his sides.

I never felt more of an urge to reach forward and help someone. _Does he want my help? _I hesitated every time, not knowing exactly what I should do. The mechanics of what he was going through didn't make sense to me. Not only because I wasn't a guy, but I didn't know how far he could go. My windows of opportunity opened and closed faster than the amount of time we spent making out.

There was also an overwhelming rush of rejection that ran through my veins. Those seemingly simple inches he put between us or when his hands picked me up off his lap, were the icing on the cake for me. _Does he want me near him? What will he do when I try to touch him this way? Will he tell me to leave him alone? Tell me it's none of my concern?_ _I mean, he's not upset with me right?_ So, I continued to be a spectator; unknowing if I really was more of a player in the game than he lead me to believe.

At the end of each time, I was left feeling empty. Yes, I was having fun with Edward. Every time we touched and kissed in the little moments we had, they were blissful and amazing. But eventually, I remembered too late that it was coming to an end sooner rather than later. I wanted to keep kissing and progress naturally; there was no hesitation on either end of this relationship with that. I wanted the whole chocolate bar and not a piece. The entire cake and not just a slice. The fire, not the embers.

Edward turned toward me. "What are you thinking about?" He whispered.

Looking up from a very interesting spot on my jeans I responded, "Nothing in particular." I smiled at him, but it felt fake.

And he knew it wasn't genuine. His green eyes glanced back and forth between mine, a light crease forming between his brows. "You can tell me." he said, as his hand tucked stray hairs behind my ear.

Desire and desperation from moments before were replaced with honesty and sincerity. He was providing me with an open forum, but I couldn't decide how to form my statement. _What approach do I take? The 'we' or the 'he'? Say 'we need to work on this' or 'is everything okay with you'? Is it me? I don't know what to say to him. I can't hurt his feelings, but damn it I'm so frustrated and upset. Shit, will I get another opening like this?_

I still couldn't make up my mind, but I wanted to say something. _Stop bullshitting yourself, Bella._ "Okay…" To soften the blow of the conversation, I planted a few chaste kisses to his lips. _Ready or not, here I---_

As I was kissing Edward, a creak in the stairs caught my attention. An unexpected female voice addressed us from the top of the stairs.

"Excuse me, I need to get by." Sue, with an all knowing smirk slid passed us. She had a small towel draped over her shoulder.

"Shit." I quietly exclaimed. _Dear Life, thanks a bunch. No love, Bella._

Edward and I scrambled up from our spot on the stairs. Edward groaned as he adjusted himself. His flushed cheeks matched mine as we turned to face the sudden intruder.

"Hi, Sue. I didn't see your car out there." My statement was short but I had a right to know why she was in my home.

"Oh, Charlie dropped me off earlier. I was just tidying up," she gestured toward the top of the stairs, "and I'll be starting dinner shortly."

Normally I'd bitch out on her, but apparently getting caught making out causes me to go soft. Also, I'd get a mouthful from Charlie later on if I took my usual route. "Oh. Okay." I couldn't form a coherent sentence, what with my heart pounding loudly in my ear.

Sue did her best to lighten the situation. "He didn't tell me you'd be home or have company," she said, as she eyed both of us.

_Oh. My. God. She heard everything! Can the guillotine drop already on me? _My head felt like I could fry an egg on it.

"I'll be in the kitchen." Sue pointed toward the back of the house, before her heels quickly clicked away.

"Somebody kill me. Kill me now." I informed Edward of my desired request.

"It's not so bad." Edward pulled me into a hug, that damn scent of his relaxing all my stress away. "It could've been Charlie." His arms instantly tensed up at the mention of my paternal figure.

"Yes, there's that. Or Emmett." I nuzzled further into his chest, chuckling at the reaction he would have to Edward and me in our compromising position.

Once I decided to not hide under a rock forever, I pulled back to look up at him. His eyes still held concern about the abrupt end of our discussion we were supposed to have; they looked more of a sickly olive than the happy jade that I had grown accustomed to lately.

"Did you still want to talk?" I watched the words fall from his lips. His arms were comfortably wrapped around me, swaying us slightly.

"Umm…" Hesitating, I bit my lip. I had a lot to say, but Charlie was going to be home soon. Plus, Sue was here and I didn't know enough about her to figure out how much she would say about Edward and I. _But when will you get this chance again! _"I think…maybe…"

"It's okay." He kissed my forehead. "I'll call you tomorrow. I hold you hostage too much." Our mouths met in a sweet and slow kiss.

"Okay." Both relieved and disappointed, I saw Edward to the front door. My lids closed, my breathing slowed, as I collected myself.

Walking into the kitchen, Sue was cutting up some onions and peppers into long slices on a chopping board. The smell of sausage cooking in the pan permeated the air, and it smelled absolutely delicious. But part of that may have come from me not eating much today.

Sue must've heard me enter, as she glanced at me over her shoulder. "Hello, Bella."

"Hi." I knew next to nothing about Sue. Altogether, I think I spent a total of half a day with her. The kitchen seemed to know her pretty well, as she had successfully found the utensils to make dinner with.

Sue dropped the vegetables into the pan, the sizzle forcing her to speak louder. "Do you have any rolls? I forgot to pick up some and I couldn't find any."

"Oh, umm…" I searched through the bread pantry, pulling out a package of Charlie's favorite hero size rolls. "Here." I wasn't used to anyone but me cooking something in the house. It was odd handing over the duty to someone else for a change.

"Thank you, Bella. Is it okay to call you, Bella? When Charlie mentions you, he calls you Isabella, but I wasn't sure. And my two kids have short names, so I have no frame of mind to go off of."

Leave it to Charlie to use my full name when I'm not around. I never felt much like an Isabella; those first three letters were too fancy for me. "Bella is fine."

Hearing Charlie talking about me with Sue made me panic a little. I hadn't exactly told Charlie everything about Edward and me. And if there is one thing adults loved to talk about, it was their kids. I feared that Sue would blabber about what she saw before. Not that I thought she was a tattle tale, but she might simply mention Edward and I as a couple.

"Listen, Sue--" I cut myself short.

_I'll never finish any god damn conversation around. _Charlie's heavy steps sauntered through the house.

Charlie's police uniform clad frame appeared in the kitchen. He stopped short when he saw me standing there. "Bella? You're home."

"Of course. My car's outside."

"I know, but I figured you would be at Edward's or out with him." Charlie went to the fridge for his daily Vitamin R.

My nervous energy about his questioning came through loud and clear. "Oh…he had somewhere to go in the morning, so…an early night for him. We hung out earlier, so he could get up early and go do what he had to do. You have to go to sleep early to get up early. Well, you could go to bed late and wake up at a god awful hour, but it wouldn't be pleasant." It was partly true. Edward did have a photo thing tomorrow, but he hardly went to bed at a reasonable hour.

I caught Sue glancing at me over her shoulder, smiling like she did before. _What the hell are you so all knowing about, Sue?_

"Sure." Charlie popped open his can of beer, before planting a kiss on Sue's cheek and heading to the living room to park in front of the television.

I hung around the kitchen, needlessly folding napkins into triangles and putting place settings down far too early. _And we're having sandwiches, so that was all pointless._

That smile of Sue's was plaguing me. _Would she snitch on me? I'm embarrassed enough that she heard us. Telling Charlie everything? I will officially reside at 123 Between Rock and Hard Place Drive._

Dinner was eventually served and Charlie talked about some young kid on the force that always sought out advice or asked about the good ol' days of the police department. "I think he wishes our job was like Dragnet everyday. I feel like such an old fool knowing that reference." He smiled around the food in his mouth.

"You're not that old, pops. They had horses back in those days, right?" I winked at him.

"Horse and buggy." He retorted.

I sat through more conversation with Sue and Charlie; boring discussions about finances, somebody's dog that needed surgery and Charlie planning a day away with Sue.

Then, Charlie brought up Leah and Seth. Every exposed skin went hot and red; I eyed Sue like a hawk, praying she wouldn't say a word. To my surprise, the meal and conversation finished without incident.

Sue washed the dishes, as I dried them; there was still a chance she'd say something. I came to the conclusion that I would be spending the rest of the night hanging out with Sue and Charlie.

Turning the water off, Sue turned to me as I toweled down a pan. "Bella, you can go upstairs."

_Excuse me?_ "What do you mean?"

She smiled again. "When I was a teenage girl, I made out with boys. My parents never knew I spent hours on the couch after school kissing them. What they don't know can't hurt them."

_Ahhh…Sue has my back. _I smiled, not only because she understood but knowing just a little bit more about her. I muttered a quiet 'thanks', before I went upstairs to retire for the night.

**=X=X=X=X=X=X=**

I had to find out more with what was going on with Edward. Even if it was something I couldn't comprehend completely, at least I would know what it entailed. How common was this supposed to be? For how long does it last? Will this end up going on forever?

My big problem: where do I go? I had no personal reference to go to. Asking anyone I knew was out of the question. Chatting with the two main men in my life about it would be gross. They'd have to pull from their own experiences and excuse me, no thank you. Alice was my closest girlfriend, but talking to her about her brothers sexual issues was also an undesirable approach. Going to any one of them would be endlessly embarrassing, for both Edward and I.

On Sunday morning, I sought out the phone number of Planned Parenthood. _They know about sex, right? They'd have an answer for me. _Thankfully, I had purchased one of those cheap phone deals from work; knowing my luck, their name would be in bright, bold letters on the phone bill next month. Charlie would have a stroke on the spot.

A lady picked up on the other end of line. "Thank you for calling Planned Parenthood of Port Angeles, this is Mrs. Stanley. How can I help you?"

_And I'm hanging up._ The voice on the other end was unmistakably related to Jessica Stanley one way or the other. And the Stanley's had a thing for gossip, including whispers about my fire habits while I'm working at my job. There's no telling what they'd say about the far more personal aspects of my life.

So instead of dealing with a person, I went to the one place that doesn't judge anyone for what they want to know and will ultimately remain anonymous: the internet.

Holy shit. There was a lot on the web about premature ejaculation! I was elated to find that there was so much, but disappointed at the amount at the same time. The rest of the morning and afternoon was spent parked in front of my computer, bookmarking and reading over different details related to what was happening with Edward.

After spending hours staring at message boards, news articles and diagrams of the male anatomy, a small list of possible causes and solutions sat on my desk. The black ink words looked promising and intimidating. Having all of the information didn't leave me feeling any better though.

The stem of the problem could be from a physical aspect, which can be helped with pills or specific physical activities that we could partake in. Edward taking medication would be downright ridiculous. I wouldn't want to subject Edward to something like that. It would be entirely selfish. As for the physical parts, I wouldn't mind any of that. And judging from Edward's forwardness, I had a feeling he'd be on board with it as well. So, I printed out the instructions to go along with it.

The other option was psychological. This one scared me more. All of the information on emotional problems had to do with bad experiences, abuse, and any sort of mindfuck going on in someone's life. Anger seeped into my veins. If Edward was having deep personal troubles and they caused his situation, there would be no stopping me from fucking someone up.

This was a bigger thing than I thought it was going to be. I hoped it was fixable. Not just for us, but for him.

My exhaustive search put me on the fast track for an afternoon nap. I couldn't resist it when I plopped down face first on my bed.

**=X=X=X=X=X=X=**

On Monday, Edward forced me to sign up for an SAT prep course and test.

"I don't want to do any of that." I looked on as his hand signed our names on the paper stapled to a bulletin board.

With one final sweep of his pen he said, "You have to if you want to go to college. You can't get by on your good looks alone." He beamed that evil smirk of his at me.

I blushed, hiding behind my sleeve covered hands. He lowered them, hooking his arm through one of mine as we trudged towards Chemistry.

Scientific notations were the easiest thing for me in Chemistry. So instead, I gave my full attention to Edward and the notes we wrote to each other.

**See something you like?** I tried not to giggle; flirting is not in my genes.

I watched the movement of his pen write a short message. With one last tap of his pen, he passed the note to me, his poker face giving nothing away. It was the deadliest of expressions for me; I always knew he was stewing under the surface.

His answer confirmed it.

**Yes.**

The hands on the clock simultaneously ticked faster and slower, our notes getting progressively more and more urgent.

_Okay Bella. Just concentrate on the mini-afrotastic teacher in front of you._ _Scientific notations…3.454 x 10__6_ _equa ...__Edward and I spending lunch making out._

_I'm so screwed. _

Under the table, Edward's hand cupped my knee. I was grateful that he was a lefty as he continued it throughout the rest of class. Undeniable need burned inside me, engulfing me in an inferno. His fingers traced slow teasing circles on the rough denim. Despite the dense material, the nerve endings ignited the rest of my body in a scorching daydream.

The bell to end Chemistry rang, bringing me back to the present that would be better in a matter of minutes. I shot out of my seat like a rocket.

Walking side by side, we itched to touch each other. Our arms brushed each other as our feet carried us to where we would spend our lunch. The walk was long and arduous. _I fucking hate hallways. That's it! _

"I'm inventing a teleportation machine," I said, the words came out in a desperate plea.

"Why?" Edward wasn't much better, his voice shaky with anticipation.

"So we can get there faster." I was breathless, and not from the quick pace we were walking at.

Edward's eyes scanned the hall in front of us. People gradually entered empty classrooms or made their way to the cafeteria. The final bell rang to begin class and I wanted to buy something for the school employee who pushed that button to set it off. It was like the Red Sea parting when every single lingering student walked into the nearest doorway.

"That one right there." He leaned down to my ear, whispering against my hair.

I giggled as we were no less than a stones throw away from the door. Edward's hand was in my own in one second, pulling me those last few inches. The knob turned easily as we swiftly stepped in.

The janitor closet was small. The strong, nose burning scent of ammonia hit me. An independent hanging light bulb was clicked on by Edward. His lopsided grin blocked all the negative surroundings.

"You are –," I didn't get to finish my sentence. Edward grabbed the sides of my face, kissing me with force. My back slammed against the door. His lips spoke of agonizing absence that we had felt throughout the day. I fisted his shirt, the fabric interlacing between my fingers.

His whole body pressed close and tight. His hands and lips were sounding off on two different wavelengths; his thumbs stroked gently along my cheekbones, while his mouth tugged and sucked roughly. The combination forced an involuntary moan from me.

My hands let go of his now wrinkled shirt. They slid down his chest to the hem of his shirt, dipping them under the soft fabric. The soft flesh warmed and goose bumped under my palms.

_Ker Thump! Ker Thump! _The shifting of our bodies was causing the door jamb to knock around. The loud thud and clicking sound would definitely alert someone outside to some sort of suspicious activity._ How and why the fuck am I thinking about that right now?_

My foot pressed flatly against the door, pushing myself away from it and causing Edward to step backwards with my movement. His hands left my face, skimming my arms and resting on my hips. We clumsily stumbled, trying to kiss and navigate our bodies. Unlike chewing gum and walking, I couldn't exactly walk and kiss at the same time. An object that felt like a toilet paper roll hit my head from a shelf we bumped into. Edward's foot kicked a mop bucket, sending it rolling and bouncing along the floor. My backside hit a metal, wire rack structure. The cheap thing had rough edges and scratched against my lower back.

I needed to control myself. Chant it, make it a hymn. A mantra. Anything.

Edward and I looked at each other when we finally settled. He heatedly stared me down as he shifted against me, seeking out friction. I couldn't help it when my eyes rolled to the back of my head. The fact that he did this to me and vice versa was erasing every other thought I've ever had.

_Stop. You know its going to happen soon. _

My verbal response was a whimper, which was covered by Edward's mouth. My body fell like a limp rag doll whenever he kissed me. Our kisses were sloppy, uncoordinated messes. They were heat sensors that knew where to go and what to do.

_Persevere. See how far you can go._

The familiar action of Edward grabbing my butt took place. We shifted and pulled to feel something. My leg hitched on his hip, as his mouth went for my neck. Our moans and groans sent us flying over ledges. Anything in the recesses of our minds fell away. The awareness of our location, the time of day, the world fell away into a pit of blackness that I would gladly forget forever.

"Stop." He quickly slinked away from me, leaving me dizzy with lust. That single word tugged at the strings of my heart. _'Stop' me? 'Stop' him? _

Watching him lean against the mop sink, I had enough. Not for my own needs, but for his. I had been a spectator to so many things in my life, its time to get involved. Especially when it comes to someone that is important to me.

He stared down the sink asking me, "Are you mad at me?"

Thoroughly thrown off guard I asked, "For what?"

He sadly sighed, "For this?" He gestured toward himself.

"Why would I be mad at you?"

"Bella, I can't control myself around you. I don't…last that long. If I were you, I'd be mad at me."

"How does that equal my being mad? I can't be mad at you for something that's involuntary." _Should I tell him about my research? Maybe he'll be less likely to think I would be mad. Or would he be madder at me for finding out without him knowing?_

"I'm not fulfilling your needs, Bella. Any of them. I want you to be pissed at me."

"That's what you think. That's not me."

"Bella, I can see it. You completely shut off when I have to stop, more and more each time. And when I did ask, you told me nothing is bothering you."

_I'm scared, Edward. Frightened at what is going on._ "Because I'm afraid I'll say the wrong thing." I confessed to my shoes.

"People do that. Nobody's perfect. If I don't know what you think about this, then it's going to be a rough road. I'm not a mind reader."

I was silent, as I gathered up the courage to say something. They were lodged in my throat, teetering on staying in limbo between leaving my mouth or falling back down in my body. With him standing there waiting for me to say what was on my mind, his face open and ready to take whatever it was, I felt the words slip out. "I feel so selfish," as I picked at a label on a bottle of drain cleaner.

"Why?"

"Because of…how I feel."

"Aren't all feelings a little selfish anyway?" He mused, looking to ease some of my guilt.

"I guess." I shrugged, still finding interest in the sticky adhesive beneath my fingers.

"Whatever you're feeling Bella, you have every right too."

I took a deep unsteady breath. This was another conversation, another confession. "I feel frustrated. I want to experience it all. I'm awake and alive for the first time in a while and the thought of not finally getting that chance saddens me." The tears blurred my vision; the red and black letters of the sticker turning fuzzy. I reached up to swipe away the wetness, when another hand came up to rid of them.

Edward pulled me tightly to his chest. It all felt so right, holding him to me. I wanted him to share these experiences with me and no one else.

My new found emotional bravery pushed me to go on. "I feel empty when we have to stop early. No, not just me, but for you too. I feel bad for constantly forgetting that this happens when we're together and I should remember that. I feel…" I sucked in more air, feeling the cold dampness of my tears on his shirt. "I feel rejected when--"

"Rejected?" his index and thumb lifted my chin to look at him. His eyebrows rose to the ceiling, confounded at this particular emotion.

_God, I'm such a girl._ "When you…" I tried to look away from him, but he was having none of that. "…step away from me when it happens, I feel hurt. We're getting into it and then a split second later, I'm being put to the side. Like you're telling me not to interfere, when I want to help. I know its wrong to feel that way, but I do."

"Oh Bella." He kissed my forehead, nose, cheeks, and finally my lips. My lips again and again… "I don't want you to ever think that. Not only are you not allowed to think that, but it couldn't be farther from the truth. There is no room in my brain for that word."

Wrapped in truths, we stood in the closet for a few minutes, pondering what we should do.

Edward spoke up first. "Look, I don't know why this is happening, but I'll figure it out. I will. I want to."

But after reading what I read about his condition, I knew that this was best to tackle as a team. Looking up at him I insisted, "I want to--no. I need to help you with this."

He quirked a curious eyebrow at me. "How?"

"Well…I checked the internet and looked up information on it. I tried some other routes, but they didn't go anywhere."

Edward held my face, kissing my puckered lips. "Thank you," he breathed against my lips.

"I didn't know where else to go. I'm so fucking clueless." I smiled and rolled my eyes at how new I am to all of this.

"That's just like us."

"Somehow, I think that's what it'll always be."

"Let's hope so."

* * *

A/N: Those crazy kids. Horny teens that lack control.

In My Ears:

"Fitz and Dizzyspells" - Andrew Bird

"To The Beat of our Noisy Hearts" - Matt Nathanson

"Easier To Be" - Lifehouse

"Somebody Loved" - The Weepies


	25. Brimstone

A/N: Thank you lovelies for reading and reviewing. I read every single review, so don't be shy about leaving me some love.

Betad by the wonderful thrown_rosesx and Bublichka.

Disclaimer: I don't own this.

* * *

"Ugh! I can't even fathom where to begin." Sarcasm dripped from my voice, the back of my hand overdramatically hitting my forehead.

"I know!" Alice pranced over to the box that was marked as "Bella's Spring/Summer Clothes."

After a few days of endless hail, Forks officially went into an unusually long drought. Precipitation hadn't touched the ground in a full week, something I couldn't remember happening at all ever. So, I decided to pull out some warmer gear I had stowed away upstairs.

"I only have maybe two or three boxes, Alice. This isn't going to be a long dress up session." I observed that girl already on the floor, tearing open the box. It was like Christmas in March for her, going through clothes.

"We don't have much time anyway, but you have to have something in here. Something we can work with. If not, I _love_ a challenge. And on a time constraint? Even better." Her eyes bulged out of their sockets with that last prospect.

Besides the need for weather appropriate clothing, I was going on a date with Edward. We agreed that we needed a day away from the others; go and do something that'll take our mind off the issue that constantly hung between us. He kept the specifics from me, which was both annoying and, dare I say…adorable. However, Edward had the dates confused with what he wanted to do and left Alice with little time to help me find something date-worthy.

I didn't care what I wore, but Alice had different ideas. "Do I have to get dressed up?"

"From what Edward told me you don't have to, but there's no harm in taking that little extra step. It'll earn you some brownie points." Alice winked at me.

"Alice…" _Fuck, way to trigger the classic Bella Blush._

After sifting through the almost non-existent options in my closet, we found ourselves climbing the stairs into the hot, musty smelling attic.

I was on my knees, digging through a separate container. I didn't have a clue what I was looking for. Alice said something like "sweetheart neckline," or "scoop neck." My hands pulled out shirts that I thought were decent and even a pair of black capri pants that I've worn to dressy casual events. Alice put a handful of pieces aside that could possibly work, but nothing that was definitive in her book.

"No." Alice stood up, stretching out her legs from being on the floor for so long. She turned to me and said, "You think you had one more box?"

"I might." I narrowed my eyes and bit my lip, trying to remember where it would be.

Alice scratched her wig, twisting her face into an irritated grimace. I keep forgetting that she wore a constructed piece of hair on her head. Even though she had a crew cut underneath, it must still be sweltering beneath. Especially more so when you're in a place that is hot to begin with.

"Alice, if you want to take off your wig you can." I hoped it was okay that I noticed her discomfort. Anything to do with wigs seemed like such a personal thing.

Still scratching away at the annoying fake hair, she said, "It won't freak you out?"

"No. It takes a lot to freak out a freak. Plus, I've already seen you without it."

With a final confirmation on my part, she removed the offending wig. "Phew! I can breathe." She placed it on top of a box, before sweeping her hand across the shaved hair on her head. "Thanks," she smiled back to me.

She continued with the task at hand, flitting around to various sized storage bins. Lots of them were Charlie's and Emmett's, filled with their own clothes and mementos. I think Emmett had at least three boxes dedicated to trophies, sports equipment and a big collection of baseball cards he used to keep up with.

I folded up some items and placed them back in the box, while others I laid over a chair to take down to my room.

"Oh! I think I found something!" Alice's back was to me, her arms dangling her finding in front of her.

"Really?" I was purely skeptical; nothing in my collection was worthy of her excitement.

"No, it's so pretty and vintage." Alice had it draped over her arm, walking over to me. "You always looked like a vintage type girl."

She held up a cardigan that wasn't mine. It was light beige with blue, pink and white sequined flowers along the front. There were no buttons or clasps to close the front.

"Alice, where did you get that?" She must have found a box I didn't know about, unless she had a sewing machine stowed away in her purse and can whip out a sweater in less than ten minutes flat. It wouldn't surprise me.

"It was in this box." I followed her to the other side of the attic, following an uneven path through rows of boxes. "It was unmarked."

I knelt down to peer into the container. Nothing in it was mine or looked familiar to me at all. In fact, everything in it appeared to be decades old. "It's not my stuff."

"Whose is it then?" Alice examined the front and back of the garment; I wasn't sure what she was looking for.

The exterior of the box barely had a scratch on it, no evidence of it being dragged across a floor or opened before. I lifted a small mahogany jewelry box, the contents jingled against the movement. Looking inside, I saw over a dozen rings resting in cushions, a set of three bangle bracelets, and a few pairs of earrings.

"Oh, I think I found something." Alice showed off the opposite side of the collar tag.

There were three initials in black marker: RHS. The first two letters looked more faded than the last one. The 'H' had a line running through it, negating the middle initial.

_Renee Higginbotham Swan._

"That's…" I sighed out who they belonged to, "…Renee's." I mumbled to the untouched memories.

Looking to put things back where they were, I gingerly put the jewelry box back. Alice was still admiring the cardigan, as I gestured for her to hand it to me.

"It's really gorgeous, Bella."

"No, it's going back in here." I vehemently pointed back to Renee's belongings.

"Bella, why not just try it on first? It couldn't hurt, could it?" Her eyes held a softness that I knew was hard to resist under normal circumstances, but when it came to the topic of Renee, that was an individual entity altogether.

"We weren't even supposed to open this box. It's all the way in the corner." It was obviously shoved off into the darkness for a reason, never to be thought about.

"Out of sight, out of mind, doesn't mean you can't think about it once in a while." Alice was already shoving my arms through the sleeves.

"No, stop." I weakly whined, like a kid not wanting to wear a certain piece of clothing that a parent thought looked adorable on them.

It didn't feel right as the material stretched out over my forearms, slowing inching up to my shoulders. I was invading a memory I didn't deserve to know. This belonged to a woman I never knew and won't ever get the chance to. The initials engraved on the tag were burning the back of my neck.

Alice smoothed out the jacket, testing the strength of the fabric by pulling it in toward my chest. She took a step back and said, "Bella, it looks…perfect on you."

_Is she on something? _My eyes went to the cuffs of my sleeves, traveling upward to the sequined bodice. "How can you tell?"

"It does." She held up a finger to me and said, "Hold on." Her flip flops flapped against her heels as she ran to the full length mirror on the other side of the attic. She grunted as she lifted it, setting it down a couple feet in front of me. "Have a look."

Slowly, I made me way to it. The wood floor creaked under me as I took those last few steps. The baggy 'Forks Fire Department Ladder No.3 2000 BBQ' t-shirt under the cardigan definitely didn't match. Also, I had my pajama bottoms on still. I couldn't get past those to see how it looked on me.

Alice sensed my inability. "Let me find something that goes." She rummaged through the small array of shirts and pants that could go with it. She kept muttering to herself, "blue or pink."

Her hands prayed together, resting against her mouth. Her eyes narrowed, deep in thought. I had no fucking clue what she was going to do. I had nothing, she couldn't bring anything from her house. There is nothing I had that would match with the cardigan. I'd have to settle with wearing that teal dress again, even if it is a little fancy.

Alice looked down at her pants, her hands fingering the hem of her blue tank top. "I've got it!" She brought her hands to her shirt, grabbing the end of it to pull over her head.

"Whoa! What the fuck are you doing?" My hands came up in protest.

She stopped her motion. "My tank top matches the flowers." She obviously didn't see anything wrong with her stripping in front of me, giving me the clothes off her back.

I looked at what she was wearing; eying the fact that she didn't seem to be wearing a bra. "I'm not going out in that without some sort of support underneath." I didn't have much in the first place, but still.

She rolled her eyes at the fact. "It has a built in bra." She flicked the elastic underneath her chest.

I bit my lip at the low cut shirt she wore, sensing that my discomfort was imminent. However, I had already taken the plunge and thrown caution to the wind when I put on Renee's long dormant remembrance. _One more step isn't going to kill me_, I guessed.

In my room, Alice took off her tank top, exchanging it for one of my raggedy old t-shirts. My bras were too big on her, so she freely went bra-less.

Alice fixed my hair up into a ponytail, curling the ends a little with one of her hair tools. She went easy with the make up, adding shiny stuff to my lips and using something to make my lashes curl.

After that I put on the tank and cardigan. The one pair of decent jeans I owned completed the outfit.

I stepped out into my room, glancing at Alice who sat swinging her legs on my bed, her wig back on her head. Her eyes went to me, but she didn't say anything or gave any sort of expression away. Instead, she walked over to me and took my hand.

We walked back upstairs to the full length mirror in the attic. I finally saw what I looked like.

The thin strapped tank top was a little tight on me, both on my body and my mosquito bite boobs. _S__o that's what they look like._ The top also rested a little lower than what I was used to. But, the cardigan was…something else entirely. I never owned anything as nice as this before and knowing I had it all along surprised me. The fabric felt soft against my arms, warming me and keeping me cozy.

_What if it looks horrible when I take a new look at it? _I turned to the side to see it from a different angle. It didn't change how I felt, which forced an involuntary smile on my face.

"You had to see for yourself. If I said anything downstairs, you would've told me otherwise." Alice whispered from behind me, fixing the fabric of the top I wore.

_I knew she was made of pure evil. _I stood slack jawed at her, although, it was more than likely true.

We made our way back to the second floor, when the front door bell rang.

"I'll get it!" Alice called to me, as I tried to race her to it. She was lighter than me on her feet though and beat me easily.

I stood on one of the bottom stairs, waiting for Alice to grant Edward entrance.

"Hello, can I help you?" Alice greeted Edward.

"What did you do to her?" Edward was obviously used to Alice's over the top tendencies with just about every aspect of her life.

"I listened to you. Don't worry. I'm fairly sure you'll love me a little bit more." Alice opened the door all the way to let him in.

Edward's eyes went to me. They went wide for a quick second, flickering to the tightly stretched material across my chest. Then, his devastating smirk fell into place. To say I matched the shade of sunburn was an understatement.

I walked up to him, my hand trying to cover the growing redness on my neck. His hand removed mine, as his mouth went for the heated skin I was attempting to hide. "Your blush is beautiful. Don't ever hide it." He whispered against my neck. I giggled as he fake nibbled on it.

Alice cleared her throat, letting us know there was an audience in the room.

"There's my girl." Jasper called from behind the doorway. Alice pranced to his side and planting a kiss to his lips.

Jasper raised an eyebrow at the t-shirt that Alice was wearing, bunching the extra material in his hand.

"Fashion emergency." She told Jasper. "I need to go home and change."

"No, have dinner with me and my parents in this. It'll show you have community pride." Jasper tried to keep his laughter contained.

"And that I like to go bra-less? No tha--hey where are we going?" Jasper yanked Alice out the door before she could say her goodbyes.

Edward and I chuckled, as I grabbed my house keys and made our way to his car. I took a quick glance at Jasper and Alice making out in the front seat of his car.

Jasper's hand grabbed Alice's boob through the shirt. "She can keep that thing now." I muttered to Edward as we drove off on our date.

**=X=X=X=X=X=X=**

"Can you give me a clue?" It was ridiculous. We were already a half hour outside of Forks and he wouldn't tell me where we were going.

"Be patient. I promise you'll like it." Edward ran his hand through his hair, before scratching away at his jaw. A tiny cut caught my eye.

It looked like he had shaved recently. "Did you nick yourself?" My hand felt the smooth skin along his jaw.

"Someone slammed a door in the house. I jumped a little and that's the end result. Many sheets of toilet paper later, it stopped bleeding." His finger gestured to the small scratch on his face.

Placing my hand back in my lap, I gave him some advice. "You know what stops it quick? Eye drops."

"Really?" His eyebrows came together in surprise, as we turned onto a freeway entrance. The highway sign indicated that we were heading in the general direction of Seattle.

"I wouldn't think so either. The men of the house cut themselves all the time. I got tired of them walking around self conscious at the fact they had little pieces of toilet paper attached to their face. So I figured, what products constrict blood vessels? Eventually, I found out that eye drops do the trick rather well."

"Huh. That's really creative." He turned his head slightly, proudly smiling at me.

"Eh, it was kind of selfish on my part. They'd grumble and complain and it got old after a while."

"I think that was more thoughtful than selfish." His hand rested on mine, in my lap. "You obviously care about them enough to ease their insecurities."

Removing my hand from under his, I played with his fingers, as we continued to drive toward our destination. The nick on his face left an unsettling feeling in my stomach. They were common, but I didn't like seeing him with a nasty bloody spot on his face. In turn, I guess I really liked making Charlie and Emmett feel better.

"Maybe," I simply responded.

"They'd do the same for you too." He wasn't asking if they would, he knew.

"I guess, if there was an equivalent." I massaged the knuckles of his fingers. "Carlisle or Esme would no doubt do the same for you?" I felt guilty for asking the question; I didn't know enough about his parents, other than Edward's blatant distaste for his last name. _It's why I'm asking, aren't I?_

The hand in mine attempted to squeeze into a fist, but I halted the effort. His hand on the steering wheel responded instead, tightening around the leather. He clearly held a deep seeded hatred that made him seethe with the mere mention of his parents. _Maybe I should go for a softer angle with asking him. Well, my version of one._

"Carlisle's a doctor. Don't they have all kinds of solutions for that shit?" Maybe it was my naïve thinking, but there might be some sort of quick medical healer for cuts to the face.

"He's not around much for me to ask. If he is, by the time I find him in that house, it'll have stopped bleeding or I'll have bleed to death."

The size of it could easily compete with the Von Trapp house or the frigging Buckingham Palace for that matter. It was that huge. "What is the deal with that place? Its more like a museum than a house."

"It's an old family estate from long ago. Carlisle's grandfather built it up and out. Once it became available for Carlisle to move into, we moved in."

_Oh, that's right. His family came later._ "I forgot you only started when you were in first grade?"

"Kindergarten."

I was too young to remember any kind of speculation when Edward, Alice and their parents first came into town. Also, my isolation from the rest of the world had begun to form. "I knew it was somewhere around then. Sadly, I only have one memory of you around that time."

"What's that?"

"Well, you were sitting at the end of one of the big wood tables. I was on the other end. The teacher, I can't remember her name, passed out the crayons. You turned it around in your hand and roughly pressed it to the paper. I thought your fingers would break with the way you were holding it." My hands paid extra special attention to them in that moment, my thumbs rubbing gently. "You caught me staring, and glared at the paper in front of you."

Another attempt at balling his hand up was stopped by me. He rolled his eyes, annoyed he couldn't move it. There really was nothing he could do; he was driving, both hands occupied. "Can I have my hand back please?" I imagined his leg would be bouncing up and down if we weren't in a moving vehicle.

"Not if you're going to injury anything."

"I need both hands to turn the wheel." He gestured with his head to an exit that had a really circular turn off. Reluctantly, I let him go.

As we slowed down to the exit, Edward spoke. "I'm sorry for that. The crayon incident. My anxiety was not directed toward you."

The key question came next. "Anxiety?"

He sighed out. "I was new in town. Just a little boy scared on his first day of school."

"Oh." I wasn't dissatisfied with the answer, but his actions at the time seemed very unreasonable. "You were more angry than anxious to me."

His hand went to his hair; he was trying to make some sort of decision. With one final pull of his hair, he said, "Anger and anxiety go hand in hand."

I decided to not push it any further. Spending the entire day prying and picking wasn't what I wanted to do.

Our drive lasted another hour as we finally ended up at an...abandoned airport hangar.

_Okay…_

Edward sniggered as he saw the humorous disbelief displayed on my face. "Hold on, you'll see."

He sped through the mostly abandoned parking lot. As we came closer to the huge building, there were more cars parked near the abandoned building. Edward pulled into a spot a few rows away, rushing over to my side of the car to open the door for me.

"Thank you, kind sir," I fake curtsied to him. He played along, bowing to me.

Once at the entrance, I looked around my surroundings. The ceiling was expectantly high, with a rounded roof and wood arches running across it. Rows upon rows of tall, independent white walls were in the center of the space, while display tents circled around them. The back doors to the place were open as well; I caught a glimpse of some structures and what looked like a stage outside.

Some lady passed us both a brochure, which held a map and index inside. "What is this place?" I turned to Edward.

"The Contemporary Art Airport Festival. Hundreds of artists travel around the country to showcase their art in airport hangars or terminals."

"That's pretty fucking cool. Why these kinds of places though?"

"Their big, abandoned, and cheap."

We walked around for a while, collecting any free bit of merchandise and brochures I can get my hands on. Stopping every now and then, we gazed at pieces of work that caught mine or Edward's eye. I was surprised to find out that I was pretty picky at what interested me.

The photo was of a man and woman facing each other, a big white heart painted on a red wall next to them. The bigger focus was on their hands and arms, where CT scan and x-ray images of muscle and bone were superimposed onto them.

"I think its simple hand holding. His hand and arm are relaxed." Edward ran his finger along the visible tendons of the man's forearm. "The effortless ease he generates is not just on his face, but in the way he is holding her hand."

That's where I thought he was wrong. "I think she's actually grasping his hand, pulling him to her. Her fingers," I pointed to the curve of the fingers, "look stressed and her face looks like she's asking for permission. And his response is relief. I think the whole point of the medical image use shows how there is more than meets the eye."

"The simple act though goes along with the basic human internal structure. Medical images boil things down to a science, and once you figure out what that diagnosis is…sometimes it can be hard to understand and accept." His last few words left him in a whisper.

"But whatever it is, that person has no choice but to accept it. And once they do, the people around them will too. And that's what she's doing in the picture." My finger traced along the woman's arm, all the way to the man's elbow. "She's accepting him."

A few minutes later, I felt a warm hand gently wrap around mine.

_Who knew that still images runs deep?_

**=X=X=X=X=X=X=**

We happily swung our arms as we continued to stroll around a few more aisles of artwork.

A yawn involuntarily escaped me, causing Edward to ask. "Are you having a good time?"

"I am." I nodded, smiling up at him.

Out of the blue, Edward steered us toward the wall of the structure. _Yes, I came here to be well acquainted with walls. Oh! Is this a pearl or muddy grey?_

I found my back flat against the very same wall I was mocking, Edward's mouth hovering scant inches from my neck "How about now?" _I love walls._

"Umm…" His lips finally made contact with the tingling skin. "...Mhmm," my throat vibrated, the lids over my eyes fluttered closed. I grasped onto his shoulder, hoping not to turn into jelly right then and there.

"Is that who I think it is?" some girl close by asked.

"I'd recognize that mop of hair anywhere." a man responded, sounding amused.

A few seconds later, a finger tapped Edward's shoulder and simultaneously brushing my hand. If you guessed that I was a tad bit upset that we were disrupted, you'd be correct. "Excuse me, I'm making out with my boyfriend here," I opened my eyes to address the intruder. Some long dark haired chick and shaggy blonde man looked at me in bemusement.

Edward turned around to see who touched him, his demeanor went from pissed off to shock. "Peter? Charlotte?"

"Eddie boy." Peter gave Edward a manly hug, filled with lots of back slapping and laughs.

Charlotte's hug was less rough and filled with warmth. "It's good to see you, Eddie."

For once, I felt the need to apologize to someone. "Sorry about that." I thumbed back to the spot by the wall, a thick coat of blush hitting my cheeks.

"Oh Char? Pete? This is my girlfriend, Bella." Edward introduced me, as I shook their hands. "I didn't know you'd be here this year," he inquired to the two of them.

"We're traveling for a bit. New York was getting a little boring." Peter waved his hand in a blasé gesture.

"And speaking of which," she lightly hit his arm, "I thought you were coming to see us for New Years."

"Ugh, well…Carlisle and Esme were throwing their annual party and Aro---"

"Still has a bug up his ass? Those other two dudes too?" His tone was light, but his message was concern.

Edward's hand tensed around my waist, bracing himself for some sort of impact.

I was ready to interject, step forward and ask more.

"Don't dwell on it, Peter." Charlotte gently chided, eyeing him forcefully though. "So what have you been up to? Obviously, you've been busy." She winked playfully.

I was torn that our conversation went to a lighter tone, but Char and Peter asked how we met which relieved Edward immensely. All four of us walked around, each pair linked hand in hand, as Edward lit up at the parts of our story.

Eventually, we got to my love of all things fire. "Yeah, I like to burn shit." Simple as that.

"Is that why you're here?" Peter suggested. Out of the corner of my eye, Edward was shaking his head.

"Huh?"

"Forget the Brimstone is here. They're performing later."

_Oh my God. Hold the phone. Stop the presses. _"Are you fucking serious?!" I grew wide eyed with excitement. My hand gripped Edward's tighter, as I jumped up and down.

All three of them were laughing at me, but I could give two shits as I rambled on. "Edward! I fucking love FTB! I watch all their online videos, collect articles on them, and have their poster in my room…" I stopped bouncing, coming to a realization, "…and you knew they would be here." I stood in front of him, my finger digging into his chest.

"I was going to tell you myself…" looking at Peter, giving him the stink eye. "…but I'm glad you're happy."

"Of course I am!" I stood on my tippy toes and kissed him hard.

"You've got yourself a little firecracker there, Eddie." Charlotte observed.

Edward wrapped his arm around my waist once more, as we walked on. "Yeah, I do."

**=X=X=X=X=X=X=**

We said goodbye to Peter and Charlotte a little bit before Forget the Brimstone came on stage. They promised to call in and talk to Edward every now and then.

Then, FTB came on stage…and they were amazing! Of course seeing fire on tiny pixilated videos doesn't even compare to the real thing; like having milk in hot chocolate instead of water, it was a richer experience. Every single trick was even more daring than I thought they would be. I kept tugging on Edward's arm whenever I thought something would go wrong, especially when someone limboed underneath a flaming bar. The finale was filled with ten jugglers tossing close to two dozen burning objects in the air and passing them to one another, all without skipping a beat.

We hung out at the festival until every last person was gone, spending some of that time sifting through the mostly useless merchandise we collected.

Eating the last two corndogs sold at the show, we walked through the building back to our car. "Can I call you Eddie?" I teased, as I blew cool air on my snack.

He laughed. "Peter and Char call me that after one of my photo subjects kept pinching my cheeks and calling me every derivative of Edward in the book. Eddie, Eddie boy, Eddiepuss…" He closed his eyes, shaking his head at the memory.

"So, how do you know them?" I bit into the hot piece of food.

Edward swallowed his bite. "They stylize photo shoots and worked with me on one I did in New York last summer. I ended up hanging out with them the whole time I was there. They're very talented, but very much drifters and even the hustle and bustle of New York gets old for them quick."

"How do they know this Aro guy then?"

"Aro, Caius, and Marcus are my uncles on Carlisle's side. Aro helped arrange that photo shoot and was around the set." His answer was very measured, as he was still holding back information. I swear I could see the puppet strings attached to him when he spoke of his family in any aspect.

I sighed at the fact he wasn't revealing much to me. He looked incredibly tired, and it was quite a long day; disturbing that now would seem unfair and tasteless on my part. I decided to save it for another day, enjoying all the good that came from doing something fun together.

After our late night snack was done, "Race you to the car." I whispered in his ear, jetting off in that instant.

I heard his foot falls as we ran clear across the empty parking lot; attendees of the show had left long ago. The light orange glow of the parking lot lights passed above my head in a recurring pattern. The air left my lungs quickly as I swung my arms, propelling myself to the car.

Edward caught up with me and it was a dead heat as we both slammed into the side of his car. My lungs burned from the impromptu run. I saw it had the same effect on Edward as I heard him breathing hard, gulping down any bit of free air.

I turned my head to look at him, gazing out from where we had come. The way his hair hung in his eyes at that moment made him look so care-free and innocent; I wanted to breathe in whatever was making him look that way. His thick bronze locks were curled in on the ends. Those little kinks weren't from the humidity around us, but the natural way his hair fell. My hand reached up to reverently twist them even more around my finger.

He turned his face to my movements, my hand placed against his cheek. His body shifted to stand in front of me; my hand went further into his hair. His lips delicately brushed mine in a sweet, thankful kiss.

We stood in the lot for a little bit, kissing under the candle glow colored lights. No anxiousness was present in our actions. We felt like the only two people in the world. The sound of chirping crickets and our rustling clothing were our soundtrack.

Sooner rather than later, we found ourselves in the backseat of his Volvo. The oldies station, the only one that worked this far out of the way, played softly in the background. Heat radiated from the car and our bodies as sweat pooled along every inch of covered and uncovered skin.

We struggled to get comfortable at first, but that soon fell away. I was lying flat on my back with Edward hovering over me; his hands resting behind my head. My hands couldn't help themselves as they ran up and down his back and shoulders, finally resting on his waist. Our bodies were so charged with spending the day together as we played out how much we enjoyed it.

Our lips didn't battle for dominance. It was a slow steady race, with no desire to reach the finish line. Edward's tongue licked my bottom lip, teasing for entrance. I granted it to him without hesitation, a moan eliciting from both our mouths on contact.

The slick pressure of his tongue on mine hit a spot in me. My heels dug into his calves, my nails scratched along the taut muscles of his back. Moving to the hem of his shirt, I coaxed it upwards. Edward sat back on his heels as we jointly removed it.

Seeing a man shirtless like this overloaded every major circuit inside me. Every live wire unraveled from their tightly coiled selves, sparking and flaring once freed. I had only blindly felt Edward's body before, but looking at him without a shirt on…_why didn't I take it off sooner?_

I felt really lucky. And not lucky because of whom Edward was, but lucky to be able to have this kind of moment. To have someone to be with in this particular way. Getting to know someone and letting them know that I appreciate who they are. A small smile pulled at the corners of my lips, as Edward gazed down at me. His hands massaged my thighs up and down.

He was slightly hunched over, creating a less than perfect roll to his stomach. My finger pressed into his clavicle, dragging it down the middle of his chest to the small hills of his abs. The flesh goose bumped and his stomach moved under my finger, his breathing kicking up. I felt him shiver from my touch as I hit the spot above the button of his jeans. My hands were impatient as I leaned up to wrap them around his neck, forcing him to me.

My tongue found his again, attacking fervently. My fingers scratched deeper into his back, feeling the hot skin mold against them. He was so slick and soft and taut; I wouldn't think you could mix that altogether and make it feel so good, but you could.

His hands, one by one, pushed my cardigan down my shoulders. His lips followed the roundness of my shoulder, planting soft kisses to the newly exposed skin. Once completely removed, we let it fall to the car floor. His fingers gently slid the straps down, placing his lips to skin again.

I fisted the back of his head as he went for the span of skin above my breasts. Sighs of contentment escaped me as I heard the sound of his mouth pressing against my flesh. The movement of his lips gradually became more urgent, his tongue licking and sucking up every single piece he hadn't claimed yet. My motions were stirring Edward as he wanted more skin of his own.

My eyes went to his closed ones, but it was the sight of his tongue lusting on the peaks of my breasts. Warmth spread through me, filling my head with everything and nothing. I threw my head back as far as it could go, wanting friction. Wanting every inch to be covered in what he was giving me.

His breathing was ragged, as he dragged his bottom lip up toward my neck. My head lulled to the side as his mouth found its place there.

A grunt resonated from his lips, as he pressed his body fully against me. I could feel what this was doing to him and I knew he wasn't going to last much longer. This was probably the longest we had gone making out and this thrilled me, as I'm sure it did Edward.

His mouth and tongue became more and more desperate. My own verbal responses left me in a similar fashion.

Edward's hand glided up my side from my thigh passed my hip and body, finally resting on my breast. He took a test squeeze and a new round of noises fell from our mouths. Taking a cue that I liked what he was doing, he continued. His fingers massaged and pinched roughly, matching the pace of his fast moving mouth and tongue.

I gasped as Edward's teeth lightly bit the thin skin on my neck. My hips bucked against him as he did it one more time. Pressing his face further down, he licked and sucked, jolts of pain and pleasure shooting through me, spreading like a wildfire over my body.

Edward ceased his movements, inch by inch his lips leaving my neck. His gasping breath hit my face, as his chin eventually rested between my breasts.

The features on his face, one by one, revealed a mischievous shade. That lopsided grin, the delicate lift of his eyebrow and a tiny glint in his eyes caught my attention; they were very intent on the spot his mouth was just on.

"What?" I curiously whispered.

He was holding back something. His lips struggled not to twitch and bellow out a laugh. The closed lip laughter traveled to his stomach, bouncing against mine. _What's so fucking funny?_

"Edward, seriously. What is it?" I squeezed his biceps, physically trying to get a response out of him.

His propped himself back on his hands, pressing his mouth back to my neck. I hissed when he applied the lightest of pressure.

"Oops." He snickered against me.

_Oops? What did he do?_ I gestured to sit up, maneuvering my body to look at my neck in the rear view mirror.

_Oh My God. _I regretfully had seen enough of them on Emmett, Alice, and a few of the student body to know what Edward had just done. "You gave me a hickey?" I turned to look at a still smiling Edward.

"And I'm really not sorry." He breathed against my ear. I turned to him, eying his gleefully cocky expression. The branding of my neck was not something he was going to get away with easily.

"My turn." I growled, pushing him. The back of his head made a low thud against the passenger window.

Straddling him, I mimicked the same actions he performed on me. His head lulled to the side, his hands digging into my hips.

A little while later, we collected ourselves and hopped into the front seats.

_A day well spent?_, I glanced at Edward's smirking profile as we drove home.

_Yep, _very_ well spent._

* * *

A/N: I made up that festival, but there are art shows that do take place in airport hangars. The fire performing group and the hand photo are also made up. However, the eye drop tip is real.

Song on the oldies station: "A Whiter Shade of Pale" by Procol Harum

Thanks for Anna and Jess for suggestions and help with the fire performing group's name. I was utter creative name fail.

Reviews aren't as good as making out in the back of a car, but can come close.


	26. Backpack

A/N: Thank you lovelies for reading and reviewing!

So BtE, as of right now, has 9 chapters and an epilogue left.

Thanks to Kat for letting me babble about my issues with my story. Bublichka for being an awesome beta.

Disclaimer: I don't own this.

* * *

It was Thursday so that meant one thing.

Earlier that day, Edward and I headed over to the firehouse for the weekly ritual. We were running a little late because Edward had some after school work at the Forks Gazette newspaper. He was preparing a few 'Notable Grads' highlights for the end of the year issue, including Emmett and his full scholarship.

After setting up The Ghost and the wood, I fucking skipped to my car to get my backpack.

I opened up the front door and scanned for it on the passenger seat. It wasn't there. My eyes traveled to the floor; nothing was there. The truck bed was scrutinized and still no sign of my bag.

_Did I forget it?_

I walked back over to where Edward sat.

"Where's your bag?" He asked.

"Um…I don't know. I think I might've forgotten it at the house," scratching my head in wonder.

_I never forget my bag_. _Ever._

It's where I kept everything. All my supplies. Everything I lived for was in that bag. How could I have forgotten what I lived for?

Edward hopped to his feet. "Do you want to go back and get it?"

I was really disturbed that something like this happened. That thing was almost always attached to my shoulders and back. Was my enthusiasm really warranted?

"No…I think I'll skip it today." Because even though I could be back here in no time, my high for getting to burn today had been deflated. On my own account no less.

The backpack sat next to my desk, zipped up and stuffed. The thing was mocking me as it sat desolate and unused. I continued to give it curious glances as Edward and I settled in to do some homework.

After a rousing round of English essay questions, Edward and I watched some television.

Last I remembered I had fallen asleep on Edward's chest watching a Mythbusters' marathon.

**=X=X=X=X=X=X=**

The sound of a soft 'click' awoke me from my late afternoon slumber. My eyes slowly opened, staring down a lens.

Edward was kneeling beside my bed, his camera set on me. I moaned, moving my hand to shield the offending thing; another 'click' came from the camera.

My mopeyness was shining through and through when he woke me up. "What is so interesting about me sleeping?" I mumbled against the pillow.

"It's peaceful watching someone sleeping. They look less tensed. Less stressed."

"Do I look stressed?"

"Yes. And you talk when you sleep."

"I knew that. Anything worth noting?"

His camera blocked most of his face, but I saw the end of his mouth curl up into his trademark lopsided grin.

"Nope, you can't hide from me. What did I say?"

The camera 'clicked' again before he attempted his best imitation of my voice, " 'Edward'… 'I want it.'… 'I need it.'"

He sniggered behind the lens before capturing my shocked blush to memory. "I did not say that."

"'Edward oh Edward.'" Another 'click'. Another snigger.

"Now you're just flattering yourself, mister." I couldn't help but smile at him.

"'Edward, closer.'" He could barely hold it together, as the camera went off once more.

I grabbed it out of his hand, holding it hostage on the other side of the bed. Edward's expression changed quickly, anger replacing the jovial manner from a second ago.

He kneeled on the bed, intentionally reaching over to try and get back his precious camera.

Edward always succeeded well at distracting me; his gaze burned on mine as he threw his leg over my body to straddle me. He leaned forward, his nose and lips inches from mine; _One small move. Bella. One small step to yummy lips. Just grab his face and kiss him._

In one swift move, my hand relinquished the camera on to the bed. My hands grabbed the sides of his face, pressing his lips firmly to mine. Our mouths attacked and then Edward pulled back before I could throw in some tongue action.

My lips were still pursed and savoring the moment, when I heard that damn 'click' again.

"Edward! Why?" pounding my hands into the comforter.

"You're very cute when you sleep."

"Well, right now I'm angry." Another 'click'. "You're bothering me with that thing." I gestured with my head toward the offending lens.

"Nah, you were bothered before." Edward's hand adjusted the focus.

Conceding, I sulkily crossed my arms. The dark green bag was the receiver of my angry gaze.

Having a clear view from above, he softly said "What's the matter, love?"

"It's nothing." _Was I making a big deal of nothing?_ "I'm just mad about…my backpack."

"People forget things all the time Bella." His camera came to rest just above his stomach, dangling from its strap.

"But, it's like a limb went missing from me. Would you ever forget your camera?"

He didn't answer. It scared me a little bit.

'Click'.

I picked at invisible dirt in my fingernails. "I don't know. Last night, I found a really cool item I wanted to burn. I don't know if you feel like this, but when I burn something that has meaning to me, it's more…rewarding. And I was so hyped to do that. Or at least I thought I was."

I had spent the night before thinking about what to burn. I would've loved to set my SAT practice books on fire, but Edward mentioned something about having a few more weeks of classes, so no burning that yet.

I sifted through some papers that I could burn, but I found nothing that sparked my interest. Even my usual suspects seemed downright boring. Usually I wouldn't care what it was, as long as it melted or burned on contact. _What is wrong with me?_

Pulling out my clothes for school the next day, I stared at the teal dress that I purchased so long ago. At the time, it was bought because it was convenient and fit okay. The whole dress buying experience I had wanted to avoid as much as possible. The teal dress was practically the first thing I saw when I walked in the door and that worked for me. As far as the way it looked, I knew of at least one person who wasn't a fan of it.

Alice knew fashion, but more importantly, I think she knew what was best for me.

Trying it on now, I felt like a wolf in sheep's clothing. The color made me look sallow and pale, when I knew there was more life present. The way it hung on my shoulders made me look like a member of the Queen's army. The length was the only saving grace, but wasn't enough to prevent it from me making up my mind.

I took off the garment and threw it into my backpack.

I felt the relief already from the thought.

Then it backfired on me when I failed to remember it.

Glancing up at Edward, I didn't even realize he was snapping away. I wasn't sure what he was seeing through his lens; probably some sad, distraught girl; upset about something as stupid as forgetting her backpack.

My hand ran up and down his jean clad thigh, the rhythmic movement comforting me. "How do I forget something like that, Edward?" It was a desperate whisper, gripping at my chest.

One final 'click' and Edward placed the camera on the bed. "You have other priorities. School. Friends. Boyfriends. Well, boyfriend." His fingers ignited sparks against my arms, tracing lines to the crease of my elbow. "You need to balance things." They journeyed to my neck. Splayed on either side, they ran from under my ears down to my collarbone. His touch burned and relieved me.

Closing my eyes and leaning into his touch I said, "But…I'm a…horrible planner."

"I don't think that's the same thing." His hands fiddled with the buttons of my shirt. "You need…synergy."

One by one my buttons came undone, singeing the threads of my will.

"I just…want to be able to keep you and my fire fun."

"Who says you can't?"

"No one, it just seems like I can't hold onto everything sometimes." My breathing grew harsher with each admission. The truth was being touched out of me.

"Why is that?" My shirt open, Edward leaned forward to plant blazing kisses to my jaw. His hands slide the shirt off my shoulder, revealing bra and skin.

"Because…" I sighed out. "…I've never had to before. Hold onto so much, I mean. How do you do it? Your hobby, the paper…me."

"I combine the things I love." Edward pulled away, grabbing his camera again to take another picture of me.

"You already go to the firehouse with me though. You've watched me burn things. I've been to events with you. What else is there, Edward?" Between breaths, I struggled to let him know that I've done it all.

Edward moved to lie next to me, placing his camera on the floor. Leaning his elbow on my pillow, his eyes trained on mine "What else do you want?"

"I…don't know." Feeling uncomfortable, I pushed Edward closer. His shirt buttons twirled and popped open under my fingers. Confessing into his slowly exposed chest, "Fire's always been there."

I looked up into eyes of green thought, eyebrows knit together in concern. "But?"

Through out the years, I had always wanted someone who would understand my passion for my hobby. In a town so small, it became apparent that I wouldn't find it here. Eyes wouldn't look at me with appreciation, but with distaste.

We laid together, as I continued my gazing at one spot on chest. Mindlessly, I ran my fingers along it, playing with the tiny hairs I had discovered.

"I secretly waited for the day I would get over this hobby." The confession constricted against my chest. "I mean, who was I kidding? What was I going to do with this anyway? It's not something a grown adult does. A respectable person doesn't burn Barbie dolls or throws fits when they never get the chance to spend a Thursday setting fires."

Burning wasn't an activity that could come to fruition and turn into something I could do for a living. Real people are doctors, nurses, work in offices, teach kids. They likely participated in sane activities like sports, musical theatre…photography.

Beyond my feet, I looked at the SAT books that sat on my desk. Signing up for it felt like a huge step, acknowledging that I was looking beyond where I was. It meant responsibility; something I never had much of. Other than with safety matters, Charlie never gave me much to be responsible for.

"What makes you think you aren't a respectable person, Bella? You have great grades, in AP courses no less. You have a job. You don't sneak around and do drugs or alcohol."

"But, the burning Edward…how does that fit in there? How does that align with any of that? It doesn't."

"Who says it has to? Bella, you can do whatever you want with your spare time." He kissed the top of my head before whispering, "Do you want me to spend less time with you burning?"

"No, I like sharing it with you. I wish there were more people like you who understood the passion for what I do. Especially here."

"There are people beyond Forks, Bella. I'm positive there are places out there for lovable pyros like you."

Meeting his eyes, I saw promise. I kissed his nose, chin and mouth in appreciation.

The tightness in my chest dissipated considerably as I snuggled closer to Edward.

There could be a way to hold onto this.

There's a solution for everything.

**=X=X=X=X=X=X=**

_Migraine! Ugh!_ _Okay, no more internal monologue. _The right side of my head felt like it was run over by a cement truck, hit with a wrecking ball and a jackhammer drilling evilly into my brain. I took medicine and that shit can only be taken twice a day! And excuse me pushy drug companies, but this pain lasts more than eight hours!

_No more yelling. No more internal thoughts…shhh…ahhh fuck! Searing pain!_

My head rested on my pillow, the second most comfortable spot in the world; the first belonged to the chest of someone who wasn't with me at the moment.

I tucked my phone under my ear, against the pillow. "I'm not going to school today." I couldn't believe I was disappointed at that prospect.

"You don't sound too good." Edward's voice was always quiet, which I was utterly grateful for.

"I have a migraine. Like 'taking a baseball bat to the side of my head' bad." I groaned at the image…and again when I had to use my brain to conjure up that picture.

Edward's sigh filled my ear, "I'll be there after first period."

I should've felt horrible, but I needed a glimmer of hope at making this shitty day less so. "Okay." I breathed out, pressing the 'end' button.

The sun coming in through my window was blinding, but I was way too lazy to get up and close the curtain. I pulled the comforter over my head, my eyelids closed for a few minutes and waited for what will hopefully be the best part of my day.

Edward must've sped over to my house because he arrived within five minutes of ending our call. His shoes thudded to the floor, as Edward lifted the covers to join me underneath them.

"Thanks." I scooted closer to him, finding my place against his chest. The ache in my head somehow calmed with one whiff of his scent.

His hand ran up and down my back. "Did you take anything for it?"

"Yeah, really early in the morning and about two hours ago. I can't take anymore for the rest of the day." My arm pushed him closer to me, as if it would wield away the pain.

"Would you like a cold rag?"

"But that means you have to get up."

He found that way too amusing. "You're no use to me when you're sick." Edward hopped out of bed and went to my bathroom.

Squinting from the sun flooding my room, I caught a glimpse of him searching for the facecloths. "Under the sink, in the back." I tried to project but was way too tired and moving my jaw too much triggers the headaches.

After situating myself on my back , Edward placed the damp rag over my closed eyes. The darkness was nice, but I couldn't see Edward.

I heard him chuckle right near my ear. "You can't see anything I'm doing."

"If you snoop around my room, I'll fuck up your shit." I didn't care if he was my boyfriend, he will pay. Probably more so than if it was anyone else.

Edward's hand held my cheek, sending chills throughout my body. "I wasn't referring to that, but this." His tickling breath hit my mouth first, before he sucked on my bottom lip. The tip of his tongue met mine briefly, before he returned to my ear. "But since you put the idea out there…" The bed shifted as Edward moved away from me.

"You're dead. You know that?" Being blind, I helplessly felt for something of his; maybe something that'll cause some damage. A girl's shit is her business.

"Don't worry. I'm not snooping." His voice came from the general direction of the side of the bed.

My hands searched again, finding the fabric of his shirt. Sitting up, I plopped the rag down on my night table. Kneeling behind him, I wrapped my arms around his neck. "You know if you looked at my stuff that meant I get to look at yours." I quietly threatened.

"So if you look at mine, I can look at yours." His hand reached back and squeezed one of my butt cheeks.

_That boy!_ Tilting his head to the side, I bit down on the mark I left him a few days earlier. He hissed in response.

That Saturday together was so great. It was an overall happy day and I'm sure we looked like two idiots in love. Or maybe two stupid people who liked photography too much.

Not only that, but afterward was fucking great too. I blush like a girl when I think about his body, lips, tongue…_mmm tongue._

Edward's problem never came up while we had fun in the back of his car that night either. When I got home, I thought about what was different. Was it because we were out on a date? It was pretty late at night, maybe he did better in the midnight hours. Maybe it could've been because we were in the back of a car?

It seemed really silly to try to redo it all. It would be like trying to realign the stars.

But, we recreated the elements of that date, down to my outfit and a parking lot similar to the one we were in. It seemed crazy, but I would do that all the time if it meant we could have more time together.

The effort didn't really matter because we had to stop. And it seemed like he had to quicker than usual.

At school, our sessions in the janitor closet were also getting shorter and shorter. Hell, we even had time to spare to hang out with Alice and Jasper for once at lunch. Which, wasn't necessarily a bad thing; I definitely didn't want to turn into one of those girls who depended on their boyfriend all the time.

"And the two bunnies join us." Jasper would joke from his spot against the wall, Alice stifling a giggle. Edward and I fussed our hair into the best non-make out looking mess we could. There isn't much you can do about swollen lips, however.

_If only they knew._ _Or at least Alice._

This whole thing was so stressful and definitely made me feel small. I felt like this was bigger than me. Than us. Edward was trying hard, kept pushing himself to the brink until he had to absolutely pull away.

Everything felt like it was getting worse.

And I was a chicken shit and embarrassed to talk about it to anyone.

I returned to the message boards, seeking comfort in knowing that what I'm feeling isn't completely untrue. Words of encouragement and patience were the clear cut message. Some people even suggested slowing down the physical intimacy further, enjoy simple things like hand holding, and let it all happen naturally.

Somehow, I still felt hopeless. Yes, these people knew what I was going through, but they didn't know _me_. I really didn't want to discuss my stunted emotions with complete strangers. I guess neutrality in this situation doesn't exactly work.

_Maybe I should talk to Alice. Vent it out._

The perfect opportunity came when Alice was fitting me for a dress she was going to make. Another Cullen affair, Carlisle's birthday, was happening soon and I promised Alice she could make me a dress from back on New Years.

"I'm thinking one of these." Alice laid out a few pieces of paper in front of me, drawings of her dress ideas. Sitting next to me, she waited for my answer, pencil bouncing against her lips.

"That's a cool color." The little swatch in the corner of the paper was a deep blue, and the dress she drew was modestly cut. Lots of neck showing. Pushing my choice back to her, I said "I like this one."

"Excellent. Edward liked this one too." _No wonder._

Stepping onto the platform in front of the three way mirror, she began to measure me. Months ago, I won't have been able to stand in front of anyone in nothing but my bra and underwear. Now it was nothing. Alice had helped me shower, so this was tame compared to that.

She also shared her secret with me that day, obviously looking to make me feel better and show that she understood what it was to be down in the dumps. To have to go through something and try to come out happier and more comfortable with yourself.

"God, it's hot in here. When is this heat going to let up?" Alice stepped down from the platform, removing her wig and hat. She sighed out happily, likely feeling the air of the room on her scalp. "Much better."

Happy and comfortable. _Maybe I can share with her without it being embarrassing._

Alice returned to me, wrapping the yellow measuring tape around my bust line, pencil hanging from her mouth.

"Say Alice?"

"Yes?", her words muffled by the writing tool between her teeth.

I briefly smiled at her as she moved to find the size of my waist. "I wanted to talk to you about something."

As Alice continued her work, I spoke about Edward's issue. From what happened on our first night, our make outs at school, the talks we've had about his issue and up into our experimenting with common elements. At first it was hard to talk about the personal nature of it, but I never heard a single complaint or word of disgust from her. It encouraged me to completely let go and say it out loud.

"I'm really fucking scared, Alice. I don't want there to be anything majorly wrong with him. What if there is? I don't know if I can handle that kind of thing." I swiped away a single tear that had begun to fall.

When she finished jotting down my numbers, she grabbed my hand and encouraged me to sit down in one of the plush chairs in the room. She walked to a coat hangar, handing me a bathrobe to put on; I had all but forgotten that I was in my underwear and bra.

"When I first told Jasper about my alopecia, I was afraid that he would leave. Guys love girls with long hair, something to run their hands through in the throes of passion. They don't want to witness a girl's hair falling out with one simple stroke of their brush." Alice scratched a small bald spot on the top of her head, pushing some of the hair she had to try and cover it. "I told him after the first couple of dates we went out. And he said 'I'll be honest. It weirds me out a little bit, but if you hadn't told me, I wouldn't have cared otherwise.'"

"Bella, I wish I can say that things come easy in relationships, but they don't. I can tell you that honesty is the best policy and you are doing just that." Alice's small, earnest hands held one of my own. "You are telling him and that is the correct step. He knows that you are trying, both of you are. My advice is to just keep being honest with each other, and you will find what works best for both of you."

So, I officially decided to bring up those techniques I had previously mentioned to Edward.

"Edward?" I whispered from behind him, as our hands interlaced.

"Hmm?"

"Do you want to…work on it today?" My chin fell to his shoulder, my nose in perfect smelling range of his neck.

"Okay." I always loved his quiet, simple answers.

I unwrapped myself from around him. "Alright, um, lie down." I said, moving back on my knees and giving Edward room to lie back onto the bed.

Once settled, he looked to me. _Why is he looking at me? Oh right, you're the one with the instructions. Okay…oh for fucks sake… _"Umm…shit. I forgot what to do next." I nervously laughed, clasping my hands together.

Edward was about to say something, when I remembered. "I printed them out." Scurrying off the bed to my desk, I almost tripped and fell over my backpack. _Nothing like breaking your fucking ankle before helping your boyfriend with his penis problem._

My desk had grown exponentially messy in the last week.

"Found it." I pounced back on the bed. Crawling close to him I said, "This is a list of things that we could do. And some things you can do as well. Like homework."

"What kind of homework?"

"Well, it says that you could…you know…." _Grow up, Bella. Geez._ "It helps to practice daily too."

His cheeks reddened, as he fiddled with his hands. "Oh…I sort of…already do homework. Daily."

I blushed too, imagining Edward sweating over his homework. "Ah, good." I flipped to the next set of advice, folding the corner into a hard crease.

Staring at the very first step on the page, this all felt so weird. The situation was far from what I ever expected and I was thinking this was bigger than me. That this was too difficult and crazy for me.

I peeked up at Edward, who was staring at me from above the paper. _Did he think this was completely ridiculous too? Is he really okay with all this? It really can't be this right, can it? _

"You okay?" Edward ran his hand up and down the top of my thigh.

"Yeah, just trying to memorize some of this." Pushing down the nervous energy, I tried to channel it into something I can use.

"We don't have to do this now, if you don't want to."

"No, I want to. Now, it says that you…" _Maybe I should just do the stuff instead of saying it out loud._ _Maybe it'll be less like instructions and more personal. _Placing the paper behind me, I pressed my lips to his neck. The pulse I kissed slowly picked up its pace, as if each peck I placed pushed another button. My hand found the buttons of his shirt, slowly plucking them from their holes.

The goal was to turn him on enough before he was fully aroused. I watched out for his breathing, as I knew it sped up whenever we got hot and heavy. Also, his hands tended to grab almost anything and everything of mine when he couldn't take anymore. And finally, the last thing his lips always touched was my neck.

My fingers splayed across his chest, working their way down to the hem of his t-shirt. He pulled my head back from his neck, urging me to meet his lips. Our mouths collided, as my hands journeyed up and down his chest and stomach.

Edward found my thigh and hitched it over his hip. We were getting lost in the moment all too soon, as I felt him getting a little excited. Whispering against his lips I said, "Do you feel a 'tickling' sensation?"

He paused for a second before answering. "No." His voice was gruff and breathless; He was definitely showing signs of his breaking point.

"Good." I sat up on my elbow, looking him in the eye and hopefully encouraging him "If you ever feel it a little bit, they say we should stop."

He nodded.

Nervously licking my lips, I continued. "Okay, the next part…" With measured slowness, the hand that was under his shirt descended to the button of his jeans. Beneath my palm, I descended down to his stomach over the trail of hair that led to where I would end up. The pop of the round metal bounced against the walls with anticipation.

I tried to calm my nerves as we were going somewhere we'd never been before. Everything was constantly told and never showed. And even being showed doesn't always mean you would understand. You have to touch to really feel, in more ways than one.

Dipping below his boxers, both of our breathing picked up as my fingers slowly found him. Hesitantly I lightly held him, afraid to apply any kind of pressure. Hair, skin and warmth wrapped around my hand, taking in new textures.

Peeking up at him from under my lashes, I watched his face contort into deep grooves. The lines between his eyebrows were etched like carvings in stone. His eyes were so sealed shut, it looked like you needed a crowbar to pry them open. Breathing had all but stopped from his mouth.

_I need to relax him. _

"Edward?"

He couldn't even speak, and barely nodded at me.

"Edward, look at me."

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"If I look at you…holding me, I won't be able to…hold on."

"Okay, what do you want me to do then? I'm not sure how this works."

"I need to slide my pants down." Edward's hands, which had been fisted into my covers, let them go and pushed his jeans past his hips. "And my boxers."

The cold air of the room hit the back of my hand as the fabric came down.

Once Edward's bottom half was bare, I was beyond tempted to peek. But, I would feel like a shitty girlfriend for doing something that would make him uncomfortable. Instead, I gazed up at him as he struggled to keep himself together.

"Hey?" I feared that he might've stopped every single sense in his body. "If this hurts, we can stop."

I witnessed the first wave of relief since we started. "This is far from painful." Edward chuckled; clearly my statement was way off base.

It's funny how when we're younger, we are disgusted with any part of our opposite genders anatomy. Girls and boys had cooties. If a boy had bothered to plant a kiss on my cheek, I would undoubtedly wipe it away with my hand.

Never would I have guessed to feel such warmth spread through me with him in my hand. I was holding him and tingles and goose bumps spread through me, making me wonder…what other things I could do with it.

_Focus, Bella. _

Although he couldn't see it, a crooked smile of my own flashed on my lip. "Okay, good." I prepared myself for the next part, surely the hardest one. "Now, I'm going to…move up and down. Stop me if the 'tickling' occurs."

Slowly, I slid up and down. My eyes were glued to Edward, as I watched the emotions play on his face. He was really still at first, but the breathing through his nose revealed what was happening under the surface.

After I stroked him a few times, air shot raggedly out of his nostrils and a throaty, primal groan came from him. I closed my eyes, bit my lip and concentrated on the growing arousal in my hand…and within me.

_Oh My God. I just want to kiss him all over…his neck…his chest…a little lower…_

I shook my head, ridding myself of the thought of doing those things for now. My hand had tightened around him from my musings, causing another sound to leave Edward's lips.

We were doing alright so far; nothing had happened within the few minutes we were doing this. _Maybe we can progress._ "Do you want me to go faster?"

He nodded, humming as I stroked once more. I picked up the pace, applying slightly more pressure.

His eyebrow quirked, his hands fisted into my comforter. Edward hadn't responded in words since I started my movements though. It was_ obvious_ that he was enjoying this, but I wanted to know what was going through his head.

"Edward?"

"Hmm?"

"What are you thinking about?"

"Uhn…just…shit. Don't make me say it." Every word sounded like it was being beaten out of him. _In an essence it is, Bella._

"What? Is it embarrassing?"

"Embarrassing…not what I want to think…"

I don't think he realized I held something valuable in my hand. "Spill. Out with it."

He grunted out, as I squeezed him. "Uhn, cauliflower."

_Come again?_ My hand effectively stopped mid-stroke.

"Cauliflower? As in the vegetable?" My eyebrows knit in confusion, my mouth in a bewildered sneer.

He admittedly nodded.

"Why?" I have to say, I know nothing about what should be on someone's mind when getting a hand job, but an obscure piece of food definitely seemed a little bit of a stretch.

"More of the smell. It's disgusting."

_Why is he thinking about something vile while I'm doing this?_ "That doesn't make any sense."

"Cauliflower is nasty, Bella. It reminds me--"

"No, not why you hate it. Is that what's really on your mind when I'm touching you?"

I think Edward was seriously considering taking back what he said, as silence filled the room. "Yes."

_I think I might cry._ "Oh.", I quietly murmured, staring at the breast pocket of his shirt.

"Hey?" He called to me. "I wish I could think of you."

I nodded, even though he couldn't see. _Now I'm the wordless responder._ Removing my hand from around him, I saw him sigh as he opened his eyes.

They looked sad. They didn't look the way someone should when being pleasured. He said what I was doing wasn't painful, but what if…what if he was getting things confused. Maybe he thought he was enjoying this when he wasn't.

With a resigned sigh, I folded my hands on top of his chest, resting my chin there. "Why though?"

"It's not always that. I shouldn't have said anything."

"No, you should. You can tell me anything, Edward. I am queen of weird."

"It's not cauliflower itself." He rolled his eyes, chastising himself for thinking of such a ridiculous thing. "But what I associate with it. It reminds me of things."

"I remind you of cauliflower?" _Disgusting, nasty cauliflower._

"No. No, not at all. Cauliflower…dirty streets…those parties…they remind me of things I won't ever have."

"What do you mean? I mean, I don't know what you consider things but you can probably readily get them. What are you missing?"

His gaze fell to where my hands rested, now playing with the fabric of his shirt. They were inches shy of his heart. "There are certain aspects that I don't think I can share with you."

"Are you afraid I'm going to tell someone? I'm not a snitcher. That's not something I would do to you."

"No, not that. But…you would be…passionate about fixing what is wrong. And I don't want you feeling hurt or try defending me when your efforts don't work."

I couldn't make heads or tails of what he was telling me. He sounded like he was dancing around whatever it is he wanted to say. And it disturbed and pissed me off.

"Edward, on our first night you said that you knew me. If you knew me, you'd know that you can share anything with me. Frankly, as long as it's not some crazy, fucked up thought, I'm not going to react poorly."

"I'm sorry I'm skirting around the issue with you."

"Then don't. Just come out and say it. Edward, it's me!"

"You…wouldn't understand."

"Then don't say you know me! How do you know I won't take this the right way? How would you know what the best way would be anyway?"

"Bella, you don't know what goes on when you're not around. There is a whole world of things in my life that you won't get."

"Oh, well that just makes me feel a shit ton better." Angry tears trailed down my cheeks, wetting the back of my hands. "You're making me sound like I'm a petulant child."

"Bella, please. I can't right now."

"What? Cause your pants are still down?" Yeah, it was harsh, but I was a livid son of a bitch.

Edward huffily pulled his boxers and pants up.

I scooted up to my pillow to lie on my side next to him, bringing my knees to my stomach.

_Stupid fucking instructions._ This wasn't about following some websites idea of how to handle this problem the best way anymore, but getting through this in the best way we knew how.

I picked up the formerly informative material, glancing at it with disappointment.

Then, that's when it hit me.

There on the paper clearly highlighted by me, were the two causes of Edward's problem.

We had exhausted the first option: physical. Below it, beneath all the bullet points on the steps I just used, sat the only other reason behind this whole thing.

_Psychological._

* * *

A/N:

You guys are awesome! BtE has a little over 500 reviews. Thanks for all the support and awesome words.

I just realized the last few of my chapters, including this one, all have 'B' names. Didn't plan it like that, that's just the way the cookie crumbles, lol.

Thanks to Kassiah for mentioning BtE on TLYDF, in terms of having a fuckawesome Charlie.

Currently, I'm reading Expectations of Success by LASMKE. She has a great Bella and her Edward is made of so much win too. It's only 8 chapters in, but its great and _severely_ under reviewed.

In My Ears:

Let's Trade Skins - Great Lake Swimmers (great band and this song screams BtE for me)


	27. Fuel

A/N: Thank you lovelies for reading and reviewing!

A few of you have concerns about Edward and what is going on with him. I can promise you that it's not going to be the absolute worst thing you can think of. If I were ever to include that, I would place a warning early on and not drag you along for so many chapters.

Master betaed by Bublichka.

* * *

I snapped at him, while he had his pants down. If that wasn't the shittiest time to be mean to someone, I didn't know what was.

Truth was I was waiting for him to say things to me. All these years, he had known various things about me, but I didn't know much about him. He never said much to me over the years and I took that as general douchebaggery. Now, I knew he was obviously very sensitive and being introspective. Underneath his steadiness, there were waves that have yet to surface.

And of course being the emotionally stunted person that I am, it would only be fitting I pick that specific time to make a simple request.

Edward hugged me tightly to him by the door, kissing my hair as we said our goodbyes for the night.

"I promise someday…I'll tell you everything." barely above a whisper, linking my hand with his.

I nodded, feeling his lips against my head. "I'll call you tomorrow after work."

Our mouths met in a chaste kiss, before his figure trudged down the walkway to his car.

Leaning my head against the doorway, I watched him hunch in his seat before he drove off.

There was so much he wasn't telling me and it hurt. What would be the key to get him to tell me things? All the subtlety and little hints never linked up for me. I was getting to know him, but I still didn't know what to think about it all.

Was he hiding from his family too? Did he keep things from them? Would it be shitty of me to go behind his back and ask Alice about all the circumstantial things I knew?

Yes, that would be just as shitty as my bad timing.

The generic ring tone from my cell phone went off in my pocket.

I was receiving a call from…Rosalie.

"Hello." She greeted me.

"Hi." _Why the late night ring?_

"Bella, I can't be on the phone long, but I needed to tell you that the girls are planning on something Monday. Around lunch time."

I think I can credit Rosalie for the lack of pranks lately at the school. We hadn't discussed the spying much, but the decrease was exponential. I haven't had embarrassing things placed in my locker or approached between classes. It was a huge relief, to say the least.

"Okay…do you know what it is?" _Doesn't spying warrant gaining detailed information?_

"To be honest, I don't know. I think they are keeping things from me, but I managed to find out when it's happening."

I plopped down on the bed. "Okay…I'll find a way out of it." I'll probably be in the closet with Edward…so that should settle that.

"Oh Bella? Um…I would…avoid the janitor closet for a while."

_Wait a minute. _"Um, what?"

"I saw you and…Edward coming out of the closet the other day." I could hear her stifling a giggle on the other end. "You two were looking a little less for wear and uh...you put your jacket back on outside the closet and your lighter fell out of your pocket."

_Oh dear God she knows._ I felt a little exposed at the moment. "Oh yeah…that happened."

_Does Emmett know? Shit, not how I imagined him finding out._

"It's okay. I haven't told Emmett. I know how brothers can be. Plenty of them have been subjected to the Jasper straight talk on the couch."

Nervously chuckling, I said "Yeah…that's what I fear."

"I don't need to tell you how your brother is because you know him, but he…always tries to do what's best. And I don't see any reason why he'd not like Edward. He even…" She stopped to giggle. "He even mentioned that he's already seen Edward and you being really chummy, so I think the cat is half way out of the bag."

_Oh God…I don't even wanna know when._ "Thanks for the…ugh heads up. On both fronts."

We said our goodbyes soon after that.

**=X=X=X=X=X=X=**

The next morning, I had to be at work at the crack of dawn to help unload the delivery truck and stock the shelves.

Once in my uniform, I threw my mother's cardigan on as well. I've always been a big, oversized hoodie girl, but lately I was feeling more like a nice, cozy cardigan.

There were many things I could tell about my mother from it. The cuffs had folded creases on them, indicating that she had short arms. It could also mean that she didn't want to get the ends dirty while she worked on something. There were lots of little beads missing from the sequined flowers on the bodice; maybe she liked imperfection and didn't bother to sew them.

Searching through the fridge for the second part of my quick breakfast, I heard a strange rattling behind me.

Peeking over my shoulder, I saw Charlie placing a gray box with a handle on the table. He had two fishing poles in his hand, with a wide brimmed fisherman's hat on his head.

"Whatchya got there, Dad?" I couldn't help the amused grin that fell on my face.

"Your old man…." He laid the poles down on the table. "…is going fishing."

Closing the fridge door with my milk in hand, "I didn't know you do that."

"Well, I used to. You know Jacob? His father, Billy and I used to fish all the time. I even…went out a couple times with Sue's Harry."

Completely taken off guard, I almost drowned my cereal in milk. "Really?" _Geez, what else didn't I know?_ "When did you ever go fishing?" It must've been ages ago since Harry was alive. It seemed like an activity Charlie would be into. I imagined he'd stand along the edges of a lake, a serene look on his face. Maybe chatting it up with his fishing buddies. Or maybe he'd stay quiet and only mutter under his breath when he had a difficult time reeling in his catch.

Charlie adjusted his belt a little; _he's definitely growing a gut on him, Sue's cooking is doing the trick._ "Long time ago, Bells. I stopped going a few years back." I heard the legs of his chair squeak against the linoleum.

Turning around, I saw him fiddling with some of the equipment in the box. He titled his head back, staring down a white and red ball before placing it back with a few others like it.

I continued to watch him line his fishing pole, as the cereal sloshed around my mouth. His fingers struggled with the hair thin material.

"What made you take on fishing again?"

"Oh, well…I've been thinking about it for a while. I needed something to do around here. Emmett and you used to keep me very busy. Now, you two are off doing your own things..." His words took on a reflective tone. "I guess I needed a distraction."

"Sue not enough of a distraction for you?"

He smiled down at his working hands. "She thought this was a great idea, even bought me a new pole and fishing line." He gestured to the objects in front of him. I could tell Charlie was nervous; not filled with bad nerves, but excited ones over picking up something again after all these years. "It's been a good seventeen years since I last fished, I'll probably be a little rusty. Billy on the other hand, is the king of the lake. That man could catch a fish with his bare hands."

Seventeen years.

He hadn't fished in seventeen years?

"That's a long time."

"Well, money and time were tight. Between the station and you two kids, I barely had time to sleep, let alone have a hobby."

I knew what happened that long ago for him to give that up.

I was born. Renee died.

If she had lived, he'd still have Saturday mornings on the lake. Peaceful moments to himself as we slept late on weekends. Or maybe she'd get up early to make us pancakes and bacon before we spent the day playing games or taking a drive to the beach.

There was nothing that could be done to change that. No taking back years or actions that I had set in motion.

I killed his hobby.

Pushing back the tears, the still half full cereal bowl clanked to the bottom of the sink. My hands rested on either side of the sink, as I learned my head down shaking it back and forth. I desperately tried to conjure up images of a life with Charlie and his gear leaving out the door in the mornings. A big fat cooler filled with fish that could be frozen for future dinners. A family of four feasted over a big catch.

But there was no truth to these memories. They weren't real. None of it would be.

I sniffed back the upset that was leaking out of my nose.

His chair scarped along the floor again. Out of the corner of my eye, his hand rested on the counter. "You alright, Bells?"

The water works churned freely from his concerned response. Sobs broke from my chest, as I felt Charlie's arms wrap around my shaking form. His jacket was cold from the morning and bulky, but comforting all the same.

This person never once complained about his life. He went with the flow, stoic and resilient. Always down in the dumps, but never put out to the curb.

All those times he left Emmett and me at our neighbor Mrs. Cope's house; his week's old daughter and year old son watched over by a stranger, while he worked from dusk to dawn. Then to have to come home tired and worn out from the day to feed, change and play with us. Doing it all by himself.

He was always self-sacrificing for us. He didn't have to let me do the things I did; he could've put every measure forward to prevent me from becoming a pyro. The criticism he must've endured with people back talking about me and my hobby for so many years. Yet, he continued to defend me, even though he held his tongue on how he really felt on my obsession.

And what did I give him? Nothing. There was nothing I did worthy of him giving me selfless love. I never brought friends home and sat around like a log with my fucking obsession with flames.

I took. I had taken everything he did for me for granted.

Muffling into his chest, "I'm sorry, Dad."

"Sorry for what?"

"For…" Another sob. "…everything."

He stepped back to look at me. "Everything?" clearly clueless or knowing but not saying.

Talking to his zipper, "For…what I do. For what I did." The last few words spilled out in an ugly, broken blubbering. "I messed everything up for everyone."

Charlie pulled me in again. His hand hesitantly ran through my hair, as he quietly shushed me.

Snot, tears and all its components seeped into his jacket, as I fisted his sleeves in my hands.

"Isabella, you never need to be sorry." I felt him swallow big. "I'm not sorry, so you shouldn't be."

What was I expecting? Him yelling at me for murdering his wife? For changing his world in an instant? He'd turn it around and say that instant was the best and worst thing that could happen to him. Instead I held him tighter; if I couldn't say how sorry I was, I wanted him to feel my apology.

Our embrace slowly broke up, the back of my hand wiping away at my reddened eyes.

A cloud of remembrance passed over Charlie's eyes as they went to the cardigan. His hands gently cradled my arms, his fingers lightly pinching the material. Small, foreign dimples book ended his lips as he said "You look beautiful, Bells."

I threw my arms around his neck again, sniveling and crying.

Bringing the cuffs to my nose, I took in what I'd been missing all these years.

**=X=X=X=X=X=X=**

Of all the days this could've happened, it just had to be today.

The Mother's Day cards had come in. _ It's not even for another fucking month!_

I opened the big brown box on the floor in front of the card display case. Slicing the box open with a box cutter, the image of a teddy bear mom and daughter mad at one another appeared from under the flaps.

Picking it up, I read the words 'You are a bear of a mother' on the front. Flipping it open, 'But I couldn't bear to live without you' finished the play on words with the mother and daughter hugging each other.

Around this time of year, I would avoid the card stores and aisles as much as possible. I wasn't a fan of manufactured tokens of love in the first place, but all of these reminders of something I never had made that much easier to ignore them.

This time, I had no choice but to face this holiday. To keep this in my mind, I stuffed the card in my shirt.

After I got off work, I took a drive to a place I'd never been before. Inch by inch, the tires beneath me crept along the coast. The weather reeked of foreign sun and stickiness; such an unnatural occurrence. And even though it was hotter than usual outside, I was more comfortable with the cardigan wrapped around me.

Swiping away the work sweat and endless sweltering heat from my forehead, I parked in the empty lot. Disturbing the expected quietness, my feet crunched on the gravel toward the black iron fence entrance.

Staring up at the dangling sign, I made note of the optimism of the name.

Ocean View Cemetery. The final resting place of my mother. Behind me, the endless body of water really _was_ visible and even within walking distance of the place.

I could feel every blade of grass, jagged rock, and piece of dirt under my feet as I searched for her. I recognized random names that were mentioned over the years. Names my father would say after finding bodies along the highway after a terrible motor vehicle accident.

There was a big fuel spill that ignited flames from the unfortunate passing cars. Three people were killed in all, including the driver and a young mother with her infant son. The only reason I even remember it was because flames were involved. I recalled thinking how powerful that fire must've been; the smell of gasoline and high reaching flames hitting the atmosphere. Big black billows of smoke could be seen for miles in every direction. I was so desperate to see it that I climbed onto the roof of my house, like a small child wanting a better view above the people at a concert.

Entertainment. It was entertainment for me and now it made my stomach turn.

I looked at young mothers and infants tombstone, sending them a small condolence. An 'I'm sorry' left my lips, for shame in finding fun in the very thing that took them.

A few paces away, I spotted her. She was buried near what seemed to be an abnormally lush tree; I made a mental note to find out what kind it was later. It only seemed right to know what species of plant she rested under.

Kneeling in front of her tombstone, I stared at the facts etched in stone.

_Renee Michelle Swan _

_Loving wife, sister and mother._

_May 22__nd__ 1963 - September 13__th__ 1990_

My eyes were naturally drawn to my date of birth. Grief and physical pain shot through me, realizing it sat as an end for someone else.

_Not someone else, you idiot. She's your fucking mother._

My hand stretched out, fingers tracing ever single letter and number. I memorized the feeling of the etched words; smooth yet unyielding. The dirt and grim that had collected in each crevice stuck to my skin under my touch. I didn't bother to remove any of it from the pads of my fingers.

"I like your cardigan. It's very soft."

No one was going to give me answers. When I was little I talked to stuffed animals, but that was to be expected. Now, I could be considered crazy if I was caught talking to an inanimate object.

I looked around my surroundings for any fellow grave visitors, before I continued my one way conversation.

"I wanted to find out where it came from; where you bought it. But, it's very old and the company isn't in business anymore." I pulled on the small piece of beige thread that was hanging from the cuff, snapping it off, and twirling it around my finger. The circulation cut off, turning my finger a deep red on the tip and blinding white where the string wrapped tightly around it.

Unwinding the string, the memory of Charlie's earlier grin appeared in my mind. "Charlie likes it. I was going to ask him to share some stories, what made him smile about it before. Cause he smiled when he saw it; I'm not sure if you can read minds or see anything where you are."

My hand pressed against the grey granite once more, the cold surface chilling my skin. How I wished this was pressing against her shoulder, hand, or even cheek. "I'm sorry. Sorry I never knew you. I know you as much as a stranger. And you're my mom."

My thumb rubbed the edge of her headstone. Somewhere, I hoped she can feel it. "You're not here and never were for me, and I only have myself to blame. I don't care if there were complications with your heart; I pushed it over the edge. I'll never know you or how you would've treated me. I'll never find out if you would've been my best friend or worst enemy."

"I'll never know if you'll have braided my hair, made me dress up in things that I didn't like. Well, that last one isn't true; Charlie put me in some really horrible things when I was young. Tie dye overalls, mom!" An unexpected, tear soaked laugh exploded from my mouth.

My childhood would undoubtedly have been different. I would've been so many other things if she had lived. I just knew it. Maybe I would've talked more and hung out with people like a normal kid did. _What about my hobby?_ "I'll never know if I would've turned into a pyro. And if I did, I'll never know if you'd chide me or encourage me."

"Wherever you are, I hope you aren't mad at me. I can only hope and it hurts." Clutching my chest with my hand, I pressed my face into my arm. Tears soaked my mother's jacket.

Would she have been there to guide me through the bullshit of high school? Maybe she would've given me advice on boys and how they worked. How did she deal with Charlie? The short time she had with Emmett?

"You'd be so proud of them. Charlie works so hard and takes really good care of us. Emmett has a scholarship and I know he's going to do great things."

I listened to the wind swing the leaves around for a while, the rustling like steady natural background music. The quiet short distant crashing of the ocean onto the sand created a peaceful accompaniment. It was all very befitting and reminded me of my days where I enjoyed it with my hobby.

Rubbing the side of my mother's stone, this was as close as I'd get to contacting her. "I wish there was a way to know you heard me."

The piece of thread still in my hand flittered in the wind that had started to pick up. Visions of brown hair hit my eyes.

Looking to the sky, a pelt of water splashed onto my cheek. Was it finally raining after all these weeks?

Back on her headstone, the droplets soaked into the pores. The wet and dry parts competed with each other, but the water overflowed and blanketed it.

The rain was coming hard and fast, but I wanted to do one more thing before I left. Pulling out the mother's day card I had taken from the store earlier, I laid down at the base of her headstone.

"Happy Mother's Day, Mom." I shouted over the rain.

I stepped backwards away from the grave, staring at the cartoon mother and daughter bear who had reconciled with each other with a loving embrace.

**=X=X=X=X=X=X=**

My eyes were half closed from the tears that had fallen throughout the day and sporadically as I made my way home. I felt like I had been carrying a burden when I approached the front door. Once inside, I heard the ringing house phone.

Rushing to the kitchen, I picked it up on the last ring. "Hello?"

"Bells, you alright? You sound out of breath." Charlie asked.

"I was running to get the phone." I took a big gulp of air before I began again. "What's up?"

"I wanted to let you and Emmett know that I won't be home tonight. I'm camping out with Billy and a couple of guys from the reservation."

"Oh! That's great. How'd the fishing go?"

"Better than I thought. It was like riding a bike; you never forget how to do it."

I couldn't help the smile at that thought. "That's great, Dad. You caught something."

"It's no three footer, but it's a decent size."

"Well…can you bring it home? Maybe we can make something of it." I didn't know the first thing about cooking fresh caught fish, but I'll figure it out.

"That sounds like a plan." I could hear the smile in his voice. "I'll gut it before I bring it home."

My father and I said our goodnights, before I let him get back to his fun.

I plopped down on the couch taking in a few moments to myself. There were tears in my eyes again, but not ones of sadness. They were of joy. My father was out enjoying himself again. He hadn't forgotten how to do the thing he loved.

The opening of the front door didn't deter from the tears streaming down my cheeks. Emmett stepped into the doorway, his footsteps halting at the sight of me.

"Bells? You alright?" His stance was defensive, like he'd be ready to pounce on someone if I was hurt.

"What? Oh I'm fine. These are happy." I hiccupped, pointing to the wet trails.

"About what?"

Details about the morning and the visit to see my mother spilled from me. I remained uninterrupted during my whole tale, every single feeling I've had about my mother were expressed. Emmett quietly sat on the couch next to me, hands folded in front of him. Playing with the cuffs of my cardigan had become me new thing.

At the end, I waited for Emmett's response. His arms encased me in one of his patented bear hugs, my hands cupping around his shoulders.

It seemed like time had passed us by when I heard him speak. "Bella, I wish you would've told me everything sooner. I knew you were hurting, but I was afraid to ask."

This brought on another round of tears. "I know."

"I've had my moments where I've missed her too. Sometimes, when I'm at the games, I wish I was able to point her out in the crowd when I make a play." I heard him fighting back a sob, likely holding it together for the both of us.

I pulled away from him to see his eyes glistening, but not near shedding any wetness.

He smiled at me before saying, "From what Dads told me, she was big into football. Every other sport couldn't and I quote 'piss in the same pot as football'."

Judging from the daintiness of the cardigan I wore, I would've thought she hated to sit around and watch muscled guys attack each other over pigskin. I snorted at the thought of her sitting on this very couch, shouting obscenities at the television over a bad call a referee made.

"But, I like to think she's somewhere watching all of my games. Cursing and screaming at some of the dumbest penalties ever given to me." Emmett squeezed my hands, before enveloping me in his arms again.

He wasn't the only one who hoped she was watching.

* * *

A/N: Sorry for the short length. I had to split this chapter up with the next one. This thing would've been a monster; completely convoluted and way too much to take in at once. Good news: the next chapter should be done sooner rather than later.

I wrote a Jasper one shot for the 'For The Love of Jasper' contest. It's called _Whit A Bit of Lock_. Check it out if you want more Jasper in your life.

As always, I post drabbles/one shots from time to time in _My Twilight 25 Entries_, for The Twilight 25. If you are interested in those, check that out.

Reviews are always much appreciated and I do reply to many of them that have questions and/or if you say something that I have to respond to.


	28. Fish

A/N: Thank you lovelies for reading and reviewing! I can tell you that I cried a river writing that last chapter, so no worries on feeling embarrassed.

Disclaimer: I don't own this.

* * *

After the semi-impromptu visit to my mother's grave, I spent hours with Emmett looking over photos of our mom. We laughed about the ridiculous things that were in the box that was stowed away in the attic. There were art kits and half completed knitted hats and scarves. Brochures of extracurricular classes dated back from the early eighties showed her interests in everything and anything from French cooking to learning the art of jujitsu.

There were a few pictures of Charlie trying to teach Renee how to fish. Some portrayed her standing in the water, as Charlie held her hands to help her swing the pole back. Others as she held onto a small catch. One photo that I held onto for myself was a candid of an exhausted looking Charlie and Renee as she laid her head on his shoulder, both of them sitting by a fire.

I was really proud of myself for noticing my parents first before the fire they sat in front of. There were more sparks going on between them than the man made one they sat near.

Once we went through half the box, Emmett decided to call it a night and dragged himself up to bed. Feeling a little blue still and not looking to sleep yet, I hopped in my truck to see Edward.

I really wanted to see him after the day I had.

Knocking on his mansion door, Alice opened it sans wig and with a big splotch of paint covering her cheek.

Alice breathed out. "Hey Bella. Come in." She sounded like she ran from somewhere deep in the house.

"Thanks. What's with the…" I gestured to my cheek, eying Alice's.

"Oh, I'm repainting my room and this is Jasper's doing." She sounded like she enjoyed it more than was annoyed by the periwinkle mark on her face.

"Is Edward here? I didn't see his car in the circle."

"Yeah, he's in his photo room. He parked in the garage tonight."

I walked down the long hallway, before reaching the big green door with the red light on above it.

I knocked a couple times before Edward opened the door. He looked exhausted, his hair sprouting off in every direction. The deep circles under his eyes worried me.

"Hey." He smiled tiredly.

"Hey. Sorry, was I disturbing a nap?" I took in his outfit; a comfy looking white t-shirt with a pair of light blue boxers.

"No, I was working on some things." He opened the door more, as I stepped in.

It was nearly dark in his photo room, darker than usual. Instead of the bright lights that usually shone, a small desk lamp was on to illuminate his work area. It wasn't a big place where he made his art, but it definitely wasn't lit sufficiently enough.

He walked back to the project he was in the middle of as I sneaked up behind him and hugged him, my arms fully encircling his waist. My hands rubbed up and down his chest and stomach, taking in how wonderful it felt to have something solid and alive in my grasp. Pressing my cheek against his back, I was in close proximity of the smell of sweat coming off of him. His usual delectable scent and the perspiration were oddly enough, a very soothing combination

I caught a glimpse of the photos in front of him. They were of me from the day before on my bed, as he hovered above me. Grumbling into his back, I told him "I look so ugly in those."

He turned around in my arms to look at me. "I wouldn't be staring at these all day if they were anything less than beautiful."

He really did smell absolutely divine, the comforting licorice scent hitting me as his lips made their gradual descent to mine. We met in slow, tender kisses. His fingers hooked into my belt loops as my hands pressed flat against his back.

Our make-out-and-stumble-backwards-act had improved quite a bit, as we made our way to his sofa bed without stubbed toes and banged up calves.

His hands were desperate and hot against my skin, as they slid under my shirt. Palming my breast, he massaged it slowly at first. An involuntarily moan left my mouth as our tongues intermingled, dancing and needy.

My legs threw themselves around his waist, allowing him to fully lay on top of me. A guttural groan resonated in his chest, as I felt his erection press against my stomach.

He definitely needed to stop soon. His massaging grew more and more frantic, taking in as much as he can before he had to pull himself away.

In a last ditch effort to feel more, his hand snaked under my bra. _Oh my God! It. Feels. So. Good!_

Nonsensical words were swallowed by Edward, as his thumb ran across my nipple again and again. His breathing was harsh and wanton, as he whimpered against my mouth.

"Bella?" My name fell from his lips in a strangled whisper.

"Yes?" The single word stretched into several syllables.

"Oh shit." He looked down where his hand was under my shirt and then he was gone.

He leapt off me to sit on the edge of the bed. His arousal looked painful, trying to poke its way through the other side. His fingers tapped on the comforter, as he waited. If I were Edward, I would've had a hard time with something like that. I was hurting in my own way, but it was easily manageable and can be hidden.

Finally, he stood up and speed walked across the room. I wasn't sure what he was doing until I saw him grab a couple tissues from a table near his art supplies.

I watched the silhouette of him wrapping his hand around his erection. He stroked along it, grunting into the air. One final pull and I heard him sigh as he deposited the tissues in a nearby trashcan.

Dragging his feet across the floor, he threw his body face down onto the sofa bed. _Now he looks officially spent._ _Even more so than when I tried to help him._

I mimicked his pose, staring at his face pressed into the mattress. The soft hairs on the nape of his neck silkily slipped through my fingers. Hearing his contented sigh relieved me to some extent.

His cheek lay flat against the blanket to look at me, my small chuckle hitting the mattress from only seeing half his face. One of his reflective green eyes probed, looking for something in mine. For what, I don't know.

For a while, we stared. The steady rhythm of our breathing and the air in the room bounced between us. The thick, feather down comforter my body was pressed against was super soft and very easy to fall asleep against. It definitely had its desired effect on Edward, as I watched his lids droop down until they closed.

I soon did the same, but only to more easily say what I wanted to say next. "I visited my mom today."

He blinked his eyes open, a small 'V' formed between his eyebrows.

"Her grave."

His face suddenly transformed as his expression became downcast.

"It's okay. Well…I sort of talked to her." I continued, after I didn't get a response. "Who knows? Maybe she can hear me somehow." I shrugged my shoulders, trying to make myself sound less crazy.

Edward coaxed me to scoot closer to him, which I happily obliged. Our arms touched, our fingers intertwined at our sides.

"What brought this on?" He asked.

I talked to him about my morning incident with Charlie leading up to the digging into my mother's memory box with Emmett. The pain was still there as I went into every detail again. Some residual sniffles crept up on me every now and then. _I guess they hadn't completely dried up._ I had concentrated so hard on telling about what happened that I didn't really pay attention to how Edward was reacting.

Edward's eyes had taken on a distant quality. They looked glossed over and out of touch at the moment, not meeting my gaze. _Is he daydreaming? Thinking about something?_

"Edward?" I softly called, lifting my hand to gently touch his cheek.

He rapidly blinked a few times before he responded, shifting his focus to me. His eyes closed shut, his cheek cradling itself further into my hand.

"Everything okay? Sorry for bringing you down."

"No, its not you." He cleared a lump in his throat before continuing. "Are you okay?"

"I'm feeling better." I didn't want to end my very emotional day on a sour note, so I pulled out the picture of my mother from my back pocket. "The pictures helped. I especially liked this one."

I tilted the picture against his pillows as we examined it, like two people taking in a painting at an art museum. The relaxed expressions on my parents faces, one of Charlie's many flannel jackets draped over Renee's shoulders, Charlie's arm hugging her closer. I did my best to look into her eyes, thinking it possible that she might feel that more than the distant relation of her headstone I rubbed before.

It's not like I didn't know what she looked like, but I realized how little I resembled her. She had dirty blonde hair that fell just above her shoulders, which was also wavy. Her nose had a small bump, which according to some evidence in the box was due to a failed attempt at kickboxing classes.

I also noticed another physical feature I didn't share with her. "She has blue eyes."

"Hmm?" Edward replied.

"Renee. She has blue eyes." The glossy paper under my finger smudged a little as I ghosted under her eyes. "I wish there was a little bit of her in me."

Edward didn't look my way. His eyes were on the picture in front of us. With delicacy, he pinched the photo between his thumb and forefinger, bringing it to rest on the space in front of him.

I watched him as his gaze never left the picture. Maybe he was looking at the aesthetics or composition of the photo; it is what he does after all and he was probably still in some sort of work mode from before. Maybe he was helping me find something in common with my mom; I'd probably end up shooting him down though, knowing nothing was there.

Maybe he was thinking about his own mom. I knew next to nothing about Esme other than the fact that she fixed up houses. She was a complete blank slate to me. As was Carlisle, who I knew on a doctor-patient basis occasionally. Not only that, but I hardly ever saw them. The big events at the Cullen mansion seemed like ample times to meet them, but they were all pre-occupied with hosting. Also, I had been busy being anti-social.

_There's one coming up._ _But now seems like a good time too to ask about them._ "What are you thinking?" Curiosity may have killed the cat, but what about caring girlfriends?

"Nothing." His voice had not inflection; he sounded dead, cold even. Reaching behind me, he stuffed the photo in my back pocket for me.

But the way he was staring at the photo definitely wasn't 'nothing'. "You can tell me."

I waited a few seconds, giving him a stare down in the process. Edward knew how to work the situation to his advantage though.

He pulled me close to him, forcing me to lie on my side. His hand brushed my hair over my shoulder. His eyes smoldered and pulled me in, as he leaned in to kiss my neck.

There was no way I couldn't_ not _close my eyes and feel; the boy had a hypnotic power over me.

_Snap out of it, Bella. Focus, damn it!_

"Edward…" I half moaned, half warned him.

Edward sighed heavily before he pulled away. His eyes bounced from mine to my nose, mouth, and eyes again.

_I wish I knew what was going on behind them. Does he talk about things with anyone else? Alice? Jasper? His cousin Tanya? Peter and Charlotte? What about Esme and Carlisle?_

"Do you share anything with your parents?"

"I don't share much with them."

"What do you mean?"

"I really don't want to talk about it."

"Please?"

"Bella." He begged.

Then it hit me. This seemed way too familiar; I knew I had been here myself. It wasn't a matter of if, but _when._

Being someone who had been closed off myself, forcing information from that person was not going to happen. I could encourage, reassure, and even bribe him, but he still wouldn't budge. He was going to have to tell me on his own terms.

The problem, as it had been with me, was the length of time. I sincerely hoped I wouldn't have to wait ten years. It marred my insides thinking that he was holding so much in, afraid to admit what he had yet to share with me.

_Isn't it enough that I want what's best for him? _Wasn't that reason enough to let me in?

I guess it wasn't, and I felt both saddened and scared.

Scared for how much and what he had to tell me.

**=X=X=X=X=X=X=**

"Like this?" Emmett was cutting up vegetables for dinner. Charlie and him barely knew how to microwave a pizza, let alone cut fresh broccoli properly.

"Yes, just like that." I was preparing a glaze for the fish that Charlie had caught. I had decided to wrap the fish in some foil and cook it in the oven with some veggies.

Emmett was being his usual jovial self, slicing some carrots and humming a tune in time to it. I would normally tell him to pipe down, but I was in a decidedly better mood that day.

I stayed over Edward's house last night; watching him sleep led to my own state of slumber and I was entirely too relaxed to make my way home. In the middle of the night, we found ourselves making out.

As I stirred the glaze, my mind went to his hands on my bare thighs; I tried sleeping in my jeans, but it was too uncomfortable. His fingers ghosted from my calves, grabbing onto my flesh as he moved higher. His lips kissed and licked at my neck, which turned into sucking. His teeth nibbled, as I received a late night love bite from him.

_Phew, it's getting a little hot in here. _I pulled my hair back into a pony tail, as I continued slaving over my work.

All previous noises from Emmett's direction stopped, and replaced with a snigger. Then, booming, uncontrollable belly laughs.

"What are you laughing at?" I rolled my eyes stirring the liquid concoction in front of me.

"Aw, my baby sis is all grown up." He was struggling for air through every word.

"What are you talking about?" _Spill it before I make you!_

Emmett held a wooden spoon out, poking it against my neck. _Ouch! _"A comb will help break that up." He couldn't even finish his sentence without snorting.

I gasped. _My hickey? Shit._ "Oh my God, Emmett. Shut up!"

"Didn't think Cullen had it in him." Tears welled in his eyes. _I'll give you something to tear up about. How about a nice punch in the gut?_

"How do you know it's him?" A bit immature, I'll admit. But, I wanted to string him along and scare him a little bit.

"That dude is crazy about you. Evidence A." He went to poke on it again, but I slapped the cooking utensil away, subconsciously covering the mark with my hand.

I attempted to throw a whisk at Emmett, but it landed a few feet away from him. Charlie was standing in the entryway, the stirring device hitting the toe of his boot.

"What's going on?" He asked, eying us both.

Charlie looked at me, as I dropped my hand from my neck to point at Emmett. The small move caught his attention. "Bella, what is that on your neck?"

Emmett fell silent; fighting to keep those fucking sniggers to himself.

I weakly responded, "A hickey."

Charlie's comfort level was low, as he tucked his thumbs in his belt loops. His face reddened at what I just disclosed. "Who gave that to you?"

"Edward."

I heard his tongue click. "Is he your boyfriend?"

I cleared my throat, picking at my fingernails. "Yeah."

"Oh." His eyebrows rose to the ceiling in curiosity. "Were you ever planning on me meeting him?"

"Dad, you've met him before."

"That was before he was leaving marks on my daughter's neck." A snort escaped Emmett, much to the dismay of Charlie. He should've just signed his death warrant right then and there. "And you? What kind of boyfriend are you not bringing your girlfriend home to dinner?" Emmett was effectively silenced.

Charlie watched us as Emmett continued his chopping and I cleaned the fallen utensil.

"I'd like you to invite them over." Charlie announced to our backs.

Emmett scratched at his head, looking every bit as nervous under the spotlight as I was. "Sure when? Rosie's free on Tuesday."

Charlie, clearly loving the fact that he had us squirming, wanted to have us under the hot lights even longer. "See if they're available tonight."

"Tonight? Both of them?" Emmett asked trepidaciously.

"Yeah. You've both put it off long enough." Charlie smiled wide.

Emmett and I looked at each other, thinking the same thing.

_This is not going to be good._

And what were the chances that both of them were available the same night? Well, they were pretty fucking good as we found out. Rosalie had come back from a hiking trip with her father and Jasper earlier in the day, as they couldn't camp out the night before because Jasper was helping Alice paint her room.

And I knew Edward was free. I had left his house not too long ago and there wasn't ample enough time to go anywhere that evening for him.

I wasn't so much concerned about Rosalie being around Edward, but the other way around.

I knew Edward wasn't the biggest fan of Rosalie, or Emmett for that matter.

Edward arrived first and told him the full game plan. "Charlie just wants to meet you. You don't have to talk to Rosalie or Emmett if you don't want to. Just, oh my God." My hands wrung through my hair, nervous like an actor performing in front of a crowd on opening night.

"Hey, relax. Your Dad liked me before right?"

"Yeah, but…he saw the hickey and I think that negated any semblance of kindness he had toward you." I rolled my eyes at the absurdity.

"So that's how he found out?" He leaned against the kitchen counter, as I strained some pasta in a colander over the sink.

"Mmhmm. So no more hickeys on my neck." I pointedly told him.

His hot breath hit my cheek, as he wrapped an arm around my waist. "Alright, not on your neck. But…" Edward brushed my hair to the side. "…you never said other places were off limits." The lightest of kisses were placed on my shoulder.

I shivered in response, as he did it once more.

The loud clearing of a male throat put space between Edward and me. I dumped the pasta into a bowl, as Edward turned around to address who had entered.

"Hello, Chief Swan." His voice cracked a little on Charlie's last name.

"Edward." _Yep, he's in full on cop mode._

_Poor Edward. Maybe I should ease him into how to handle Chief Charlie._

Placing my hand on his arm, I squeezed gently. "Edward, can you help me set the table?"

He looked at me like one of those Titanic survivors who found a life boat. "Sure, Bella. It would be my pleasure." _Please don't make me laugh at your over politeness, Edward._

With that, Edward found the plates and set five of each utensil and glasses.

"So, Edward?" My father began, watching him from the kitchen entryway. "How long you been seeing my little girl?"

"A month and a half, Sir."

"Huh…" Charlie circled the table, eying Edward as he rearranged the spoons and forks to go in the right places. "Listen to me, son. I won't lecture you. I know you're a good kid. If there is anyone who would know, it's me. But, that doesn't mean you don't have the power to pull something over on my Bella."

"I would never---"

"Saying and doing are two different things, Edward. I'm just fair warning you."

"Chief Swan, if I may say something?" Edward fixed the last fork on the table, as I opened up the oven to pull out the cooked fish. "Your daughter means the world to me. And the world needs constant protection, praise and love. And that's what I plan to give her always."

My oven mitt covered hands almost dropped the pan holding the fish. After placing it on the counter, I walked over to Edward hugging him with the big, fat mitts still on. I was so damn happy. His lips met the top of my head briefly, before I turned to look at Charlie.

Charlie acknowledged Edward's declaration with an "Alright, son.", before he left to attend to something in the house.

A few minutes later, Rosalie arrived and the mood decisively became a little foggier. Charlie went to meet Rosalie when she came in the door.

"Rosalie, this is my father Charlie Swan." I heard Emmett introduce her to him.

"Hello. It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Swan." Rosalie went with the formal.

"Please, call me Charlie." _What? No twenty questions with Rosalie, Charlie?_

They briefly exchanged small talk with each other as Edward and I finished putting out the food on the table.

Rosalie, Emmett and Charlie entered the kitchen. Rosalie gave Edward and me a brief smile. Edward put on a brave face and just nodded in her general direction.

I was thankful that the main purpose tonight was eating, which meant busy mouths and hands.

Soon, all five of us were in companionable silence with our meal.

Rosalie took a bite of the fish. "Mmm…" She said. "This is very good. My compliments to the chef."

I saluted her with the fork in my hand. "Thanks."

"Hey Dad?" Emmett started, finishing up the last bit of fish in his mouth. "Rosie's dad hunts and fishes."

"Hmm…" Charlie slowly chewed on the fish in his mouth.

Rosalie smiled and nodded in Charlie's direction. "He…um…he's a two time fishing champion. I think he holds a record of some sort."

The rest of the meal was filled with occasional tidbits about Emmett and my respective partners. Emmett talked about Rosalie and her outdoor activities, her aspirations to become a guidance counselor, and about her family in general. I mentioned Edward and his photography skills, him being a straight-A student, and his own goals to be a freelance photographer after high school.

"What about your family, Edward?" Charlie questioned, cutting off a piece of fish. "Your mother and father seem like good folks. They help us out quite a bit with the department. There were a couple close calls a few years back with the budget, and they saved us."

"Yeah." Edward cleared his throat as he played around with some vegetables on his plate. "That's what they do."

Charlie gave me a look, as if to ask me if Edward was going to respond more. I made an exaggerated 'I don't know' face.

Dinner ended without any huge events and I thought that we'd all survived this night. Everyone helped clear their plates from the table to place in the sink. Emmett and Charlie went outside to Emmett's Jeep; Charlie had some trouble starting the cruiser before, so Emmett had to give him a jump.

Before I started on the dishes, I found the cleaner to scrub the oven.

I wasn't sure when Rosalie and Edward had gone outside, but I could hear their voices as clear as day on the patio outside.

"Listen, Rosalie. I wanted to let you know that I care about Bella very much, and I want to say my peace. I don't know if she should trust you with this whole spying. I know she is desperate to be rid of your posse in her life, and seeing as you ---"

"Edward, just stop right there." Rosalie sounded ticked off. "If you knew half of who I was, you'd know why I'm doing this. This whole thing…I'm doing it not just for Bella, but myself. Do you really think me insensitive enough to stick with a group that hates on my boyfriend's sister?"

"I don't get how staying with them does anything helpful for Bella."

"What is there not to get? If I find out a prank they're going to pull, I can stop it in its tracks easily before it starts. Or deflect it somewhere else. I'm helping by spying."

"No, you're hurting by staying."

I was surprised they were having a semi-controlled discussion, but I didn't want it to escalate. God knows what Emmett would do if Edward got in Rosalie's face more.

_Geez, I think it and it happens._ I heard Emmett approach them from somewhere outside.

"Hey." He greeted them. "What's going on out here?"

"Just enjoying the nice air out here." Rosalie smiled, giving nothing away. "It's nice to have Forks weather back to normal."

"Rosalie, just think about it."

"Think about what?" Emmett asked.

"Leaving the group."

Rosalie sounded frustrated. "You say it like it's the easiest thing in the world."

"It is. Believe me." Edward stated matter of factly.

Emmett's gloves were ready to come off. "Hey man, listen---"

"No, listen. Bella may have forgiven you, but in my eyes you haven't done anything worthy of forgiveness."

I stopped sweeping the kitchen floor and opened the back door to join them outside. They all jostled at the sudden swinging of the door.

"Everything okay out here?" I tucked my hands in my pockets.

All three sets of lips stayed locked.

"Come on, you guys. You aren't the types to sit and star gaze."

Emmett began. "Edward, you can be mad at me all you want. You have a right to be. If I think someone had done a shitty thing to Rose, you can bet I'd get mad. But, I'm not one to hold grudges. Grudges only worsen with time."

"I'm not arguing against that." Edward said.

"But, coming over and telling my girl what to do? That equals a shitty thing to me. You're very lucky you're my sister's boyfriend." Emmett paused. "And you're even luckier you have a pyro for a girlfriend because I know she'd get back at me somehow." Emmett smiled and gestured to me, clearly looking to lighten the mood a little bit.

"I honestly didn't want to share every single detail of what is going on right now, but Rosie is doing her best to leave." Emmett pulled Rosalie closer to him, as she stared at the patio beneath her feet. "But, old habits die hard, I guess."

_They do._ I recalled. And they don't completely dissipate.

"So, just give it time alright?" Emmett asked of Edward. "It's not easy."

I could see Edward's jaw set, biting his tongue from saying much further.

Rosalie spoke barely above a whisper. "Edward, _you_ know how it is with them."

"We all do." Edward gave Rosalie a stern look, a no nonsense glare.

The four of us jumped at the sound of the back door opening again. This time, Charlie stepped through.

"Alright, all of you have been back here the better part of twenty minutes. What's going on?" Charlie leaned against the back door entryway, his face looking more wrinkled from the patio light that shined from above us.

I quickly replied. "Star gazing."

"I'm showing them the Big Dipper." Rosalie chimed in. "Good thing to know in case you're lost in the woods."

Charlie glanced at all four of us, one by one before stating "Well, it's almost eight thirty and it's a school night, so…"

_Oh Charlie, kids don't go to bed early anymore._

"It's okay, Charlie. I have to be home by nine anyway." Rosalie dismissed with her hand.

Emmett said goodbye to Rosalie at her car, planting an innocent peck on the lips.

For Edward however, Charlie stood near the small foyer watching the two of us say our good nights. "Dad, is that necessary?" I rolled my eyes.

"My house." Charlie simply stated.

Edward looked over his shoulder and Charlie definitely gave him a death glare. In other words, 'don't try any funny business with my daughter'.

"Good night, Bella." Edward kissed me on the cheek, before hugging me close. "I'll pick you up in the morning." He whispered in my ear. His teeth lightly grazed my earlobe.

_Sneaky._ I held in my squeal as Charlie's gaze still held steady on the two of us.

Edward released me and walked out the door. With my back to the door, I closed it gently.

"So…" I pushed myself off the door. "What do you think?" I asked Charlie, still eying me.

"You could do much worse." He continued, as we walked back into the kitchen to finish tackling the drying portion of the dishes. "Your brother on the other hand? Rosalie is fine, but the jury is still out on him."

"When isn't it?"

Charlie and I chuckled as we said our good night.

As I lay in bed, a small part of Rosalie and Edward's conversation plagued me; Rosalie's quiet emphasis on the word 'you'. Of course, Edward would know what it was like with the BB. We all would.

But, that three letter word ran through my mind as my eyes drifted closed.

* * *

A/N: Some great news on updates: The next couple chapters are done. So look for updates to be faster in the next couple of weeks. It's just how my brain worked with these particular chapters. As my beta said, it's like I was working on the "LOTR trilogy".

Reviews are always absolute love, whether they are happy ones or concrit.


	29. Skin

A/N: Thank you lovelies for reading and reviewing!

I'm constantly blown away by my reviewers. All of you have such wonderful things to say about this story and it really warms my heart. Really truly.

Thanks to Kat for helping me confirm one thing that I wasn't sure about.

Thanks to my beta Bublichka, who is plain awesome!

* * *

We had fallen into a comfortable position for making out. His hand ran up and down my sides, resting every now and then on the exposed skin at my hip from my pajama pants that had started to fall down. My hands glided along his back, digging into the soft fabric of his shirt. I craved for more of his body, as my fingers toyed with the idea of removing his t-shirt.

I had grown more and more desperate with our kisses and closeness over the past week. I ached so bad and needed a cure. Anytime I saw him, my body went into a lustful attack mode; the only way to switch it off was to press him to the nearest hard surface and go to town on his face…and neck and chest…

Edward was not that far behind either on the Desperation Express. Once he discovered how to unbutton a shirt blind, he used it almost every chance he had. If I couldn't feel the need in the way he worked buttons and zippers, I definitely felt it below his belt. It was a permanent fixture against my thigh or stomach.

We were just letting his situation be as it may. The perpetual state of arousal we were both in was just going to have to be for now. There was nothing wrong with spending almost every afternoon lying on our beds pressing ourselves against one another, right?

The tips of our tongues, acquaintances for a while now, met again in a delicious reprieve. My fingers now weaved into his hair, tugging roughly as I received the desired effect. Edward groaned against my lips, his hand palming my hip. His own hips rubbed against me, as I hummed in approval.

My hands wouldn't keep still, and I really, really wanted to grab him all over. It hurt so much, but it was a good hurt. Certain areas were off limits, but I wondered what he thought about others.

Slowly, I trailed my hands from his scalp, passed his shoulders and back. The little dip of his waist distracted me, but I kept going until they rested on his butt. Giving it a little squeeze, I heard Edward's short chuckle against my lips. His laugh was definitely not of embarrassment, but amusement at his really horny girlfriend.

I knew if I expressed my horniness in words to him, I would burst out laughing and feel self-conscious. So, I showed him because showing is always better than telling, right?

_Bella Swan also equals chicken shit._

I did it again, but firmer this time. Digging my nails into his boxer shorts, I stopped myself short of dipping below his waistband and fisting his flesh completely.

Edward shifted himself to lean on his elbow next to me. I was afraid I had offended him by shamelessly grabbing his tush. For a few seconds his hand hesitated at my hip, as it moved just above the top of my pants.

Finally, Edward's hand took a sudden detour below my waistband.

In a sharp intake of breath, I pulled away from his mouth.

_Insert Bella's incoherent thoughts here._

His hand sat just below the start of my underwear, his fingertips resting above where no one, and I mean _no one_, has ever been before.

"Wha…" _Oh God, his hand…there. _

His dark eyes said it all, but he vocalized it. "I want to help you."

I swallowed hard, staring down his hidden hand beneath my pants. Looking back up at his hooded lids, I told him. "But, I haven't helped you."

He wasn't going to be taken care of and it didn't feel right for him to do this for me. It wouldn't balance out and feel selfish on my part.

"You have. And I can see you struggling." He lightly chuckled; clearly this wouldn't be a big deal to him if I got mine.

_Still isn't this a little…_"Wouldn't it be…gross?" I'd never attempted that myself and someone other than myself down there made me feel self-conscious. I mean, someone else's fingers and palm…down there! I hadn't made the dreaded trip to the gynecologist yet and there haven't been any problems with my reproductive or sexual organs in my life.

"I highly, highly doubt it." His face slowly dipped to my neck, his nose nuzzling the crook. "I want to try." He whispered, his lips making the faintest of contact against my skin. The tip of his tongue lightly caressed my neck, the tiniest of touches rendering me speechless.

Would this be my cure? I wasn't sure how any of it worked and _Oh God this is going to be awkward._

_Ugh but…I need relief. But, will this do it. Please. Bella, just nod your head and lets try it, huh? _I nodded against his head, giving him permission to continue.

Closing my eyes, his hand began exploring. I gasped when he made initial contact. I concentrated on what his fingers were doing; the skin I had long ignored was being touched for the first time.

I heard Edward's low and gritty grunt, as his breath fanned my face.

Our breathing see-sawed and picked up with each stroke he took. My eyes rolled around in my head as he found a really sensitive spot, pressing it and forcing me to catch my breath. Edward seemed to get the hang of it, realizing that spot was the best fucking place to touch me.

His own breathing picked up against my damp neck. "Bella?" my name from his lips sounded as helpless as the noises leaving my mouth.

Pushing myself into his hand, I sought out friction I didn't know I needed. My feet dug into the comforter like a climber up a mountain, looking to reach the top as soon as they could.

"Relax, Bella." He preached to me as his hand stilled.

How could he tell me to relax when being touched like that was forcing things from me I'd never felt? _Oh God, keep going. Don't stop, Edward._

"I don't intend to stop." He chuckled.

My brain filter apparently disappears with one touch of my lady parts.

And one touch of them makes Edward into an eager beaver. His movements were slow at first, until he found a rhythm that worked rather well for him now.

"Mmmm…" I hummed.

Anticipation swallowed me as his finger finally found the one place I was aching the most. I practically gnawed my bottom lip off when he discovered it.

His hand and digits kept busy, as mine searched for something to grab onto. I was getting mine, but I yearned to reach into his pants and get him his, but I knew that wasn't plausible for us right now. Instead, I pulled on his hair, fisted his shirt, anything in that moment to ground me as I floated.

His head dipped to my shoulder, leaving butterfly kisses that grew more frantic and sloppy as they found residence against my neck. His tongue darted out to lick at my flushed skin.

Every part of me was on fire. The blazing heat ebbed and flowed throughout, tickling my toes and traveling to the top of my head. I struggled to breathe normally through the flames and found myself not caring if I ever made it to the other side.

My hands found the back of his head as they grasped onto his locks like a life line. A foreign feeling was rippling through me, sending me head over heels and over again.

"Oh my God. Oh My God..." The chant left my lips, each time more hopelessly horny than the next.

I rocked against his palm shamelessly and with abandon. Nothing had ever coursed throughout my body this way before and all too soon, a strange pulling and tightness hit my stomach; I was like a rubber band stretched to its limit.

I knew I would be ashes in his arms soon.

Edward lifted his head from my neck. "Bella? Open your eyes." Edward was calling me down from somewhere.

Meeting his lust filled glazed eyes would be my undoing, but I opened them anyway.

Slowly, they opened. His eyes were determined and dark; the deep groove between his brows covered by wayward strands of hair. Following from his shoulder to his taught arms to his hand, only visible because of the outline of my pants, I knew I was done.

My moans turned into pants, as I twisted the collar of his shirt in my hand. My heart thundered in my chest, ready to sprout out of my body.

My back left the bed as my head threw itself into the pillow. One final resounding moan bounced off the walls before I settled back down to Earth. The quake that had hit me tremored a few more times before it was calm again.

I felt heavy and weightless all at once, as my half shut lids looked over at Edward. His face lit up with his happy jade eyes and lopsided grin. He wiped his hand against his boxers before pressing it against my cheek. His palm was hot, but my cheeks were blazing; his fingers wiped the light sheen of sweat off my forehead.

I swallowed hard, taking in whatever air was available. My lungs burned with the never ending wave of emotions hitting me. For so damn long, I had resigned to much less than this. Never had I imagined I would be here, having someone look at me with such…love. _Is this love? If this is it, I'll take it._ I tingled all over realizing that this might be it.

His cheeks were slightly pink and I took notice that there was a stain in the front of his boxers. But, he didn't look upset or angry over it. In fact, I don't think he knew he had done it.

"That was easily the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. I wish I had a picture of it." Edward kissed me soundly, his lips showing me how beautiful that moment was for him.

There was nothing more personal I had even known.

He released my lips, but our faces remained close, our noses Eskimo kissing.

Weakly, I stretched my palm to his cheek, the pink flush going straight to my heart. "I love you," fell naturally from somewhere inside me. Our mouths met once more in a reverent kiss.

It was easily one of the most wonderful moments in my life.

**=X=X=X=X=X=X=**

"Jazzy, can you show me again?" Alice cradled the bowling ball in her hand, looking for the right way to send the ball straight into the pins.

The four of us decided to double date and spend a night at the bowling alley. The place was painted every color of the rainbow. It was also neon bowling night, so everything was cast in a bluish-purple hue.

The sounds of balls colliding with pins rang in our ears, as did the television at the small bar that was at full capacity. The smells of snacks permeated my nose, making me hungry for a hot dog. _The thing is probably hours old. Nevermind._

"Jazzy?" Edward questioned Jasper.

"Like Bella doesn't call you Eddie." Jasper stood up from his spot, waiting for confirmation that he wasn't the only male with a nickname.

"Nope." Edward took a sip of his soda before putting it down on the small table next to him.

Jasper silently asked me the same question with a quirk of his eyebrow.

I shook my head, giving Jasper the bad news.

"Jazzy!" Alice yelled out again.

Jasper obeyed this time and went to help out his struggling girlfriend.

"Eddie, Eddie, Eddie." I teasingly poked Edward's side, as he tried to grab onto my hands.

Edward's face took on an anger shade, as I ceased my nickname assault on him. I had remembered him being called Eddie from when we met Peter and Charlotte and thought it okay to make fun of him for it. Maybe I was wrong.

Edward's hands flew to my sides to tickle me. "Bells, Bells, Bells."

I snorted in uncontrollable laughter, as I flailed and failed to escape his grasp. Twisting and turning, my head fell back in his lap as his relentless offense never let up. Tears streamed down the sides of my face, as he looked down at me.

He was smug and…sexy. I giggled at the fact.

"What's so funny?" His hand caressed one of my thighs, as I contemplated telling him.

"Um…" I bit my bottom lip, staring up into his teasing eyes. My finger absently played with the hem of his shirt. Just underneath, I spotted bright yellow. Sitting there just above the waist of his jeans were his boxer shorts. I maneuvered them slightly to get a better look.

I couldn't control the roll of laughter that left me.

"Now what's so funny?" Edward slapped my thigh in exasperation, tired of being out of the loop.

"You…you…" I snorted. "…you have beach balls on your boxers." I sat up quickly before he can tickle me again.

Edward stared me down, as I brought my knees to my chest, looking to deflect his possible tickle fit.

He leaned in very, very close to my ear, the brush of his lips against the sensitive skin giving me chills. "Love the polka dots on yours." Draping his arm over my shoulders, he nibbled on my earlobe. My teeth grazed my bottom lip, keeping the moan that was lodged in my throat at bay.

I met his eyes, which were now staring down my lips. My heart tugged to be closer to him, even though there was nowhere else to go. _Well, except between our lips…but I can change that very easily._ I leaned in ever so---

"Hey Bella, it's your turn." _Alice the moment killer_.

I shuffled over to lane, picking up my ball and glancing over at the triangular formation at the end. The tips of my bowling shoes touched the line where I would stand. Turning my head back over my shoulder, I saw Edward looking at my butt. _Eh, he has a right; I practically molested him before._ _His soft butt in my hands…the feel of it as I dug my nails into…concentrate Bella!_

Trying my damnedest to subside those thoughts for now, I prepared to send the ball down its merry way. Remembering my bowler etiquette, I glanced to my right to see if there was someone else in the lane next to me.

A very bored looking Victoria held her hot pink ball in her hands. She stepped forward and lazily tossed the ball down the lane, landing in the gutter almost immediately. She returned to the sitting area, where I caught sight of the rest of them.

The Bitch Brigade.

Mike was sitting in front of the scoring console, looking at the buttons. Tyler and another guy, I think his name was James, were sitting with Jessica. Lauren was standing behind the chairs, texting on her phone.

"Rose isn't coming tonight." I heard her announce to the group. "Oh well. I'm sick of her bellyaching lately."

"She's been super cunty lately anyway." Victoria ruthlessly sounded off.

_Don't let them ruin your night. _

I let out the air in my lungs, as I threw the ball toward the pins. It sailed to the right a little bit, but I managed to knock down six of them. But, I was left with the most dreaded position in bowling. The bunny ears; two pins on either side at the end of the lane.

I retrieved my ball that had popped back up from the machine in my lane. Stepping back to my previous position, I felt a set of hands cradle the ball with me.

"Here. Aim for the middle of those two." He scooted me forward, as I readied my swing.

As I was about to let the ball, Edward's hands landed on both my sides, tickling me. My ball went flying down the lane, haphazardly landing in the gutter.

_Son of bitch. You. Will. Pay._

I turned around and saw Edward stifling a laugh. Alice and Jasper were two hyenas, holding their stomachs.

"You are dead." I unabashedly smacked his chest.

Edward wrapped his arms around me. "I can't wait for the payback." I heard his laughter build in his chest, as I rested my cheek there.

Unfortunately, my eyes locked with some members of the Bitch Brigade. Some wore faces of disbelief, some with raised eyebrows. Lauren had narrowed her eyes, and I could see plans being formed.

Before I could address anything to Edward, he let me go to have his turn.

"Bella, what do you think of this scarf?" Alice motioned to the cloth tied around her head.

"It's nice. Very artsy." It was made of bright greens and pinks, mixed with thick lines of white and black.

"Good." She looked to Jasper, before turning back to me. "I've decided to go wigless, so I bought this." She motioned to the long end of the scarf that draped over her shoulder.

"Alice, that's fucking great." I hugged her, really glad she decided to ditch it and essentially saying to hell with what everyone else thought. Not that she was one to think that.

_Was I someone who really cared about what others thought? Why should I care what the Bitch Brigade does? If they prank me, they prank me. They can't do anything to harm me._

Pulling away from Alice's embrace, I looked over at the BB. You couldn't tell by looking at them, but they could be lethal. They sat there and acted like they owned the place.

I watched as Jessica attempted to throw the ball the right way. She made the mistake of traveling too far up and skidded along the extra smooth floorboard just over the foul line. Tyler busted up laughing, when Jessica fell on her ass.

"Shut up." Lauren shoved his shoulder.

I let loose my own laughter, which caught Lauren's eye. Quickly, I looked at Alice who was watching Jasper walk to take his turn.

Edward plopped down next to me, his head leaning against my shoulder as he played with my fingers.

We played two games and despite coming in third both times, I had fun. I didn't really want the day to end.

Standing at the shoe counter, I mentioned the possibility of a late evening snack. "Wanna go to the taco stand?" I asked my three cohorts behind and next to me. It wasn't lost on me that there was a time when asking that question was a hurdle. Now, I never gave it a second thought.

"Sounds like a plan." Jasper said, reaching down to tie his newly retrieved boots.

Edward grabbed my sneakers, kneeling on the floor to take off my bowling shoes.

"Okay…" I arched an eyebrow down at him.

He shrugged his shoulders. Edward was always so simple. I think the best explanations were almost none at all, when it came to him.

I lifted my foot to rest on his thigh as he removed the ugly monstrosities. It's not their fault they are meant for the pure function of not scoffing up wood.

At that moment, the Bitch Brigade and the boys in tow decided to waltz up to the counter to get their footwear. I felt my stomach turn, even though I didn't want to be intimidated anymore.

It was like they formed this weird triangle every time they walked somewhere; Lauren always leading the way with Jessica and Victoria to her left and right. Rosalie would be flanked on either side, but there was obviously some sort of tiff going on inside the Bitch Brigade that night; it had seemed more and more common lately. The boys just followed behind them; I think as long as they were promised some sort of action at the end of the day, they couldn't careless where they stood.

The rancid smell of cheap perfume clogged my nose, as Lauren stood mere inches from me. "Hey Bella." she greeted me. _I think some of the fumes got stuck in her nasal cavity._

I didn't say anything. Edward's hand held my calf, as I slipped my foot into my sneaker.

"Hi, Edward." The words purred from Lauren's mouth.

He was silent too.

"Tough crowd tonight. It's rude not to say 'hi'."

_I'll give her a 'hi'._ "How about this? Fuck off." I flipped her 'the bird', causing almost everyone, the boys on the BB side included to snicker or laugh.

She feigned a shocked expression. "Such a dirty mouth. Do you suck Edward's dick with that mouth?"

My breath might've caught, as I was shocked at the bluntness of her comment. I felt my three friends rally around me in that second. Alice came to stand by me, laying her hand on my shoulder to steady me. Edward's expression grew so dark with anger, I almost didn't recognize him. He stood up fast, ready to take names.

Jasper stepped in front of him, preventing him from going any further. "It's not worth it. They're just trying to get a rise out of you." He pressed a hand to his shoulder.

_I will not be hurt by them. I will not be hurt by them._

A few things happened at once. I watched Victoria lean into Lauren's ear to whisper. Lauren's mouth formed into a wide evil smile.

Alice encouraged all four of us to leave. "We'll go have nachos and feel bloated afterward. It'll be much better than dealing with those over bloated bitches."

And we started to leave. Until, Lauren's voice trilled out. "Edward? Why don't you hang out with us anymore?"

Edward's body went stiff against me.

_What? He what? When? He…I…_

Lauren continued, as I couldn't help but look between Edward and Lauren. "We used to have so much _fun_ with you around." Lauren winked at him, before she took off with the rest of the BB out the back entrance.

Every sound around me went silent.

I was speechless. Edward had never mentioned anything about spending time with that vile group. My mind churned and could only think about all the horrible things that went on in there.

Was he part of that?

Is he still?

Did he make fun of me or thought of any of the pranks?

I needed to know right then and there. No putting anything off. No waiting for that day where he would tell me.

"Bella, okay listen ---." Edward attempted to pull me close, but I didn't let him.

I held my hand up to indicate personal space. "Is it true?" It's a simple question with only two possible answers.

"Can we talk outside? Please?" Edward softly expressed.

I didn't really want to have a breakdown in a public place and in front of two other people as well.

I nodded, as Edward walked ahead of me. We walked through the clear doors that were propped open and the nights cool air hit me hard. The buzzing neon lights of Sunset Lanes would usually be a cheery sight for anyone entering the place, but the red glow was more of an omen to me.

"Is it true, Edward? Were you with them?" Wrapping my arms around myself, I fisted the sleeves of my jacket.

Edward met my eyes, probing them and begging for understanding. "Yes, but its complicated."

I scoffed. "Complicated."

"Yes, look--okay, I know it's hard to hear---"

"Hard to hear? Knowing my boyfriend ran around with those…those sluts, people who make fun of me and pull shit on me. It breaks my heart, Edward! It's not just hard to hear, it aches." My hand pounded against my chest.

"I know. You're disappointed in me."

I paced back and forth in front of him. "I'm frustrated. Not disappointed." _Let him have it, Bella. _"The fact I had to hear about this from the horse's mouth is what hurts the most. You don't tell me anything, Edward!"

I walked right up to him, his face downcast in shame at the wet pavement.

"If you had outright told me, I wouldn't be so outraged."

Edward closed his eyes and sighed. "I've been holding things back from you. It's my own fault. I'm used to keeping everything in."

"Why?"

Edward rubbed his hands over his face. "Because there are things I wasn't allowed to share with anyone."

"What? Secrets? Edward…" I was about to bring up a point that ultimately could keep us together or have us fall apart. "…if you say you know me like you do, than you would know what I would do with your secrets."

I watched him follow my eyes, taking a deep breath; I had never seen breathing look so painful. A million and one questions played over and over in his eyes, soaking in what I had said.

He licked his lips before speaking. "Tomorrow. I'll tell you tomorrow." He reached for my hand, giving it a firm squeeze.

I nodded, giving a solemn smile.

_Tomorrow. No bullshitting, Edward._

* * *

A/N: Getting closer...

Reviews are love as always.


	30. Water

A/N: Thank you lovelies for reading and reviewing!

There is a bit deviation in some of the style in this chapter. You'll see when you get there.

Thanks for my beta Bublichka, who constantly encourages me and gives great advice.

* * *

Edward's slick and sweaty hand held mine, guiding me through the thick brush of the Pacific Northwest. He was anxious, squeezing my hand every once in a while.

"Where are we going?" I trusted him, but we had to have been walking for at least twenty minutes.

"Soon. We'll be there soon." His other hand pushed aside a heavy branch in our path. I suspected he wanted the place to be a surprise.

Soon was a right estimate as we stopped about ten minutes late. There was a long, dense curtain of dangling leaves in front of us.

Last night, I was beside myself when my suspicions were confirmed. But, I had to know how far they went. Every single scenario of Edward in the Bitch Brigade played out in my mind. For some reason, it didn't matter; everything looked bad. What hurt is that I never thought Edward had a mean bone in his body. I never thought he had it in him to associate with any part of that group.

Edward let go of my hand, digging it into his pocket. He pulled out a piece of semi-glossy paper and handed it to me. It was slightly damp from sitting in his pocket the whole way. Unfolding the partially torn paper, I took in the image in front of me. A bed of grass sat on the bottom with the sun hitting the horizon on top. Different arrays of orange, red, yellow, pink and purple burst out of the sky. The right hand side had typed words cut off where it was ripped. I recognized the font type from one of my textbooks.

"That's from our Chemistry book."

He nodded. "That's on the other side of here," gesturing to the draping leaves.

I gaped at him. "Wow."

He briefly smiled.

"Well, why are we standing here? Let's go." I gently chided him.

We stepped beyond the natural curtain and I took in easily the most beautiful, magical place I'd ever seen. The grass was as green as emeralds. Lilies, daisies and lavender flowers covered the entire span of the perfectly circled area. The sun stood high in the sky as a light breeze blew a few stray hairs in my view.

"It's…a meadow." He whispered close to my ear, before stepping forward and relinquishing his backpack on the ground near the center of the meadow.

"I had no idea something like this existed." I was drawn to the openness and untainted beauty of it all.

"I didn't know myself until I went on a hike one day. I kept walking and walking until I stumbled upon it."

Edward was kneeling next to his backpack, unzipping it to pull out sunscreen, since we were of the pale variety. Tapping the side of my head, I praised him. "Smart."

We lathered up our faces, necks and arms, then Edward pulled out a blanket as he ushered me to sit.

"Is this a picnic?" I asked; it would be a rather perfect setting for one.

"Ugh…" He bit his lip, looking at his small backpack. "I'm afraid I'm not that romantic." He sounded apologetic.

"This is lovely all the same." I assured him as I settled back on the soft blue fleece blanket.

He laid down, leaning on his elbow beside me. The back of his hand stroked my cheek, as I took in the gentlest of touches. I heard him sigh as he rested back on the cover.

"I come here when I need peace and quiet." He spoke softly.

"How can you not find it here?"

For a while, we listened to the wind whip the trees. Staring at Edward's profile, he definitely looked at peace. His eyelids closed, his breathing evening out.

I scooted closer to him, nuzzling my face against his chest. Despite feeling hesitant about what I was about to learn, I felt a pull to comfort him. He was going to share something with me that I might not like and was likely nervous.

His arm wrapped around me, his fingers twirling the ends of my hair. I could've laid there for hours, forgetting that things existed beyond the round conclave of trees.

He took in a breath, the deep exhale hitting the top of my head. "In the eighth grade, I kept hearing rumors about Lauren and the rest of the Bitch Brigade. How they worked and the dichotomy of the group. What went on and how they pulled off pranks. They were planning this big one that everyone knows now as Coach Capp's Coming Out Party."

"Coach Capp was much closeted about her lifestyle. She had only trusted a few people with her secret, including myself. I had told her a few things that I never felt comfortable sharing with other people. Oddly enough, she helped me form my love of photography. She didn't help me discover it, but she did give me tips about things and even a few local contacts."

"Middle school was a very difficult time for me. I felt like I was being pushed and pulled into every different kind of group. And naturally, being a very impressionable teenage boy, I wanted to try it all out; see where my place was."

"I even joined the….Bitch Brigade and their whole crowd."

I felt him freeze under me. His hand stopped moving, his breathing stilled.

_Was he waiting for me to respond to that?_

"So you…hung out with Jessica, Mike…Lauren?"

I heard him gulp. "Yes. In middle school for a little less than a month."

"Oh."

"But that was it. I didn't want to partake in any of their teasing."

"So you never were part of the pranks in junior high on me?" My heart would insurmountably break into a million pieces if he had.

"No. I wasn't around when they thought of or pulled any of those on you."

"What did you do when you were there?"

"I observed. I wanted to find a place for myself. Eventually I decided that I didn't need one and stuck to who I wanted to be."

"That's good." I hugged him closer to me. "Cause I like you the way you are." If that was all there was to him hanging out with the BB, then I could accept that.

I felt another gust of air escape his lungs. _It's not over yet. _ "You know that Alice has alopecia. She found that out when we were in eighth grade and it devastated her. I remember sitting with her in the bathroom the first time she saw a clump of hair fall out. She held it in her hand, playing with the ends of it. She had never cared much about what anyone thought, but a teenage girl who was balding? It affected her. Naturally, her doctor would be concerned not only about her physically, but also what this would do to her mentally."

"Also, aware that we were twins…" He stumbled on that last word, as if saying it was the hardest thing to pronounce. "…he wanted to make sure I wasn't afflicted with the same disease."

"Carlisle turned the palest shade I'd ever seen him when the doctor mentioned testing be done. The doctor took my blood, sent it out and said results should come back in forty eight hours. Carlisle insisted that he do the test himself. My doctor was offended, as you would imagine, and curious as to why Carlisle was refusing I be tested."

He let out a deep breath. "Later that evening, I came home from school to Carlisle arguing with Aro, Caius and Marcus. They talked about the test. I honestly thought they were just worried about me and the possibility I might be bald, which I found vain and selfish."

"The next day, Carlisle and Esme called me into the dining room. They said they got the test results back."

"I said 'That was rather quick, doesn't it take forty eight hours?'"

"Carlisle said that he knew I didn't have the disease. He was one hundred percent sure."

He paused, I could feel him trembling. A sniffle from him caught my attention.

"He said…he said…" Another heavy sigh. "He said…that I was not Alice's twin brother, that's why I wouldn't have the disease."

"And I was hurt. 'Why would you raise me as a twin? What's wrong with just being your son?'"

"Carlisle said, 'No, you are not my son, You are not blood related.'"

I felt my jaw dropped, tears welling my eyes. Frozen in place, I waited to hear what happened next.

I could feel him fighting tears, his chest shaking with the effort. "I sat there, feeling everything crash on me. This lie hitting me, all the memories I had with this family, _not_ my family. In an instant, knowing that every moment I experienced with them…was not one meant for me. People that I thought were mine suddenly weren't. I analyzed every single difference right then and there, from freckles to eye color to habits that never were there."

"I couldn't speak. I couldn't find any coherent thoughts. All I could feel was anger. I pounded the shit out of the table in front of me." He fisted his free hand, the action triggering his memory. "So much so, I broke my hand. I barely felt the pain as I kept pounding away, blood dripped from my knuckles as my hand swelled up."

"When I calmed down enough, Carlisle pushed a book toward me."

I heard the frantic search for something in his backpack. Finally, he placed the book on his stomach. It was a brown leather journal I had only seen once before.

"He said, 'This is all we have on your other family. This was left to us to give to you some day, if we ever choose to reveal who you really were. But, this is all we have.'"

"I stared down the book for a couple minutes, before taking it with my good hand off the table and exiting the room."

With a shaky hand, I ran my hand along the smooth, brown cover.

"You can open it." He monotonously replied to me.

I sat up, removing it from his stomach. It felt like it weighed thousand tons, when it was no more than a few ounces.

Gently, I flipped it open. Inside, I learned what it was.

_Dear Baby,_

_Today, I found out I was havin' ya._

_Your father was not pleased. Asked me to abort 'the thing'. _

_We ran away to be together and start a family, and he wants to get rid of ya? Now where is the sense in that?_

_............_

_Dear Baby,_

_Found out your father just wanted to run away with me, sans kids. _

_I don't know what to do. I think he'll come around._

_..........._

_Dear Baby,_

_I'm fuckin' sick of ya already and ya probably no bigger than the size of a bean. _

_What gives? Stop making me vomit not just in the mornin', but in the evenin'. _

...........

_Dear Baby,_

_Found out your a boy today. Your father became slightly more interested at that fact. Let's see how long that lasts. _

_I think us runnin' away together had fucked us up. Oops, sorry for the cursin'. Eh, ya learn it eventually. Especially when I yell at your father to 'clean up the fuckin' dishes'. _

_............_

_Dear Baby,_

_I think your father is having an affair. He comes home reekin' of Chanel No. 5. The only way I know that is the little sample thingies in magazines. Otherwise, I can't even afford a small bottle._

_I'm so bored out of me skull being stuck at home. He's tryin' to earn money but nothing sucks worse than being a high school dropout livin' on ya own._

_Maybe havin' ya now wasn't the best thin'._

_............._

_Dear Baby,_

_Your grandfather died of a heart attack today. Just dropped dead like that. Your grandmother says it was my fault cause I moved away with your father. I don't think she really means that; she's just upset about your granddad's death. _

_I hope she is. I think I'll name ya after him. You dad sure as hell ain't givin' me any names yet._

_Yeah, I think I'll name ya Edward._

_............_

_Dear Baby,_

_Sorry I haven't written to ya in a couple months. I really should, its not like ya know whats goin' on out here. I did read somewhere that ya can hear music or people talkin' if we're close enough to your head._

_Your father wanted to sing some Nirvana or Pearl_ _Jam. I didn't want my baby listenin' to that shit. And yes, I cursed because that music isn't music. It's shit. _

_My baby only gets the best._

............

_Dear Baby,_

_Ya'll be here in a matter of weeks. Your father is definitely havin' sex with someone else._

_I caught him red handed two blocks away with the neighborhood dog walker. She walks more than dogs though, if you know what I mean. Okay, ya don't, but someday ya will. _

_Nobody can afford Chanel and walk dogs on this block. _

_............_

_Dear Baby,_

_Shit, why am I writin' to you? You're almost here. I am in so much fuckin' pain!_

............

_Dear Baby,_

_Your here. Ya are the spittin' image of your grandfather. Glad I went with the name Edward._

_Your father saw you earlier this mornin'. He said he wanted to go to the gift shop and get me somethin'._

_I haven't seen him since._

_............_

_Dear Baby,_

_I guess that gift shop is all the way in fuckin' Evanston or Oak Lawn. I tried callin' his job and they said he hadn't come in since the day I went in the hospital._

_I gave his mother a ring, but she hadn't heard from him either._

_............_

_Dear Baby,_

_Yep. He ran off with the dog walker. Hope they drown in a bath of Chanel._

_..........._

_Dear Baby,_

_Ya won't stop cryin'. I can't sleep at all! I've got the god damn landlord knockin' on my door for the rent. _

_I'm so alone here. Your all I have, but what am I goin' to do with ya?_

_..........._

_Dear Baby,_

_I've gone and done somethin' I never thought I would do. _

_Flippin' burgers at the burger joint! The only bright side is free food._ _And I'm doin' janitor work late night at the high school. Cleanin' up for kids my age. Never smoke in the bathroom. It stinks up the place._

_I have to make ends meet somehow._

..........

_Dear Baby,_

_I passed by the most beautiful thing today and I wanted to cry._

_On my way home from work, there is this picture perfect family. A gorgeous woman with the prettiest caramel colored hair and the most handsome man ever were playin' with their little baby girl in their livin' room. She had to be around your age. _

_Smiles all around. I can't remember the last time there were smiles in our house. _

...........

_Dear Baby,_

_Happy 1__st__ birthday! Found out today that ya like vegetables, even cauliflower. Personally, I can't stand 'em._

_Knowing ya like 'em though, that made me smile. My baby boy likes vegetables._

...........

_Dear Baby,_

_I've gotten into the habit of sittin' on the stoop across the street from that nice little family. They look so happy all the time. Most nights, I catch 'em havin' dinner. _

_I wish your father and I were able to work things out and have nice home cooked meals every night. Your grandmother says it's a pipe dream, always had been and always will be._

_........._

_Dear Baby,_

_I hate leavin' ya at night with our neighbors. Mrs. Faraday is old and smells like soup. At least she's had five kids before and knows what she's doin' with ya. _

..........

_Dear Baby,_

_I'm in trouble baby. I kinda owe some money out, but I think it'll work out fine._

_Movin' back home would help, but if ya were old enough to know me you'd know I'm as stubborn as a mule._

_..........._

_Dear Baby,_

_I'm livin' by the skin of my teeth. You shouldn't be either. I love ya so much, but I can't help ya anymore._

_............_

_Dear Baby_

_I decided to do somethin' that will change your life and mine. _

_That nice little family that lives in that brownstone? I noticed that the caramel haired lady had been pickin' up lots of them home pregnancy tests. I guess they're tryin' for another kid._

_And they look like such a lovin' family. The dad is always pickin' up his little girl and makin' her laugh. The mom reads to her even though she probably don't understand a word of it. And dinner time is always spent together. _

_I can't remember the last time I had dinner with ya. _

_I want ya to have dinner with a family._

_.........._

_Dear Baby,_

_This is the last time I'll be writin' in here._

_I can feel my hands shakin' and my heart breakin' a little bit, but in the end this is for ya._

_You deserve a family that'll be able to take care of ya. _

_You will be missed my little Edward._

_I wish to remain anonymous. No need in knowin' who I am. I may have brought you into the world, but that doesn't mean I have a right to keep ya._

_I am leavin' this journal with you as a small peek into who I am. Or was cause ya ain't readin' this 'til you're old enough to understand words and I might be a changed woman._

_Not sure if ya skipped to this page, but there is no personal information in this book whatsoever about me, just my first name. _

_I don't know what the future holds for me, but that's just the problem, baby. I don't know and that's not somethin' ya need._

_I hope to see your face again someday._

_Goodbye,_

_Elizabeth _

_...................._

My body was stiff as I read the final word in the book. Edward was motionless, as I felt the tears fall from my eyes. They were waterfalls; no dams or sturdy walls could hold them back.

I threw my body on his, hugging him with all my might. I couldn't stop the gut wrenching sobs that tore through me. They easily could've scared people if I were anywhere but the peaceful meadow.

Edward wrapped his arms around me, enveloping me in a close to painful grip. I heard his own sobs building in his chest, making my own tears fall harder now. _Just let it go, Edward._

I pulled him to sit up so I could embrace him more. Our chests hit each other with force that nearly knocked me back. My arms strangled him, the tears falling onto his neck and wetting the collar of his shirt.

Edward remained steady, the only sign of letting go in the form of his tense restraint around my waist; his hands kneading deep in my skin. I crawled into his lap, wrapping my legs around him and hoping to absorb the pain he held onto.

Slowly, we were being rocked back and forth. He was still quiet as I drained myself of tears. Was I even there? It didn't feel like I was outside. It didn't feel like I was inside. My vision was on Edward and the span of skin from his neck and collarbone; there was nowhere else. Did pain exist in a time and place? Was it everywhere and that's what made the outside and inside blend? The world around us only made itself known when a light breeze hit the small of my back.

"How…" I couldn't get my sentence out. Taking a deep breath, I tried again. "How could you keep that inside for so long?"

His breath hitched slightly, before I felt him lift his shoulders to shrug. _Don't shrug. That's not--no._

"There has to be a reason." I loosened my death hold on him, my face still buried in his collarbone. "That's too much to shoulder for one person."

The light feathery touch of his fingers along my skin seemed to calm the caged sobs in his chest. "Familial obligation. I wasn't allowed to say anything to anyone."

"But they're assholes Edward for doing this to you!" My fist contacted his chest, lightly pounding him and driving my point home. "Just get up and walk out."

"Where am I going to go, Bella? I'm not old enough to go anywhere by myself. I have considered emancipation, but where would I get money for that? How would I prove anything? They don't beat me up, yell at me or even punish me. They just have a lot of contempt for me."

I kept shaking my head, searching for a way for him to get the fuck out of this stupid, selfish family.

I still had so many questions. They were catalogued in my mind from before we trekked out here, but they disappeared as fast as they came.

"Why…pretend to be a twin though? Why not just be adopted?" Really, what was the point to having it that way?

"There was no birth certificate when…Elizabeth dropped me off. I looked about the same age as Alice and adopted won't do for the Cullen family." That last little bit dripped of bitter sarcasm.

Everything he was telling me up until now didn't have to be the way they were. There is a solution and he was dodging. I didn't know why, but he was. Maybe he was used to making excuses and holding things back. "Frankly, these sound like lots of excuses."

Edward grunted with frustration, his hand twirled a few strands of my hair. "The Cullen family knows how to talk and if I left, they'd bad mouth me. I wouldn't be able to work, live or go anywhere."

"I doubt that. Why would they need to take down a seventeen year old boy who isn't related to them?" _I'd like to take down a few of those people myself though._

"I'm bound to them."

I didn't understand the hold they had on him though. They didn't think of him as family and treated him as such. "Why would they need you to stay?"

"I'm a commodity. If there is one thing they hate, its losing. They want to hold onto me because of my abilities. My photography and piano playing are enough to keep me around. Plus no Cullen man, especially a twin, ever leaves the family."

"But you're not! You're not family, Edward." Somehow, even though it was the truth and Edward knew it, it hurt to say those words. I was offending him without my own volition.

"I know." My words were cutting him like a double edged sword. "Blood runs thicker than water, and I'm the water."

"Water runs deep though. And water goes anywhere it wants. Water goes everywhere. It has no restrictions."

"Bella, I know what you're trying to do and there is no way out."

"Then stay with me."

"That's a little unethical."

"Then I'll go somewhere with you."

"Bella, running away is never a good option and even more unethical."

"You'll be eighteen soon and you'll be on your own. And who gives a shit about unethical? I give a shit about you and I want to help you out!"

Edward forced me back to look at him dead in the eyes. "Bella, stop okay? I know you want to help. I know you're looking for an answer, but there isn't one. You don't think I tried coming up with everything?"

If he came up with everything, "Then maybe doing nothing is the best thing to do."

"What do you mean?"

"What if you just walked out and didn't look back? Made no threats, left everything behind and just walked out the door. They wouldn't be able to find you. A lot like how you came into their lives."

"That sounds overly simple."

"And here I thought you would've thought of something like that."

"What do you mean?"

"I always think of you as simple. For the past couple hours, I think that was the most I've ever heard you speak."

He chuckled, the first sign of happiness all day. "Well, I just might be wordier now that I've said what needs to be said."

As I played with the hairs on the nape of his neck, I confessed. "I rather like you quiet. But if you were more willing to share? I could definitely accept that."

Edward looked down at where we were joined, the top of his head in my full view. He tucked his head just under my chin, my hand weaving into his hair. His breathing slowly relaxed into a rhythm indicative of sleeping.

Silence overtook us again as air entered and left our lungs in lulling passes. I didn't know how comforting I was or if I should say anything. Maybe being quiet was the answer and he'll share when he wants to.

Learning all of that about Edward completely left me numb, tired, and aching to help him. I had never wanted to help someone so much, not even myself. My mother wasn't around and I would never get to know her, but at least I had mementos. There were people I could ask about her and even know what she liked to do.

Edward had nothing to go on and every single thing I complained about made me feel like my problem was much smaller than his.

Because I could do what I wanted and he couldn't.

"I don't have a birth date. I don't have a last name. I don't have a picture of her." _His mother. _With that, I felt tears hit my pant leg from the boy hugging me close.

With those heart wrenching words playing in my ears, I shed more tears for him.

* * *

A/N: Phew. What a weight off those shoulders, don't you think? There is more to come in the next chapter. These kids aren't done just yet.

As always, Let me know what you think about this chapter. I love hearing from you.


	31. Them

A/N: Thanks lovelies for reading and reviewing!

Massive amounts of love and thanks to my beta, Bublichka, who helped me work the kinks out of this chapter. Really truly.

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"Can you lift your arms comfortably?" Alice was referring to the dress I was trying on for later tonight, as she put some finishing touches on it.

I stretched my arms above my head, testing the staying power of the strapless dress. _Yes, Bella Swan is wearing a dress that shows off her neck and shoulders._

"As comfortable as I'll be, but it's not bad. You did good." I gave her a 'thumbs up', as I looked at her in the three way mirror in front of me.

She laughed. "Well, not to upset you but you aren't exactly blessed in the boob department. You are, however in possession of a gorgeous pair of legs; I mean, I'm jealous of anyone over five feet tall, but you are all legs."

I blushed at her compliments.

"And your neck? You suit your last name quite well. So, I went the strapless route."

I let Alice have her fun with the dress, as I really didn't want to argue with her. I was really nervous about tonight. It was Carlisle's birthday and since that day in the meadow, I knew I had to help Edward out when I finally came face to face with the senior members of his family. I didn't know what I could do, but there had to be a way.

Edward was completely broken in my arms that day and I wanted nothing more than to fix him. More than fix him though, I wanted him to be freed of his stupid family obligations. And they weren't even his in the first place.

I wanted to give every single member of the Cullen family a piece of my mind. Except Alice, of course. Edward told me that Alice knew because she was blood, but Jasper on the other hand did not.

The desire to rip a new one into everyone in this fake family burned like a forest fire inside of me. I hadn't felt the need to burn this hard in a while, it felt good. I didn't want to cause bodily harm, but to take away something of theirs that they loved the most. If they were even capable of that emotion, that is. I wanted to find out what made them tick and keep hitting it.

"…and the ruffles on the bottom draw the attention to them. Also, I went a tad lighter on the shade of blue; your ivory skin and dark blue would wash you out." I hadn't heard most of Alice's description of how she came to making my dress. "Oh, and check out the sides of the dress."

I ran my hands down my waist to my hips, where I found two slits.

"They're pockets, so you can store things in it. Your cell phone, lighter, whatever you want."

I smiled at her from where I stood on the elevated platform. "Thanks, Alice."

I spent the rest of the afternoon hanging out with Edward. The meadow definitely brought us closer together, like peas in a pod. Before that day, I felt everything was one sided and now, it felt like we're equal in our conversations. We were open books, willing to share dreams and aspirations, no matter how big or small. No matter how grandiose or seemingly childish.

"You know what I've always wanted to do? Go to the Burning Man Festival." I smiled into my sweet treat.

Sitting on Edward's sofabed, I dug into a pint of ice cream I had bought earlier in the day. _Yeah for employee discounts!_

Edward took a spoonful of his own pint. "Peter and Charlotte attend every year."

"Really? Have they told you what its like?" I eyed his flavor, mint chocolate chip, and scooped some for myself.

He smacked his lips, as his eyes searched the room for the answer. "They said it was very hot, very crazy, full of rebellious idiots, but it's a good time."

"I think all pyros are rebellious idiots." I laughed, savoring the taste of sugar in my mouth and on my lips.

Edward looked at me, silently searching for something. "Well, they may all be rebellious…" He leaned forward, his mouth millimeters from mine. His tongue darted out to my bottom lip to lick the remnants of the melted ice cream there. "…but not all are idiots." He kissed me softly, before returning to his spot.

I would've taken that kiss one step further, but Alice would do the female equivalent of castrating me if I messed up my hair. She put some product in it that made it stiff and bothersome, but even I would've admitted I looked at least one step above average.

The big to do crap party was to begin, but Edward had things to attend to before it and had to get ready early. Once he was in his dark suit and white dress shirt, he looked beyond words. I might've stared at him for longer than necessary, mouth gaping open.

Edward was having some trouble fixing his tie though. "Do you need any help?" I glanced at what he was doing; he wasn't pulling it through correctly and was in need of some assistance.

"Yeah, I think so." He gave me a sheepish smile, feeling embarrassed about having to ask for help on a simple task.

Either Charlie or Emmett would end up having trouble tying their ties while getting dressed for a big event or occasion. Their fingers would work the best they could, whether from nerves or forgetting how to do it, they'd mess up somehow.

I untied the silky fabric and performed similar motions that Edward had done, but got them right this time. Concentrating on my task, I loved how wonderful this felt. Just him and me doing a normal thing. _Girlfriends tie their boyfriend's ties, right? _It was all very domestic and perfect.

"You're great." Edward softly said, pulling my focus from the tie to his eyes. "And I love you."

I smiled up at him, patting down his tie. My arms fully encircled his waist under his jacket. "Back at you." Our lips met, taking in this peaceful moment of moments.

Alice and I got dressed a little while later. She looked absolutely beautiful in black, with a blue belt around the middle.

"What do you think of this?" Alice had tied a multi-hued black, blue and white scarf around her head, the tail of it draping over her shoulder.

"Alice, I love it. You'll look better than any of those bitches out there with real hair."

Alice smiled, playing with the end of her scarf. "Come on, let's go make an appearance." We exited hand in hand from her fashion room.

From the time I had gone to get dressed, the house had turned into a hustling and bustling place. People were gathered in small groups in the foyer, sipping on champagne and nibbling on hors d'oeuvres. The men wore dark suits with blue ties and white shirts or blue shirts with black ties, while the women wore blue dresses or black and white with blue somewhere on their outfits.

I had no clue who anyone was. I did see Tanya, the hyena cousin of Alice; I wondered if she knew about Edward and his history. I wondered how she felt, not because I wanted to connect with her on any level. The brief moment I met her way back last year didn't look to be a bitter one; she seemed to get along with Edward. There had to be some sort of hope in this situation with Edward and his family.

I took note of Jasper's absence. "Alice, where's Jasper?"

"He's actually on an overnight trip to Civil War camp. You know? He wanted to be one of those re-enactment guys. That was this weekend. This isn't his type of thing." She gestured to the hordes of people in their overly fancy outfits and raised pinkies as they held their glasses to their lips. "I'd rather he did what he loved than grumble at my side."

Ten minutes later, the party was moved to the big party room. I hate to say how familiar I was with this place. The high ceilings that were born to make you feel insignificant, the tall windows that showed off how gaudy and cheesy this fucking room was. The upturned noses that looked at you like they know what kind of person you are.

_I wish Edward was nearby. _Thankfully, I had tucked my lighter in one of the Alice designed pockets, but I thought about how much attention that would put on me if I were to click it on. Plus, it wouldn't calm me as much as a set of arms around me.

"Alice, what do you think you are doing?" I heard a harsh hushed voice not too far from where I was. Standing up straighter, I scanned the room on either side for the source.

"What's the matter? It's not offending anyone." Alice sounded defensive.

I finally located who Alice was with. It was Carlisle, looming over her. "We have the Hallbrooks and the DeSilvas here tonight, you can't wear this." Carlisle's hand pushed the scarf tail behind Alice's shoulder.

"Son of a fucking bitch." I couldn't help but say it out loud. I was fired up and ready to take names; the first one being Carlisle Cullen.

"But, I don't want to wear the wig. I'd rather go bald then wear that god awful thing."

"It makes us look weak, Alice. Don't make us look bad."

_You definitely don't need much to make yourself look bad, douchebag._ My feet moved quickly to where they were arguing. I may have bumped into some people because they were giving me dirty looks and looking at me like I had two heads, but let them stare.

Immediately, my attention went to a distraught and downtrodden Alice. "Alice, you look very pretty tonight. Don't listen to anyone." My hand went to her head, brushing down along the length of the scarf. "Especially those with their panties in a twist or sticks up their asses."

"Bella, this doesn't concern you."

"It certainly does. When you offend my friend, it most definitely does." I spit out at him.

"There is no need to make a scene or overdramatic declarations."

"I'm helping my friend out. Your _daughter_." He had me fuming, but I had to keep my cool. Even though I wanted to tear him a new one. No, not just that; I wanted to him to rot and for no one to give a shit. "When was the last time you did anything nice for your kids?"

"Bella, you need to watch your tone."

"No. I'm not someone you tell what to do. I'm not family, you have no right to tell me what to do." He better have fucking got that I wasn't just talking about myself.

Carlisle and I went into a stare down. Alice and Edward mattered so much to me, while Carlisle was concerned with his image. My ears were burning hot, my chest heaving because of this peon of a father.

Charlie may not have the charm or charisma of a Cullen, but he knew that defending his children was top priority. He lived for his kids and seeing someone shatter their dreams would break his heart and force him to show his hand. Carlisle looked to only have one hand when it came to his kids and he wiped his ass with it.

"This is not the time and place." His voice was low and oddly calm.

My words came out in a hiss through clenched teeth. "What about Edward, huh? You think he was able to decide the time and place?" I stepped closer to him, my hands curling into fists. "We're going to talk. Now."

Carlisle scanned the room quickly. I looked around me as well; a handful of people were whispering and taking notice of our argument. "Fine." Carlisle led the way out of the stuffy room and into the Cullen dining room.

I was instantly reminded of Edward and the moment that changed his life. Did the place look as it does now? I wondered if the dark cherry wood table in front of me was replaced, if it needed to be after Edward beat on it. I pictured the faces of Carlisle and Esme sitting across from him, watching as he took his endless frustration and revelation out on slabs of intricately constructed wood.

"I want to know why you feel the need to bring your…child down." I corrected myself midway through. "Alice is just trying to be herself and you squash it like it means nothing to her."

"Bella, the Cullens have a certain way of doing things. Not many people can understand what we do to remain how we are, what we've always been."

"So traditions are more important than how your children feel and what they want to do."

"Family _is_ tradition with us, Bella."

"Well, you have some fucked up ways of looking at it."

Carlisle shook his head, his mouth agape with surprise. His finger extended to wag in my face, but retreated quickly. "You…have no idea who or what I am."

"You don't deserve to tell it, but enlighten me! Because right now you're just an asshole."

"There was a time when I wanted to rebel against this family." His eyes didn't meet mine, but looked off at an invisible spot on the wall.

He sucked in a deep breath. "I moved to Chicago and I struggled working a full time job and rarely saw my wife. I asked myself 'why did I give up a life many people spend their whole lives to get?' But, I was stubborn and wanted to prove a point to my family."

"Once Esme was expecting Alice, I was terrified and elated all the same. I hadn't talked to my family in a good seven months and I was anxious as to whether I should let them know."

"When she was born, nothing compared to this little human being that was half me." Carlisle held his hands out, as if there was a baby in them. He paused, returning his hands to his pockets.

"I worked myself to the bone to provide for my girls but it was never enough. My experiment as an independent man was failing."

"One night, Esme bought a home pregnancy test. We both feared that we were expecting again so soon. When it came up negative, the sadness was still there but relief all the same."

"A few weeks later came the knock on the door that would change us. When I opened it, I was shocked to say the least at what was at my feet. A genuine stork had brought us a baby in a basket. There was no sign of anybody in the hall and what was I to do? I had to bring him inside the apartment. This person could've dropped him off at an adoption center, firehouse, police station or hospital. She choose our door and in my eyes, choosing us."

"I knew how our family felt on adoption though; if you're not a Cullen, you're nothing. So, we decided to pass off Edward and Alice as twins. What was I to do but call him my own?"

"The bottom line, Bella, is that I'm a coward and Edward is not. Edward is a man who is suffering and I am the contributing factor to that. My own fears ruined another person's life and how do you fix a man's life when you have no options?"

There was nothing for me to say. It was like the wool had been pulled up and over my eyes for the hundredth time in a couple of days. And all I could do was stand there and listen to him. Learning life stories definitely were becoming a thing that I wish never was. Why do they have to be so wrong and sad?

And why do other people have to be such big parts of how gloomy they were?

"And that justifies it? You had to return here so Edward can't leave? You are a coward for forcing your children to suffer the same fate."

Silence fell upon us as I contemplated lashing out at him, but what good would that fucking do. He'd be a punching bag, but I wouldn't be able to get through to him. "You can apologize all you want, but it falls on deaf ears."

Carlisle nodded, his hands laced together behind his back.

With my mind reeling and in need of some fresh air, I ambled out of the room. There was nothing else I wanted to say to him, his very presence made me feel ill.

On my way back to the party room, I saw Alice sitting on the stairwell. She sat with her head down, playing with the end of her scarf, twirling it around her finger.

She must've heard me approach. "He did promise me that I could wear the scarf, but I figured he'd change his mind." She lifted the scarf to her eyes, wiping away tears that were starting their descent.

"I don't understand, Alice. Why is this family completely fucked up?" I knelt in front of her, resting my hand on her knee.

"It's always been like this. Love, insecurity, vanity…every single thing comes together in this big melting pot. You mix it and this family…all they constantly care about is what other people think, and then no one…not a one is happy." She wiped her nose with the back of her hand. Venom seeped into her words as she said, "It's a constant pissing contest."

I had always thought that the Cullen family had everything. They could afford to spend money on cars, mansions, even give money away to the town's police. Bitterness about their seemingly perfect rich lives tainted every vision whenever I thought about them. Now, the bitterness was directed toward everything they didn't have or do.

"Alice, you don't have to listen to them. You are beautiful, with or without hair or scarf. I don't want to sound like I'm being rude, but I thought you would know that of all people."

"I know." Alice shook her head, chastising herself. "I'm all about image, but with other people. I'm a big hypocrite."

"No. No, you're not." Rubbing her knee, I watched as she wiped the mucus from her nose. I stood up to wrap my arms around Alice, letting her cry on my shoulder.

It felt like Alice was reliving her afternoon when she discovered here alopecia; insecure and saddened at such an important part of being a girl. To have it thrown in your face by your own family as well, the people that should support you in all your endeavors, must've broke her heart. Her family was basically telling her she wasn't beautiful the way she was.

"Thanks, Bella." Alice hugged me one last time, before looking into my eyes and petting my hair. "I'll be fine."

We sat on the stairs for a few more minutes as Alice let her tears subside before she wanted to retire for the night.

The pressure for the Cullen kids was weighing hard on me too. Why did people expect so much from others? And why did it matter who people were? People should just be themselves. I considered myself lucky that despite how dark and dank my anti-social pyro self was, I was allowed to be that. I was able to find out on my own that who I wasn't meant to be.

With Alice's drying tears on my shoulder, I made my way to Edward's photo room. That place really was where he lived; I never saw anything else of his. He explained to me that he had stopped going up to his bedroom since he found out that he wasn't a Cullen, that the room was a lie to him. The pictures in the hallway leading up to his photo room were more him than anything else in the house. They were his genuine creation; his thoughts and things that were untainted and like neutral ground for him to think freely.

As I reached the beginning of the hallway to his room, I sensed something was off. Rounding the corner, there were bits of glass that were scattered like pebbles across the carpet. Looking up at the walls that were usually adorned with framed photos, I noticed why the floor was littered. What once was where gorgeous pictures on the walls hung, were now bare and scratched up blank canvases. Leaning against the walls on the floor were the pictures in their cracked wooden frames and broken glass. Some of the pictures were bent and looked to have made contact with a sharp edge, the middle of the pictures split open.

The one photo that looked to have taken the biggest beating was the one of Carlisle and Esme, their black, white and grey shades shone ominously from the floor. Their stoic expressions weren't as effective now that their pristine image was blown.

Under my shoes, the clear fragments crackled and crunched into the carpet. There was no clear path to his room as I did my best to step around the shards and fragments.

I weaved my way, almost toward the end, when I heard voices. They were muffled by Edward's door.

"There is too much history between this family and you to let you leave." An unfamiliar voice spoke.

"Who's to stop me from exiting that door right now and never look back?" Edward was expressing my idea from the meadow. It put hope in my heart.

"Nothing, but know that you will have difficulty doing anything out there." A nasally second voice entered the picture.

"Do you expect us to let you run off with that hippy?" A third voice addressed with utter disdain.

I pressed my hand against the door, pretending it is Edward's chest. I silently give him courage, since my presence sounded like it would do more harm than good. But a hippy? Who uses that fucking term anymore? I'm not offended, but I'm not a hippy if they are using the general definition from the sixties. I'd say I was more of a renegade or rebel.

"She is not a hippy. Just because she doesn't care about any of this doesn't make her a _hippy_." Edward spat the last word out.

Finally, a third voice made itself known. "I would be careful where she has been."

There is scuffling of shoes and shuffling of clothing. It sounds like there is a fight or at least punches ready to be thrown.

"She has tainted you, Edward. What happened to the boy who was supposed to stick together with his family?"

Edward sounded like he was struggling against the weight of something, possibly someone holding him back. "You are not my family! I am not your family!" Edward's voice cracked on the word 'family'.

"We are the only ones you have. You can take us or leave us, but you will have nothing if you choose the latter. Do you think even a freewheeler wants a man with no family? A man without a family is as wanted as a sexual predator in a child friendly neighborhood." _What? Oh God, what a fucking load of bullshit. If all I have is Edward, that is plenty enough for me._

"I'd rather be alone forever than be around any of you." Edward sounded like he had taken a huge beating, whether from the possible physical or emotional scuffle I wasn't sure.

There was silence and I reached for the door knob, when one of the three males speaks. "Sadly, you are here with us. Not by our want but need." He takes a deep inhale. "Now, excuse us as we have a few things to attend to."

Quickly, I step back and away from the door. There is nowhere for me to go in the hallway, as it opens up. Three distinct men walk out, two dark haired and one white blonde. They smelled musty and looked like haughtiness. I attempted to set them on fire with my glare, but nothing materializes. They were made of flesh and not anything that would be inconsequential; I didn't plan on becoming an arsonist today. All I could do was send them wishes of harm and hostility. They never so much as glance my way, as they continued down the hall and away from both of us.

I stepped inside Edward's room and my heart broke at the sight in front of me. He was on his knees, photos scattered everywhere. Some of them were crumpled and ripped to shreds. I was only able to make out slivers of objects in them: an eye, licks of flames, a nose, nature and all its glories.

Edward's hands rested on his thighs, his head hung low. Doing my best to step around the photo junk yard, I knelt in front of him. I brought my hands to his cheeks, they are warm and fresh with tears. He refused to lift his head, as I did my best to wipe them away blindly. Hearing and feeling him cry had not gotten easier from when I first saw him this way. The passion and desire to send his family to the depths of burning hell still resided in my mind, but all I could do was pretend that could happen. However, I _could_ comfort and help him navigate through this and that is where I will put my passion and desire.

I managed to lift his head finally to examine his face. His eyes were downcast, ashamed that he was a boy that had cried. The space below his eyes was covered in bags, accentuated by the glistening fresh tears layering them.

My own heart broke, as I saw how red his eyes are, the green standing out like a sore thumb. They had never looked more beautiful and painful at the same time.

"Hey." I whispered to him. His eyes met mine, as I swallowed down tears. "You are wanted." I placed a gentle kiss to his slightly swollen lips, before wrapping my arms around his neck.

Slowly, his arms enclosed around me, pulling me against his body. He felt weak as he laid his head on my shoulder, his arms lazily draping around me. We kneeled on the floor for what felt like hours, before my legs fell asleep. I didn't want to let him go though, so I maneuvered my legs and together we fell back on the floor among the photos.

Edward nuzzled his face against my neck, finding his favorite niche there. His nose rubbed against the soft, sensitive skin, his breathing tickling that one spot. His hand held my hip, pulling me closer to his body.

And before I knew it, we both fell asleep among the mess.

**=X=X=X=X=X=X=**

Many hours later, my eyes fluttered open. I awoke not on the floor, but in Edward's bed. Somehow, I had ended up in the bed in my bra and underwear. Edward was laying next to me, sans pants and shirt.

His own eyes half closed looked at me, the redness from before almost gone, the whites and greens lit by a dull lamp light from somewhere in the room. But, his stare was different; like he had been searching for something and had finally found it.

I moved my hand to rest on the pillow behind me, but Edward took it for a detour closer to him. His hands cradled and caressed the skin from the back to the palm, up and down my fingers all the way to my wrist. Nothing was above the touch of a feather.

He brought my hand closer to his lips. My pinky was the first to make contact with them. They puckered slightly, the tip of my little finger resting against his bottom lip. A small, reverent kiss was placed upon it. His eyes closed, as my fingers lightly brushed against his nose, mouth. My ring finger had the same actions performed on it as well and down the line all the way to my thumb.

He was soaking in everything, quietly enjoying what it was. I waited patiently for him to share it with me, if he would at all.

He smiled into my palm, the first sign of definitive emotion since his exploration. "I feel so…relieved." He finally admitted. "Like when a person receives seemingly bad news. Your mind immediately goes into action mode and what you have to do to fix it. And sometimes, it's not as stressful as you think it is. The answer is simple as you said."

"The answer to what?" I ask, not sure what he is hinting at.

"I can change my name, get out of here and fuck all this. What do I care if I have a hard time finding a job or place to live? I was holding onto that little bit that told me it matters, but none of it does. All that matters is…this." He lifted my palm to his lips, placing a kiss in the center. "You."

My breath caught in my throat at such an admission, my heart thudded at how simple words sent emotions coursing through my veins. Happiness, joy, endless amounts of love; I didn't think I'd ever felt so many positive things at once.

I dropped my hand from his lips, replacing them with my own. The kiss was slow and tender, nothing rushed. I pressed my hand flat against his lower back, pushing myself closer to him. His hand rested in a similar spot, lightly running his fingers up and down my back.

His fingers found the clasp to my bra, gently unhooking each little metal clip. It limply fell on the bed between us, as Edward's lips descended on my collarbone to lazily work his way down to the swells of my breasts.

Lacing my fingers into his soft strands, I closed my eyes and sighed at his touch. His hands resting against my ribs, his thumb rubbing along my nipple before his mouth took over. I couldn't help emitting the low groan as I felt his tongue and lips, helpless whimpers and trembling sighs as his teeth grazed and tugged.

Edward came back to me, his lips now ascending to mine. We met in a kiss that sealed us; a sign that wherever one of us goes, the other will follow. Rolling us over I lay on top of him, our chests pressed close to one another. His hands went to my hair, pushing it away from my face. Mine went to his face, my thumbs rubbing small circles along his cheeks.

His hands moved to my waist and downward to my butt, which focused my attention on the arousal resting between us. I was achy all over from him, for him.

Edward held onto my butt, grinding me against him. I moved along him myself, realizing how much I needed to have this, do this.

We weren't so much as kissing anymore as breathing hard into each others mouth, hips and hands rocking one another. I managed to kiss him once, taking his bottom lip with me.

Edward rolled us over, taking my mouth into his. His body pressed fully against mine, his hips rubbing against our clothed bottom halves. His brow knit in concentration as he forced more moans and groans from me with every thrust. _The boy's working hard; maybe I should lend a helping hand._

Taking initiative, my hand followed a path down his chest and stomach to the arousal that was clearly getting more painfully. I wrapped my hands around him through his boxers as Edward stopped moving.

I was so afraid that he would tell me he had to stop, that this moment would turn sad and emotional as it had many times before. We waited a few seconds, but nothing happened. Was this a cruel delayed joke or was Edward functioning properly? Slowly, I took a long stroke, up and down. He looked at me as I gently continued, his eyes glazing further with lust. I don't think there was a bigger turn on than the boy you love looking at you with pure desire in his eyes.

Edward quickly pushed my panties aside, helping me out as well. Our hands and fingers struggled to move fast to keep the other satisfied. Lip biting whimpers and deep grunts bounced off our bodies, verbalization of our fight to get somewhere.

I was tired of the restriction of his boxers as I kicked them down his legs. Edward pushed them passed his feet, landing somewhere on the floor. He gave me a look that said 'two can play at that game' as he helped me shimmy my panties off.

And then we were both naked. Skin to skin.

I looked up and down Edward body, really seeing him for the first time. His stomach lightly moved with the breaths he took, the dimly lit room put him in silhouette. What I did see though was completely and utterly gorgeous. His skin was as soft as it looked, the hairs on his chest a little coarse under my fingers. I touched his rapidly beating heart, amazed at the pace and how close it felt.

Edward's heated gaze soaked me in, from my chest to the apex of my thighs where I was naked for the first time in front of someone else. I subconsciously moved to cross my legs but Edward had sat up and straddled them, making it impossible.

Barely above a husky whisper, he said "Beautiful."

I grabbed the back of his neck, our bodies pressing comfortable against each other. His body on top of mine felt so right and comforting; I could've stayed that way for hours and hours. Our mouths met again and again, the kisses growing needier with each pucker. The soft brushing and lip smacking filled the room along with the rustling of sheets.

Edward let my lips go, his breath fanning my face. With his forehead leaning on mine, he gazed at me. They held concern and love, amounts I hoped I would never get used to. There were lots of silent questions and wordless answers encapsulated in his eyes. My heart sped up as I saw what he was asking. I didn't hesitate answering him back because I agreed.

I nodded, causing our noses to rub together. I inhaled the moment, realizing how much I wanted this. The want to stay this way forever and to be attached like this washed over me.

And just like that, Edward reached across the bed to his night table. The drawer opening with a wooden creak, the foil pulled and tore between his teeth. Once Edward was situated, we returned to our previous position.

Hands roamed along bodies and mouths attacked each other. Edward's lips pressed to my neck, a moan escaping me amidst my weakness. I sought friction as I wriggled my body against his.

"Oh God." I pulled him to me, our tongues eager as all hell. Edward and I were slowly consumed with each other. Our desperate kissing stopped as we waited in anticipation for what was happening. Edward's movement was unhurried and I was grateful for it; the stinging and burning came inch by inch.

"Are you okay?" His voice was strained with effort, as his lips brushed my trembling ones.

"I'm fine. Just…give me a minute." My eyes were sealed shut as I concentrated, waiting on the pain to dull and subside.

"Hey." He called to me, a soft invite to open my eyes. "You're wanted too."

Our smiles matched as I caught on to what he meant. Unworthy was a word he never associated with me. For the longest time, I never thought I'd be here; in the arms of someone who loved me. Someone who thinks I don't have to make compromises or go along with the quid pro quo. Someone who likes me for me.

And then, we were moving. Every small sound was intensified. There was no room to be self-conscious about noises when you're this close to someone, but I didn't want to be aware of me anyway.

Edward's breathing was low and staggered in the beginning as he searched for a rhythm. His nose would brush along my cheek or nudge my own once he found something that worked. I started enjoying myself halfway through, when most of the foreign pain gave way to pleasure little by little. My hips, as if they were meant to do this, moved along with Edward. _Oh…feels so good._ I hummed, digging my nails into Edward's back. The feeling of slick sweat on him? _Oh God, yes oh yes!_

Then, I heard and saw the sexist thing from Edward ever. He was very quiet in the beginning, and then he had let out little whimpers and lip biting groans in the middle every now and then with the steady pace that we had going on. But, then he grunted and his eyes and mouth flew open, sounds and sparks of pleasure. He came and…I was happy for him. His lids closed lazily, his forehead laying against mine. His smile bright like he won some special prize. How could you not fall in love with the face of absolute happiness?

Edward collapsed on top of me, his arms resting to the sides. His nose pressed into my neck, inhaling deeply.

"Was it as good for you as it was for me?" I had always wanted to say that, even though it sounded more like a guy thing to say.

"Mmmm." Edward's throat rumbled. _I'd say he was quite satisfied._ "Was it good for you? Even though it hurt for a little bit?

I giggled. "I think I established it was good."

Edward moved to the side of me, alleviating the pressure of his heavy body. I kind of missed it.

A little while later Edward laid on his stomach and pulled me to him, his head resting on my chest. His hair flopped in front of his eyes, but I smoothed it back. I wondered if I looked as beautiful and innocent when I slept. I probably slept with my mouth hanging open, tongue sticking out like a dog. I'd have thought that was still cute if that's what Edward looked like.

As if on cue Edward's mouth opened a little, the tip of his tongue peeking out.

I softly chuckled and I was out not too long after, praying I didn't have slobbering dog sleeping face.

**=X=X=X=X=X=X=**

There weren't any windows in here, so I couldn't tell what time it was. I glanced over at his clock on the night stand; it was three forty seven in the morning. Edward wasn't lying next to me, but standing over the photos on the floor, naked. His head was downcast, staring at the pictures.

I was enjoying the view of Edward's derriere, but curiosity was getting the better of me. Wrapping the bed sheet around me, I padded across the cold floor to see what he was up to.

Edward jumped a little when I pressed my hand into his lower back. "Whoa there." I half-laughed, half-whispered. Small goose bumps appeared on his skin from my touch. I enjoyed how much it affected him.

"Is there anything you're afraid of?" Edward asked.

"Umm…losing the people I love?" It was an honest answer, a given one.

"Hmm."

I felt compelled to tell him something that I had simply brushed off in the past. No way would I or any pyro ever admit this. "For a while, I was afraid I might mess up and accidentally set fire to something that mattered." I gripped tightly to the sheet wrapped around me as if it would prevent the hurt from that thought.

For a while, there was silence. Edward scanned the photos on the floor, the whites of his eyes flickering in the muted glow from a lamp. "That's what's great about having a hobby like yours. Things are over in a flash and you can't take it back; there are no second chances. With photography, there are constant do-overs. People try to have the perfect set up, the perfect model, the perfect outfit, the perfect shot."

"It doesn't all have to be that way. And pyros do get a little anal retentive. Not everything burns easily and it pisses us off. And sometimes we do get picky about where we burn." I remember the first time I went to firehouse and initially disappointed at the set up I had for burning, but I learned that there were pros to setting fire to things under the watchful eye of the fire department.

Edward's smiled that lopsided grin. "It's just…" He contemplated his hands over his mouth, his eyebrows knitting in thought. "…it feels good to be able to realize that I'm not afraid anymore. I was glued to the ground by these people and now…now I want to fuck up. No, not that." He bit his bottom lip, searching for a better word. "I want to be scared. I want to do what I want, even if it means I have to survive by the skin of my teeth."

"I think with talent like yours that won't happen." It was the truth. Edward was immensely gifted and failure or struggle won't plague him.

Edward turned to me, wrapping his arms around my body. "Thank you, even if you are flattering me."

_Is he serious? _"Edward, I don't ever dish out compliments."

"Really? Then what were those noises before?" Edward dipped his head, his lips grazing along my jaw.

_That boy!_ "What noises?" I did my best to keep the moaning to a minimum. He wasn't going to win like that.

Edward grabbed me and threw me over his shoulder before plopping me flat on my back on the bed. His hands unfurled the sheet around me, his smoldering eyes never leaving mine.

"These noises." His mouth attacked my lips, down to my stomach, and past my hips until he finally won.

* * *

A/N: We are almost done! Two or three more chapters and an epilogue. The next update may take a lil bit longer (maybe a little over two weeks) because I do have some other obligations in the fic world, but rest assured, BtE will finish. Who knows where my inspiration will take me though?

I look forward to your reviews as always. They sincerely brighten my day and I smile at each and everyone of them.


	32. False Alarm

A/N: I miss writing about these two kids, but I've been busy the past month. I hope you're still interested in reading about Bella and everyone else?

Thank you for the kind reviews for the last chapter. That was my first sex scene I'd ever written, and I was grateful all of you didn't throw tomatoes at me

Massive love to Bublichka. She makes sure my writing isn't shit.

* * *

I couldn't be any happier. There was a smile on my face that rivaled the Jokers, but less menacing. I think there might've been a skip in my step when I came home the next morning.

Charlie and Emmett were sitting at the kitchen table, eating some cold cereal. Me? I wanted some hot breakfast. Pancakes. I wanted pancakes.

"Morning." I smiled at them. They slowly chewed their food, looking at me like I had sprouted a second head.

I was a happy little dwarf as I whistled while I worked. Blending the eggs and oil into the powdered mix, I relived moments from last night. Edward's body and mine together in the most personal and intimate of ways, his face when he reached that point when he couldn't hold on any longer, the noises…_oh the noises._ _And then later…his lips right there…_

"You're in a good mood, Bells." Charlie took a contemplative sip of his coffee.

I blinked rapidly, pulling myself out of my revere. "I guess." I shrugged, flipping a flapjack over. I hoped the reason why I was happy wasn't apparent; that would be very embarrassing. "Anyone want some?" I held the pan out to them.

"I have to get going." Charlie pushed out from his chair, the legs grating against the floor. "Duty calls."

I jutted my lip out in mock sadness. Turning to Emmett, I asked him the same question.

"Hell yeah." Emmett got up from his seat to plate his pancake.

At school the next day, I think I had enough happy energy to fuel a rocket ship to the moon.

I waited outside my truck for Edward to arrive. I wasn't sure if he was thinking about our first time as much as I did. My stomach twisted in knots as I was eager to see him. I hope I had enough restraint to prevent myself from jumping him at school. We were always careful around other people, but I felt like I couldn't hold myself back anymore.

My heart leapt when I saw Alice's Porsche skid into the parking lot like a bat out of hell. It was something I was used to, but still scary all the same.

Alice stepped out and unexpectedly, Edward climbed out of it too. It momentarily dazed me until I saw him smiling the biggest crooked grin ever from across the lot.

_Okay, don't be cheesy and run across the lot to meet him. No fucking cliché movie moments, Bella._ I did smile back at him though, my heart hammering in my ears. Edward walked up to me and saved me from looking like a lovesick buffoon.

"Hi." I smiled up at him, biting my lip at how close he was to me.

"Hey." He smiled down at me; that grin still on his face.

His stare was almost too much for me, making me think about everything all over again.

"Sorry, I have to kiss you." He pulled me to him and didn't wait for my answer.

His hand cupped my cheek, his lips working wonders on mine. I moaned as I needed to feel him against me more. I threaded my fingers through his hair as we began our tongue-of-absolutely-blissful-war.

Edward pressed me against my car, our mouths still connected. We were probably getting a little indecent, but I definitely didn't care as long as it was with him. I moaned when he sucked on my bottom lip, his groan making me feel tingly all over.

"Is that Charlie?" I heard someone say. Immediately, I stopped kissing Edward, glancing around for my father.

"Shut up, Jazz." I saw Alice lightly smack Jasper on his arm, giggling at us.

_Does Jasper want to be on my shit list? I think he does._

Edward tried in vain to fix his hair, but that flush on his face was there to stay for a little while. I kind of wanted to kiss it.

"So, are you two finally stepping out of the janitor's closet?" Alice was clearly curious about our random display of affection.

"Uh, yeah. I guess." I shrugged, snaking my arm around Edward's waist. He took it one step further and stuck his hand in my back jean pocket. I squealed when he squeezed my butt.

Edward leaned into my ear to whisper. "Yes, we can come out of the closet. Also, I don't think I can contain myself anymore. I may randomly attack you in the hallway, I apologize in advance."

I bit my lip, as he nibbled on my ear. I couldn't get over how happy I was as the four of us made our way to class. Edward's hand moved to my hip, a more school appropriate spot, as I snuggled close to him.

We walked up the steps and into the main entrance. Once inside, I became aware of many sets of eyes on Edward and his hand placement, and more specifically, on the sight of me next to him.

I caught some letterman jackets leering at me, like I was an easy piece of ass. Some stupid freshmen girls hoping to rise to the high ranks stopped and stared, mouths agape. I placed my hand on Edward's, which was still resting on my hip.

Some more mildly curious students shot looks our way, as I did my best to concentrate on not only enjoying Edward beside me, but the simple task of getting to class.

I waved goodbye to Jasper and Alice, as they split off down a different hallway.

We arrived at my first class; I didn't even realize Edward had walked me to it. "You okay?" Edward glanced down at me, concern written all over his face.

"I'm not used to all of this unwanted attention. Can't people fucking stare at something else?" I glanced over at none other than Mike, his typical jackhole self, trying to undress me with his eyes.

"Don't pay attention to them." Edward coaxed my chin up at him. "They don't matter, okay?" He brushed his lips lightly to mine. For a split second, I forgot I was the pyro freak at school, and purely a girl saying goodbye to her boyfriend before History. "I'll see you after class."

"No, don't be ridiculous. You are not walking me to all my classes." I was uncomfortable, but damsel in distress I wasn't.

"Can't I just want to be with my girlfriend? You're a big girl, you can handle yourself." He placed his hand against the wall behind me.

I pulled him by his belt buckle toward me. "I am. And what are you?" _Oh my God, I'm flirting? Don't laugh, don't laugh._

"Me? I'm a big boy; I can take care of myself." His lips were millimeters from mine, tempting me with their appeal.

"I hope not all the time." I grabbed him again, closing the gap between us and our lips.

Instantly, I felt better. If people could figure out a way to bottle up Edward's kisses, the world might have a cure for anxiety or any nervous reaction. They'd still be addictive though.

Our lips parted all too soon. "I'll see you in Chemistry?"

I nodded and watched as Edward walked backwards away from me before turning a corner.

The next few classes went by in a flash and I heard only a handful of whispers about 'Pyro freak and Cullen? Really?' or 'she's into _fire_, she's gotta be fucking good in bed.' I was one person and my voice alone couldn't dispel people's theories. It hurt to hear things about me that not only were untrue, but were private.

Once I saw Edward standing outside our Chemistry classroom, I practically ran into him.

"I'm so glad to see you." The words were muffled, my face pressing into his chest.

"I'm _always_ glad to see you." He one upped me.

I tilted my head up to look at him. "Um, hello, me too."

He chuckled before bringing his lips to mine in a series of short, playful kisses. Edward's attention went somewhere else though when he narrowed his eyes and glared at the Bitch Brigade.

Lauren, Jessica and Victoria stood at the end of the hall, scheming some sort of plan. Rosalie had mentioned they would be doing something on Monday and I was a little afraid what they had in store. I did notice that Rosalie was not with them. It looked like from the bowling alley talk that she was having a falling out, which made me happy for her.

"Don't worry. I'll make sure they won't get to you." Edward spoke to me, while still eying the three of them.

The last bell rang and Edward and I went to class. Jessica came in a few minutes later and sat in her usual spot behind us.

Mr. Banner told us about our final project, which was to write a joint paper or present a project with your partner in front of class from a topic we learned about during the school year. He passed around a paper throughout class for us to write what we wanted it to be. When I received the paper, I was surprised to see my name and Edward's already on there with 'chemicals and their reaction to fire.'

Edward whispered in my ear. "I just assumed you'd want to do something on that."

I thought about it for a second. He was correct to assume and it would make sense, but there were other things out there. I could show how atoms are the very base of who we are or do a project on the very opposite of fire, ice. Hell, learning is about expanding your horizons and I might as well do that while I can get it for free.

I put the pen to the paper and crossed out the original topic. Instead, I wrote 'undecided'.

I placed my hand on his thigh. "Thank you, but I want to do something different. I'm not offended you wrote that." I rubbed his thigh, to soften the blow. I didn't even realize I wanted to do something out of the ordinary.

Edward grabbed my hand and gave it a good squeeze. He continued to hold onto it throughout class; I was very glad that he was a lefty.

About ten minutes until the end of class, I had to use the bathroom. Walking down the hall to the facilities, I saw Lauren walking toward me. Taking a deep breath, I braced myself for what she would do. To my surprise though, she passed by me without saying a word. Was my world spinning on a different axis?

Upon entering the bathroom, the fire alarm went off. I couldn't remember a flyer handed out or a warning that a drill would be taken place; usually they would give a days notice that it was happening. Quickly I went out into the hall, where other students were making a rush to two exits on the sides and the one in the main entrance.

"Everyone, please proceed calmly to the nearest exit!" I heard one of the hall monitors yell out to the slightly panicked crowd. Students shoved and pushed each other until they reached the outside and disperse.

I made my way to one of the side exits. I kept walking along a path with a few other students down to the parking lot in front of the building, where the entire school population would be.

I looked around for Edward and found him grouped with some of the other Chemistry class students.

"Hey, what's going on?" I stepped on my tippy toes to kiss his cheek.

"I don't know. Mr. Banner said that he wasn't informed that there would be a drill, so this is the real deal. But, there doesn't look to be any smoke or fire." He shrugged his shoulders.

I wouldn't have minded a full day off school because of this. I imagined Edward and me spending the day getting lunch and eating it from the bed of my truck. We'd lie down and maybe kiss a little afterward. I closed my eyes and smirked at my little day dream.

Opening my eyes, I heard the tell-tale signs of the fire trucks as the two trucks pulled into the 'fire zone' area by the curb. Burt, Jacob and a few of the other firefighters hopped out of the truck, and ran into the school.

I noticed Edward had his photo bag hanging around his shoulder. I chuckled. "Don't they tell you to leave everything behind in a fire?"

"They do, but I couldn't leave this in there." Edward patted his bag, confusion highlighting his face. He placed the bag on the ground, unzipping it at lightening speed.

"What's the matter?" I glanced down, glancing in the bag along with him.

"My camera isn't here." He dug through the black nylon bag, pulling out lenses, cleaning rags; everything but the camera itself. "Shit. I was sure I had it with me this morning."

"Maybe it's in your car?" He didn't drive it this morning; I'd been meaning to ask him about that.

"No, I cleaned that out yesterday." He was lost in thought, stroking his chin. His face turned white as a ghost, realization hitting him. "Bella, we have to find that camera. There are things on there that are embarrassing."

"What, bad photos? Edward, you shouldn't worry about that." He was so insecure about his work sometimes.

"No, not that. Oh shit." He ran his hands through his hair, gripping it tightly.

"What is it then?" _What could possibly be so bad?_

"I…Bella, when you fell asleep after we…I took pictures of you. You weren't exactly fully dressed. I'm so sorry. I didn't get a chance to delete them." He kept shaking his head, tortured at what was on the camera.

"What do you mean by not fully dressed?" I felt my voice tightening.

"Topless." I bet if this weren't a big problem right now, he'd be blushing and smiling.

Not too far away from us, I heard a few people laughing. I turned in that direction, finding Edward's camera in the hands of the worst people possible.

"Damn, nice rack!" It was the distinctly slimey voice of Mike Newton.

"Lucky Cullen, that bastard. Give me an hour with her." Tyler and his lewd mouth spat out.

"What is wrong with her left boob? It's bigger than the other one." Victoria noticed something I never thought about. Were they really that uneven?

I wrapped my arms around my chest, wanting to curl into a ball and will this day to go away. I was so furious and angry and hurt; I was a huge conglomerate of every single insecure and negative adjective and noun one person can think of.

Before I could turn to address Edward, he was gone in a flash across the parking lot. His shoulders were ridged and taut, his hands in tight fists.

"Edward!" I ran to catch up to him, sensing something was about to go very wrong.

I witnessed Edward tackle Mike to the ground, their bodies making a loud thud. Edward wound his arm back and punched him square in the nose. Mike tried to shove Edward off of him, getting a punch or two in his stomach.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Emmett punch Tyler in the jaw, as he stumbled to the ground and smacked his head against the cement. Emmett didn't hesitate to grab Tyler's head and rub it against the rough black tar of the parking lot.

I saw Rosalie walk up to Lauren and slapped her across the face not once, but twice. Lauren punch Rosalie in the cheek, before Victoria ganged up on Rosalie from behind, pulling at her hair. Rosalie stomped on Lauren's foot, and proceeded to elbow Victoria in the ribs. Jessica on the other hand, looked to have some sort of internal struggle; she did her best to pull Lauren out of Rosalie's clutches.

A crowd had gathered as many of the people in my life, friends and foes alike, fought each other. It seemed like time had slowed down, every single moment punctuating itself in my mind. I felt helpless, like one of the spectators that were getting a free show.

I had to make it stop somehow.

Before I could come up with a game plan, Felix, Jacob, and two other firefighters came over to break up the fight. The men handled the guys and pulled the girls apart.

I looked around at those who threw punches or tore hair from scalps. Mike was coughing and struggling for air, Tyler had impressions of gravel on the right side of his face. Edward looked a little roughed up and red faced, but no visible marks of injury and the same for Emmett. Rosalie's hair was a complete bird's nest, while Lauren had a nice red hand mark on her cheek and Victoria's hair was crazy as well. Jessica was the only one unscathed.

Principal Greene broke through the crowd to reach the center of the mayhem. He was livid as a motherfucker. "Alright! All of you in my office now!" He looked to me. "You too, Bella."

_Me? What did I do? Fuck, can I be charged for those photos? And would Charlie have to come and arrest me?_ It would've been the most humiliating moment in my life.

The nine of us were escorted to the principal's office, glares and stares in place. It was easily the longest walk of my life, like we were all dead men walking to our sentencing.

It was a tight squeeze for all of us in the tiny waiting area outside the even smaller office. The smell of stale coffee and toner hit my nostrils, the sounds of phones rang as two secretaries sat at their desks continuing to work.

Principal Greene addressed all of us. "I want everyone quiet as I figure out what happened. Any other disturbances and its automatic suspension."

He talked with Sandy the hall monitor before moving on to talk to Burt and the rest of the firemen who had inspected the school. There was no fire, as it was suspected.

Around that time, Jasper and Alice met up with us.

"Oh my Bella, what is going on? I saw it all, but couldn't get to you guys in time." Alice stood in front of me, clasping onto Jasper's arm.

"I don't want to talk about it right now." I felt embarrassed and in need of a blanket to cover myself up, even though I was fully clothed. I felt like I needed a bath to wash away everything happening around me right now.

"I'm so sorry, Bella." Edward wrapped his arm around my shoulders, kissing my hair. "I wasn't thinking, I won't do it again. I was…and you--"

I turned to face him, placing a finger on his lips. "We'll discuss it later." I wasn't mad at him, but there were bigger fish to fry right now, specifically Lauren Mallory.

Alice and Jasper provided their own eye-witness account of what happened in the parking lot, before Mr. Greene moved on to the rest of us. He talked to all of the Bitch Brigade, the sorry excuse for males they hung out with, Emmett, Edward, Rosalie and me.

He handed out suspensions and detentions to everyone. He still hadn't decided what to do with Lauren, Edward and me.

Mr. Greene gestured me to enter his office as Burt and Jacob stood in the corner. I glanced over at them; Burt was looking at me with disappointment. _What does he have to be morose about? And what do he and Jacob have to do with my semi-nude photos?_

I sat down in one of only two chairs across from his desk. The principal never saw this kind of action on a daily basis. This must've been Christmas for him. Or Chernobyl if he hated his job. _Who am I kidding? This fucker hates his job; teens getting into trouble are nobody's cup of tea._

"Bella, I know you have had a hard time adjusting to certain aspects of being a student here." Greene took a seat in his chair, folding his hands on his desk. "The school is well aware of your hobby. I believe you have had several detention slips issued to you because of it?"

"Yes. Three in the past two years." I slumped back in my seat. _Is this going to be another fucking lecture? I'm really on edge about people having seen my chest right now and don't need you patronizing me about this. One thing at a time, fuckwit._

"We have tolerated this obsession of yours for a long time because you had shown no intention of causing harm. I could've kicked you out by now for the things you get away with. But, I'm afraid I can't justify you being a student here anymore."

_What?! Over some nude photos?_ "Mr. Greene, I had no idea those photos would be leaked. I'll do anything, don't kick--"

He held his hands, signaling me to stop. "I'm not talking about the photos at the moment, Bella. I'm talking about the fire alarm."

I didn't think my jaw could've been anymore unhinged. "Wait a minute. You think I pulled the fire alarm?"

"We have Sandy reporting that you were in the hall around the time the alarm went off."

"Excuse me, but that is circumstantial evidence. So is the fact that I like to set things on fire. Why would I pull a fire alarm? That's no fun for a pyro."

I heard a stifled chuckle come from Jacob. He covered it up unsuccessfully with a cough, as Burt gave him 'the eye'.

"Bella, I'm not playing around here. Pulling a fire alarm is a serious offense."

"This is bullshit!" I slammed my hand on his desk, jolting up from my seat. "I did not pull that damn alarm! Somebody must've set me up."

"Bella, relax." I hadn't heard the door open, but Charlie was now standing in the doorway, dressed in full cop regalia. _Great, my dad is not only going to take me away for lewd conduct, but false reporting of an emergency._

"Dad, I didn't do this. I don't have any evidence, but this wasn't me. I mean, isn't this illegal?" There was no proof and only one eye witness; a fucking hall monitor with a lame vest. I felt like Harrison Ford in 'The Fugitive', except without that crazy beard.

"We'll figure this out, Bella. Just have a seat, okay?" I did as he told me. Charlie definitely took the neutral road; being fatherly and doing his job. He turned to address Mr. Greene. "Now, I know Bella may seem like the ideal candidate to do this, but my little girl is not the type to do something as malicious as pull a fire alarm."

"Mr…Chief Swan, I understand your dilemma. However, I can't simply let this go unpunished. You daughter has been a threat for a while here with what she does in her spare time and I can't have anymore endangerment put on my other students." Yeah, he was looking out for the entire student body and all that bullshit. _Well what about the fact that I'm innocent?_

"Hey! Break it up!" I heard Felix's booming voice from outside the door as Charlie stepped out of the office in nanoseconds.

"How could you do that? You are unbelievable!" I heard Rosalie yelling at someone. "You set her up!"

"Go ahead and blame me, Lee-Lee. I'm not ashamed, but you should be. How could you keep that from your boy's sister?" Lauren always sounded like a bitchy, calm under the surface storm.

"You don't get to talk, Lauren. I suggest you go in there and admit the things you did, or you're going to have a bigger problem." Emmett's voice was the most menacing I'd ever heard. For someone of his size, he was more like a gentle giant than an angry bear.

All at once there were voices from every tenor and direction throwing words around. Threats promised and accusations made. I guess some of the people who had been questioned by Mr. Greene hadn't left yet.

"Enough everyone, please?!" Charlie was firm and authoritative, mediating the situation outside. "One at a time."

"Lauren set up Bella." Rosalie admitted.

"Not just the fire alarm, but the photos." Emmett boomed with anger.

"What photos?" Charlie asked.

_Oh God, this can't be happening!_ I palmed my forehead, waiting for the fire storm.

To my surprise, no one answered. Mr. Greene stepped out to call Charlie back in.

"Everyone except Ms. Mallory and Mr. Cullen can return to their classes." He sounded like he was at the end of his rope with this shit. "Chief Swan, I would like to speak to your daughter and Ms. Mallory first, and then I'll bring you in." He gestured for Lauren to enter the office. "Mr. Cullen, you're after them."

Lauren walked in, completely emotionless. I wish I could knock some sort of expression on her face. I did send a glare her way when she sat down in the seat next to me. My anger, hurt, insecurity, every emotion that I could muster for a situation like this had boiled to the surface and it pissed me off that she was witnessing all of this.

"Burt, Jacob, you can have a seat outside as well for now." Mr. Greene gestured them farewell, as he closed the door behind the two men.

There was this long silence as Mr. Greene situated himself behind his desk again. He placed Edward's camera on his desk, the screen was blank thankfully as the device was off.

I prepared myself for this conversation a long time in the making.

* * *

A/N: I had to split them into two because otherwise you'd have a massively long chapter.

Thanks again for all your support with waiting for this chapter. Don't worry things will work out; there are only 2 chapters and an epilogue left.

Reviews are appreciated as always :-)


	33. Billboards

A/N: Here we go lovelies :)

Thanks to Bublichka, who gives amazing help and comes through for me when I haven't a clue where to begin.

* * *

It was all too quiet in Principal Greene's office. There wasn't even any rain falling against the window pane or thunder clapping. It was the time of year when heat or A/C wasn't necessary, so neither of them had kicked on.

I looked everywhere but at my nemesis and Principal Greene. I fiddled with my nails, wiped imaginary dust off my pants; even fold the ends of my sleeves a few times. I was doing everything in my power to not burst into tears.

I finally heard him sigh, lifting his head to look at Lauren and I.

"Ms. Mallory, can you explain to me what is going on here?" Mr. Greene folded his arms on his desk, glancing at the downcast Lauren.

And what did Lauren do? She shrugged.

"Mr. Greene asked you something, Lauren." I gritted. _She's not getting out of this with a shrug._

"Ms. Swan, let me take care of this. I suggest you relax." He eyed my fidgeting with my sleeves, which I stopped. There was so much I wanted to say, but I figured Lauren would say shit more to him than she would me. She deserved to be just as uncomfortable as me.

"The fire alarm was pulled and Bella's boobs were shown to some people." Lauren crossed her arms and never made eye contact with either of us.

"Were you aware of the contents of what was on this camera?" Mr. Greene tapped the top of the camera lightly.

"No. I just wanted to steal it." Lauren slouched in her chair. She was so blasé about it, I wondered if she liked signing her own suspension list.

"Lauren, I suggest you start taking this seriously or you're looking at a far worse punishment than I can dole out. And the man, who can do that, is sitting outside that door." Mr. Greene gestured with his head toward the door.

Lauren straightened herself up, without a scoff or a sigh.

"Why though? People don't just take things that aren't theirs." Mr. Greene liked playing twenty questions. Great.

"I don't know. Why are you pulling this psychology crap on me?"

"Lauren, listen to me. I'm not trying to make this uncomfortable on you. I'm here to help you. You need me right now, believe me. Now, why did you take the camera?"

"This stuff I say stays here, right?" Lauren waved her hand around the room.

Mr. Greene nodded his head.

Lauren glanced around the room, as if someone was spying on her. "I like to…steal things."

_Give me strength to keep my trap shut. _I bit down hard on my bottom lip, squelching my urge to run my mouth off.

"I like to steal things." Lauren ran her fingers along the arms of her chair.

"Ms. Swan, are you okay?" Mr. Greene sincerely asked me.

"I'm fine." My voice was strangled with my failed attempt to speak. I covered my mouth with a slap.

"As I was saying, I like to steal things. Anything. Candy, clothing, cameras, lunches."

Mr. Greene eyed her with harsh suspicion. "Ms. Mallory, are you stringing me along? I don't have time---"

"No, I'm not. Why does everyone think I'm not telling the truth? Okay, you know that one time Bella got caught with those nude photos taped on her locker a few months back? I stole the magazines with those pictures in it."

Principal Greene looked at her and me, confusion etched clearly on his face. He flipped through my file. He leaned in close, trying to read between the lines. "I don't see anything on Ms. Swan with pictures in her locker."

She turned a puzzled look to me. "You didn't report that?"

"No, I never reported anything you and the Bi--" I stopped short of the nickname for them. That wouldn't have gone over well with McGreenester. "--your friends did to me."

"Why not?"

I shot a pointed look at her. "Can you imagine the worse things you would've done if I had? You'd be two steps shy of doing something even more heinous."

"Heinous?"

"Mean, bitchy, fucking rude." _Great, I have to speak fucking stupid to her._

"Ms. Swan, please language."

I leaned forward in my chair. "I'm sorry, Mr. Greene, but do you know how much I've wanted to say things to her?" I pointed to Lauren behind me. "She has done the cruelest things to me. Humiliating things." The lump in my throat was fully forming and I took a few seconds to compose myself.

"Lauren, I have so many things I want to say and do to you, but I don't ever actually do so. You've pulled so much shit on me. I have done nothing, _nothing_ to you, and it continues to baffle me why you do it!"

I couldn't prevent the lone tear that managed to escape me. Angrily, I swept it away. Mr. Greene offered a tissue box, which I took from him.

"Lauren, you do realize that pulling a fire alarm, setting it up to look like someone else, and distributing nude pictures of a minor are serious offenses. My punishment for you is expulsion, but if you let me know why you did this, it's possible to get on my good graces to ease your punishment."

"Will it make a difference?" Lauren, her honesty shining through for once.

"It can't hurt to divulge."

Lauren was definitely calculating what Mr. Greene was saying. My life and many other people's lives would be far less shitty if he expelled her.

Lauren rolled her eyes. _The amount of care she shows is astounding._ "Unless you know me, you would not understand why I do the things I do, Mr. Greene. I suggest you shell out whatever punishment you have for me, seeing as it won't matter."

I was itching to lay into her, while Mr. Greene wanted to play counselor.

"Do you know what it's like being a teenage girl, Mr. Greene?" Lauren leaned forward in her chair, staring him down.

He shook his head. "No but I do have twin girls a little younger than you."

"So, you don't know. And this will all go away by what? Making me admit things that will backfire on me? No, I don't think so."

Mr. Greene softened his approach. "I'm not here to make you admit things you don't want to admit to."

"Well, you are."

Mr. Greene sighed, scratching the top of his balding head. "Alright, Ms. Mallory? I'm going to call your aunt and we're going to have to talk this out together. Her, you and me. Do you really want me to do that?"

Lauren exhaled; she sounded aggravated. Like her aunt was the last person she wanted here. "Fine, I'm not going into detail with things, so forget that."

"Okay, tell me whatever you feel comfortable with saying."

"I've sort of had…I, hmmm…" Lauren scratched at her bare forearms, distracting herself. "…first off, I've always been a little bit…jealous of Bella."

_What? _"Wait, what is ---?"

Mr. Greene held his hand up to me. "Continue, Lauren."

"Not jealous like I wanted things she had but…ugh, I can't explain it. Like, I don't know..." Lauren's mouth came up in a half smile, before quickly dissipating into a scowl. She cleared her throat.

She timidly tucked her hair behind her ears. "I wish I could say I did those things to Bella out of hate, but really they were…I sort of…like her."

_Wait a minute, back the fuck up! Lauren Mallory, head of the Bitch Brigade, bane of my existence, the one thing in my life that I wish never existed…liked me? Could my day get any weirder? Nope, I think I maxed out my weird card for the next century in one day._

"No," was my reflex reaction. "No, she what? This has to be a joke." I couldn't help but laugh in disbelief.

I turned to a nervous looking Lauren, whose eyes had that deer caught in the headlights look. 'Oh shit, did I really just say that?' was written all over her face.

"How does that in any way explain the condoms in my hoodie, the jock strap in my locker, the trash bags thrown in the back of my pickup, or the fire alarm?" I ticked each incident off on my fingers. "How does that amount to you liking me? I say you hate me and this is an easy out for you."

"Bella, please sit back in your chair."

I was getting tired of his calming tactics. "Mr. Greene, excuse me for reacting to what I call 'earth shattering' news. Someone who has been my nemesis for my whole school life just admitted to having a crush on me."

I saw Lauren reach for the tissue box, sitting on my lap. Her nose was already red, her eyes tear stained.

"It's true." She folded and unfolded the tissue in her hand, bringing it to her nose. "What else was I supposed to do?" She threw her hands up in surrender.

"_Not_ do them?" I'd never had a girl admit they liked me before. It was unsettling, it was intriguing, it was…there were no words.

"Bella, are you a lesbian?" Lauren's question came out in a rush.

"No." I firmly stated. _No swinging that way for me._

"Well, there's my reason." She gestured with her hands, slapping them back onto her thighs.

"Where's the reason? Me not being a lesbian isn't a reason."

"I like you! And you'll never feel the same way and I'd rather hate you than love you!"

There was yet another infinite quiet as I contemplated what Lauren was telling me.

I was angry, upset, confused. I felt lied to; not Lauren's confession, but why did it take this shit going on to get Lauren to say something honest? I wanted to say 'too little, too late', give her the finger and call it a day. But I was conflicted; part of me wanted to dish out some sympathy, but part of me wanted to continue to hate her.

I obviously didn't handle highly emotional situations very well. Why couldn't I make a sarcastic comment and have it all go away?

"Ms. Swan, I understand the things Lauren said are not easy to hear. You can rest assured that I won't be giving you any detention or suspension." He turned his attention to a sniffling Lauren. " However, for Ms. Mallory, before I tell you your punishment, I would like Ms. Swan to weigh in her opinion as well and what she thinks is fair."

"Me?" _I think you're barking up the wrong tree, Mr. Dancing Snowman Tie in the Middle of Spring._

"Yes. This is more your problem than mine." He leaned back in his chair, clearly happy that this decision was out of his hands. _Why don't I get you a beach chair, pina colada and umbrella and do your job for you?_

I sat and thought about every single prank pulled on me. They were these war wounds that developed into emotional scars. Overtime, if I applied my own brand of ointment and cream to them, they eventually became faint pink lines of memories.

What was fair? _I didn't wake up this morning to play 'meet your maker'. And now I get to play God._

But what was the right punishment for a situation like this? I remember participating in our eight grade class re-enactment of Supreme Court cases. I was placed on the defendant's side and had to come up with a good reason for their action; because everyone has reasons for doing things.

Hearing the reason behind Lauren's actions was certainly an eye opener. She had twisted motives and all because she harbored feelings for me. _And here I originally thought no one would ever love me._ I wondered if anyone else in her group knew. If Rosalie knew. If Edward had an idea about it, he definitely would've told me.

So much had been held back from me, cloaked and never to be revealed or to be shown delicately. Everything was kept from me because of how I was. I was volatile and unhappy. I had closed myself off from everyone and in return, I got it thrown back at me when the secrets were finally exposed.

Emmett kept his relationship with Rosalie a secret not just from me, but for me. Charlie kept Sue secret for a while because he wasn't sure how I was going to react. Edward kept his own secrets to protect me and the way I would act.

Everyone was afraid of how I would respond, like I was a time bomb waiting to see what would make me ultimately explode. Would it be the red wire or the blue wire? Would I get fired up and pissed off or would I be calm and collected?

Now that I've had another unveiling, I wanted to make sure that I was moving forward with myself and not moving backward to who I was.

_What does this decision say about me? _

I wasn't about to send Lauren on her merry way, but I didn't want to leave her without a leg to stand on.

I was still angry at her. I would always hold a grudge against her.

I was about to be the bigger person. "No more pranks." Folding my arms, I sat back in my chair.

The two sets of heads turned to me, waiting for me to finish my thought that was already done.

"That's it?" Lauren cast a hesitant glance my way. "Nothing else?"

Mr. Greene matched Lauren's own suspicious look. "Ms. Swan, I don't think that's enough. I don't know if I can accept that."

"Look, what is a suspension going to do? Give her time off to dick around. I just want closure and an end to things that we both know makes us unhappy."

I watched Lauren as she considered my agreement. She mulled it over, taking nervous glances around the room. She fiddled with the tissue in her hand. "Okay." She firmly stated.

"Ms. Mallory, I will honor Bella's request, but I will have to tack onto that two weeks worth of detention."

Lauren and I nodded at his addendum to my punishment suggestion. I didn't protest; at least it would be in school and monitorable.

"Now that's said and done, Lauren you may return to your classes for the rest of the day." Mr. Greene wrote out a pink detention slip. "And start your time this afternoon."

Lauren's head hung low as she exited the office.

"Now, Bella, I do need to bring your father and Mr. Cullen in for this discussion on the photos. I don't feel I need to create anymore discomfort for you and show these to your father."

"Why do we need to have this discussion at all?"

"The content of the pictures is considered pornography and that is against the campus policy. Plus, it seems you were unaware that these were taken according to the content."

I had an even bigger lump in my throat than before. I swallowed it as best I could as Mr. Greene called Edward and Charlie into the room.

Edward looked really tense and nervous. I wasn't sure if Charlie knew about the content of the pictures yet. He was always stoic and never showed anything on the outside of the inner workings of his brain. Which worked great for his job, but was a pain in the ass whenever I wanted to know if he knew about those few times I took money out of his wallet.

After everyone was situated, Edward on one side of me and Charlie on the other, Mr. Greene said, "Mr. Swan, I brought you in today because there was something in Mr. Cullen's possession that is not allowed on our campus, but also involves Ms. Swan as well."

"Okay." Charlie nodded, tenting his fingers.

"Bella and I have agreed that we discuss this, but not to show you what it is. They're rather graphic and I think it best that we protect Bella because of it."

"What is it? What did she do?" Charlie was definitely boiling under the surface now.

Mr. Greene pushed the camera toward the front of his desk. "It seems that Mr. Cullen took a few shots of Ms. Swan in a compromising position."

"He did what?" _Oh shit. Wrong choice of words, Greene._

"Mr. Swan, my apologies, wrong word choice." Mr. Greene cleared his voice before starting again. "Ms. Swan was photographed without a top on by Mr. Cullen."

"That's not any better to hear, Mr. Greene." _Is that steam coming from his ears?_ I retreated to Edward's side. _Thank God I'm in the middle of the two of them._

"I understand, Mr. Swan. I can relate ---"

"Did you know about these, Bella?" Charlie turned to me, furious and red faced.

"Not until afterward, but---"

"So he took them against your will."

"No, he's done things like this before. Dad, please calm down."

"He's done this before? At school?"

"No, just let me talk for a minute, okay? Without freaking out?"

Charlie closed his eyes, taking a deep breath through his nose.

"Dad, Edward and I…" I reached for Edward's hand, where he was ready to make an Edward sized hole in the wall next to us. "…well, we…ugh, don't make me say it."

I willed him to look over at Edward and me.

"Dad, please look at me. They…the pictures were more artsy than pornogra ---"

Charlie held up his hand in protest. "Bella, I don't want to hear it. I've heard all that I need to hear."

"No, you haven't. You're acting mad, but what are you mad about?"

"I'm mad that my little girl is having half-naked photos taken by her boyfriend and that they are being shown at school? Are you trying to give me a heart attack?"

"I had no idea that my camera would be stolen. The pictures were meant to stay private." Edward hurriedly and bravely defended himself.

"Edward, I think its best if you not say anything right now." That was Charlie's nice way of telling him to shut the fuck up.

"No, Dad. You don't talk to him like that." I was furious that my Dad was acting like a dickhead right now. "I love him. He just gets excited and passionate about things."

Charlie stared Edward down like two cowboys at a gun battle; except Edward looked like he was going to piss his pants instead of pull out a gun and shoot.

"Mr. Cullen." Mr. Greene made his presence known again. "I would just like to inform you that while your camera was taken from you and the pictures were not intended to be public, I'm afraid I need to give you detention based on the punches you threw earlier today." Mr. Greene wrote another slip out, Edward reached for it. "Two days."

Edward solemnly smiled and nodded.

"Bella, you're grounded. And no more going over to Edward's house." Charlie pointedly glanced at Edward, me and our hands.

I solemnly smiled and nodded.

"There's probably something else I'm forgetting, but I'll let you know later."

_Great, more to look forward to. _

"Ms. Swan and Mr. Cullen, you can both return to class. Mr. Swan, I'm sorry for the way things have turned out."

"Me too." Charlie mumbled.

Mr. Greene got up to open the door for the three of us, sending a 'thanks for coming' smile our way.

Once outside, Edward and I were greeted with a hugely unpleasant sight. Aro stood near the doorway from the waiting area into the school hallway.

Charlie kept walking, not taking any notice of our stopped forms. We watched as Charlie's stroll was interrupted by Aro.

"Mr. Swan, may I have a word with you?" Aro asked Charlie. _What the fuck is he doing?_

"About what?" _Uh oh, Charlie's no nonsense tone._

"I am Edward's uncle Aro and I hear he is in a bit of trouble with some less than pleasant photographs."

"Oh he's in trouble alright." Charlie sardonically scoffed.

"Yes, that's the problem. Now, I understand that Edward could possibly be charged with a crime, but I would like to make this less of a public affair. I'm willing to compensate for it too."

Next to me I heard Edward exclaim, "I don't fucking believe this!"

Aro handed Charlie an envelope with what I presumed to be money. Charlie made no move to take it. "Believe me; I don't want any of this to get out there."

"I insist, please, as an inconvenience." Aro shined his creepy pearly whites at Charlie.

"An inconvenience? You think your nephew taking half-naked pictures of my daughter is just an 'inconvenience? Who the hell are you?" _You've awoken the beast._

"Just a man looking out for his family."

"And you don't think I look out for mine? I suggest you take this money and put it toward some good use, not blackmail, which is a felony that I can arrest you for right now." Charlie shoved the money back at him.

Aro slipped the envelope into his coat pocket. "Very well."

Edward and I slipped next to Charlie, as Aro eyed our appearance.

"Why the fuck are you here?" Edward spoke through gritted teeth.

"Edward, what a delight to see you again. I believe Chief Swan here will keep your less than humane actions quiet. So need not worry." _Boy, he loves putting on a show._

"Do you think I care what I do to you or that family? In fact, I might make them public."

"Excuse me?" Charlie quietly roared.

"Edward, what are you doing?" I whispered to him.

"In fact, I might make a giant billboard of Bella's tits. On it,---"

"You son of a bitch, you are dead." Charlie reached for Edward's shirt, but I pushed him away.

"Dad, stop! Wait, I don't know what he's doing, but--"

"Bella, I will kill him!" Charlie was fighting with me and if Edward didn't reveal his intention soon, I can't save his ass from a Charlie fist to the cheek.

Edward continued, his stare unwavering. "I'll write 'Aren't these the best tits you'd ever seen? I fucking love them. Her pussy is pretty good too.' Signed clearly by 'Edward Cullen'."

Aro lifted his head slightly, looking down his nose at Edward. He glanced over at Charlie and me and back at Edward again.

Edward was up to something.

"What do you want?" Aro finally said.

"Leave me alone. Let me leave without having to deal with bad mouthing and public humiliation. Let me go my own way and I won't bother you again."

_Edward, you sexy evil genius._ He wanted to piss off Aro. He was looking to embarrass the Cullen name. _Maybe the Cullens will let him go then. _Although I doubt Edward would put my boobs on display for people on the highway to gawk at, I hoped his goading worked.

Aro played with his cufflink. "How do you suggest that happens?"

"Make up a story, you guys are good at that. Cover stories, you know?" Edward crossed his arms, unblinking and unmoving.

Aro pressed his lips into a thin line. "Here's the deal. You come up with your own clever story and tell it to us later tonight. Until then…" Aro left us hanging, before walking toward the exit door in the distant.

"I think I did it." Edward sighed out. "I did it!" Edward scooped me up and swung me around.

I hugged him close, grateful that Edward had come up with something to get him out his family for good.

Charlie was not happy however. He was giving both of us the evil eye now.

"Dad, I'll explain it to you later." I stepped toward him, saving him the sight of Edward being close to me.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Swan for saying those things about Bella."

Charlie was still unmoved and mainly ignored Edward's apology. "Bella, we'll talk when you get home."

"Okay, bye Dad." I hugged Charlie, hoping he wasn't too mad at me. I think he was beyond mad at that point and just wanted to lock me up in my room forever.

Charlie silently left. He turned on his walkie talkie, which was buzzing with a call of a cat in a tree.

The day couldn't have been longer as I wrapped my arms around Edward again. He layed his cheek on top of my head, his hand stroking with my hair.

We didn't say anything as the day was filled with noise and words we didn't want to relive.

But, I did want to lighten the mood a little. "Lauren is a kleptomaniac lesbian who's in love with me."

Edward stopped his ministrations and pushed me away to look at me. "What?"

"That's what she told Mr. Greene. That was her reason for doing all those shitty things to me."

Edward's eyes flickered to my mouth, nose and eyes. He darkly chuckled, his eyebrows crinkled in confusion. "I'm not getting how her torturing you would equal her loving you. When you love someone you don't torture them for years."

"Well, there's that saying 'there's a thin line between love and hate'."

"Bullshit. You don't do that to someone you claim you love. Even if it's hopeless, if you love someone, you wouldn't do things to make them miserable. If you love someone you set them free."

"Would you set me free?"

"It would kill me, but I would." He tucked a fallen piece of hair behind my ear. "But, it's not a thin line for me. I could never hate you." He kissed my forehead before shuffling me to his side, his arm wrapped around my shoulders.

I played with his fingers, as we made our way to class. "You know for Charlie that line is more like a fortress or levee right now."

Edward's face scrunched up in discomfort. "Yeah."

"He'll make you squirm for a while."

We turned a corner, stopping in front of my second to last class of the day. "I know. But it's okay because it's you. You're worth it."

* * *

A/N: One more chapter. The drama is done. It's time for some fluff next chapter and for the epilogue.


	34. Cafeteria

A/N: I can't believe I've reached the last chapter. Only the epilogue left. It's kind of crazy. I'll have a longer a/n at the bottom.

Enjoy some fluff.

* * *

_If this annoying little piece of shit does not stop staring at me, I'll give him something to stare at._

Some smarmy looking eight year old was kneeling on his chair in front of me, his eyes trained on me for a good ten minutes. I was ready to tip his chair over to get him to stop. But, I did what any mature person did though: I stuck my tongue out at him.

_Did he just wink at me?_ He promptly turned back around to pay attention to the graduation ceremony going on in front of us.

"Jason Paul Steeley." Principal Greene declared in the microphone on the podium.

"Emmett Saul Swan." Emmett took his diploma booklet, pumped his fist and walked across the stage.

I cheered and whistled along with Charlie, Sue and Rosalie as we watched Emmett graduate from high school. A fog horn set off by someone in the back of the gymnasium.

"Saul?" Edward leaned in close to my ear, as Emmett stepped down from the constant precision line of kids being called by the principal.

"Renee gave birth to Emmett on the side of a road. There was a Spanish language learning tool playing in the cassette player in the background on the way to the hospital. The guy on the tapes' name was Saul. Charlie said that she wanted to name Emmett Saul instead, but they agreed to it as a middle name."

Edward's body shook with laughter. "Your mom was definitely a character."

"She was." It was still difficult to talk about my mom, but each day it became my life's mission to get to know her, even if it was post-humously. I listened to that very tape she had learned Spanish from, hoping to understand her better.

Edward's arm wrapped around me, his lips pressing to my hair.

Charlie sent a smile over to me, but caught sight of Edward's hand on my almost bare shoulder. Edward looked up at Charlie, as he slowly slinked his arm away from me.

At least Charlie held it together and allowed Edward to sit with us for the graduation.

After the impromptu opportunity Edward had a month ago, I explained to Charlie what Edward's motives were. How his family had been utter shit to him, how he needed an official way out.

He listened to me talk about Edward for a good hour before he finally said something.

"You really like this boy, don't you?" Charlie folded his arms, leaning back in his favorite armchair and stroking his stubbly chin.

"I do." _Leave it at that, Bella. Don't scare him about 'moving with him after high school' ideas._

While Charlie was glad to have some light shed on Edward's motives, he still couldn't immediately forgive him for referring to my female parts the way he did. And since he couldn't punish Edward, he essentially had to punish me. This meant we had to stay downstairs during his 'visitation hours'; Edward was not allowed over the house until after dinner time and could only stay up until nine thirty.

This left me with a situation I had never encountered before: desperate horniness. We could do homework together or at most hold hands on the couch; a good night kiss on the cheek was okay with the Chief. But, holy shit, I wanted just wanted a moment alone with Edward to enjoy each others company. I think Charlie trusted me, but he didn't trust us together for the time being.

I guess I shouldn't have looked a gift horse in the mouth; Charlie did let me still see Edward outside of school after all.

"Dad, when are you going to forgive Edward?" I asked through the loud celebratory sounds.

Charlie smiled, folding his hands in his lap. "Eventually. Might not be until you move out." _Figures._

Once Principal Greene reached the very last student, he announced "By the powers vested in me by the state of Washington, I now declare you high school graduates of the class of 2009. Congratulations!" More cheers proceeded; the newly minted graduates tossed their caps in the air.

After the ceremony, people were invited to enjoy some food in the cafeteria. In a town this small, it's much easier to have a joint graduation party. Everyone would've ended up inviting each other anyway, if held in their homes or if people decided to eat at The Lodge.

Emmett had to take a few pictures with some chamber of commerce people and other higher ups. Basically, they wanted to cash in on my brother's full-ride scholarship somehow.

I stood by the entrance, picking at my plate of food. I hoped to stave off any kind of attention. I wanted to just congratulate my brother, get the hell out of dodge, and call it a day. But nope, I had some sort of responsibility as the sister of the big football star. I'd always have that responsibility.

I'd always get asked what I thought of my brother and his talent. I would never say anything bad about him; instead I'd simply say that I love him and support him.

I glanced down at my feet, admiring the newly comfy heels. Alice bought me insoles to put in the bottom of them. _Now, I could stand for hours and not want to chop off my own feet._

A familiar set of male shoes came into my vision. I lifted my head to an even more recognizable pair of green eyes.

"Hey." He greeted me, that shy lopsided grin turning my insides into mush.

"Hey." I bit my lower lip.

It was funny how I felt more comfortable standing nose to nose with Edward than in a spread out room full of strangers. Boundaries defied Edward and me. "Enjoying the food?" Edward's chuckle capped his sentence.

"Why yes, it's delicious, thank you." I popped a cherry tomato in my mouth. I chewed it slowly, eying the rest of the little finger foods. "It's all kind of sad you know? Pretty soon, it'll just be me and Charlie. Emmett will be off in sunny fucking California."

"Is that where you want to go?" Edward leaned against the wall next to me, having a clear view of my profile.

I shrugged. "I don't know. It's just all terrifying. I mean, despite this god awful place, it's comfortable. It's here." I picked up another cherry tomato, rolling it between my thumb and forefinger. Staring out at the small, rectangle windows that lined around the room, they made me feel like all I could've occupied was in that tiny, off white painted box. "It's a big fucking world out there."

His fingers traced up and down my upper arm, leaving trails of warmth in its path. "It is, but it's worth getting the fuck out of here for."

I snickered.

"What?" Edward smiled, his eye brows scrunching in bemusement.

"It's always adorable when you curse." My finger traced some of the icing off of a cupcake.

"Adorable?" His smile widened, his face inched closer to mine. "I hate to break it to you, but adorable isn't something a guy wants to hear about himself."

"Well, what do you want to hear?" I slipped the delicious frosting coated finger into my mouth.

I waited for Edward to answer, but his eyes were focused somewhere on my face; specifically, the finger in my mouth. I watched his Adam's apple bob up and down with a swallow.

After I licked the icing off, I began to remove my finger from my mouth. Edward's hand wrapped around mine, pulling it out along with me; his eyes never once left my lips.

_Oh God, I know that look. _I watched his lips, his tongue darting out to lick them.

My mouth felt cottony and dry, my stomach twisted and tightened into pleasurable knots. And I was sure the evidence was painted a clown nose red on my cheeks. My eyelids closed as our foreheads pressed together like two magnets. I felt his hot breath hit my face, his nose rubbing against mine.

"Bella." I heard a voice come from somewhere, knocking me from my love hazed revere. "Your family wants pictures." Sue was standing a couple feet away, holding a black, film camera between her two hands.

I smiled to her. "I'll be right there, Sue." She retreated to the other side of the room, where Charlie and Emmett were already standing in place for a photo opportunity.

"Be right back." I whispered to him, planting a kiss on his nose.

I shuffled to go complete the family portrait. Emmett still wore his graduation gown, but decided to remove the cap and put it on my head in that moment.

"Emmett! Ew, gross it's all sweaty under here!" He kept knocking the tassel in front of my face when Sue clicked the button. "Knock it off!"

"Bella, stop ruining the picture. It's my graduation day. Have some respect." Emmett had his shit eating grin in place, but his tone was serious.

_That evil son of a bitch._

"Alright you two, get it together." Charlie looked uncomfortable, standing still and waiting for our shenanigans to stop. Sue finally got a decent picture of us on the next try.

Our little group broke up. I removed the cap, wiping some of the sticky sweat I'd acquired on my forehead underneath the cap.

"You know I only make fun of you cause I love you, right?" Emmett took his cap back, fitting it on an angle on his head.

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, of course."

Emmett blinked at me a couple of times, before he pulled me into a rib crushing bear hug. "I'm gonna miss you next year, baby sis. I know this year has been weird and fucked up, but that doesn't change the fact that I love you."

I couldn't help the tears that left my eyes, the lump in my throat that would stay there for a while as I got used to my big brother not being in the same place with me for the first time ever.

I stepped back to look at him, he was on the verge of letting some of his own water works go. "Hey, don't cry. You still have a shit ton of stupid pictures to take. You can cry into your Thomas the Tank Engine pillow later on."

Emmett gave me a little shove. His arm wrapped around my shoulders, giving my arm a good squeeze. He was called away once more, as I turned to head back to where Edward was, but he wasn't in the cafeteria anymore.

After I returned to my previous spot, I chewed on some more of my food. Sometime between eating potato chips and a handful of chocolate kisses, I realized this was my first time in the cafeteria. I had long feared this place; its open, has lots of people and everyone is eating, drinking, doing various self-conscious things.

It was natural for people in rooms like these to look around and be curious about the other occupants. Either you laughed at the dumb things people did or you longed to sit with one person you watched from afar. Sitting out back behind the cafeteria still had its discomforts, but the allowance of my hobby made it better.

In the cafeteria, there was no way to escape judgment if you were the pyro freak sitting alone at a table, your peers whispering and wondering about you.

If I had sat in the cafeteria at a table by myself, I might've gone crazy or been more depressed than I had been. It scared me that I would've been the same person a year ago if not for a few events that took place in my life. How much longer would I have been able to stand it? Would a change have come eventually? Would it have been too late by the time it happened?

Swallowing some painful memories along with a cube of cheese, I refused to focus on that anymore in that moment. There was a celebration going on and someone close to me was going through a big change that was bigger and scarier than mine.

I felt someone stand next to me. I looked up and saw a head of long blonde hair. Rosalie didn't speak for a couple of seconds. "Emmett's crying." Her pointy shoes traced patterns along the linoleum floor. I heard her sniffle, her hand fiddling with a tissue. "He was asked about his opinion on the 'Governator' and had to excuse himself."

"Talking about the Governator gets him emotional." I deadpanned.

"Really?" Rosalie turned to me, her mascara a little smudgy.

"No." I replied.

Rosalie snorted into her tissue, I chuckled too. We stood in more silence, recognizing that sadness but not wanting to address it further.

"You know, Emmett is the only person who ever got to know me, or wanted to get to know me. The only one who stopped to think that I had an opinion that mattered. Without him, I'd still be masquerading around with the same people over and over again." Rosalie paused, wiping away at some snot under her nose. "Because of him, I get along with my parents better. My relationship with Jasper is a million times better."

"And a whole year without him? It's going to be unbearable." Some more tears descended from her eyes, sliding down her cheek to wet her shirt.

A year. Three hundred sixty five days. It felt astronomical and small at the same time. So much can change in that increment and yet it can feel like you've trudged through another depressing span of time.

Without people in your life, what are you? A person is only as good as the people they surround themselves with. Not just good, but those who can help you and make you realize. The past year, many of those in my life shined a fiery light on me, revealing all its chips and fragments. Some of them were like lasers punctuating my skin.

A year ago, I never would've understood Rosalie's dilemma. I wouldn't have understood the passion she had for someone. With your family, it's instilled in you; your blood is your priority. But with friends and lovers, it's learned. I'd miss my brother, but what about a boyfriend? I had no concept of what a boyfriend was. Fuck, I didn't even know what friends were. If she turned to me a year ago, I wouldn't have the slightest clue what to say to her. I wasn't sure if I could be comforting, but I could sympathize.

I offered her a teary eyed smile, because it was easier to hear silence than try to speak.

**=X=X=X=X=X=X=**

I came out of the bathroom, still waiting for this day to come to a close. I sort of dreaded and was anxious for my day to come next year. High school had to end at some point so life can begin.

Not more than two seconds out of the restroom, I felt a tug on my wrist. Stumbling slightly, Edward pulled me to him and pressed his lips to mine. He snaked his arm around my waist. Our lips relished the touching after a long absence throughout the day. _Fuck, a long absent month._

Edward guided us to the lockers nearby, my back contacting them with a metallic thud. His suit clad body pressed hard into me, his leg resting in between my own legs.

My tongue entered his mouth, the feeling making me moan.

Edward grabbed my leg, hitching it over his hip. If I thought we were horny and desperate before, the evidence was right there. _Right there._

The fact that I was wearing a dress completely disintegrated somewhere in my brain. It was off in a land of things you forget when you're making out with your boyfriend. _Except brushing my teeth, I always remember that_.

"What are you thinking about?" Edward left trails of hot, wet kisses along me neck.

I exhaled. "What?"

"I know you're thinking about something." He continued his delightful assault on my neck.

"I'm thinking about the things I forget when I'm with you."

He chuckled. "But how do you know you're forgetting them when you forget them? How do you know you thought of them if you forget them in the first place? It would mean that you---."

"Shut up and just kiss me." I pulled his face back up to mine, attacking his mouth with more vigor.

I felt his hand run along my thigh up to my butt. "We need to go somewhere else." His words came out in breathless whispers.

_Oh Thank God!_

We looked around us; maybe there would be an empty classroom or a tucked away corner.

Then, we both saw it at once.

My heels clicked hurriedly as Edward dragged me in quick haste to the familiar dingy grey colored, gold knobbed janitor's door.

I stepped into the closet and the door closed behind. But, there was no Edward there.

There was a knock on the door. I opened it.

"Hello." Edward greeted me with that smile of smiles. _Fuck, I want to grab his hair and hear him groan._

"What the fuck is this? Invite the vampire in the house shit? Get in here right now." I didn't wait for him though, I tugged on his tie, our mouths attacked each other once again.

Edward fumbled for the door, pulling it shut.

**=X=X=X=X=X=X=**

Connected pinky to pinky, we leisurely strolled back to the cafeteria. I took a few moments to tame the hair and fix the dress, trying to get rid of the 'quickie in a closet' look.

The hallway was quiet; the fluorescent lights that would normally be on were off for the weekend. The sunlight streamed in from a pair of windows, with a view of a small courtyard students would hang out at during lunch time.

"I wish it was this quiet all the time. Just us."

Glancing up at Edward, I watched a small smile appear. "It will be soon."

"Oh really? And you know this how…?

"Well, I see us getting a really bad apartment, living off Ramen and cheap fast food. We'd have barely enough money to buy decent furniture. And we'll have hardly any free time because we're in class or working meaningless jobs."

"Wow, that's what you see? Doesn't sound very appealing."

"No," Edward faced me, wrapping his arms around my waist. "…but put you in that picture and I'm sold." His lips softly touched mine. "_Any_ picture and I'm sold."

Our mouths met again and again, stealing a few moments away from the whole town of Forks. Edward held me firmly to him, as I tangled my fingers in his hair. At the rate we were messing around, we'd never make it back to the cafeteria…full of people…that I don't like.

My mind was in an Edward fog, otherwise I would've heard the small footsteps that came running toward me. I felt a hand slap my ass, a tiny laugh coming from somewhere.

I caught sight of who smacked my butt. It was the kid who kept staring at me before throughout some of the graduation ceremony. The kid was running down the hall, away from us. "That little twerp!"

I heard Edward laughing. "Aww, you broke his heart. I think he likes you."

"He's a little kid, he thinks girls have cooties." At least from what I remembered about Emmett. He'd give himself a daily 'cootie shot' before going to school.

"Yes, but they also know what boobs and butts are. And trust me, they love them before they're born." Edward not so subtly gave my ass a good squeeze and fussed up my hair, as he casually walked away from me.

_Ugh! I just fixed that!_, I flattened my hair again.

Not giving a shit, I ran up behind him and jumped on his back for a piggyback ride. He staggered a little and I kind of knocked the wind out of him, but he deserved it.

"Don't walk away from me before I can molest you." My arms draped over his shoulders. I took a little nip at his earlobe, sucking on it for good measure.

I heard a muffled grunt from deep within Edward's chest. "Don't make me walk back to the closet."

"I dare you." My lips worked their magic on his neck, my tongue licking the beauty mark near the collar of his suit jacket. "I double dare you." I took my evilness one step further, rubbing my heel along the inside of his thigh.

"Mommy, mommy those people were making weird noises in the closet." The little kid from before, shouted from the end of the hall, holding the hand of a woman I presumed to be his mom.

_And my horny mood is gone._

"Joshua, don't spy on people. It is rude." The woman dragged him out of our sight.

Edward and I both chuckled as soon as they were gone. I stepped back onto the ground, opting for his hand instead of his back.

We re-entered the cafeteria, where there were close to two hundred people inside now. Everyone was practically elbow to elbow.

"Bella over here!" I saw Alice standing on one of the benches in front of a lunch table. She was waving her arms like a mad woman.

Edward and I followed the tiny human lighthouse. Jasper and her had saved a few seats for us.

"I haven't seen you all day, where have you been?" Alice dived into some pasta salad.

"Well, you weren't here for half the ceremony, so of course I haven't seen you."

"I was putting this lovely little operation together." Alice gestured like a proud parent to the décor and mass amount of food that lined the tables like a buffet. "I've been running back forth getting the damn food. And this one over here wanted veggie burgers on the menu." She nudged Jasper in the arm.

Jasper leaned in close to her ear, telling her some sort of secret. Alice squealed, as he nibbled at her neck. "You and your innuendos." She whispered to him.

I glanced around at the many occupants standing around with tiny plates of sustenance.

I didn't look for the Bitch Brigade because they were no longer together. I wasn't sure of the details, all I knew was the day after Lauren's reveal, she walked the halls alone without Jessica or Victoria flanking her. At that moment, I saw Jessica chatting with Mike and Victoria was taking a seat with what looked like her family. I scanned the room for Lauren and found her talking with Mr. Yang, one of the English teachers.

Standing near the doorway Charlie was with Sue, holding her plate as she leaned on his shoulder to fix her shoe. I was glad Charlie had someone in his life. He always seemed self-sufficient, but I liked seeing people as good as my Dad happy with someone.

Emmett and Rosalie were making their way to our table; he was carrying two plates of food with him.

Edward leaned into me, planting slow kisses. His lips massaged my bottom lip, his teeth tugged gently. "I love you." Edward cradled my cheek, his thumb caressing circles.

"You too." I whispered, twirling the stray hairs at the nape of his neck.

I loved the warm feeling that hit my belly in that moment. The feeling of hope and happiness that humans craved, the kind I never knew I needed.

I heard Emmett emit a low 'Ew', as he sat down across from me. Rosalie took the vacant spot to my right.

"He's my boyfriend, Em. We're supposed to be making out. Why don't you do that with your own girlfriend instead of eating for two?"

Jasper snorted and covered his mouth with a tissue. "Sorry."

Alice rolled her eyes. "Seriously, ignore this perv."

"Isn't he the worst?" Rosalie scoffed. "Don't worry; I still have those pictures of him in mom's dresses from when he was a younger."

Jasper went bug eyed. "You forced me to dress up in those, by the way."

"After spending the afternoon watching musicals." Rosalie picked up a piece of bread from Emmett's plate. "I think Dad was grateful once Jasper started liking Civil War things."

"We watched The Sound of Music last week at his request." Alice admitted before chugging her soda.

"The hills are alive, with Alice screaming my name." Jasper sang to Alice. She feigned offensiveness, but melted against him when he wrapped his arm around her.

I glanced at the couple hugging each other, Jasper twisting Alice's long scarf around his fingers. I traveled to Emmett holding Rosalie's hand, stroking her knuckles delicately.

Finally, I looked at Edward. His hand held mine under the table. I tipped my head to lean on his shoulder, as I popped another tomato between my lips.

Could it have always been this easy all along? Everything _felt_ so easy with the six of us chatting, sharing seemingly meaningless conversations, but these would become things I remember all my life. I had always wanted to make them, hold onto them instead of banish them because I never felt worthy of them.

I was still learning that I was worthy of having memories. Also, I was learning that just because life is out of our hands doesn't mean it's your fault for what happens to it.

Could I have had these memories before? There was no way to know. Sometimes, its best to know that you only had one option.

Sometimes it takes burning the edges of what you do know, to expose yourself to what you don't. Because the journey of discovering yourself is a lesson, memory and reason to live all on its own.

* * *

A/N: I can't believe I am here typing my thank you a/n. I'll keep it short.

I've met many amazing people throughout writing this thing. Whether they were deeply involved with helping me write this monster or just to provide a simple 'love the story', everyone has meant something to me.

A specific thanks to my three different betas I had throughout BtE: persnickety_er, thrownxroses, and Bublichka. To Kat who did some pre-reading from time to time and listening to my grievances over writing this. To the many people I WCed with.

Helese was kind enough to purchase an EPOV BtE outtake for the Fandom Gives Back and I will hopefully be posting that soon, so put me on author alert if you want to read some of him and some other possible future outtakes.

I plan to write another story and continue with Only Little Girls, so look out for those.

Thank you once again, lovelies. I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Love, GD


	35. Epilogue: Burning Man

A/N: Thank you lovelies for reading and reviewing! Thanks to my beta, Bublichka one last time.

The event talked about in here is a real event.

An artist named Gregory Alan Isakov inspired me while writing this chapter, made me cry while writing my last words.

Thank you again for coming on this journey with me.

Love, GD

* * *

They had to be on the road for their almost full day drive to the one place Bella had dreamed of going to.

The Burning Man Festival.

Bella had long given up her daily obsession of starting fires. Though the transition had started her junior year of high school, it soon became background noise and eventually silenced by the time she reached college. One contributing factor was the fact she had to live in an apartment and safety was a big concern; neighbors wouldn't like it so much if you were burning plastic and set off fire alarms. Also, her studies and thirty hour a week job took up a lot of time as well.

She still kept up to date on all things fire, but the desire to go outside and take a match to paper or random objects wasn't there anymore. She mourned it all a little bit, but was also thankful it didn't occupy her time as much as it used to. But, she wanted to celebrate her passing of her teens and entering her twenties, feeling it a new beginning of sorts. Bella decided to finally attend the event with Edward her junior year of college.

"What time are they getting in?" She asked, propping her feet on the dashboard of Edward's car.

She caught Edward eying her short clad legs. "Around six in the morning."

They were picking up Charlotte and Peter from Reno, before heading down to the makeshift city that would take over Black Rock Desert for a week.

Bella clapped her hands together, pre-event excitement ran through her veins. "I can't wait."

A comfortable silence passed over them. The blazing hot sun beat down on the dashboard, the air conditioner hummed along. Edward smiled crookedly at her. "I love you happy."

She felt his hand press to hers on top of her thigh. She gently held it as she leaned her forehead against the passenger window, watching the world pass by. Bella had lots to be happy about. She was going from one celebration to another.

Hours ago, Bella welcomed Sue, Leah, and Seth into her family.

She had watched Sue and Charlie exchange vows. While she was really fucking happy that they had found each other, she hoped their kiss was PG. Not that she expected Charlie to suddenly become a Casanova in front of the seventy five guests.

"You may now kiss the bride." The priest delivered the time old phrase to the couple in front of him. A series of cat calls, whistles and claps filled the Swan backyard as Charlie and Sue kissed chastely.

The reception tent was alive and kicking a few minutes later, as tables took up most of the space and a small dance floor sat in front of a stage area. The whole wedding was put together by Alice Cullen and appropriate for the random Forks weather. _Happy wedding day, here's some good luck, but enjoy the mud and shit. Fucking Mother Nature. _

The Shindigs played an upbeat wedding friendly song, as Bella looked at the guests dancing. Her new step sister Leah, was dancing with her long time boyfriend, Sam. Since Bella had moved out for college, Leah and Seth took over Bella and Emmett's rooms respectively.

Speaking of the devil, Bella watched Emmett dance with his new fiancée, Rosalie. He proposed to her after a game with big letters held by a section of the spectators in the stands. Bella thought he was a cheeseball for doing it that way. _An unoriginal lug of a cheeseball._

She watched as people casually talked with one another. She noticed her new step brother Seth, Jacob and the boys from the fire department playing hacky sack on the lawn next to the tent, knowing that a fancy formal event was the last place any of them would rather be.

Bella caught Alice and Jasper standing near some tiki torches that kept the treacherous bugs away. She stood up to join them, needing to converse with them since she hadn't seen them often enough.

"So I told him 'What? Get out of town, I am not stitching that on your pants'" Alice's animated hand almost knocked Bella in the face, but she stopped before she met it. "Oh my Bella, I'm sorry I didn't see you there."

Bella smiled, standing between them completing a conversational triangle of sorts.

Bella listened to Alice finish her story involving a difficult male client and his high demands. Bella wished she saw Alice for more than a few days out of the year, but living out of state dampened any lengthy reunions.

"Babe, you really need to quit taking on people who you hate." Jasper gently chided Alice for her endless good nature. He placed a gentle kiss to her forehead.

Bella reflected on Jasper and something that happened a few months ago.

For the better part of three years, Bella had been studying at a university in northern California. She had only recently declared her major, Industrial Design, loving to mess around with concepts and ideas. Often times, she'd build things from scratch; molding, melting, cutting, hammering, even burning things that would eventually make their way, one way or another, into the consumer world.

Alice had called Bella to say that Jasper and her wanted to visit them for a few days. Alice said they also had a surprise announcement.

After spending a few hours with Edward whipping up a meal in their kitchen, Bella welcomed Alice and Jasper to their apartment. It felt like they had never left. They spent hours catching up, even though they talked on the phone every other night. There was something about sitting face to face with your friends that allowed more things to be said.

And in that moment, Alice and Jasper announced to Edward and Bella that they were engaged. Congratulatory hugs were exchanged. Bella knew that Alice would end up talking to her about all the wedding plans, even though Bella would rather not know about the million kinds of silk and taffeta there was. _It's just clothes, what the fuck does that have to do with spending the rest of your life with someone?_ But, she did because she loved Alice.

Later, after the cleaning up and a round of charades, the four of them retired for the night. Bella had awoken in the middle of the night to hang out in the living room; finals had just completed and she couldn't get out of the all-nighter habit right away.

She was surprised to see Jasper up, sitting in an armchair by the second floor window. His face was lit up by the orange glow of a street lamp.

"Hey, what are you doing up?" Bella yawned loud and clear.

"Hey." Jasper sounded slightly panicked. "Just thinking."

Bella sat in the sofa across from Jasper, watching a million emotions play across his face. She knew that Jasper was never someone who let his internal thoughts display freely. She also had lots of practice from noticing the same thing from Charlie.

"What's going on?" Bella bent her leg, her chin resting on her knee.

"Well…" Jasper sounded unnerved; Bella knew the quiet Texan to be nothing short of calm and collected. It rattled her that there was something that could shake him up. "…its about Alice. She thinks she might be pregnant." He made no move to look at Bella.

"Is that the reason you guys are getting married?"

"No." Jasper denied right away. "I had been planning on this for a while, but Alice wanted her business to get up and started first."

Bella was saddened that Alice had not said anything at dinner. Was Jasper supposed to be telling her now? "Does she know you're telling me?"

"No. I wasn't sure how she would break the news to the both of you. I'm not sure what she's thinking and what she wants to do. She hasn't said anything much to me about it since we found out."

Bella had no clue how to handle any of this. What would she know about pregnancy? She barely had an ounce of fat on her body and she definitely knew nothing about taking care of a baby. She wasn't even sure she wanted one herself someday.

"Maybe you can talk to her? Couples tend to do that." She internally shrugged, stating the obvious; because Bella wondered why people couldn't just do that. She knew the truth hurt and when it came time to let it go, there was a sting but also relief.

"She doesn't seem like she wants to talk about it." He let go a heavy sigh.

"Well, you can't stay tight lipped with each other for long. Babies tend to do this thing called grow." Bella wasn't sure how she could help Jasper, other than telling him what he already knows.

"I know, but there is just…I mean, we want to start a family some day but there's…" Jasper took a deep breath, steeling himself for what he has to say next. "…no room in our lives right now for a baby."

Bella felt this pang in her chest for the unborn baby in Alice's womb. There wasn't anything more heartbreaking to her than hearing a story about a child who is unwanted or one who is born into an unfortunate situation.

It triggered her own memories of the time she heard about someone who had to be given up. Someone who never got to know his mother or to grow up in a loving environment. All she could envision was the baby being taken away because Alice and Jasper couldn't keep it. They were too young to handle a child, their lives still developing and becoming the people they would be.

And to handle Alice's family with the fallout that would happen? The Cullens would constantly coddle Alice and force her to do things if she had a child now. Alice had a thick skin when it came to herself, but with her family? There was barely a layer of it.

But who's to say that Alice was even pregnant. Those home pregnancy tests touted that they were accurate nine times out of ten, but in reality, they're probably just fucking plastic sticks with some sort of color changing voodoo that happens when you pee on it.

"Jasper…does Alice know this?" Bella felt an obligation to both of them, but she felt the need to protect Alice and her delicate state more. Maybe it was her femininity making a grand appearance.

"I think she is aware of it herself, but isn't telling me. God, I love that woman and her stubborn loyalty to everything."

Bella rolled her eyes. They were idiots who needed to fucking talk and stop dawdling. "Then why aren't you saying anything to her? Jasper, get to it. If you have an inkling when it comes to Alice, you're probably right."

"Maybe. You might be right."

She knew when people were hiding away things and masking them as something else. The covers certainly felt nice to wear, but they weren't protecting anything more than people's pride.

Jasper and Bella talked for a few more minutes before they said their good nights. She understood afterward that he just needed a pep talk.

A few months later at the wedding, Bella would see the happy couple knowing that Alice had terminated the pregnancy. It wasn't any less difficult, but the thought of 'what could've been' with a full grown human being versus a tiny bean, it was decided the latter was less painful.

"Bella loves taking on pains in the asses. Don't you?" Edward made his own sneak attack, wrapping his arms around Bella from behind.

"Yep. That's why I'm with you." She gently elbowed him in the ribs, but she knew that Edward didn't mind.

**=X=X=X=X=X=X=**

"Hey. How goes it Eddie?" Peter playfully asked as Charlotte and him stowed away their minimum luggage in Edward's vehicle. They hoisted two bikes on top of Edward's old SUV, tying them down tightly.

"Hey, I thought you mentioned bringing a tent with you?" Edward questioned, remembering the agreement the two couples had come to. Peter and Charlotte were to bring the shelter, while Edward and Bella bought the food. The four of them would bring their own bikes, as no cars were allowed to be driven around there.

"Silly, Eddie. Don't you know we're all about charity?" Charlotte slapped his shoulder, sitting behind Edward.

"What do you mean?" Bella glanced back at the couple through the rearview mirror. She had heard lots of stories from Edward about how both of them never possessed much and practically gave away all their money.

"We buy our things new and donate them when we're done."

Charlotte directed Edward to an outdoor store not that far from the airport. They picked out a tent big enough for four people, sleeping bags big enough for two people to fit in each, and every necessity for the nights they would spend outside.

The number one policy of the festival was to leave the place the same way you found it, so tons of trash bags were purchased.

Edward and Bella picked up a week's supply of food that could withstand the desert heat. The coolers they had taken with them was packed to the brim with refreshments and food for the next week. They brought a few bags of ice and were reassured by Charlotte and Peter that the event sold ice if they ran out.

Soon, they were on the road again to their destination. Thankfully, the two past participants in the car knew what time to get there so as not to arrive when the initial rush happened.

Bella eventually tuned out Peter and Charlotte as they talked about…something. Probably some sort of political crusade they could've gotten behind. The long drive through the desolate land and mountains left only so much room for sight seeing.

She gazed out her window again, pondering the first time Edward bought the SUV they were driving in. Edward's family asked him to move out at the end of junior year of high school. He went without a word, despite Alice's protests to let him stay until he graduated. But, Edward moved out in the summer, desperate to get away from there.

He placed his stuff in storage, whatever he had that was his. He bought the SUV with the intention of sleeping in it for his final year of school.

"Edward, you are not sleeping in a car. That's fucking ridiculous." Bella paced her living room, as Edward sat on her couch. Jasper and Alice were present for the conversation as well.

"It's not a big deal. It's not even for a year." Edward leaned his elbows on his knees, staring up at Bella.

"What if you stay here?" Bella stopped, liking this idea very much.

Alice laid the truth out there. "I think you'd have one dead Edward on your hands if Charlie found out."

"What if Edward stayed at my place?" Jasper looked around at the three of them.

It sounded like a good plan to Bella, other than her original one. Edward moved whatever possessions he had into storage and slept on an air mattress at Jasper's house. Other than that, senior year managed to remain drama free.

Both Bella and Edward applied to colleges together and it was obvious that, and widely known, they would go to the same school anyway.

It seemed the logical choice for Edward to major in photography. To be honest, Edward never cared too much about what he would spend his time majoring in, but that he was going somewhere alongside Bella. She loved Edward, but she wasn't about to have him trail her around all the time like a puppy dog. She made sure that they made friends.

Luckily there was a student-run art gallery not too far from the apartment they shared, where Edward put up various photo exhibits and Bella showed off her conceptual designs. Many different people visited the store front gallery and Edward and Bella ended up making friends with a couple, Kate and Garrett. Kate became a fantastic person for Bella to turn to; she was her California Alice. Garrett on the other hand, was like a second older brother to her.

Both of them studied hard and long to maintain the excellent grades needed to stay in the school. Long study sessions were definitely of the utmost important. It was lots of work with hardly any play.

Well, there was _some_ play.

There were nights when they wanted nothing more than to hold each other close as annoying and stubborn professors and deadlines hit them over the head. Then there were times when they needed each other. Sometimes it was a simple kiss on the cheek with arms lovingly circling each other as they cooked dinner. More often than not, there was a strong pull to have the comfort of their bodies against each other.

Bella lived a content life for once and she couldn't believe how lucky she was to have it. There were those who struggled their whole lives to finally feel the way she felt.

**=X=X=X=X=X=X=**

The four of them waited at the gate of Black Rock City for a half hour, before their car was searched, checked to make sure their supplies were adequate and they were granted access.

Charlotte and Peter directed Edward to drive to the spot where they would set up camp and park their car. Bella watched the slow building of the city around her, rows of tents hoisted up until late in the day. The four of them pitched their own tent that would be their temporary home for the week. Everyone unloaded armfuls of food, beverages and materials to keep them busy and things the four of them wanted to display.

She witnessed people displaying their artwork. A lady was hoisting up a huge wooden structure of a naked female, who only wore mittens and socks. A car drove past her that was a moving art piece; it was shaped look like a skull, the interior a blood red and the outside lit up in white lights.

Black Rock City's sandy floor burned hot against their shoes. Most people were either building their artwork or walking around to view it. People met their neighbors and prepared for the harsh conditions of the desert. Bella watched a small group of people light up some marijuana; many of the attendees enjoyed the chance to openly smoke the drugs they bought. Peter and Charlotte offered Bella and Edward some of the organic mushrooms they bought from a friend of theirs at the festival, but they declined.

Once all was said and done, Bella stepped outside her tent, taking in the many sights around her. People were biking around the vastly open desert. Late arrivers finally finishing setting up camp, people strumming on guitars as others sang along. Some children played a game of tag.

She couldn't help but feel a sense of community.

Attendees already started burning things, out in the open just like that. The city was governed about some things, but freedom of expression was the big credo; No restrictions or walls holding them back.

Bella smiled to herself; she was in the middle of nowhere but she felt like she was somewhere.

"Hey." Edward wrapped his arms around Bella's waist, burying his nose near her neck.

"It's so beautiful here." She whispered, not wanting to disturb the night. "Not just the quiet, but the freedom of it all."

Bella always loved how Edward agreed with her, but never felt the need to express it with words. His touch was enough.

Eventually, the sun set on the first day of the event and the relentless cold night of the desert took hold of them all. Peter and Charlotte, wired and far from ready for bed, walked around the site all night, while Edward and Bella were quite tired from the long drive they endured and wanted to sleep.

Even though the make shift city was active all the time with noise and traffic, Bella and Edward tuned it all out as they drifted off to sleep.

**=X=X=X=X=X=X=**

The sun was brutal as Bella went to work on her art project. She worked under an umbrella, but the high noon heat burned right through. The sweat on her skin stuck in place, the smell of sunscreen she had applied earlier stinging her nostrils. Edward came out of the tent with a bottle of water for her, as she slaved over her creation.

Edward rubbed a few ice cubes up and down the back of her neck, wetting the back of her tank top a little bit. _Fuck that feels good. Like being bathed in heavenly cold excellence._

"Oh my God. I didn't know this place would be like a fucking oven." Bella swiped the back of her hand against her dripping forehead. "It's a desert, but enough already!"

"You could remove your tank top." Edward shrugged.

That comment would seem rude under any other circumstance, but it was common place for both men and women to go topless, even braless in the community. Charlotte even did it herself throughout the first couple days of the event.

"You would love that." Bella rolled her eyes, knowing Edward was concerned about her discomfort, but fully aware he would love the sight of her with as little clothing as possible. _Nope, these bits are staying in their case._

"Yes. Yes I would." Edward eagerly played and twisted the hem of her tank top. Bella sighed at the feeling of his fingers on her bare skin underneath.

"Save whatever plans you have in your head for a rainy day." Bella turned around in his arms, planting a kiss to his nose.

Edward smirked and returned to his spot inside the tent.

Bella worked on her structure; hammering wood here and tying wire there. She wasn't sure what she wanted to design for her piece, but decided to go with what she was feeling at the moment. The vibe of the place was what she was thinking about at the moment. Lots of peace, love and that fucking heat. So, she constructed a wire heart, peace sign, and sun. The chicken wire encompassed the wood symbols to give it shape. A few other supplementary items would be used to help put it together and she'd be set.

Bella spent the better part of the afternoon and evening finishing up her artwork, stopping only for water and bathroom breaks.

As she put her supplies away, the wind started to pick up and sent sand flying. Warnings from the temporary radio station let attendees know that a sand storm was heading their way.

Bella quickly secured her project and retreated to her tent, where Edward was reading a book. The particles of sand scraped against the tent, the wind that propelled it jostled the fabric a little.

"Did you get to finish?" Edward earmarked his book, before closing it.

"I did." Bella dug through a duffle bag, searching for a clean shirt to change into. She slipped out of her tank top, putting on another one.

Edward came up behind her. "Help me, Bella. I'm scared." Edward might've pulled off how frightened he was of the storm outside if he hadn't sniggered throughout his declaration.

Bella chuckled. "Don't worry, I'll save you."

Edward turned her around, their lips meeting in a slow, intense kiss. Their hands roamed along hidden skin, still damp and dirty from the few days spent in the desert. Edward let Bella's hair down, as Bella's hands lifted Edward's tank top over his head.

They tucked themselves into each other inside their sleeping bag, using that rainy day card instead on a sand stormy night.

The next day Bella and Edward woke up tangled with each other, feeling the hot sun and its blazing heat already beaming on them. The warmth of their bedding was perfect only for the frigid evenings, but when they rise in the morning with it around them, it was way too constricting.

Luckily, they were naked and they didn't have to worry about sticky clothing.

Bella looked up at Edward, who was staring at her half sleepy state. Bella yawned, her eyes watering from the action. Edward rolled his eyes, pinching his nose with his thumb and forefinger. She playfully slapped his chest, his responding chuckle vibrating their bedding.

She pushed him onto his back, straddling him. Their eyes met, daring each other. Bella leaned over kissing his neck, his hands gripping her butt. They moved along each other, groans building in their chests.

Peter and Charlotte however, interrupted whatever they were about to start. "Hey you two, get up. It's wicked outside." Charlotte tried to sell them the idea of traveling during a storm; the sand storm that had started last night was slowly dissipating. Both wore goggles, their mouths covered in handkerchiefs to stave off the whirling sand.

Bella scrambled off of Edward to hide further under their sleeping bag, aware that she was naked in front of other people. "Thanks, but no thanks."

"Did you really pay money to lie around the tent this whole time? Get up; you're here to see shit." Peter shook off some of the sand from his shirt, as Charlotte and he grabbed some bottles of water.

Edward and Bella had a silent conversation. Edward was asking what Bella wanted to do. She looked around their living area; there really wasn't much they could do inside of it. And Peter did have a point; get up and live a little. Bella nodded, letting Edward know they should in fact get their asses up.

"Give us a few minutes." Edward told them, as they were left to their privacy.

All four of them hopped on their bikes to check out the man made city they had access to. The sand pelted Bella's face, only dulled by the gear she wore.

Charlotte and Peter led the way as they made stops at several different camps throughout the small city. They glanced around a flamingo themed camp with different faded pink birds gawking in every direction. They watched some boys' roller skate and skateboard at a California themed camp, complete with a punk rock band playing on a small stage.

Peter and Charlotte took Bella and Edward to a friend of theirs that had a camp called Motherly Devotion, where mothers served cookies and lemonade and dished out advice to some of the younger attendees.

Finally, the four of them made their way to the Center Camp Café. Bella soaked in the sight of the acre wide tent. There were thousands of people hanging out on couches and benches, seeking refuge from the blazing sun.

There were two small stages for performances; one was occupied at the moment by a spoken word poet who was finishing up their set.

Charlotte and Peter promised to meet up with Bella and Edward later on, as they walked in the direction of the stage.

"Are they going up to perform?" Bella asked Edward.

"I guess so. I didn't know they sang." Edward quirked an eyebrow.

Curious to find out, Edward and Bella sat in one of the empty sofas near the stage.

Charlotte and Peter took the stage and sure enough, started their own set. Peter played a ukulele, while Charlotte sang. She had a soft, lilting voice that spoke of romances she had yet to experience and ones she wished to hold onto. Peter provided ambient background vocals when they were needed.

The tail end of the sand storm infiltrated the cafe, but that didn't damper anyone's spirits inside. People participated in free style dancing, swayed along to the music that vibrated from the stage, and people still chatted away with perfect strangers.

Bella leaned her head on Edward's shoulder, feeling entirely at ease. The music hit her hard, the crisp bright sound of the ukulele bringing tears to her eyes.

It wasn't just the sound of happy strings that made her cry, but the fact that her life felt like a joyous one for once. There were no unhappy times she could see coming. No things that could stand in her way or make her feel guilty about the things she liked. She could only think positive for once and it was so beautiful.

Edward heard her sniffle, looking down at her noticing the droplets streaming down her cheeks.

"What's the matter?" Edward softly asked.

Bella shook her head, looking into his eyes. "Nothing. I'm just really happy right now."

Edward brought his thumb to her cheek, clearing it of stray tears before placing a chaste kiss to her lips.

**=X=X=X=X=X=X=**

The rest of their time at the festival was filled with discovery and artistic freedom. Bella and Edward freely rode their bikes around the massive makeshift town. Bella chatted for hours with fellow fire loving enthusiasts, exchanging tips and burn stories. Edward admired his girl, smiling at how passionate she was when she talked of her hobby.

Edward carried his camera around with him to take photos of the events. He kept pointing it at Bella, as she shooed him away. I mean, why did he always have to take pictures of her?

"You're the most interesting thing here." He was unwavering in his declaration, as they walked hand in hand.

"But, there are people on stilts and dressed in the craziest shit here. That's something to scrapbook, not my dirt covered face."

"Well, I like my dirt covered girl. Not the man with his genitals painted pink."

Bella snorted, remembering the sight of the man and his sizable penis freely displayed. "You're right. Plus, I'd think you're weird for keeping a picture of a naked man dipped in paint."

"Now, if you were naked and dipped in paint..." Edward pulled Bella closer to him, placing his hand in her back pocket.

Bella stopped, looking up at her boyfriend. That idea wasn't exactly something Bella would be up for.

"Too weird?" Edward read her correctly. "I thought so. Alright, screw the paint. Just be naked."

Bella leaned into Edward's side as they continued their walk to the final event of the Burning Man Festival: the namesake. Thousands of people stood in a wide circle to watch the symbolic man burn tall and bright, the official ending to the annual ceremony.

The tall body loomed over the crowd, acting as a savior and release. Bella had heard stories about the power of the colossal sky scraping figure and how it inspires and infuses into your soul.

A collective murmur from the people filled the usually quiet abandoned desert as the festivity began. Bella and Edward found a spot in the middle of the crowd, a great view of the gigantic wooden man.

Once the music began, everyone quieted down. A parade only fitting for this type of event took place before the burning. Fireworks burned bright in the pitch black sky, as people huddled together in the brisk night. Bella loved the idea of fireworks, but she preferred something bigger and with more fire and less works. Those little bursts of sparkly color were nothing more than light strokes of paint in the sky, not flashy bright flames.

The fireworks died down as the attendees waited in baited breath for the highlight of the festival. Bella tugged on Edward's arm, trying to channel her excitement somewhere. She felt like it would be the greatest fucking moment of her life once that man caught fire.

Then, it happened. The man, his arms stretched above his head toward the sky, his legs in a steady stance, crackled under the fire. It caught on quickly, engulfed in the brightest of oranges, reds and yellows. Slick, smooth flames mimicked the straight and stiff position of the Burning Man as they touched the sky.

In that instant, a loud explosion came from the man. The Earth shook as a big plume of fire lifted higher and higher. It faded into the blackness, smoke mixing with the invisible clouds.

Bella quietly appreciated the sight before her, her heart racing at the thrill of the behemoth fire before her. She had never seen anything like it; nothing would ever come close to this free flying fire. She watched it from its birth, the flame traveling up to the greatest cloud of smoke she could ever think of witnessing ever.

She forgot that she was a human witnessing an act of nature for a while.

She remembered that she was here with the one she loved. To her right, she heard a small intake of breath. She looked up at him, his eyes transfixed on the freestanding form of man before them. A slow smile crept onto his face.

"What? What is it?" She tugged on his arm.

"It's…" He stopped to collect his words. Edward glanced down at her; she saw tears in his eyes. "I get it."

Bella's eyebrows came together. "Get what?"

Edward tilted his head toward the burning. "This. The fire. Why you love it so much. It's beautiful."

Bella smiled the biggest smile of her life. She stood on her tippy toes, planting a kiss to his lips.

The fire continued to burn and would for a long time.


End file.
